Year 13: Week 17 - Return Of The Winter Programs - Part 1

"You must have been waiting for years to do this. You were having so much fun!" 

"Thanks, and yes, I have been waiting a long time for this."

The last time we had a JK-5 Winter Program was in 2019. Three years later, this event was finally back. Every time this program was put on before 2019, it was a great achievement by the students and the music faculty. This program is the only time all of the students in JK-5 share a program with their families in the audience. Every single student in seven grade go on up on stage and performs. The students worked on the music for weeks and also worked on the performance skills of walking on and off stage and how to stand and perform for an audience.

The music is all memorized; instruments and choreography are often involved in these performances, and for many students, this is one of the few times they are up on stage performing in the school year.

For the music faculty, a lot of work goes into this program. A lot of time is spent on the selection of music. It's important to find a piece at the pedagogical level for the students and meaningful music reflecting diverse cultures and shared values. Focused on the student's experience, teachers carefully plan everything from seating charts to lighting.

These challenges and hard work were present in "normal years." This year was anything but normal.

For the 2022 winter program, we knew we were dealing with a unique situation. Instead of having one grade, the JK students who had never experienced this MX had three grades: JK, SK, and 1st. In addition, the older grade students only have vague memories of their performance in 2019, when they were younger.

Our students had three years of the modified curriculum because of the pandemic. Students were remote in the last part of the 2019-2020 school year. During the 2020-2021 school year, COVID-19 mitigations meant we couldn't have our students sing. Then in the 2021-2022 school year, we had to modify everything we taught considering our students' experience since the pandemic started.

We needed to consider who the students were as musicians affected by our curriculum changes throughout the pandemic. More importantly, we needed to examine who our students were as learners and human beings. The younger students lived most of their with the COVID-19 pandemic, and older students only have vague memories of a time before masks and social distancing.

We had students who needed to learn what this program meant and missed out on meaningful learning that would have helped them during this performance. We had to completely rethink who our students were as learners and people compared to pre-pandemic years, and we, as faculty, had yet to do this performance in three years.

This all would have been enough to make this performance an enormous challenge. 

All of this made the success and joy of the JK-5 Winter Program even more extraordinary.

Parenthood: Week 506 - Through It All

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. 

Four nights ago, our little one Lucas developed a fever. He came into our room late at night. We pulled him into our bed and gave him some Tylenol. A couple of minutes later, he threw up in our bed. After we cleaned things up, he struggled to sleep but found comfort in being near us. 

The next night, because he spent most of the afternoon napping, Lucas got up very early, around 4 am. After it became clear after his crawling around in our bed he was not going to go back to sleep, I got up with him and watched some cartoons with this. And by "watch with him," I mean dozing off on the couch while Lucas watched cartoons and jabbed the remote into the face whenever a show was over so I could start a new one for him.

Two nights ago, Lucas woke up at 2 am upset. I comforted him, and after five minutes of trying to sleep with him in our bed, I walked him over to his room and crawled into bed with him. I remembered that having him fall asleep in his bed and leaving him was a lot easier than him falling asleep in our bed and then trying to transfer him back to his bed. I ended up sleeping with Lucas for a couple of hours and heading back to our bed for half an hour before I needed to get up before the kids. It was Christmas morning, and I wanted to be up before the kids.

Last night I went to sleep late, having spent the late evening packing to visit my parents in Seattle the next morning. The plane flight was in the morning, and I planned to get up around 6ish and sleep around 12:40.

This lack of sleep and all of the preparation and activity for Christmas was what had already drained me before facing today. When I got up, my mom texted me and told me our flight had been canceled. She was concerned since Seattle had been having issues with flight cancellations all week. Even though the weather was fine on both ends, our flight had to be canceled, and after some frustrating work, we realized there was only one feasible way to get to Seattle later this week which didn't work with my winter break schedule.

I tried to sleep a little bit, knowing my kids wouldn't be up, but that didn't work. So I got up, emptied the dishwasher, and made myself breakfast. Later my children got up one at a time, and I told them about changing plans. We were sad together, but we did have some bright sides, like being able to go to a local family part now could go to because we were not traveling out of town.

So I made my kids breakfast and we watched a movie with my kids on the couch, which was the first time I sat and watched a movie for a long time. Most of the time, I'm on the treadmill working out when I watch movies. Afterwards I decided that was enough time to mope about, so I got in gear. We all went to the grocery store, and we got back home. I spent an hour cooking for the party, got it all ready to go, and we went to the party. The pressure, and concentration of cooking helped me feel productive, and it felt good to set out a goal and make it happen. 

In the past 24 hours, I've dealt with the stress of packing for a trip, on little sleep, and then having that trip yanked away, taking a moment to breathe, and finally getting in gear. This is the work of parenthood. It is unforgiving and requires a depth of strength that I sometimes struggle to find in myself.

While I'm really sad and disappointed about how the last 24 hours worked out, I'm proud that I exhibited the strength my mother has always believed was in me and handled this situation well. Thought it all, I did right by myself and my family. 

In tough moments knowing you did your best doesn't take way the sadness, but it bring forward pride, and that's something. 

Taking a break...

So, I'm taking a break for a little bit. I've still got a lot on my mind, and more stories to tell. Writing continues to be exercise for my brain and self-care. However tonight self-care will be getting to sleep earlier. 

More to come...

Parenthood: Week 505 - The Week Of...

It’s the week of Christmas! 

This year feels different because my children and I have different winter breaks. I’m off this week and next week, and they are off next week and the following week. So while I do like the idea of having time to prepare for the holiday while they are at school, later, it is not ideal when they are at home, and I’m at work.

There’s shopping, cooking, wrapping presents, and other chores unrelated to the holidays. Also there are at home things, that I put off because† I’m too busy to get to them because of stuff I have to do for work.

I find it really difficult to take care of home stuff when I’m at work. I am often able to make the time, but it’s hard to get into the “taking care of home stuff”-mind frame when I’m at work. Of course, when something needs to be done, I can make that happen, but like how bills pile up, home stuff has a way of doing that too.

The tricky thing is that you can’t put off most parenting until a later time. The last two weeks of work have been challenging and draining. I found myself at home with little patience and struggling to focus on my children’s needs.

My children themselves helped me get energized and focused. The sound of their giggles, the hugs, and simple acts of care like bathing them allowed me to leave work behind. Part of what you realize when you are home with children and you are drained is that you have to let things go, and sometimes this feels like a significant compromise, and other times, you realize that maybe you were being too rigid about certain things.

I remember going to a seminar years ago as an assistant teacher. One topic was how to recharge your batteries after you get home from work. Most people think you should do something less active like sit in front of the television or scroll through social media. The training leader said that what worked was doing simple, achievable tasks, like doing dishes. It’s kind of like physical exercise. If you are tired, sometimes making yourself more tired through exercise helps you sleep better and, in turn, will make you less tired.

This advice to take when all you want to do is hide when you get home, and all you see is the tantrums and the fights from children who are also tired. Sometimes this means you turn on the television to make dinner, or dinner can be a frozen pizza. Making things work when you don’t have a lot left means something has to give.

I’m still trying to figure out this balancing act between work and parenting. It gets better and worse, and in the moments when it feels right, something inevitably throws it out of whack. The struggle is a good thing. It’s a sign that my life is dynamic and that I’m invested in my work and my children. In this tension, there is the struggle that brings meaning that purpose to my life.

Year 13: Week 15 - Leaving With Love

Do you ever feel you have so much to say that it's hard to know where to start?

It seems like the easiest way is to start at the beginning, but I'm not even sure where that is, and how much I should say. So I will start as clearly as I can.

The last week and a couple of days have been some of the most challenging days of my teaching career. There were challenges that I expected. We had our first JK-5 winter assembly since 2019. There were two other winter concerts for our older students, which we last did in 2019. Planning for and putting on these events asked us to use a "muscle" that we hadn't used in years. We had pressure on ourselves to have these events be at a certain standard, and at the same time, we were trying to figure out how to make adjustments for our students.

Students had seen these concerts in years past and knew what to expect. Also, students who previously performed in these concerts carried on that learning to the next concert. But, unfortunately, we were without all of this. W    e had to balance our idea of how these concerts could go with the reality of our student's lived experiences.

All of these events went really well. I'm very proud of our students and my music department faculty. The students were well prepared, the performances were at a high standard, and most importantly, it was clear our work came from a place of love and joy.

