To Cook - Part 2: My Influences

When I think about my biggest influences as a cook, I think about watching cooking shows with my mother. We would sit and watch various shows on public television stations. Cooking shows in the 1980s became popular leading up to the Food Network, founded in 1990. 

In this shows is where most I found the strong influences that inspired my love of cooking. Here’s who got me on the path of loving cooking:

Martin Yan

   

Mirrors are important, and Martin Yan showed me that Asian men could cook, have fun in the process, and do it with style and flair. His tagline was inclusive, and he demystified Chinese cuisine masterfully.  

Yan’s shows featured visits to restaurants, factories, and neighborhoods that expanded my idea of Chinese cuisine and helped me understand the culture, history, and pride that went into Chinese cooking. Yan showed me that not only could cooking be part of my life, but that cooking was part of my heritage and who I am.  

One more thing that Yan taught me: you could be a success in America with an Asian accent. This was a powerful message for a young child who got the message early on that having an accent made you less than. If Martin Yan could be successful and be on television, then all of the people in my life who talked with an Asian accent could also be successful. 

Jacque Pepin  

Pepin has been teaching me to cook my entire life. Out of all of the television chefs, he is the one who has most effectively taught me how to cook. 

Pepin teaches in a very calm and understanding way. It’s never about doing things perfectly but doing things more effectively the way you want. It’s not about making an omelet the “right” way; it’s about learning to make an omelet the way you like it.  

   

For Pepin, cooking was a job, and while he talks about his work as a cook with fondness, he loves cooking for his friends and his family. This comes through in his teaching with warmth. He wants to be able to help all of us cook for ourselves and the ones we care about with love.  

One of the most beautiful expressions of love was when Pepin gave tribute to his wife after she passed away. Pepin taught us all how to make her favorite sandwich.  

   

You can hear the sadness in his voice, but you also see him find meaning in the simple act of showing what it means to take care of the ones you love through cooking. Like Pepin, I want my cooking to be about love.  

 

Julia Child  

It all started with Julia Child. It was her cookbook, cooking shows, and all of her appearance, but that wouldn’t have been as powerful, influential, and important if it wasn’t for the way she saw cooking. For Child, cooking was an adventure full of wonder and joy. It was an activity in which mistakes were a feature, were meant to laugh off, and embraced.  

When I watched her cooking shows as a child, I didn’t initially understand her appeal. She sometimes seemed flustered or unsure of herself. However, now I realize in those moments, she was being all of us, uncertain of what to do next and not entirely confident in the kitchen. But that was okay because if Julia was like that in the kitchen and still could make a great meal, so could the rest of us.  

When Child and Pepin did shows together, I remember being so inspired by her. She was fascinated by the process of cooking. Child was both intellectual and spontaneous, and her interactions with Pepin were full of respect and love.  

   

 Julia Child taught me how to cook and, more importantly, how love cooking.  

All of these people helped me learn to cook and love cooking, but the most significant influence on my cooking is my mom, but that’s for another blog post...

Parenthood: Week 484 - Brains At Work

We have a routine where Ollie has to get "chores" done, and then he can have some times to play video games. For his chores, he has to do some reading and math work, clean up his play space, and practice the violin. It's wonderful to see how Ollie self-initiates this work. In the past, he needed me to tell him to get to work and remind him that he had to earn time to play video games. Now Ollie is coming up to me and asking if he can get to work. This is a great sign that he is managing his time better and thinking ahead throughout the day. 

The other thing that is really exciting about this is that Ollie sometimes wants to do more math work or read a book after his chores and after he's done playing video games. Ollie likes how the work engages his brain, and I love seeing him seek this out. Sometimes it's in his cubing hobby, and other times it's in workbooks. I'm so proud to see him find ways to engage his brain and explore.  

Ethan has been really into the challenge of making Lego sets. He still makes mistakes trying to interpret the drawings into three-dimensional shapes. Ethan periodically flips pieces around or misses parts that he didn't notice, but he's getting better at it. He is motivated by the fact that making Legos is like making an action figure for him, but I also think he really enjoys the process of making Legos and how rewarding the challenge is for him.  

