Brick by Ben Folds Five

I really liked “Brick” without ever knowing it was about abortion.

I was in high school when Ben Folds Five hit the music scene, I remember people making a big deal about the band’s unique instrumentation, a piano, upright bass and drums. People were comparing Ben Folds to other rock artists like Elton John and Billy Joel who utilized the piano as a central instrument in rock music. As a pianist, I thought it was awesome that there was band out there that was centered on my favorite instrument.

Then I started hearing about how their breakout single “Brick” was about abortion.

In my early years in high school, I knew what abortion was but I had no clue the relevance of Roe vs. Wade and what the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate was really about. When you are young, being political doesn’t come from researched, well-thought out platforms but rather repeating slogans and arguments you overhear your parents and people on television say. My parents have their political opinions but to this day, I’m not even sure where they stand on this issue.

Abortion never came up in dinner table discussions, in high school I never knew of any of my family or friends who had to deal with the abortion. To this day, I’ve never talked to anyone who has faced this issue, though with all the people I’ve met in my life there is probably someone I know who has dealt with this issue on a personal level.

I probably saw newspaper stories about abortion or heard things on the television about the abortion debate but it didn’t seem like something that meant anything to me because I couldn’t relate to what it meant on an emotional level.

The first couple times I heard “Brick,” I thought it was really different and interesting musically. The piano is constant throughout the song and feels like a driving down an empty road on a winter morning. Though the rhythm is steady, Ben Folds varies the way he rolls through the chords creating a feeling of motion. The sound of the bowed upright bass, which is rarely heard in popular music, added a dark sustained color, which contrasted the brighter shorter notes on the piano. The drums lay back in the verse adding colors and a rhythmic undercurrent. The interaction between drums, upright bass and piano changes in the chorus as the bass and drums provide the rhythmic drive as the lyrics change from telling the story in the verse to expressing how the experience felt in the chorus.

Then I realized the song was about someone having an abortion. At first, this overwhelmed little teenage mind. It’s one thing to hear a song that elaborates on sexual exploits in an unrealistic way but it’s another thing to hear a song that deals with the consequences on not only sexual behavior. The subject matter scared me away. I didn’t want to listen to a song that preached to me about an issue. So it wasn’t until college that I took another look at this song. Then I realized something that Ben Folds about “Brick.” The subject of this song is abortion but that’s not what it’s really about, what it’s means. Ben Folds when asked about “Brick” reflected:

"People ask me what this song's about... I was asked about it a lot, and I didn't really wanna make a big hairy deal out of it, because I just wanted the song to speak for itself. But the song is about when I was in high school, me and my girlfriend had to get an abortion, and it was a very sad thing. And, I didn't really want to write this song from any kind of political standpoint, or make a statement. I just wanted to reflect what it feels like. So, anyone who's gone through that before, then you'll know what the song's about.”

“Brick” doesn’t intend to make an argument pro-life or pro-choice. If you really experience “Brick” for what it is, you don’t walk about thinking “abortion,” you are left with a feeling of an innocence that is lost. I don’t think that anyone on either side of the debate will argue the emotional challenges of getting an abortion which “Brick” so beautifully expresses.

If you want to take this song as many have to make arguments for either side of the issue, that’s your prerogative. I don’t agree that a piece of art that isn’t indented to be used as part of a political debate should be used as such but if you want that I respect people’s right to discuss their views in any way that they see fit. I do believe it is essential to try to understand the emotional side of the abortion issue to inform the debate with the human dimension which is sometimes ignored.

Art like “Brick” connects us the emotions behind the debate and reminds us that behind the debate there are two teenagers waking up early on a cold winter morning.

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

[Phone conversation from last night between me (K) and one of my friends (J).]