All of this happened as the chaos and strife of the outside world directly effected our community. When you are a teacher, you cannot ignore the outside world. Part of our job, part of our work, is helpings student process and understand the world around them. Sometimes it's around times of joy, like when the Cubs won the world series, and other times it's during moments of great tragedy, like when a school shooting occurs.

I've had to talk to students about anti-immigrant rhetoric, racism, sexism, and many other issues and acts of oppression that affect the world, but never have I had to process and deal with a show of hatred and lies directed at my school community.

A little bit more than a week ago, my school was attacked by people who identified as journalist. And at the start of this week, my school had to evacuate and cancel due to a threat that was later found to be false. Both of these situations have been traumatic and exhausting. Reading hateful and vile comments online based on lies is discouraging and sad. Even though I know that these comments are not based on facts, they are still hard to read. It's hard to see that they are out there, and in taking the higher ground and not responding and engaging, it feels like we are doing nothing.

Dealing with an evacuation in the online attack's shadow was hard. While the faculty and staff kept it together for the students when making eye contact with other teachers and the staff, you could tell we were all really scared. When the school made the call to send students's home, our fears were validated, and even though the threat was found to be unsubstantiated, the anxiety lingered. 

In the past week, there has been so much to process. I've felt so many different emotions that seem to change hourly. There have been a half dozen times in the past week that I have felt like crying at random times, like walking down the hallway, and another half dozen times when I have cried hearing about how challenging this situation has been for individuals in our community.

Mr. Rogers talked about looking for helpers in challenging situations, and I've found this advice helpful this past week when I noticed how much help and love was in this community.

There is love in the quiet, attentive listening of employees listening and supporting each other. In the small gestures of getting doughnuts and helping people with tech issues, there is love, and in coming to this work, and being with our students, for our students, despite our fear, despite our anxiety, there is love.

The other place where I noticed love was between families and my students. Look, I'm a parent. I know what it means to hug my child, and I've seen parents lovingly interact with their children at my school, but something felt different this week. I was so profoundly touched witnessing parents' joy in greeting their elementary school-age children after their choir concert performance. Seeing the relief and smiles of parents picking up their children from the evacuation location was powerful. I was so glad, in a small way, I could help them feel their children in their arms and know they were safe. Then at the moment I hoped for and wasn't sure would happen, I felt the love of parents and family members as I invited them to dance in the audience along with my students on stage at the end of our JK-5 MX.

I have done dance-along with students before but never with an auditorium full of parents and students, and as they stood up and danced along with my almost 60 fourth graders on stage, I felt their love and support for all that we do at my school.

Most of all, I felt the love in the words of a parent after our choir concert. She came up to me with a grateful look in her eyes and a soft smile. Then, as she started talking, she started crying. She thanked me for all that I did for her children and wanted me to know, to really know, that the comments online are wrong and that I am a good person, a really good person.

I left school today for winter break, tired of the work and the anxiety, proud of how I led, and feeling love. We have a choice on how we reflect on events and what we focus on. 

I chose to focus on the stories that bring me light. I chose love. This doesn't make the bad go away, but it'll help not to remember that my community did right in the face of treats, and so did I. 

Parenthood: Week 504 - 12/13/22

Ollie went to his first chess tournament last weekend. My wife took him and I stayed with the other two boys. I’m really glad that he had this experience. I don’t remember what got Ollie first into chess, but it was about the age of six-years-old when it clicked. I think he might have started learning he saw a chess set out in my father-in-laws house.

Ollie first started learning chess through some iPad apps that I found. For example, Magnus Kingdom Of Chess is a role-playing adventure game, except you use chess pieces. The game has a story, and Ollie learned how the pieces move through this game.

I played with Ollie quite a bit. This was a time when Ethan had just been born, so it was nice to have an activity I could do with Ollie that gave him attention. I was never that great at chess, so after a couple of weeks, he definitely got better than me.

Ollie’s interest in chess waned, but he did join the chess club at this school last year, and really enjoys it. This tournament was an extension of this club. This event wasn’t too formal. It was hosted at a local elementary school. Ollie had three wins and two loses, but most importantly, he had fun, had some time with his friends, and got to try something new.

*****

It was Lucas’ birthday last week. He turned 3 years old. Yet, somehow, he’s been talking about wanting to be six-years-old for a couple of days now. Ollie revealed that he was helping him count and taught him how to say “six.” So maybe it’s not that he wants to be older. He just likes to use this word he just learned.

Lucas is doing really well. He’s spent his whole life chasing his brothers, so he’s fast, can climb anything, and is fearless. Lucas’ speech is getting stronger and stronger, and he takes really well to us teaching him words and helping him pronounce them with more clarity.

It’s been hard to accept that Lucas is no longer my “baby, baby” which is the what I mostly call him. I’ve been seeing how far he can follow commands and comprehend whan I’m saying, and he’s further along than I thought he was. I don’t think I ever babied him, I just didn’t realize how much he has grown.

I am looking forward to having Lucas as a toddler, but part of me doesn’t want to let go of him being my baby.

*****

Ethan is really blossoming as a big brother to Lucas. He spends a lot of energy taking care of him. When Lucas is sad, Ethan is right there to hug him, and he tries to cuddle with him when they are watching television together.

They do have disagreements when Lucas wants a toy Ethan is playing with, but more often than not Ethan is trying to help Lucas and has a very satisfied look on his face. At least four or five times a day, I hear Ethan tell Lucas that he loves him. Every so often, Ethan will look at me and say, “Lucas is so cute,” I can’t help but smile and hug him for being such a sweetheart.

Year 13: Week 14 - Indeed I Do

Next week is our JK-5 Winter Program. We haven’t had one since the winter of 2019. Last year, we got close by doing a separate JK-3 and 4-5 assembly, but this was just for the students, and no parents or families were invited. This year, we are finally, after three years, bringing this event back. 

The current 5th graders were in 2nd grade the last time they participated in this performance, and most don’t have strong memories of this event. So in some ways, we are starting new and fresh, especially since many families and teachers were not part of our school community the last time we did this event in 2019.  

I teach 4th and 5th grade, so it was up to me to program this part of the program. Since they hadn’t performed as students in 4th and 5th grade before the pandemic, I needed to find a song that was easier to sing and teach and fun. After much thinking and research, I landed on “People Got To Be Free” by the

Rascals. 

 

The Rascals are a wonderful rock band, and having a song that felt more like “rock” would make students feel less apprehensive about it than a slower song. But, most importantly, this song has great connections to the Civil Rights movement and has important themes like freedom and caring for each other. 

Initially, my 5th graders didn’t catch on to this song, but I kept on, and slowly they came to like it. We’ve had some great conversations about the lyrics of these songs. I have a small group of volunteers who will sing parts of this song in small groups, which will be a nice touch.  

My 4th graders will perform “Crowded Table” by The Highwomen.  

 

I first taught this song to my 3rd graders in 2019 as part of a Thanksgiving presentation. I’ve continued to teach it to my students. I’m really excited for my 4th graders to perform it for the community.  

Everything about this song reflects the values of my school. The story of the Highwomen, a group of women coming together to create music and support each other, is beautiful and powerful. The lyrics during the pandemic became an anthem of all we were missing and all we were hoping for, and my students love singing this song.  

 

My 4th graders are then going to end the program by leading a dance-along with me. On his most recent album, Bruce Springsteen covered the Motown classic “Do I Love You (Indeed I do).”  

 

I commissioned a co-worker to choreograph a dance to his song and taught it to my 4th and 5th graders. This was so much fun with them that we will do it with everyone in the auditorium. I’ve led dance-along at my school, but never with parents and families in the audience. I’m a little nervous, but more than that, I’m looking forward to helping my community have a moment to affirm our love for each other and feel what it means to be a community through music and dance.

Parenthood: Week 503 - Goodbye To The Crib

It was just a crib. Four wooden sides with slats and a metal frame with springs stretched across it. 

The crib is well used. Ten years old, to be precise. To my surprise, I started feeling emotional as I took it apart. We didn't need it anymore. My youngest son, Lucas, should have transitioned out of it a couple of months ago. He could easily climb in and out of it for a long time, and it made my heart warm knowing that the crib would go to a family who really needed it. 

I paused as I looked at the crib on the floor in pieces. All three of my sons slept, played, giggled, and smiled in this crib. They all cried in that crib, got sick, and had blowouts in it. We placed our hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties in that crib. We trusted that crib's sturdiness to keep our children safe, and it never failed us.  

I'll never forget how absurd Ollie looked when we first put him in that crib. Swaddled up, he barely took up even an eighth of that crib. We placed him carefully in the center of the crib, and when we would return to check on him, there he would be, not yet able to turn over, right where we left him, safe and sound.  