Ethan is very much trying to figure out interpersonal relationships. He often comments on how he is treated the same or different than his brothers. He is very keen on his observations and wants to understand why things are the way they are. Sometimes I don't have time to explain the reasons, or the reasons are beyond his understanding, but I appreciate that he's trying to figure things out.  

This thinking manifests itself in Ethan being unreasonable and stubborn. While I find this aggravating and annoying at times, I feel it's a sign of thinking, making conclusions, and trying to fight for the way that something should be. This is an important thing that he develops and will be an asset as he ages. As his intellect grows, this, combined with his passion, will lead him to fight for what is right and not give up.  

I'm not sure what Lucas thinks when he looks at a book by himself, but he does this a lot. It's adorable, and sometimes his little brow furrows as he looks at a picture. It's so cute. For a little more than a year, he's been bringing books up so we would read to him. Instead of just sitting there while we read, he participates more in this activity. He will point to animals and name them, repeat certain words, and react emotionally more to books than he has in the past.  

The other way we see Lucas grow greatly is through his speech. He is working hard to say more sounds, and he sees speech as a gateway into the world. This is partly because we are making him say words when he points to candy that he wants, but I also think he sees the benefits and is just having fun with how words feel to say and sound to himself.  

Then there are the quiet moments on walks when he stops, sits down, carefully touches a blade of grass, and smiles. Watching his brain at work as he explores and interacts with the world is magical.

To Cook - Part 1: Essential Tips

Here are the most important things to remember when cooking. 

Safety  

If there's a fire in your kitchen, don't water to put it out. Instead, cover the fire with a frying pan top or pot top and deprive it of oxygen to put it out. Many fires in kitchens involve grease, and water on hot grease makes the grease splatter and potentially spread the fire. So instead, cover it up.

Cut slowly and carefully using knuckles as a guide. The only times I've cut myself with a knife were when I was trying to cut quickly for no good reason. Use knives carefully with good technique.  

Wash your hands before you cook and during the cooking process.  

Turn the pot and panhandle to the side. I've never knocked off a pan off the stove, but I've gotten close.   

Clean  

I've never understood the division of labor between cooking and cleaning. One person cooks, and their partner cleans? It's nice when people help each other out. Households where chores are a collaborative effort are optimal. But cleaning is part of cooking in many ways. You have to clean vegetables and fruits, you need to clean your hands often when cooking, and you have to clean surfaces, dishes, and utensils.  

I recommend cleaning utensils and dishes when you have time while you are cooking. It makes the pile of dishes after a meal less intimidating. For example, while waiting for water to the bowl, clean off the cutting board. Waiting for a steak to rest, clean off the stovetop. There's a fair amount of time when you need to wait while you cook, so use this time to tidy up.  

It's a wonderful feeling at the end of meal prep to have a clean kitchen. I really struggle to cook in a kitchen that isn't clean. Before you start cooking, having a clean space is sanitary, and safer. The process of cleaning clears the mind. Unfortunately, I'm not always able to clean up right after a meal. Especially with kids, the kitchen isn't sometimes thoroughly cleaned up until after they go to bed, but it's a great feeling when it is cleaned up. It's now a space ready for creation.  

Tip: dishwashing gloves make cleaning feel like less of a thing. I mind doing dishes far less when I have dishwashing gloves.  

The arc of cooking starts with a clean kitchen and ends with a clean kitchen. Embrace cleaning as part of your process, and take pride in your tools and space.  

Pay attention when you cook…with all of your senses.  

The most rewarding cooking moments have been when I have been entirely focused on cooking and not distracted. All five senses are involved in cooking, and it's a wonderful experience to be fully engaged. There is a sound when the water leaves vegetables as it hits a hot pan and when meat is done searing. The color at the edge of pancake zucchini fritter tells you it's time to flip. The smell of ginger in a pan lets you know it's time to add other ingredients into a stir fry. There is the feeling of a finger touching banana bread and it coming back like a soft pillow that lets you know it's done, and of course, there's taste. 

There are times when I cook when I play music or listen to a podcast, and it's not a bad thing to do this, but it's not the same as letting the sounds of cooking create a soundtrack of your process and helps you focus all of your senses.  

I've often cooked while being distracted, and it's inevitable with small children in the house. There's no shame in that, but try to take time to cook with all of your senses. It's a lot of fun.  