J: Well, what are you up to on Sunday?
K: Sunday is our anniversary
J: What anniversary?
K: our WEDDING anniversary
J: really?!? I though that was in June. . .
K: no . . . we got married in July, on July 12th
J: I don’t know why I though it was in June, what is it two years?
K: no, we’ve been married ONE year
J: for some reason I though it was two. . .
K: LOOK, you were IN the wedding party! SERIOUSLY. I don’t expect you to send us a card like two of the other people in the wedding party did but at least you can remember what month the wedding was and what year we are on!!
J: . . . so, um, are you free on Sunday?
K: Yes, I would like nothing more to spend my WEDDING ANNIVERSARY hanging out with YOU!!
J: so maybe we can hang out sometimes next week?
K: I was serious, we can do Sunday afternoon, ‘groan’ you know what, I’m done with you, I’m handing the phone to Diana.

Let’s clarify the issue for anyone who may be confused, Diana and I got married on July 12th 2008, therefore this Sunday July 12th 2009 is our first wedding anniversary AND we are still talking to each other!

Diana’s nana, her paternal grandmother remembers her first year of marriage as the hardest. It was the year that she emigrated from Great Britain to America and it probably didn’t help that her Polish husband had limited ability to speak English.

I got to say our first year of marriage really wasn’t that rough. We moved from one Chicago suburb to another Chicago suburb, which was a little stressful, but not like taking a boat across the Atlantic. I changed jobs while Diana did some new fantastic things at her job. We shared family milestones with our extended families and survived, no more than that, absolutely loved a vacation which included both sets of parents, and all our siblings included my sister-in-law.

It’s been a good year, but there were challenges. There was a lot of “getting used to each other” stuff. I can’t speak for Diana but there were times when I was a little short with her when discussing an issue (and that’s a big deal because I’m only 5”4’, OH! Tang just made a funny). I can be rather obstinate about the way things should be done from cleaning the bathroom to organizing my kitchen utensils. But one of the great things about being married is that Diana helps me realize what I’m being stupidly stubborn about and that even though there are many things that are important to hold strong to, where we put our DVDs isn’t one of them (“keeping them in cases” vs. “putting them in a binder”).

There were those moments that overwhelmed: a hard day at work, a funeral, saying goodbye to friends and the uncertainty of the future. We remind each other how lucky we are but that doesn’t diminish these feelings of confusion, loss and fear. The simplicity of childhood is far behind us. The illusions that we based our world on as children continue to be shattered which leaves us needing something to lean on. When I’m exhausted and I feel overwhelmed by life, the hardest things to do is to know where to start.

In the past, I looked within myself for the strength to preserver but what I’ve found in the past year that there is something between Diana and I which is more powerful. It’s looking into Diana’s eyes and seeing the world. It’s the warmth of each other’s presence that never leaves us even when we are alone. It’s a place, somewhere only we know that is deep within our hearts.

Now what are supposed to get your wife for the “paper anniversary” a 48-pack of Charmin? A ream of paper? I guess I could get her a book, she does love to read. But really who came up with these anniversary present themes? I mean I guess diamonds make sense for the 60th but really, tin for the 10th anniversary, TIN. “Oh honey we made it ten years, I got you some tin so you can solder something together.” Leather for the 3rd anniversary?!? I guess if you’re really into. . . I’m just going to leave that one alone.

Happy Anniversary Diana

Rehab by Amy Winehouse

I’ve never done drugs.

I’ve never smoked marijuana, I’ve never snorted anything or injected anything into my body. I’ve never smoked or cigarette or a hookah. Unbelievably, I was never offered any drugs even though the drug prevention education of my youth convinced me that I would. All that “just say no” practice was kind of a waste of time.

I feel blessed that none of my friends and family has had drugs significantly damage their lives, except for one. I wasn’t in contact in her when she went to rehab; I knew her before things that got that bad. We became friends in high school and I’ll never forget one night sitting outside on her back porch as she smoked a cigarette. She told me about her world, her dreams, her boyfriends and the drugs that were part of her life. I realized then that what I had been taught in elementary school that people who do drugs are “bad” people was a lie.