I remember how Ollie as a toddler, would wake up from naps in his crib and sit there and lounge, joyfully cooing. He would wake up from his afternoon nap right when I got home from work. One day, I went into his room and saw him sit up and smile at me. I went over to pick him up, and he pulled himself up, not yet fully able to stand. As I was about to pick him up, he let go and fell on his bottom, giggling. So, I climbed into the crib and cuddled with him. The crib probably wasn't made to support my weight, but Ollie and I spent a lot of time together in that crib, cuddling, playing, and laughing.  

Ethan never liked that crib. We would rock him to sleep and put him in his crib as a baby, and as soon as he would finish a sleep cycle, he would be up crying and often spend most of the night in our bed. Before he figured out how to climb out of this crib, something Ollie never did because he was never motivated to do, Ethan would wage war. He'd throw things out of the crib, chew on the crib, and scream. And oh, how Ethan would scream when he wanted to get out of that crib.  

I did fight the fight. I spent many nights sleeping on the floor next to his crib, trying to get Ethan to sleep in his crib. Some of these nights, he slept on the floor with me; other nights, he'd be in his crib, and slowly, over time, he finally got better and spent more time than not in his crib and less time in our bed. 

In the darkest time of the COVID-19 pandemic, when streets were deserted and loved ones didn't know when they see each other again, Lucas put himself to sleep in the crib. Unlike Ollie, he didn't really want to be rocked for very long before being put in the crib, and unlike Ethan, Lucas liked his crib. Sometimes all he would want was only a couple minutes of cuddling, and then he would squirm. I would put him in the crib, and he would settle down and put himself to sleep. 

In that time of great fear and anxiety, Lucas finding comfort in that crib, and being the best sleeper as a baby out of all of our children, was what we needed. I remember watching him settle himself in his bed on a sunny spring morning in 2020 and saying "thank you" as he closed his eyes. The peace he found in his crib was a reminder that even in the worst of times, there were still moments of family and love. There was still hope.  

As I say goodbye to this crib, I am grateful for the memories, longing for the past, and wishing I could hold one of my sons as a baby again. Unfortunately, life doesn't always wait for you to be ready to let go, and parenthood keeps you busy enough to remind you that you don't have a choice but to move on. 

So as I paused, my children's voice brought me back to the present, as I faced the future.

Year 13: Week 13 - I Never Did Believe In Miracles…

Sometimes when I play the music that I love for my students, I'm unsure how they will react. I've been listening to Christine McVie's work, ever since she passed away earlier this week. I didn't really have time to teach about her this week, but I wanted my students to have an experience with her beautiful voice, incredible songwriting, and masterful musicianship. So during our opening warm-up activity, I played "You Make Loving Fun."

 

As soon as the keyboard groove hit, I could tell that my students were feeling this song. I wondered how they would react to the dated keyboard sound, but they didn't seem to mind. As I led my class in stretching and some breathing exercises, I smiled and sang along softly to this song. While I did this, I could see in my students' eyes they were enjoying this song too.

  *****

We had a modified schedule on Thursday for a community partnership project. This meant my middle schoolers would have half an hour of band on Thursday afternoon instead of an hour of band class on Thursday morning.

With all that was going on in the next couple of weeks, it was important to go over this change earlier in the week. So I opened band class on Monday and Tuesday, letting them know about the schedule change. I explained this to them as a heads-up more than a big piece of news. I didn't think they would react strongly to this, but they did. My students expressed anger, confusion, and shock. They were not happy about having a shortened band class on Thursday.

My first reaction was to calm them down and ask them to temper their responses, look at the positive and express their opinions more constructively. Then I paused and thought, "Band is going so well this school year that my students are upset that their band class is shortened. This is a great sign." So I sat there for a moment listening to their protests and enjoyed this expression of how much they enjoyed band.

*****

There is a pride I feel when someone I hire finds success. It's one of my favorite things about my job. When I hire someone, my approach is to put faith in them and their abilities. I manage them believing that they will be successful. And I continue to work with people this way until they prove me wrong.

One of the new teachers I hired this past week had their first concert, which was wonderful. His students performed at a high musical level and worked really hard, and there was a great feeling during the whole event.

It's nice to be proven right, but more than that, it's wonderful to be part of someone else's success and know that I did right by this teacher and our students.

Parenthood: Week 502 - Managing Fight Club?

It’s like there is a timer. 

Sometimes the timer can last as long as forty minutes. Other times, it can last five minutes. Whenever my children play together, it’s like there’s a finite amount of time they will play together until there is some fight or disruption that I need to address.  

The reality is that most of the time, my children play well together. It’s really wonderful having a house filled with the energy and love of brothers being together. Ollie, my oldest, will read a book with Ethan. Lucas and Ethan, my two youngest, will play chase around the house. All three of them manage to play together at times, which is pretty incredible when you think about the fact that there is almost a seven-year age difference between my oldest and youngest children. It truly is one of the most wonderful parts of my life: seeing my children playing together.  

And one of the most annoying parts of my life, especially in the past week, is when things start falling apart, and someone doesn’t act their best. Often the issues are around sharing. For example, someone wants a toy someone else wants. So someone takes it without asking, and it goes downhill from there. Then there are moments of physicality which I have to interrupt. Sometimes it’s when wrestling seems too active, or someone pushes someone out of frustration instead of using their words. 

Sometimes my sons have spent too much time together and need a break from each other. This is expressed in little disagreements. They don’t know how to manage this, and someone actively fights my suggestion, which fast becomes an order for them to play in different parts of the house.  

This is tricky to manage because I want them to learn to work out disagreements themselves. But, sometimes, they do, and it’s not always clear when is a good time to step in and when to give them time to work something out.  

All of this happens in the tension of modern life. Last week was a busy week. There was a lot to do in preparing for Thanksgiving and cleaning up afterward. I don’t think we were fully 100% done with cleaning up from Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday night until Sunday morning. There was a fair amount of time we were trying to take care of this stuff when my children played with each other. And I sometimes think when my children have issues getting along, it’s because they want attention from me, and I’m not always able to give them as much attention as I would like.  

It can feel like all I’m doing is being a referee with my children. Still, when I remind myself that we are all in this together, playing and figuring things out for ourselves and each other, the work feels less like a burden and more like an opportunity for us all to learn and be a family.

To Cook - Part 7: Turkey

I don’t know if I will ever completely understand the tradition of Thanksgiving turkey. As a child of Taiwanese immigrants, Thanksgiving, like many American holidays, was confusing for my family. 

Even in the 1980s, the mythology around Thanksgiving felt off to my family. Maybe it was because we were an immigrant family, but it never really made sense to us. Then there was the turkey itself.  

Growing up, turkey wasn’t in our regular rotation of protein that we ate. When I was around eight years old, I remember thinking that the main meat we ate was beef, pork, chicken, duck, and fish. So turkey wasn’t something I even thought about as something to eat. However, my mom did make a great turkey leg soup once in a while.  

Like other American traditions, my parents gave the Thanksgiving turkey thing a good go. Like people in the 1980s, they got a turkey, put it in a pan, probably with stuffing (which we now know is not a good idea), trusted it up, and cooked it whole. I remember one year, our oven broke, and my dad finished it on the grill. We did this for a couple of years, and then mom decided we weren’t going to do a turkey. She decided to do a fish dish or a prime rib roast for Thanksgiving dinner.  

My mom didn’t like turkey all that much, and the the traditional Thanksgiving turkey preparation didn’t work all that well. For the turkey to be cooked, it had to be in the oven for a long time, resulting in dry breast meat. The other thing that bugged her was the patriarchal idea of the man of the house carving a whole turkey that the women prepared.  

Flash forward to college. I helped a turkey for the first time in a friend’s sorority house. A group of us were around for Thanksgiving break, and we tried to make a Thanksgiving dinner happen. I was responsible for Turkey with a friend for a couple of hours. The pan broke, the turkey grease hit the bottom of over, and smoke filled the basement floor. I ran outside to get help, got locked out, and had to sneak back in by squeezing in through an open window. It was a thing, but somehow we made it work. This was a self-basting, turkey-in-a-bag method, which did work. The meat was moist, but the trade-off was that the skin wasn’t crispy.  