Cook when you're not hungry.  

Cooking when you are hungry can be stressful. It's hard to enjoy cooking when you are just trying to make a meal as soon as possible. Try to find moments to cook between meals. You don't have to eat what you cook. You can try cooking something and working on recipes and then save what you make for the next meal. 

Don't just cook to make food to eat.  

Sometimes cook for the sake of enjoying cooking.

Parenthood: Week 483 - What Love’s All About

Ethan has always had trouble sleeping. 

When he was a baby, he wanted to be cuddled to sleep. He preferred to co-sleep, and it took many difficult nights to get him to sleep by himself in his crib. While Ethan is a more independent sleeper, not much has changed. He still wants to be cuddled to sleep and would still prefer to co-sleep. Currently, we are keeping him in his bed at night by bribing him with a Lego advent calendar. If he stays in his bed all night, he can open a window in the calendar.  

Ethan tells me he doesn’t want to be alone at night and is afraid of his dreams. Maybe this reflects something about how he sees the world and himself. While I try to give him space and space to talk about these feelings, I need to provide structure and get him to bed. Like other children, he uses ploys like needing a drink of water or wanting another story to keep from going to sleep. Some nights his demands aren’t a big deal, and other nights are very frustrating and irritating.  

If Ethan doesn't get to bed at a reasonable time, he will have a more challenging morning, which is harder for us all to deal with. Also, the longer he stays up, the less time I have to take care of things that I want to do for myself or the house. 

I was having one of those nights with Ethan. We had read books together and listened to music together, and he was not settling down to go to sleep. I felt annoyed, and I was done. I told him sternly that it was time to go to sleep. Ethan asked for one more song and one more hug. I said fine, sighed, and without thinking much, I turned on “Philadephia” by Neil Young, lay down in his bed, and pulled Ethan into my arms.  

 

I looked up at the ceiling as the song started to play. After the piano introduction, I looked over at Ethan as I heard these lyrics:  

Sometimes I think that I know 

What love's all about 

And when I see the light 

I know I'll be all right 

In the dim light of the room, Ethan was facing me, eyes closed and peacefully sleeping. All my frustration with Ethan second before before went away as I looked at my beautiful boy. I was so eager to be done with getting Ethan to bed so I could get on with my evening, but I found myself staying with him as the song continued to play.  

Love is about many things. It’s frustration becoming adoration in mere seconds. It’s forgiveness and acceptance and letting healing come in the quiet moments. 

Someone is talking to me 

Calling my name 

Tell me I'm not to blame 

I won't be ashamed of love

To Cook - Introduction

I love cooking. It combines science, culture, creativity, traditions, innovation, and love. Cooking has the potential to transform what is essential and mundane into an artistic and cathartic experience. Great cooking can be simple or almost incomprehensibly complex. Through cooking, we connect to people worldwide and throughout history. 

Cooking has things to fear. Everyone who cooks will burn themselves. A gas flame on a stove can reach over 3000 degrees Fahrenheit. Everyone who will eventually cut themselves doing prep with knives. If you don’t clean surfaces and utensils well, handle foods safely and cook proteins to safe temperatures, you can get sick from food as a consequence of cooking. And you can mess up and make things inedible when you cook.  

Mistakes are a feature of cooking. For example, eggshells fall into bowls when eggs are cracked; food gets undercooked; a dish tastes too salty, an omelet apart, or an ingredient gets burned. Cooking requires you to see mistakes as opportunities to be creative, to problem solves, and most importantly, to learn. A big piece of eggshell is a perfect tool to get eggshell out of a bowl. If a piece of chicken looks cooked on the outside and still isn’t done, let it in the oven. Sometimes all you need is a little sugar or water when a dish is too salty, and if an omelet falls apart, now you got scrambled eggs.  

Cooking is a language of love for others and oneself. When you cook for someone else, you are saying I care about your well-being on a primal level. You are contributing to their health, mood, and spirit, not just for that one meal. Food prepared one day affects how bodies develop over time, and the cooking for someone adds to a feeling of care and self-worth for those served that resonate throughout a whole life. 