When I first heard “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse what floored me was the Motown sound that producer Mark Ronson had perfectly replicated. The energetic drum beat, the 1960s style back-up singers, the baritone saxophone used to punctuated the bass line and the overall arrangement of the instruments that allowed every instrument to be heard in the texture while they worked together as a singular groove made me musically “geek-out.”

What is amazing about this song is also what is difficult about this song. In front a musical sound brings us back to the great feelings of 1960s idealized love we have Amy Winehouse singing about how she doesn’t want to go to rehab. Juxtaposing such a serious subject against a lighthearted background reminds us that people in the 1960s had drug problems while expressing such a personal and emotional plea in a way we don't expect.

My wife and I recently watched an episode of Intervention on A&E and let me tell, there is no wink in the eye or playful expression when someone saying that will not go to rehab.



Amy Winehouse almost has us fooled. When she sings “I’m gonna, I’m gonna lose my baby” it’s beautifully bluesy, we feel the pain of losing one’s love but then we are reminded on how unbalanced she is when she says “I always keep a bottle near” immediately after.

This song is surreal, it’s like a dark comedic musical version of Intervention. What is difficult is that this song speaks directly to the desperation of an addict going from “I don’t ever want to drink again” to refusing to go to rehab. The fact that Winehouse who is only 25 years old has had drug and alcohol issues herself and early-stage emphysema which her father claims is a result of her drug use only makes this song more disturbing.

“Rehab” is sometimes how we see drug use as something we can make a light of. Some celebrity checks into rehab, it makes tabloid news, people joke about it and many of us judge. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, maybe it’s the only way we can deal with this kind of news. Maybe the only way we can really deal with the true darkness of going to rehab is not by watching the reality of it on Intervention but by turning it into a farce.

I don’t know a lot about drugs, rehab or addiction. What I do is that it’s not a problem that relegated "stupid" or "weak" people. Every time I hear someone make that conclusion, I think of my friend, how beautiful her heart is and how much I love her.

Under My Thumb by The Rolling Stones

I’ve never seen my relationship with my wife as a power struggle. We have disagreements but these issues aren’t really related to the power structure in our relationship. We’ve been married a little under a year, so some of you who have been married longer may be thinking, “just wait” and you may be right but for now it’s not really an issue.

I’m very conscientious of not giving my wife, Diana any unsolicited advice or insisting that she do something a certain way. There’s a lot of little things that we do differently. For example, we have different approaches in loading the dishwasher. I like to keep the same type of cups in a line and give each dish plenty of personal space. My wife on the other hand puts as many dishes in the dishwasher as possible.

Now, are the dishes less clean when my wife loads the dishwasher? Not really, am I wasting tons of water and space by not packing the dishes in as tight as I can? Maybe, but I doubt it. The bottom line is that we just feel comfortable loading the dishwasher in different ways. Really, after a long day at work, if she says that she will load the dishwasher, I could not care less how she does it.

Part of the reasons I’m so careful about the way I treat Diana is because I don’t want to be controlled myself. I don’t want to have a wife that spends all her time telling me what to do. I know it might just be this “guy thing” this fear that our girlfriend or wives are trying to change us but I think it’s something more.

When you are constantly told what to do and how to be by someone who is suppose to accept you for who you are, there is a feeling a resentment and anger that grows in response. I know what this is because once upon a time I had a girlfriend in high school who I resented for trying to change me. She was probably just trying to expand my horizons but I didn’t see it that way at the time and I probably didn’t communicate to her how this made me feel. What is scary is how much I envied the voice in “Under My Thumb” and how much I wanted to have power over her.

The protagonist in “Under My Thumb” is celebrating the fact that he’s girlfriend is no longer controlling him and pushing him around. The tables have turned and now she is under his thumb. He controls what she wears and compares here is a “Siamese cat” who is the sweetest “pet" in the world. These misogynistic lines continue as he states that “her eyes are just kept to herself” while he can still look at other people. This line implies a level of promiscuity that he is engaging in while she is devoted entirely to him.