Over the past ten years, I’ve hosted Thanksgiving at least seven or eight times and made a turkey. I went with cooking the whole turkey once, and I was like, “NOPE, there has got to be a better way.” It took too long, and the results were not that good. After some research, I went with the spatchcock method:  

 

This method solves a lot of the problems with cooking a turkey whole. For example, the breast and thigh meat cooking more evenly, the skin can crisp up because you can cook it at a higher temperature, and the cooking time was WAY less than cooking the turkey whole.  

I did this method a bunch of times, and I was happy with the results. The one issue I had with this was the gravy prep. You do not have adequate time to make a stock from the turkey carcass for gravy after it’s done before people expect to eat. So, this year, I went with the most logical and easiest to manage method of cooking a turkey: just cut it up into smaller pieces.  

 

I loved doing this method this year. Cutting it up the day before meant I had to plenty of time to make an outstanding turkey stock and gravy. Dry brining, which is way better than wet brine, is very effective with smaller pieces. The key thing I love about this is that the breast pieces are separate from the thigh pieces. If one piece is done sooner, you can take it out of the oven. Going from cooked pieces to presenting on a plate was much easier than carving meat off a whole cooked turkey, and it tasted great because it had minimal cook time at a relatively high temperature. My fifteen-pound turkey cooked in less than an hour.  

Is there something lost when you don’t present a whole turkey to the table and carve it up? Yes. Is it important? Not to me. Yes, cooking is about tradition, but more importantly it's about values,. Cooking a turkey in separate pieces puts less of a burden on the cook, so they can be less stressed and more present and place a priority on the quality of the preparation. Cooking a turkey whole puts value on an image, which may be impressive to some, puts an unnecessary burden on the cook.  

Thanksgiving survives as a holiday because we have changed what it means. For most Americans, it’s not about the racist mythology of the “first Thanksgiving.” It’s about family. We have changed this holiday’s meaning, which is a good thing. So let’s consider changing how we cook turkeys. If the point of Thanksgiving is cooking a whole turkey, then it’s not a holiday worth preserving. 

And if you don't want to cook a turkey. Don’t. If cooking is not your love language, don't try to speak it on Thanksgiving. Cater it in or go out to eat. Order pizza, or do whatever makes you happy. If you don’t like cooking, don’t cook on Thanksgiving. However, if you want to have fun cooking a turkey, go for it. Buy one that is in the smaller size and just cut it up into pieces. It’s the easiest and most effective way to go. And if anyone misses the carving ceremony by the man of the house, they can sit in the corner and have a sad while you enjoy moist turkey meat with wonderfully crispy skin.

Parenthood: Week 501 - Ollie & Hamilton

My children generally listen to whatever music I'm into. In the car or around the house, I'll put on a podcast they enjoy, or I'll listen to music. At some point I thought about deliberately exposing Ollie to certain musicians or artists. It was a nice idea, but with all the other things to do with Ollie when he was a baby, I ended up just playing whatever music I wanted to listen to. 

Most of the time, my children put up with the music that I play. I generally listen to the same thing for a week or two, sometimes even a month. My brain likes to dive deep. So when I was really into "Play With Fire" by The Rolling Stones for about a week, all my children heard that song a lot. They thought it was a really funny song and learned most of the lyrics.  

I'm really into the new Springsteen album Only The Strong Survive right now. Ollie has learned a bunch of the lyrics to this song just by overhearing me play this music in the car and around the house. It's hard to know how much they pay attention to the music I play, but it's a nice surprise when I realize they do. Ethan and Ollie know "Crowded Table" really well because of the couple of months when I was playing that song all of the time.

When Hamilton hit its peak popularity, Ollie was 3 or 4 years old, and I listened to the soundtrack every day for like six months. It was cute to see Ollie getting into this show, and it culminated in taking Ollie to see the show with us, which was a wonderful experience.  

I'm not going to get into it, but I had an experience with Hamilton that pretty much closed that chapter in my life, and I haven't been interested in Hamilton ever since. I watched about ten minutes of the movie version and was like, "yeah, I'm good." I still respect it as a piece of art. I'm just not into it right now.  

Interestingly, Ollie has gotten back into Hamilton. A couple of weeks ago, he was singing a song from Hamilton, so I reminded him that we had the book Hamilton's A Revolution with all of the lyrics. So for the next few days, he had his head in that back trying to learn lyrics. Then I showed him how to access the soundtrack album on an iPad, and he would spend time listening to the songs and trying to recite the lyrics.  

Every few days, he proudly proclaims that he had learned a song and is starting to learn another. I was doing the same thing when I was about his age. Instead of Hamiton, I was learning all the lyrics to The Little Mermaid, carrying around a book with easy piano arrangements of the songs; however, I was primarily interested in the lyrics. So I worked hard to find the lyrics to "Under The Sea." 

So yes. That is what Ollie is doing with his free time right now. It's fun to watch him dive deep and explore the lyrics, the structure of the raps and the vocabulary. I love that he's finding his own way in, and taking the time to go deep.

Year 13: Week 11 - Time

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a nonlinear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey.

- The Doctor

One of the most important teaching tools that teachers have is time.

Education in America is very much about time. Students have schedules that they follow throughout the day. There is a priority on these schedules, sometimes even over student learning. There are benefits to this when you think about how we help students learn to organize their lives, but there are drawbacks. Life isn't always about being "on time," I've experienced some of the best moments in my life have been when I've forgotten about time and prioritized being in the moment.

As a music teacher, I'm very aware that music "decorates" time. Work in music class, like the music itself, can make time feel like it's passing slower, or faster. It's always interesting to me when I start wrapping up music class, and students are surprised at how fast the class seems to go by.

Teachers are very much managers, and trying to help students understand when they need to change tasks before they become unproductive or spend longer on a task is tricky. I do want students to learn how to press "pause" on their work. However, I love it so much when students are deep in their work and don't want to stop. Sometimes I stop an activity too early or too late, and some moments, I stop it at precisely the right time. There is some science in this, but it's more art than anything else.

One of the aspects of time in education is how learning evolves over a couple of days or a week. For example, I started a song with my 5th graders last week, and it didn't go well. I was almost at the point of dropping that song from my curriculum. However, I was wisely advised not to make any decisions that day.

For most of last week, I was out with the flu, and while my students did some work on this song with the substitute, I wasn't expecting much growth. It was just a lesson or two. However, what I heard from my students was a huge improvement. While I credit the substitute teachers and the students for doing some good work while I was gone, this was a good reminder that sometimes students need time.

The process of musical learning, like other learning, has to occur over time. If you spend five hours on one day learning a song, you will sound less good than if you spread those five hours over a week. Stepping away from a piece and letting your brain process the music is essential to learning music. It's one of those seemingly magical things that's easy to forget.

The other piece of this is just trusting the students and the process. One reason I kind of freaked out last year is that this program that I'm preparing my students for is the Winter program that we haven't put on since 2019. I'm more nervous than I'm allowing myself to feel about preparing myself and my students for this performance. I've done a lot to set my students up for success. We are starting the music earlier than I have in years past. I'm keeping the arrangements simpler and prioritizing finding fun and joy in the process. Yeah, we'll be fine, but it feels like a lot.

I need to trust my students that they can do this. I need to trust myself that I know what's best, and I need to trust in the process, and most of all, I need to trust in time.

I can pass the time by worrying about the time I don't have, or I can find peace in the time that I do and the choices I make with the time that I do have.

I'll work on getting the latter.

It might take some time.

Parenthood: Week 500 - An Opportunity For Lucas

“C’mon, buddy.” 

As I carefully got into bed, my knees and hips aching, almost throbbing, Lucas ran around the room, picking up some books for me to read to him. It had been a couple of days of this flu. The headache was bad, but the muscle aches in my lower back, hips, and knees were most unexpected and made life really challenging. I’m an active parent who sits on the ground, moves around with my children, and moves around the house with them. So asking kids to bring things over to me and not feeling comfortable lifting them makes this situation even more difficult.  

My two oldest kids understand what it means when I’m sick. They’ve been sick themselves and are old enough to remember what it feels like to have some empathy for me. They don’t completely understand what this all means with my patience and my moods, but they seem to be giving me a break. When asking for help, Ethan was waiting for me to come by, and Ollie seemed to understand that I needed a couple of extra seconds to answer him or get him something.  

On the other hand, Lucas seemed to have no clue that I wasn’t feeling well. He’s about a month shy of 3-years-old and sweet as can be. So when he noticed that I was sitting down and spending more time in bed, he saw this as an opening. A large human sitting down on a couch or in bed is someone ready to read a book to him.  