When we cook for ourselves, it’s a moment of creation and self-care. When we create things, it reminds us that we are powerful, and there is a satisfaction that comes from creating beauty that enriches life and the human spirit. When the act of creation brings us the sustenance to thrive, it is self-care on a seemingly basic level, but it can transcend and makes us feel love for ourselves.  

So this summer I’m going to write about cooking and food. It’s an important part of my life that I haven’t written about on this blog. I’m going to get into some food memories, the fundamentals of cooking that I follow, and some of my favorite things to cook.  

Tonight, I’m going to braise some cabbage in butter, a magical dish. The cabbage steams with its moisture, and the butter enhances the flavor of the cabbage wonderfully. It takes time like forty-five minutes, but it’s worth the time. Next, I’m making steamed rice, cooked in a time-honored Chinese process. The ritual of washing the rice and measuring the amount of water in the pot makes me feel proud to be Asian. Finally, I have some chicken thighs to cook. I may fry them up to make chicken teriyaki, but if I have some broth, I might make some soup. We’ll see. 

Friday’s, cooking and me.

Parenthood: Week 483 - COVID-19 Risk and Parenting

Parents weren't primed for success in dealing with this pandemic. Instead, we walked into this crisis feeling unsupported, tired, gaslighted, and demoralized. A lot of this has to do with risk. 

Every single thing we do with our children involves risk. There are risks in getting your children vaccinated. There are risks in letting your child play in a playground, and there are risks every time you put your child in a car and drive them somewhere. We can do things to mitigate risks, like getting better car seats and driving the speed limit, but it is impossible to get rid of all risks in pretty much everything that your child does.   

As parents, we can become petrified by certain risks and restrict our children's activities, or we can learn to accept a level of risk, and try to live our lives for and with our children with optimism and adventure. I do not feel the risk of concussion is worth the benefits of my children playing certain sports, so they don't play those sports. Other parents may see the risks as worth it for their children to participate in these sports, and that's fine. Every parent is different in looking at risks and balancing them against the benefits.  

When you are a new parent, and you hold a newborn baby, they seem so small and so fragile. You want them to have the best of everything so that they are safe and healthy. Companies that make baby products are very aware of this mindset. They are very good at getting inside their parents' minds and preying upon their insecurities. If you aren't convinced, check out the baby bottle aisle in a store or search for baby bottles on Amazon. The amount of gimmicks and products that make unsubstantiated claims is absurd.  

When you combine how companies exploit parental insecurities with all that society does to tear down and oppress parents, you get a rough situation here. We have doctors who don't correctly attend to maternal care, partners and friends who gaslight mothers who are suffering from postpartum depression, inadequate maternity leave, unavailable childcare, and a sexist and patriarchal society that puts unrealistic expectations on mothers and lets fathers get away with doing the bare minimum in childcare. With all of this going on, many parental insecurities become tension between partners and friends. Instead of supporting each other, people get into unproductive and unnecessary arguments over issues breastfeeding and formula feeding, instead of supportive conversations.

On top of every single decision, parents disagree with each other, and we've had to make decisions about risks we are willing to take with COVID-19. As we experience the third summer of the COVID-19 pandemic, parents continue struggle to figure out what COVID-19 means to the risks in their children's lives. Yes, we have a vaccination for young children, but the data isn't great. In addition, masks are in much less usage, and while many people are still taking precautions regarding COVID-19, many are not.  Unfortunately, the information around COVID-19 continues to be so poorly communicated, and so many lies around COVID-19 continue to be spread. So what do we do? 

No parent follows all of the experts' recommendations regarding their child's safety. There's a level of cherry-picking all parents around what is best practice. At the same time, there are some things the vast majority of people believe are essential things we do to lessen the risk, like wearing a seatbelt that the law regulates. When neighboring states and cities have different recommendations and regulations for COVID-19 mitigations for children, parents have to do the best they can to determine what is reasonable.  

We have to accept risks in life because risks are a feature of life, and we need to take reasonable precautions to lower risks in situations with our children. As we move forward, what is "reasonable" will continue to vary among parents. As with other disagreements, we have to rise above our insecurities and try to be kind to others we disagree with.   