When I was in high school, the song was a male empowerment anthem. Here’s a guy who was controlled by a girl but now it’s all different, it’s changed, he’s the one in charge. What could be bad about this situation? Now, many years later I noticed something sad about this song, almost regretful.

The marimba and the fuzzy bass line create a dark and smoky atmosphere like that of a dive bar. Mick Jagger’s voice has a uneasy shake in his voice when he sings “it’s down to me.” This is why I now hear this song as a guy bragging to his friends about how much control he has over a girl when in reality he is still under her thumb.

If the tables truly have turned and he has tamed that shrew then it really isn’t something that will bring happiness. If I somehow exerted the control over my high school girlfriend that I felt she had over me it would probably leave me feeling hollow and alone.

Sometimes when people around me are talking loudly, I talk softly in the hope that they will notice and start talking softer, but sometimes I speak quietly simply because I don’t like yelling all the time. Sometimes when we do things for other people we are truly doing things for own my soul.

If you feel that relationships are about power, take another listen to "Under My Thumb." It's a dark place to be.

There's no room in love for power.

How much is that doggy in the window?

Back in April, I wrote a post about babysitting a dog named Wrigley and my wife's and my own excitement about getting a puppy.

In the past couple months we've done a lot of research and learned a lot about how to get a puppy. Now purchasing a dog isn’t like picking a shirt out at the Gap. Getting a dog is a long-term investment of time and money that warrants much consideration and research. One of the most important things I've learned is that where you get your dog has significant effects that go beyond the quality of life of the dog.

There’s a couple different ways to acquire a dog. Shelters across America are an excellent way to get a pet. Many have depressing images of shelters with animals crammed in small cages who are not well cared for but that is necessarily the reality. My wife recently visited PAWS Chicago to help a friend pick out a cat.

Diana and her friend had the opportunity to play with cats in clean rooms with plenty of windows providing natural light. They found the people working there friendly and genuinely concerned about the animals.

Another place that people often get puppies is from pet stores. Pet stores get puppies two different ways, from breeders or from puppy mills. Our favorite pet store is called Thee Fish Bowl. They usually have about five or six dogs from sale that they get from local breeders. The puppies in the store are happy and well-cared for and the staff is knowledgeable and don't seem to mind that Diana goes in there on a weekly basis to play with the puppies.

I’ve heard from many different people that many pet stores get their dogs from puppy mills. I don’t know which stores get their dogs from puppy mills, but I do know that puppy mills exist. Puppy mills are commercial puppy breeding operations that produce puppies in substandard conditions. Puppies from puppy mills more often then not look cute but often develop health issues and because of a lack of proper socialization often are difficult pets. It’s important that when you go into a store and that you ask them where they get their dogs that they are able to give you the name of a breeder that you can call yourself and speak to about the conditions in which the dog is raised.

When Diana asked an employee at Thee Fish Bowl about the whether or not they would have any Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie) any time soon, they told us that they wouldn’t but were happy to give us the name and contact information of a breeder that they have gotten Shelties from in the past. This is a great sign of a responsible store that is looking out for the best interest of not only the puppy but also the owner.

The way that many people get their dogs and the avenue that Diana and I decided to most vigorously pursue was getting a dog through a breeder. Diana’s late great aunt was a Sheltie and Collie breeder and provided dogs for Diana’s immediate and extended families. Great breeders, like Diana's great aunt, not only produce healthy dogs with great temperaments but contribute to the community as a whole raising the standard of ethics within the breeding community.

Unfortunately not all breeders are created equal. One of my co-workers in a recent trip to Michigan visited a Pomeranian breeder and found puppies crammed into a small pen in a basement of a house. These puppies were malnourished and their their fur was caked with feces. The disturbing part was that the woman who was showing these puppies didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with this. We have yet to encounter any breeders this immoral but this story shows that it is important to check on the way that breeders raise their puppies before buying a dog from them. I don't care how cute a dog may look, I would never give money to someone who was that cruel to their animals.