I finally got myself into bed. I got a pillow propped up behind me and motioned at Lucas to come on over. He hurriedly came over, put one book on my chest, ran away, grabbed another book, and before I knew it, I had four books piled on my chest. Then, someone, Lucas, managed to get on the bed. Leading with his head, he somehow balanced a leg up on the side table and climbed in.  

Awkwardly I pulled him across my body and positioned him to the right of him. After some challenging maneuvering, Lucas was cuddling right next to me with my right arm around him. I looked down at him, and he smiled with silent satisfaction. Next, I picked up a book and read it to him.  

I was tired, and my brain was still foggy, so reading to him took far more effort than expected. My expressions weren’t great, I messed up some words and skipped some sentences, but Lucas didn’t mind. After each book was done, he got up, grabbed the next book, and then cuddled up for the next book.  

After we finished the books, I asked Lucas if he was ready to go to his crib. He pointed to his room, climbed over, and jumped off the bed. He waited for me as I slowly came out of bed, wincing at the pain in my hips. I slowly walked Lucas over to his room, holding his hand. When we got to his crib, I carefully and slowly picked him up and put him in his crib. I took a deep breath recovering from all the effort it took to lift him.  

Lucas then made a sound at me, holding his hands up. “Dude, I can’t lift you out of there. You just got in…[sigh] ok fine.” As I leaned over the crib, he gave me a tight hug around my neck, and then plopped down into his crib and cuddled up with his bellow. I laughed at myself and said, “goodnight, Lucas-bear,” blew him a kiss, and left his room for the night.

Year 13: Week 10 - How This Year Compares To 2020

It’s not like I was all chill and not stressed before the pandemic. 

As we were getting word as department chairs to get our faculty ready for a possible shutdown in early March 2020, part of me was looking forward to the week off. To my knowledge, all we were going to do was shut down for a week or two, the virus would chill out, and then we’d be back. This would give me a respite and time to catch up on work, which felt overwhelming.  

We know how that worked out… 

Then teaching during the 2020-2021 school year was understandably overwhelming. Being in person before vaccines, with students podded, teaching in homeroom classrooms instead of a music classroom, with restrictions to singing and wind instruments, was a lot. Some of what made this year feel like a lot was the great lengths we were taking to get back to “normal.” I remember putting on an outdoor concert that Spring, and working late to figure out how to make it happen.  

Then there was 2021-2022. Teaching during this year, in some ways, was harder than the year before. Yes, we had fewer restrictions due to the pandemic, but we also had a more significant disagreement and less clarity on what COVID-19 mitigations were necessary. Once only a fringe opinion, the idea of not wearing masks was embraced by reasonable professionals based on scientific research. This added a layer of tension. Also, we kept getting tripped up by students being exposed and quarantine rules, which seemed to become less clear as the year went on.  

Now, here we are, months into the 2022-2023 school year, and do things feel? CRAZY. J/K. Not really, but things aren’t simple. So returning to how easy things were before the pandemic is an illusion that has confused me until I remember that things weren’t truly a walk in the park before the pandemic. The challenges were just different.  

Some things feel much easier and like a return to home that I haven’t felt since before the pandemic. For example, my class schedule has returned to what it was before the pandemic. I’m back to teaching a curriculum that I don’t have to make up new every week, which I had to do when the pandemic first started. Yes, we still have to mask up at my school when there is exposure, which is a pain. However, it is helpful that most kids do not wear masks voluntarily, so how we communicate does feel much better.  

The challenges I’m feeling now are related to two things. First, I am trying to get back to the processes we did before the pandemic that will serve us moving forward. More importantly, the challenge now is figuring out how we have all changed, the students, the faculty, the staff, and the administration. When I look at my students and things aren’t working like I expect, how much of this is how my students have changed, or how much of this is because of how I have changed? 

The pandemic has changed us all and continues to change us. The evidence of this is clear at times, and other times the change is more ambiguous. 

We have a lot of work to do as adults to unpack all that we've been through as teachers as we figure out how to serve our students in a world no one imagined. 

We may feel done with the pandemic, but it isn't done with us. 

Parenthood: Week 499 - Saturday Morning

Still. 

Nothing was stirring, and the house was quiet. I reached out to Diana, expecting a child to be between us, but we were alone.  

I looked over at the clock, "7:15." I sat up in bed, confused. Usually, Ethan or Ollie get up early before they're ready-to-wake-clock glows green at 7 am, especially on the weekends. I closed my eyes and listened, wondering if Ollie had gone downstairs to watch some television, but it was quiet and still.  

It had been a trying week. Lucas had been homesick for part of it, and I had a colonoscopy. The ebb and flow of life with three young children didn't give us any respite to handle these challenges. 

I was about to get up when I heard the doorknob to Lucas's room start to turn. Slowly the door opened, and Lucas peaked into our room. "Hey, baby-baby, come here," I said as I waved him over. I lay down in bed as he approached. Then he plopped down his head on my bed, swung his leg on the nightstand, and rolled his body onto our bed.  

I pulled Lucas between Diana and me. I helped him get under the cover, and he laid his head on my chest. As the rhythm of our breathing aligned, the world again felt quiet and still.  

Lucas sat up a moment later with a smile on his face. This was his way of telling me he was ready to start the day. I got up, and he followed me to the bathroom. He watched me with a smile as I did my morning routine. As we stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the gentle pitter-patter of Buffy's nails. Her head peaked out of the bedroom into the hallway. As she saw us, she picked up speed and caught up to us as we started down the stairs.  

I changed Lucas's diaper and set up the water kettle so I could make some tea. Lucas walked up to me, holding a full-size bag of chips, and pushed them into my leg, insisting, "chips!" I had no idea where he found these chips, probably someone in the back of our pantry. "Buddy, you can't just eat chips for breakfast," I insisted." Then Lucas pointed at the refrigerator and said, "yu-gert."  

I took the bag of chips out of Lucas' hands and told him to sit down. He hurried over to his chair and climbed up to the table. A couple of moments later, I brought him a bowl with potato chips, strawberry yogurt, and a spoon. I started peeling off the yogurt lid, and Lucas's objective was "NO!" So I backed off and let him get the lid off. He pushed the lid towards me, and I accepted it and kissed him on his forehead.  

Heavier steps came down the stairs, and Ethan walked over to me wearily. H walked over to me with his arms up, "hug?" "Good morning, special one," I greeted him as I picked him up. Even though lifting caused a twinge of pain in my arm, suffering a tendon injury, I still held him close and felt his face bury deep into the side of my neck.  

Buffy whined softly at the back door to our backyard. I carried over Ethan with me as I let Buffy out. I gently put Ethan down, and he remembered about the Lego set he had started the night before. He rushed to his play table and returned to work on putting the pieces together.  

The slower steps of Ollie, my oldest son, approached. I hugged him as he groggily passed me to sit on the couch and turn on the television. He knew it was weekend, and that meant he could start with day with  television.  

After gathering my stuff and putting on my shoes, I looked back at my children. Ollie lay on the couch watching television, Ethan was working on Legos, Lucas was eating breakfast, and Buffy was sitting behind Lucas, watching him intently. The house felt still.

Part of me felt sad that I would spend most of the day away, but I was comforted knowing I was spending my day with a symposium for young men of color. Somehow my children understood the work I was doing was important, and I knew that someday they would be proud of me for the work I did for others boys of color just like them.

Year 13: Week 9 - Away Message

There’s a feeling when you are away from school that is odd and puts you off balance. 

I was away on the 5th-grade outdoor education trip from Wednesday until Friday last week. Then on Monday, I stayed with one of my sons, who had a cold. And on Tuesday, I was out because of a medical procedure. I was hoping to be back at school on Wednesday, but Tuesday night, it was clear I hadn’t fully recovered, so I made the call to take a sick day on Wednesday. It was clear on Wednesday that I had made the right call... 

This meant I was at school for two days this week, Thursday and Friday.  

Of course,  the work of school went on without me. I saw emails come into my inbox. At times I deliberately ignored them, and at other times I was able to take care of some of this business. And, of course, things were fine without me. Some things had to be put on hold, and some meetings had to be rescheduled, but things were fine. I got behind on some work I wanted to do, and my students, while they got some work done with the substitute teachers, were less productive than they would have been if I had been there. But they were fine.  

One of the lessons of the pandemic was that we needed to take time off to take care of ourselves and our families. Unfortunately, there were far too many times before the pandemic when I was sick and went to school to teach when I shouldn’t have. What makes me even sadder is that there were times when I didn’t take time off when I should have been home with my children when they were sick. 