Parents, take a breath. You had an unreasonable load before the pandemic, and I know it got worse, and sometimes it doesn't seem to be getting better. Society had a chance to build back better for parents and children, and while improvements were made, many of the systemic issues negatively impacting parents and children remain. This is frustrating, and I wish I could give you more clarity on how to move forward. What I can give you is validation and empathy. 

You are not alone in your struggle, and your efforts for your children is making a difference. 

Sometimes you can't know if you are doing the right thing, but knowing a decision comes from the heart is felt as love even if that choice ends up being a mistake. 

Why I Love Writing

I love writing.  

Each time I face an empty page, it’s an opportunity to exercise a creative muscle. The process of taking an idea, impulse, or feeling and finding the words for it, and forming it into phrases and sentences is fascinating. Sometimes the words come quickly, often they don’t, but it always feels rewarding when the words feel right, when you read on the page words for feelings that you previously could not articulate. It makes all that inside feels more valid and more real.  

Most of the communication in our life happens through speaking. Being able to be understood in the world requires that you can find words quickly and accurately convey your idea, feelings, and experiences. Spending time writing in solitude is a way to practice and develop my skills as a speaker.  

When you write, you have the time to focus on a feeling and write and edit in a way that you can’t when you speak. The process of writing and retrieving the right words to express your thoughts is the same “muscle” you use when you are speaking extemporaneously in conversation. Leaning into the moment when you can’t find the right words when you are writing makes that feeling in conversation feel more normal. Through working through the challenges of a blank page, you learn how to see the pause in a conversation as more of an opportunity than a failure.  

Writing down a thought forces you to work it out, to see it for what it is. Flaws in logic that were unseen in your mind become clear as sentence fragments on a page search for completion, and as you struggle to make incomplete thoughts cohesive. This process stimulates further development of ideas as clarity and connections become apparent on the page.  

One of the things I love the most about writing is that it connects me to writers of the past, the present, and the future. I’m engaging in an activity that defines what it means to be human, and is central to the human experience. While writing has led to pain and trauma, writing is also an activity that has changed the world for the better, make our society more equitable and save lives.  

To write, to sit with your own thoughts, to find the words, and craft phrase, sentences, and paragraphs is a wonderful thing. The writing process can change the way that you see the world and see yourself.  

There have been a couple moments when writing where the process is so emotional and cathartic it has brought me tears. When the words flow without any kind of barrier and your heart opens on the page, the feeling you are expressing in that moment is everything. As the intensity passes what you are left with on the page is so much more words.

Parenthood: Week 482 - Independence Day?

Why don’t people want to celebrate Independence Day? Maybe it’s because this holiday glorifies militaristic impulses. Maybe it’s because illusions of agreed-upon values have been blown away by the un-democratic Supreme Court decisions. And maybe it’s because some people are tired, hurt, frustrated, traumatized, and experiencing too much oppression to smile and pretend to be proud of our country.   

I understand this feeling, because among many things, I am a parent.   

America is a country that can feed every single child, every day. We have resources, know-how, and ingenuity. But there are children in every state, in most cities, will sleep hungry today.  

People aren’t willing to put aside perceived “rights” so that children will be safer, so mass shootings in schools continue to be a feature in American education. Schools and healthcare for children continue to be inequitable. Housing for children is an issue, and the rise in anti-LGBTQ+ policies and rhetoric contributes to the existing mental crises in children and the rising suicide rate in LGBTQ+ teens. So yes, every single aspect of life for children and parents of America is being made worse by people in positions of power.  

One of the most challenging features of being a parent in America is that we must explain the consequences of the awful choices people make to our children. For example, the shooting today in Highland Park, Il, very close to where we live, led our city to cancel its Fourth of July celebrations. How do you explain this to a children who is just excited to see fireworks? Parents often lie or tell truths because the truth is just not developmentally appropriate to tell a child. Not being truthful with your children is hard, but sometimes the lie is easier than telling the whole truth to an older child. They may be old enough to understand the facts, but the context and history are impossible to understand.  

There’s no easy way to make the consequence of indifference to our children's well-being make sense to them because it doesn’t even make sense to me.  

So we take a deep breath, find ourselves, and step forward. Nobody said being a parent was easy, but no one said it would be this hard. The fact that we are doing this thing called parenting when so much is against us and working so hard to make it work is admirable and remarkable.  