Diana and I have contacted breeders all over Illinois, Indiana and Ohio and have found many great breeders but only a few that have puppies that work in our time frame. I’m on summer break right now and we had some traveling to do in late June, so it makes the most sense to get our puppy in July. Things are beginning to pan out and the reality that we are actually going to get a puppy after months of talking about it is beginning to set in.

When we first began thinking about getting a dog, I though you just went into a store, picked the one that looked the most cute and you were set. Now I know that when you buy a puppy you are sending a message to the shelter, pet store or breeder that you support the way they treat their animals and the philosophy in which they run their business.

I'm not becoming an animals rights advocate any time soon but I do believe that people should be held to a standard in the way they treat animals. Far too often capitalistic gain is used to rationalize immoral behavior and it is our responsibility as consumers to vote with our dollar, support not only products that we believe in but also people behind the products.

We know that purchasing one puppy from a great breeders is not going to shut down a puppy mill. However, it's one vote, and every vote counts. And I'm sure getting the dog from someone that we believe in is going to make our dog that much easier to train to go get me a "beverage" from the refrigerator.

Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey

I never understood what was so great about "Don't Stop Believin'" until I saw the ending of the Sopranos television show.



This ending was controversial because of the abrupt cut to black at the end. I’m personally a fan of how this show ended on a question mark, but this puzzled and annoyed a lot of viewers. What was more significant to me was the director, David Chase’s use of the music in this scene. I didn't know why at the time, but I instantly fell in love with "Don't Stop Believin' after watching this scene.

Throughout the six seasons of Sopranos, one of the major themes is this idea of enjoying the good times in life, cherishing the moments. Anthony, Tony’s son, mentions this in this scene after complaining about his job, “focus on the good times. . . try to remember the times that are good.” That’s what “Don’t Stop Believin’” is really all about.

It’s easy to disregard Journey. Journey’s music ranges from sappy power ballads to derivative anthem rock. This isn’t a band that pushes envelopes or challenges our ideas of popular music. However, Journey never presumed to be anything but a band that wrote and performed popular rock music for the masses.

In reaction to the progressive and artful music of the late 1970s with bands like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, bands like Journey became popular in the 1980s. I love listening to music that challenges my musical understanding but sometimes I simply want to rock out. As much as I love fine dining, sometimes I just want a cheeseburger. The thing is about "Don't Stop Belevin'" is that even though it isn't fine dining it is one of the best cheeseburger you will ever eat.

In 1981, Journey released Escape which featured “Don’t Stop Believin’” as one of the singles. Though it never reached #1 on the charts it’s popularity has continued to grow becoming the most downloaded song not released in the 21st century on the iTunes Music Store.

Usually the strongest part of a pop song is the chorus. More often then not artists will try to get to the chorus as quickly as possible using a short introduction and/or a shortened first verse. What’s unusual about “Don’t’ Stop Believin’” is that the chorus doesn’t occur until the last minute of the song and the lyrics “don’t stop believing” aren’t heard until the last minute of the song.

After the initial introduction and first verse, there is a short instrumental break followed by the second verse. Instead of a chorus, after the second verse is the pre-chorus section “strangers waiting. . .” which leads right into the third verse. After the third verse, we get the pre-chorus section again which leads into a instrumental break the chorus finally arrives.

The structure of the song mirrors the arc of the lyrics, which are a mosaic of blue collar life. There is the small town girls and the city boy in the first verse who take a midnight train “going anywhere,” not so much focusing on the destination but the need to get out of their surroundings. A singers sings in a smoky room tries to make some cash and “for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on.” Even though the singer is in a rough gig there are moments of connection that make the night not so bad. The pre-chorus observes strangers in the night and “streetlight people,” prostitutes looking for something in the night, trying to find themselves and “living just to find emotion.”