As teachers, we are insecure, and one of the ways that many of us handle this insecurity is by proving we are tough by teaching in a way that is physically taxing, whether by teaching when we are sick or working long hours at school and home. But unfortunately, there are teaching situations where this isn’t a choice, but a feature of having a teaching job, which is absurd, exploitative, and ridiculous.  

It’s strange. Even though I know in my heart that it’s the right thing to do to stay home to take care of one of my children if they are sick and that it will not negatively affect my job, it feels like I’m making a sacrifice to stay home. But what am I trading away? The joy of teaching, having fewer emails to answer, and feeling more accomplished at my job? This feeling makes the job feel all about me. This probably is a good thing because it reflects that this job is fulfilling for me and isn’t just a paycheck, but it also feels out of whack with the fact that me and my family and my priority in my life.

I’m glad that I had time away from school. I did some important things taking care of my family and myself. I didn’t give anything up to make this happen. I made a choice, and I have no regrets.

I think we are better teachers when we are more balanced humans and clearly define our priorities, but it's complicated. So we try and do the best we can. It's not always easy, and it's often complicated, but it's a struggle worth having and a tension worth leaning into. 

Parenthood: Week 498 - What It Means To Be Away

Last week there was a lot going on. (Well, most of the time, it feels like there’s a lot going on). It was Halloween, I was out of town with my 5th graders on their outdoor education overnight trip, one of my children had a minor cold, and my mom was in town to visit and help out. Oh, and it was also Ethan’s birthday last week. 

We moved the 5th-grade trip earlier, which is nice. There’s a better chance the weather will not be as cold, and doing it before the election, and not on the election, is important. The 2016 election? I was on this trip the night of the election and the day after. So, yeah, that was a thing. If you want to read about what that felt like, here it is.

The timing worked well. The night before I left was Ethan’s birthday. So we had a family dinner with some cake and presents. He’s going to have a party with his friends at a later date. I was worried I'd miss his birthday for my trip. Ethan's been very excited for his birthday. He's been talking about it for month, literally.   

The first time I went on this trip was when Ollie was a little bit more than a year old it was tough being away. The good news is that Ollie was so young that he didn’t experience it in such a way that he showed that he missed me or was sad about it. I really missed him and was worried about him, but he was, of course, fine.

Now it’s different. I still miss my kids when I’m away, but it’s different. It’s less a feeling of worry and longing. Instead, I feel unsettled not being near my children. There’s a wonderful feeling at night knowing that all my children sleep peacefully and safely near me in our house every night. Everything feels right knowing we are all together. I miss that when I’m away. When I sleep, I can’t get entirely comfortable or relaxed.

My children are different now. Two of them clearly articulate that they don’t miss me or know I’m gone. My two oldest have enough of a sense of time. They can count down the days and feel how long I’m gone.   My second one Ethan, who had just turned five years old, wasn’t happy that I was gone. He showed that by being challenging when I got back, and melting down a lot. He didn’t want me to read to him and put him to bed like he usually did. He lashed out at me for the first two days I was back, which was hard to take. 

It’s hard because he has his feelings, and he doesn’t know how to express them productively or thoughtfully, so I’m made to feel like a punching bag at times. Also, I feel like there has been reversion like in years past right after his birthday. It’s because he spends so much energy and time wanting to get to his birthday so he can be older, and once the birthday hits, he worries about what it means to be older and reverts to less mature behavior.

Last night Ethan asked me to read him a bedtime story, so I got into bed with him, and he curled up next to me and listened as I read. This was his way of forgiving me for being away. Ethan tries to apologize, but he doesn’t know what it means to say, “I’m sorry.” However, at that moment in his room, as he fell asleep in my arms, I felt his forgivingness and the reassurance that we would be alright.

Year 13: Week 8 - Goals, Draft #2

I want to be honest, which means I have to admit that things are complicated. 

I value and care for this school, but my family is my priority. There are spaces where I feel valued and included and situations where I feel isolated. I feel confident in my power and position, and sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and stressed.  

There are things about this school that I’m proud of and things that bring me concern There is great satisfaction in much of the work to do, and times when a lack of gratitude makes this work feel like people take me for granted.  

And if I’m sincere, I must admit that it’s not easy to separate my work on myself from my work at this school. I must admit that sometimes negative feelings of loneliness at this school are not reflected in the incredible support many people give me at this school. And I have to admit that I don’t always know who I am and who I want to be outside and inside of this school.  

It would be easy to construct goals that appear progressive and reflective but those would feel like platitudes. So instead, I will lean into the tension, the complexities, and the truth of my work. 

I want to continue developing curricula that center DEIB in a subject that in most places does not. Foundations of my curriculum, like solfege, the recorder, band instruments, and note-reading, are reflections of a Euro-centric paradigm that permeates American music culture. While developing and pushing against this, I can't recognize and abandon these techniques and materials. For example, I’m working to de-center whiteness and masculinity in Western music while teaching tools created by white men. This is all in the goal that students will continue this work using music to strengthen their voices and self-expression.  

I am committed to centering my instruction on social and emotional learning and helping students develop better relationships with me, their classmates, and themselves. In addition, I want to be more effective at teaching music. While these things do not work against each other, as a more emotionally aware student is a more effective learner, the SEL work sometimes feels like it’s taking time away from music instruction, especially when most models of music instruction do not reflect the more progressive teaching practices l of  RULER.  

As the music department chair and DEIB co-chair, I love collaborating and being in the “room where it happens” with members of the admin team, and I struggle with the distance this work creates between the people in my department and me. I am excited about the challenging work that I can often find solutions to and frustrating problems that persist beyond my best efforts and intentions.  

I know people like me have moments when we don’t feel like we belong and are unseen by this community. In every interaction with faculty, new and veteran, I have the opportunity to empower others by making them feel more seen and valued. I will continue to create lessons and programming to make people see mirrors of themselves and the humanity in others different from themselves. I can deal with people’s thoughtless actions by allowing myself to feel these emotions, find support in others, and sometimes take action. I'll use my power to spread more positivity to others to feel the inclusive light of our mission.  

This school is a place that can be warm and inviting and can also feel cold and lonely. It is a place that is exhausting and energizing. And it's a school that is a place that has helped me better embrace facets of my personality, and at times seems not to honor parts of my identity. Among these contradictions and dissonances is me: a teacher, a department chair, a colleague, a collaborator, a leader, an ally, a manager, and to some, a friend. 

The truth is there are things that are clear and absolute.  

I am more excited about what Parker can be than frustrated at what Parker is not. I feel great gratitude for the people who have mentored me and supported me, and I am committed to making meaning of these gifts by helping others. I am here, ready to lean in, to all the complexities and challenges, for the work is good and allows me to bring meaning to others’ lives as this school has brought meaning to life.  

And that's if I'm being completely honest.

Parenthood: Week 497 - On The Even Of Five

For the past couple of months, Ethan has talked about how much he is looking forward to his birthday. Now some of this is because he wants more toys. Like most children, a big part of birthdays are presents for Ethan. However, it's more than just the toys for Ethan. 

Ethan wants to be older like his brother. He sees being older as getting better toys and more freedom. Ethan, more than Ollie, feels a need to control his life. He wants things to be on his terms and is less willing to go along with things. When Ollie was potty training, we would ask him to sit on the potty every forty-five minutes and try. Ollie was good about doing this. I have no clue how we eventually got Ethan potty trained because he refused to follow any training method. Finally, it came down to Ethan deciding to be potty trained. After weeks of struggle, Ethan decided he would be potty trained one day, and that was pretty much it.  

That's my boy.  

I don't use the motivator of being a "big boy" to get my children to do things. I get that this works, and I use it sometimes. However, I'm not too fond of the idea of glorifying how great it is to be older. I want my children to enjoy being their age and not spend too much time pining for the future when there are wonderful things about being children they should enjoy. This talk does work with Ethan, partially because he wants to be like his brother, and he knows now more than ever he's a small boy.  

Ethan, like me, is small for his age. He can share clothing with his two-year-old brother, and he's turning five tomorrow. Ethan knows he's smaller, and I think there's a hope with age, he will be bigger, and he will, but he's always going to be on the small size. I see with my students how much talk, especially with the boys, is around height. Last week, I gave a mini-lecture as boys were making value judgments around height, and I was not having it.  

I hope he doesn't have to deal with too much of this. I was made fun of for my height a lot when I was a kid, and it was not fun. I knew that by looking at my dad and brother. I would always be a smaller guy, so I realized that being older wouldn't make me bigger than other boys. But I hoped that by being older, that height would matter less, and I was right about that.  