Don’t take your children for granted, and don’t take yourself for granted. You have accomplished great things as a parent, and waking up every morning and choosing to lean into the challenges of parenthood is admirable, and amazing.  

If we show our children that deserving of love, they will grow up to be people who think that others deserve of love as well.  

Parenting is hard work, but we do it for our country, ourselves, and our children. The positive impact on our children is incalculable. The work is sometimes having hard talks, but it is also hugs, saying “I love you” and holding your child’s hand as they learn to work, giggling with joy and pride.  

On this Independence Day, maybe the most important question isn’t, “are you proud to be American?” But rather, “are you proud of how you stood by, stood for, and did for the next generation?”

What I Love About Professional Wrestling

One of the highlights of my year was going to a professional wrestling show, WWE’s Hell In A Cell, with my brother and my dad, this past June. 

It. Was. Awesome.  

A couple of years ago, when the WWE did some other shows in Chicago, which I live close to, my brother and I had the idea that he would fly in for the weekend and go to two shows together. It was lot of fun so when I saw that WWE announced a show last winter for the Spring in Chicago, we talked about it, and we agreed to make it happen. 

The day after I told my mom about this, she said to me my dad wanted to come along with my brother and me. We were both a little surprised since my dad never seemed to show interest in professional wrestling. However, I was really excited about the idea of having time with my brother and my father. So we made it happen. This wag on be the same weekend as Ollie and Ethan’s dance recital (I'll write about this later), so we had another reason for them to come out and visit us.  

So let’s slow down here and take a second to unpack an important piece of a puzzle: I am a fan of professional wrestling. I’m not into any watching any kind of sport, but I love wrestling. I listen to at least four to five hours of wrestling podcast a week. I follow wrestling news sites and even though I don’t a lot of time to watch right now, I’d love to be watching wrestling regualrly. I usually watch the big PPVs every month.  

I remember as a young child being swept up in the popularity of Hulk Hogan and seeing some matches on TV, but I didn’t really follow it closely. I had a Hulk Hogan action figure, and was fascinated by his ability to rip his shirt off, which I tried a couple of times to my mom’s annoyance.  

I was aware of professional wrestling as it boomed in the late 90s when I was in high school. No one I knew followed professional wrestling, but it was impossible to ignore it as it permeated pop culture during that time. The then WWF and WCW were deep in their “Monday Night Wars” people like Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock were cultural phenomena.  

My first girlfriend in college, to my surprise, was really in professional wrestling. She was a big fan The Rock and also some of the women who were wrestling at that time Chyna and Lita. This was a time in the early 2000s when women in professional wrestling were being to be featured in more interesting matches that told stories about their strength and perseverance.  

I really liked how these women wrestlers inspired my girlfriend to work out and be stronger in different ways. The Rock quickly became my favorite. His promos (interviews) were hilarious, and his storytelling in the ring was compelling and engaging. There was something about wanting him to win when he would be losing a match and a glorious feeling when he would make a comeback that was so much fun to watch.  

I was also fascinated by superheroes growing up. I didn’t see myself as being physically strong or good at sports, so the idea that I could somehow become stronger was a wonderful fantasy. I dove deep into comic books and loved good vs. evil drama. Professional wrestling was like watching live-action superheroes. The difference was that it was in real-time, and when I went show, I could boo and cheer and be part of the drama.  

I don’t mind if people aren’t professional wrestling fans. That’s fine; it’s no big deal, I find it annoying when people who aren’t fans of professional wrestling feel a need to bash it or justify to me why they don’t like it and why I shouldn’t. All the arguments against wrestling don’t hold any merit. Things being “real” aren’t issues regarding films and other art. There are flaws in wrestlers and promoters, but there are many flaws in NFL players and their owners.  

Look, I’ve spent my entire being into things that people thought were dumb or that I shouldn’t be into. Let’s see, there is classical music, broadway music, superheroes (I was a fan of superheroes in a time when I was made fun of for liking Marvel heroes), marching band, boybands, and teaching.  

This is why when Hell In A Cell started and the show started and I stood up and cheered with the entire crowd it was so special. In that space, in that time, it was all good that I was a professional wrestling fans. I looking over and seeing my brother and I dad sharing this moment with me was an awesome feeling.