The last verse reflects on the lives discussed earlier in the song. Everyone wants a thrill, they want to play the game and even though some win and some lose people still try. As “the movie never ends,” neither does hope.

“Don’t stop believing” is a call to keep that hope alive. The mosaic of stories in this song creates an image of yearning that we can all relate to and a feeling of hope that we sometimes forget. The structure of the song takes us through a "journey" inviting us to consider the challenges of life before calling us to face life with hope in our hearts.

The moments that I fell in love with “Don’t Stop Believin’” was the Sopranos finale, but the moment that this song truly meant something to me was at the end of my wife and I's wedding reception.

Inspired by the end of the sopranos, we chose "Don't Stop Believin'" as the last dance at my me and my wife’s wedding reception. As the song began all of the wedding guest formed a circle with my wife and I. It is that memory, surrounded by friends and family, rocking out to “Don’t Stop Believin’" that keeps me believin' and searching through the shadows of the night.

Sexyback by Justin Timberlake

The summer of 2006 was a challenging time in the world. Tension between Israeli and Palestinian forces resulted Israel’s first ground invasion into Gaza since it’s withdrawal a year earlier. The fighting in Darfur between government-backed militias and rebel groups which led to more than 200,000 deaths and forced 2 million from their homes, continued despite a peace agreement that was signed in May of 2006.

More tragic and dire was the fact that there was no “sexy.” No one was quite sure exactly when we lost “sexy” or how it disappeared but the fact was that somehow “sexy” was gone. When it seemed that all hope was lost, Justin Timberlake brought “sexy” back!!

Timberlake’s first single off his second album FutureSex/LoveSounds not only promised to bring “Sexyback” but was itself the “sexy” that was so lacking in our lives. This was such a powerful moment in our culture that them other boy’s simply didn’t know hot to act and as we turned around, Justin picked up the slack.

We first got to know Justin Timberlake as a member ‘N Sync. This group, a manufactured corporate boy band was releasing finely constructed but derivative pop hits like “I Want You Back”



As time when on, it became clear the member of ‘N Sync were not satisfied with swimming in the kiddie pool of popular music and decided to stretch the boundaries of popular music with more adventurous hits like “Gone.”



Now to no one’s surprise in 2002, the members of ‘N Sync went their separate ways. While my money was on a JC Chasez on having the best shot at a solo music career it was Justin Timberlake who most firmly established himself as a solo artist.

After his first album, Justified, Timberlake went into the studio with producer Timberland to try something different. Timberlake describes “Sexyback” as an “experiment gone right.” Not satisfied with how his voice sounded on the record, Timberlake decided to experiment with different ways that he could make his vocals have more a distorted rock sound.

While experimenting with different vocal effects, Timberlake tried sticking a microphone in a guitar amp and found the sound he was looking for. Most distortion and effects are done to vocals after a clean track has been recorded but Justin’s vocals were recorded distorted coming straight out of a guitar amp giving a unique an dirty distorted tone.

The distorted rock vocals against Timbaland’s hip-hop beat was an amalgamation of styles. Rarely in dance music are the vocals distorted in a dark and gravely way and rarely is rock vocals backed with a hip-hop beat. The combination of these two styles combined the driving energy of hip-hop with the intriguing darkness of hard rock music.

The words in “Sexyback” are boastful, and a little kinky. After declaring that he is bringing sexy back, Justin goes on to talk about how he’s a slave and wiling to take punishment if he “misbehaves.” With the distortion the lyrics don’t come across all that clearly and the most apparent words are encouragements to dance and party, which is really what this song is about. Justin isn’t so much bringing sexy back himself but setting up a environment to “get your sexy on.”

We all owe a great debt to Justin Timberlake for bringing the sexy back, now if someone can just bring back the “lower unemployment rate” we’ll be set.