Ethan made significant progress over the summer sleeping in his bed all the way through the night. He was down to getting up earlier and coming into my bed once every two weeks instead of twice a week. Ethan has been coming into my bed more often for the last two weeks. He's been talking about how he wants to sleep in our bed more often, and we've explained that he's older, which means he's in his bed. Like all of us, when we get older, I think Ethan is worried about getting older and wants to hang on to something as he goes into the unknown.  

I get it because I feel the same way as Ethan. I'm so excited about what age five will bring to Ethan's life, but I'm worried, and part of me doesn't want him not to grow up. And no matter what I do, tomorrow morning Ethan will wake up a 5-year-old.  

I'm so proud of him, and while there are many thoughts in my head as I reflect on this movement, in my heart, more than anything, there is love.

Year 13: Week 7 - Goals

In some ways, it's easy to state my goals are this year as a teacher and department chair. I have new faculty to support and mentor, I need to rejuvenate the music program, and I need to lead in changing our curriculum to meet the needs of the students. We have all been changed by the pandemic and other current trends like social media and political extremism, and in turn, so does our work.

In other ways, it's hard to articulate and understand what I want for myself and this school. I love the work I have the privilege to do in this community. The time I have with my students and the ability to support and help other faculty feel meaningful is rewarding. Because this school has helped me develop as a teacher and administrator, I have the tools and abilities to enjoy the challenges. In the same way, I enjoy solving a Rubik's Cube because I know how to do it. Most of the challenges at this school feel manageable and even fun sometimes.  

However, there are feelings that are hard for me to process.

There are times when I don't feel appreciated and included at this school. Some of this is because we as a community need to continue to put effort into being for each other. That work is never done, and while people at this school are overwhelmingly outwardly kind, there are aspects of interactions at this school that feel less than. Some of this is my perceptions and work that is more about me. This is hard to process because it's nigh-impossible to separate out and fully understand what these feelings are about other people actions and what about my own insecurities.  

Feeling isolated is part of the gig sometimes. I teach a curriculum that no one else does. I'm one of the few Asian-American men at this school. And my position as department chair sets me apart with the information I can't share with others and situations when I have to make decisions all by myself. So while I do have the opportunity to work with teams of teachers and am honored for my contributions, often I'm working with a team and not part of the team.  

I wonder what of this is a feature to be accepted and what is a flaw that can be improved upon.  

In these thoughts and wonders, I see that I want to develop my personality and my understanding of myself. And as I better understand who I am and who I am becoming, I want to make school a place I feel more comfortable being myself. Because I do believe that I can change, and this school can change, and be better for myself and others.  

I've always made it a practice not to complain unless I had a solution. While I feel this has made me an asset to work with, it has made me take on too much of a burden to fix things and closed me off from meaningfully expressing experiences, concerns, and feelings that people need to hear. I can change this. 

I feel a need to prove myself and sometimes take on so much that I feel overloaded. While I know, I have a valued place in the community. I don't understand why I push myself. I have more value to this community the more balanced I am. So I can back off, do less, and address these feelings more productively. I can change this.  

I will continue to be warm and inclusive to other people. This isn't going to change all of my feelings, but it's something I can do to help others and make them feel like they have a place in this school. My approach to others does not have to be dictated by how I think other people treat me. I can help make sure this is a place for others that I want it to be for myself. In these efforts, I can work with others and find joy in changing.

What I want for myself is what I want for students. I want them to feel known and seen. I want them to be appreciated and for people, to understand them, and I want people to want to work with them. Everything I'm doing to create an atmosphere where my students feel these things are what I know I need for myself.

 

Sometimes when we do for our students, we learn to do for ourselves. So I'll lean as I always do, and do what I can do make this school what it can be for myself and for others. 

Parenthood: Week 496 - 10/17/22

Ethan is getting more into soccer. Before his game yesterday, he spent time practicing kicking a ball around. For some reason, he thought he had to throw the ball to get the ball moving, so he proceeded to try to drop-kick the ball over and over. During the soccer practice before the game, he was more successful moving the fall down the field and passing the ball in other drills with his teammates. 

The afternoon was the coldest we’ve had this fall, and I didn’t dress Ethan in as warm clothing as his teammates. Other team members wore hats, gloves, and thick fleece underneath their uniforms. Ethan was just wearing a long t-shirt. I was expecting him to complain that he was cold as I saw him pull his sleeves over his hands to keep them warm, but he didn’t.  

There were times when Ethan got distracted and was less engaged in the game, but he was on par in this regard with most of the players on his team with his attention, so I wasn’t concerned.  

Things with soccer are starting to click for Ethan. 

*****

If you sit on the couch and ask Lucas to bring you a book, he will happily run off and get one for you to read to him. Sometimes these books are small board books, and sometimes they are picture books the size of his torso. Then, he will push the book onto your lap and climb onto the couch. 

Lucas is still at the age where climbing on the couch really is a climb. He drops his head and torso down the couch, throws his leg up, and tries to pull himself up. Sometimes I help him. Other times, he manages himself.  

Once Lucas makes it up to the couch, he will settle down next to me or in my lap. Then, when I’m done with the book, he jumps off my lap and grabs another book. Suppose I let him this go on and on. He will happily keep bringing books for you to read as long as you are willing to read to him. 

***** 

Sometimes I get annoyed when Ollie leads his brothers in playing a game that is too loud and messy. I’ll be in the kitchen and hear joyful laughs and screams, check on my boys, and the living room will be an absolute mess.  

Sometimes, when it’s too late, it’s too messy, or close to a meal, I stop them. I make them top and clean up, and do something different. Then there are others times I just walk away and let it go.  

Ollie loves playing with his brothers. He’s not concerned about playing games that are too kiddie. As they play, I see Ollie teaching his brothers rules and helping them along, even in the silliest games. He wants to involve his brothers and have fun with them. I look at the way Ethan and Lucas are up to him with fascination and wonder, and it makes me so happy that they all have each other.

Year 13: Week 6 - Introducing The Story

It’s really scary to share something you love with people. Even though you know that if someone doesn’t like what you have to share, it’s not personal, it can still feel invalidating. The more you tell someone how you feel about something, the more vulnerable you feel. However, this sharing also opens up the potential for a deeper connection.  

We’ve been studying The Highwomen with my 4th graders. “Crowded Table” is a wonderful value-affirming song to start the school year.  

 

The story of The Highwomen, four female artists frustrated with the state of country music coming together to feel less alone, is relatable to children and is a great example of how you can empower others by being your authentic self.  

As part of this unit, we are learning about the four artists who make The Highwomen: Amanda Shires, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Brandi Carlile. 

Earlier this week, the lesson was focused on Brandi.  

It’s both incredibly easy and challenging to explain what Brandi Carlile and her music mean to me. Her music gave me hope and strength in the darkest moments of my life. Her life story, her resolve, and the way she has used to voice and platform continue to inspire me as a teacher and a person.  

I wanted to tell my 4th graders some of this. Hyping up and preparing students for music is important. If I genuinely tell students that something is interesting and why students will be more likely to have a meaningful connection with the music.  

So I told my students that Brandi Carlile is one of my heroes. I told them that her music makes me feel less alone. I explained that the song “The Story,” written by Phil Hanseroth, the bass player in her band, is about how the good times are so much more fun with people that you love and the bad times aren’t so bad when you share them with people that you love.  

I had more to say, but I stopped myself and let Brandi perform for my students.  

 

As the video played, I didn’t want to look at my students. I wasn't sure how I would handle seeing one of my students being disinterested or bored with this video. However, when I did, I saw every student looking at the screen in awe, and I got emotionally seeing them experience deeply something I loved so much.  

When the video was over, the class was quiet. There was a feeling of disbelief in the room at what they saw. I stumbled through some words and said, “isn’t Brandi magical?” And they all nodded their heads.  

I'm so glad I got to share "The Story" with my students. I didn't think this song could mean more to me, but after my experience with my 4th graders, it means more than ever.

Parenthood: Week 495 - The Cubing Competition

I wasn’t alone; there was a sea of nervous parents with me. 

As Ollie got up there to serve as a judge during this the cubing tournament, I could feel the other nervous parents near me, hoping their children wouldn’t mess up judging other competitors. We were all learning forward, but none of us got up as our children figured out where to go and what to do.  

There is a lot of steps to judging: asking the competitor if they were ready, timing the preview period, giving them time warnings of the period, marking down the score, making sure the competitor signed off on the score and judging issues with the solves. I was worried Ollie would mess up someone else’s experience, but he didn’t. He wasn’t the fastest judge, but he figured it out, and it was because of the people at the competitions.  

