I would like to think that I’m a person who is above holding grudges however one person comes to mind that I have yet to forgive for something she did over four years ago.
Maybe it’s because of how she not only disrespected me but also my wife, and maybe it’s because she let me down as a friend. If forgiveness is not only an act of excusing mistakes but also an act of renouncing our anger than in forgiveness we are not only acting to change the way other people feel but also to effect our own feelings.
Our popular culture has thoroughly examined almost every facet of love including the first kiss, falling in love, the sexual expression of love and the circumstances and aftermath of break-ups. However, few songs examine forgiveness, the final step in the break-up that in many ways is the hardest. Don Henley’s “The Heart of the Matter” examines forgiveness in a personal and meaningful way that challenges us to reexamine the feelings in our hearts arguing that though it’s impossible to forget, forgiveness lies within ourselves.
Don Henley became popular as a member of the Eagles, the most successful recording artists of the 1970s maintaining two albums in the top 10 selling albums of all time. With their mix of rock, folk and country the Eagles reflected the joy of the American experience with songs like “Take It Easy” and darkness of the American soul with “Hotel California.” Henley with the momentum of the Eagles started a solo career and along with writing partners, Mike Campbell and J. D. Souther wrote “The Heart of the Matter” for Henley’s third solo album The End of the Innocence in 1989.
“The Heart of the Matter” is a monologue with Henley speaking to himself about his feelings about a love that he has lost. The first verse starts with a phone call from a friend that informs Henley that his passed love has found someone new. The lyrics unfold poetically describing the break-up.
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
Something inside of them made them look beyond each other’s contentment and “beg” for something more. He doesn’t know why they sought something more in other people and there isn’t a sense that this is one person’s fault.
The chorus starts with a rising line with long notes that draw strength to the words “I’m leaning to live with out you now,” but the words “I miss you sometimes” are sung closer to speaking, a honest statement through a tough facade. The next two lines speak to the idea the through the pursuit of knowledge we only gain more questions. It is from this perspective that Henley acknowledges how little he really understands and how he has to relearn what it means to love.
People use the phrase” the heart of the matter” to get to the truth of a situation. Don Henley utilizes this phrase to examine a relationship not only getting to the core of the situation but also the emotional truth. This requires strength and honesty and sometimes the will gives in. “Thoughts scatter” because we are trying to understand something that we can’t on a logical level, which is exactly what the depths of the human heart show us.
The rhythms of melody speed up through “and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it’s about. . .” He’s working through this ideas in his head and what comes out is after a slight hesitation is that it’s about forgiveness. When Henley sings “even if you don’t love me anymore” he is recognizing that “forgiveness” isn’t going to get his love back, but is the key to understanding what happened and moving on with his life.
The second verse takes a broader look at love. Henley contemplates the harshness of the world and how love can exist despite all the harm, we do to each other. He follows stating that it is trust that leads to happiness and not pride. This not only speaks in a broader sense but also to Henley himself as forgiveness requires him to put aside his pride to trust himself and his own feelings.
Every word in this song is meaningful. Each turn in the melody pulls at feelings and speaks to a place deep within us. In popular music, men rarely express their feelings like in “The Heart of the Matter.” Through wise words and honestly, Henley reminds us that a man is not defined by acts of physicality strength but by his emotional maturity and character.
India.Arie covered “The Heart of the Matter” for her third solo album Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship in 2006. One of my high school students introduced me to this soulful interpretation. India.Arie rich tone across her entire range and elegant interpretation brings an optimistic sheen to this song with a level of strengths and resolves.
When we forgive people we no only excuse the mistakes of others but we renounce our anger and make a pledge to start anew. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful ideas in our morality. It allows penance for our sins and rehabilitation for our crimes. However, forgiveness is one of the most difficult things for us as humans.
In the bridge Henley states that even though people let us down and hurt our pride we need to out it aside because the anger we carry will eat us up inside. Yes, the anger I feel for this person is a dark place in my heart and I’m not ready to excuse her mistake because I don’t feel that she even thinks she did anything wrong. I’m not ready to renounce my anger because she’s never apologized to me.
Can I forgive her without her apologizing to me? I wish I could, and maybe it’s just going to take time. It is about forgiveness. Not about anything, I can get back from her or even her feelings. What angers us the most about people are exactly the things that we dislike and feel insecure about ourselves. Forgiving others is really more about forgiving ourselves, accepting our own mistakes and maybe that is what is at the heart of the matter.
“When you forgive you love and when you love, God's light shines upon you”
-dialogue from the film Into The Wild
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