The people running the competition were very helpful, which was nice but not unexpected. What impressed me was the competitors, many of them older than my 9-year-old son (some of them were adults). The were helpful and patient with him as he figured out how to be a judge. Clearly, for the competitor, their priority was doing well, but from the way I saw them treat my son, treating judges and new participants with respect was as part of that process.  

Ollie started getting into cubing last June. As he got faster, I wondered if there were any competitions he could check out. I didn’t think he would go and win, but I hoped he would enjoy experiencing. Luckily we found one near us, The Mt. Prospect Open 2022. Ollie was really excited when I asked him if he wanted to go, so we got him registered. He wanted to do all of the events, so he got practicing. Before he registered, he didn’t even have a 7x7 cube, so I got him one, and he figured it out.   

This cubing competition was fascinating. It was at a park district center gymnasium. The competitor limit was 200, and there were five events: 2x2, 3x3, 7x7, pyraminx, and meganminx. People were called up in groups at one of four stations for most of the events. First, they dropped their cube in a box with a scorecard and then sat down in a waiting area. Next, cubes were scrambled, and people were called up to complete a solution. When they were done, they would sit down and wait for the cube to be scrambled for their next solution. Once they got through five solves, that round was done. Here is a video that outlines the process. 

Initially, the process seemed a little convoluted, but once I watched a couple of rounds, it made a lot of sense. 

The tournament really felt right. I realized it was because three things that I feel are central to educational and human development were a part of the foundation of these competitions. 

First off, ages and genders were not split up. 8-year-olds were competing against 40-year-olds and girls were competing against boys. Was this unfair? Not really. The nature of speedcubing means that younger people can be competitive and there are no reasons to split up people by gender. We live, learn and operate best when around people of different ages and genders. It is unnatural to segregate by age and gender as much as we do as a society, and many of our issues result from these practices.  

Second, every single participant served others in the competition as a judge. I think this came from needing help for these events, but it has created a fantastic vibe. If you know you will have to serve as a judge, you have more empathy for the people judging you. This also encourages interaction between people and opportunities for support and kindness. I saw many judges being very kind, offering encouraging comments, and helping out competitors. Also, judging creates a situation where people can see competitors up close, which is a thrill.  

More competitions should have individuals serve others and have a role in judging. It makes the competition feel less like competitors vs. judge/referee, and more of a feeling where the competitors are working with the judges to make the competition fair and kind.  

Finally, this competition was about finding satisfaction in your progress and goals while competing against others. This allowed for success to look and feel different for people. For example, hitting a personal best and not making the finals was an awesome accomplishment. However, while competing against each other, people were not competing head-to-head.

Two people could still hit their personal best, and one would win because they were slightly faster than the other. Nothing that another person could do, like intercepting a football pass, directly impacted another person, and this made for a positive feeling in this competition. A lot of this was due to the setup of the competition, but I think a lot of it had to do with the cubing community.  

I was first introduced to the cubing community by this incredible Netflix documentary, The Speed Cubers. It’s an excellent documentary about cubing and how positivity and kindness can be present in a highly competitive atmosphere:  

 

One of the best and most beloved cubers right now Max Park, featured in this documentary, is autistic. This is significant. As I’ve joined cubing Facebook groups, I’ve seen this kindness and inclusivity worldwide and saw it on display during this competition last weekend. The camaraderie in this documentary sets a tone for the cubing community.  Are there people in the cubing community who are jerks? I’m sure of it, but it makes a difference when the leaders in this community are not. This a community where neurodiversity, racial diversity, and a wide age range are features that are celebrated.   

There were emotional ups and downs. Ollie wanted to make the finals, but he didn’t. Ollie had great times and disappointing times. Overall he completed seventeen solves and had one DNF (did not finish) because he couldn’t finish the 7x7 cube in the ten-minute time limit.  

When this happened and the judge had to stop him, Ollie was clearly disappointed. As he returned to the chair next to me, a parent sitting next to me noticed his sadness and told him how amazing he was for even trying. As he sat next to me and finished his 7x7 in a couple more minutes, another parent sitting nearby told him how most people in the competition didn’t even try to do the 7x7 event and how he was doing something 99.999% of the world couldn’t do. I couldn’t help but reflect on this kindness during the whole event, talking to other parents and being encouraging to other competitors.  

I think this is why Ollie wants to come back to another cubing competition. Competitors and spectators were friendly to Ollie. People started conversations with him and gave him encouraging comments, and Ollie reciprocated this by responding to people and showing great care when judging.  

I’m proud that Ollie went out and did something different, and was so successful. I’m really grateful to Ollie that his interests and excitement got me to try something different and go to an event that was new for me too.  

Yes, it’s nice when Ollie shares my interests, but that’s not the point of our relationship. If I’m looking for someone to share my interests with, I should look for that in my friends more than my children. While my children should learn to understand and try out my interests, it’s okay if they are not into something I’m passionate about. Love isn’t about loving the same things.  

I remember getting into Broadway music when I was in middle school, and my father, who was not into Broadway music, made an effort to dive into this musical genre to understand me better. Then he developed his passion for musicals. This was so cool of him, and I feel it’s one of the best examples of what is so great about parenthood. My children being into something I’m not, which leads me to new experiences and growth, is part of the transformative experience of parenting. This happened in a very real way with Ollie’s interest in speedcubing.  

I sat down for an hour and a half to learn how to solve a cube just so I could better understand Ollie’s passion, and I went to this competition last weekend to be closer to him. And at the same time, I’ve developed my independent interest in cubing. How cool is that?  

To the organizers of the Mt. Prospect Open 2022 Cubing Competition: Bravo. Nicely done, and thank you. This competition felt like the best of parenting: when doing for your child feels like doing for yourself and pride fills your heart as they do more than you ever could. 

Year 13: Week 5 - Moving On From Masks

Last fall, I had a plan. I picked out a bunch of music and activities to get my students going. The 2020-2021 school year was challenging. Students had music in their classrooms, we were told we couldn’t sing, and we were coming up with lesson plans on the fly. The 2021-2022 school year seemed like it had more potential to be normal, and I needed to plan how to get the students back to music. 

It felt good to hit the ground running last fall, and as much as I worked, it was hard to get to know the kids and connect. Even by the end of the year, there were students I didn’t feel I knew as well as I typically did before the pandemic.

This fall, I feel I’m getting to my students and enjoying that aspect of my job more than I have since the pandemic started. It’s not because of my planning. I am doing far too much teaching without well-defined lesson plans, but it’s not getting in the way of me getting to know my students for my 4th and 5th graders.

I talked to one of the 5th-grade classroom teachers about this, and he agreed. He also felt like he was getting to know and connect with his students faster than he did last year. So we chatted, trying to figure out why and he concluded, “well, we’re not wearing masks.”

This recent study argues that mask-wearing for children has no clear benefit. One thing mentioned in this article is that many people don’t see a downside to children wearing masks, so why not take this precaution, even though masking is effective?

It will take years and a lot of time and energy to fully understand the long-term effects of masking on children and teachers and how this has affected education. However, I know right now how much a lack of masking has changed how I have gotten to know and work with my students.

There were students I got to know first with their masks on, and then when I saw them later without their masks, it was really hard to process. I had only seen half of their face, and my imagination often filled in the rest of the face inaccurately and sometimes didn’t fill it in at all. So all I knew of that face was half, reflecting how little I knew of my students. 

It’s hard to feel close to someone who is wearing a mask. It’s harder to be empathetic and show you care when you are wearing a mask. It’s harder to see how people feel when they are wearing a mask, and it is harder to hear a person’s voice with a mask. I was never able to overcome these harder things, and I don’t think it was possible because there is just too much lost and too much hidden by masks. One of the saddest moments I had in my teaching was when close to a performance last spring my 5th graders had to mask back up. Even though they were allowed to take off their masks for their performances, most did not. I did everything I could to prepare them and get them going during their performance, but I just couldn't make it click. 

Nothing I could do could overcome what the masks put between us.  

I love teaching because it is a job that is built on making and nurturing relationships. But, unfortunately, masks get in the way of this. I would be the first person to advocate that me and my students wear masks if it significantly affected people’s safety. But it doesn’t. After experiencing so many wonderful moments getting to know students this past fall, it’s clear that mask-wearing “out of an abundance of caution” isn’t worth it. 

We didn't know about in the fall of 2020. We know better now. 

Now it's time to make sure we do better, and move on from the idea of masking our children.