The thing is that I actually like grocery shopping. It was one of my favorite activities to do with my mom growing up and still is something I make sure to do every time I visit her. My mom taught me that a grocery store is a magical place with foods that can be combined in endless combinations. It’s can be a wonderful amalgamation of cultures, and with the right attitude and perspective, it can be a lot of fun. Some kids talk to their parents when they go to the mall together, out to coffee, or playing golf. My mom and I catch up on life while going grocery shopping.
I’ve enjoy taking my sons grocery shopping and they enjoy it as I do. Ollie knows his way around a grocery store. He is pretty good at picking out fruits and vegetables and understands how most food is shelved and organized. For the most part, I look forward to going grocery shopping as a way to spend time with my children, enjoy the wonder and glory of food and feel a little closer to my mom through this activity even though she lives more than two thousand miles away.
Saturday was a different situation. It was cold. I mean like in the teens cold. We were sandwiched between snowstorms, and I was stressed out about getting grades done for the semester. Ethan and I was a little stir crazy from being in the house all day so I took him to the grocery store with me.
My timing was off. For us to eat at 5:30, meant that I needed to start dinner around 5:00, 5:15 at the latest, and it took about a hour to do groceries. Which meant I needed to be on the road around 4ish, and it around 3:45. Add in driving in the snow and we were running out of time. Those things put me in a bad mood and then I got to the store.
I don’t know why so many people were grocery shopping last Saturday afternoon but the store and parking lot were packed. With limited visibility, parking was an ordeal and walking in the store and seeing how crowded it was only put me in an even worse mood.
Most of the time when I go grocery shopping its during time when the people there know how to “grocery shop.” Usually when it’s crowded there’s people there who don’t fully understand the norms and the dance that is grocery shopping. That definitely the case. People were stopping the carts in inconvenient places, looking for specific items for far too long, and not moving logically down aisles creating grocery cart traffic issues throughout the store.
I was just trying to not crash into other people with my grocery cart and get the shopping done as soon as possible. Then I started noticing something as I was looking down picking out apples. Ethan was having a conversation with a person near us. He’s doing this thing now where he will make a sound like a chirp or a “haa,” wait for you to respond and then say something back. They aren't really words but he’s these sounds to have a back and forth. Ethan was doing this with this person, and as we moved away he waved and giggled with both of his arms.
As we moved through this crowded store, Ethan kept waving at people and starting up conversations. He must of chatted with almost a dozen people. As people talked to him and commented on how cute he was, my bad mood melted away. I started doing what I had always done with Ollie. I began talked to him about what I was getting off the shelves, and helping him learn the names of all of the foods.
Ethan is empathetic, but he didn’t reflect my bad mood. Instead, he decided to be Ethan, joyful, lovely, and doing the best he could to make other people smile and laugh.
Children bring us a lot of different things in life. Sometimes it feels they bring us is stress, but sometimes in difficult moments they bring us joy, and remind us to be a better version of who we are for them and ourselves.
Monday, January 28, 2019
Friday, January 25, 2019
Year 9: Week 19 – Post-Show
What do you do after a concert?
Over the years I’ve tried a lot of different things. Giving time for reflection, simply handing out new music and getting to work, having some kind of celebration, or taking some time to do something completely different.
Some type or level of reflection is essential. No matter what happens at a concert, good or bad, taking time to think about the experience helps process a performance. When a concert is happening, it is hard to comprehend what is happening. During the arc of a concert, there’s so much focus on doing well in the moment, it’s difficult to think about how things actually went.
With my older students, reflection includes watching a recording of the performances, with my beginning band, I’ve moved away from doing this. Beginning band students’ perceptions of their success often run contrary to how they sound on a videotape. At times, I have found that the experience of watching a performance for younger students can be more discouraging than productive.
One thing I did this year is that when I had my 8th graders watch their own performance, they did it individually on their iPads. Reflection of a performance is a personal and private experience. Watching a performance as a group may change how students feel about a performance. For example, if a student with social capital says a performance was bad, other students might agree, as opposed to expressing their own feelings to the contrary.
With my 6th graders, I did them a break, a sort of celebration the classes after the concert. In addition to doing some reflecting, we prepared for our “Band Olympics.” A bonding activity that let the instrument sections compete against each other. I’ve structured this to have some musical relevance including events around breathing, note-reading, and notation. Then there is the bonding stuff like having the make a domino run which is no easy task with a group of ten people.
In the process of this competition, something the students really want to do, I am reinforcing classroom norms, and giving kids an opportunity to see and work with each other in a different way.
8th grade band is taking a break from “band,” and is doing electives: projects based on their individual interests like Garage Band, rap music, and chamber music. This important change of pace will help students follow their interest while working in a different context. We lose time working as a large ensemble, but the hope is that because they have had some time away, they will be more into that type of work when we finally get back together.
I’m excited for the work we’ve done after our concert last week. It feels right. I’m glad that we can build excitement back up slowly while having some time to celebrate our accomplishments with new experiences.
Over the years I’ve tried a lot of different things. Giving time for reflection, simply handing out new music and getting to work, having some kind of celebration, or taking some time to do something completely different.
Some type or level of reflection is essential. No matter what happens at a concert, good or bad, taking time to think about the experience helps process a performance. When a concert is happening, it is hard to comprehend what is happening. During the arc of a concert, there’s so much focus on doing well in the moment, it’s difficult to think about how things actually went.
With my older students, reflection includes watching a recording of the performances, with my beginning band, I’ve moved away from doing this. Beginning band students’ perceptions of their success often run contrary to how they sound on a videotape. At times, I have found that the experience of watching a performance for younger students can be more discouraging than productive.
One thing I did this year is that when I had my 8th graders watch their own performance, they did it individually on their iPads. Reflection of a performance is a personal and private experience. Watching a performance as a group may change how students feel about a performance. For example, if a student with social capital says a performance was bad, other students might agree, as opposed to expressing their own feelings to the contrary.
With my 6th graders, I did them a break, a sort of celebration the classes after the concert. In addition to doing some reflecting, we prepared for our “Band Olympics.” A bonding activity that let the instrument sections compete against each other. I’ve structured this to have some musical relevance including events around breathing, note-reading, and notation. Then there is the bonding stuff like having the make a domino run which is no easy task with a group of ten people.
In the process of this competition, something the students really want to do, I am reinforcing classroom norms, and giving kids an opportunity to see and work with each other in a different way.
8th grade band is taking a break from “band,” and is doing electives: projects based on their individual interests like Garage Band, rap music, and chamber music. This important change of pace will help students follow their interest while working in a different context. We lose time working as a large ensemble, but the hope is that because they have had some time away, they will be more into that type of work when we finally get back together.
I’m excited for the work we’ve done after our concert last week. It feels right. I’m glad that we can build excitement back up slowly while having some time to celebrate our accomplishments with new experiences.
Monday, January 21, 2019
Parenthood: Week 302 – Time
I don’t like time, time is making me oldParenthood changes our relationships with the world around us. We see our parents in a new light as we come to understand their experiences. Our partners growth parallels our own and the struggles and triumphs of parenthood develop relationships. Relationship change with others things in our lives. I’ve written about how parenting changes our relationship with sleep and talk to any parent and they will express to you, if you are close to them, how parenthood changes your relationship with money. With the second child, it’s become really noticeable how parenthood has changed my relationship with time.
But I’m doing alright cause I will still be young tomorrow
I’ve always been a "get to places on time" kind of person. I got my punctuality from my parents. My father is almost always early to things, and I am grateful that he influenced me in this way. Being on time is an expression of respect. I’ve done pretty well managing my time. In college, I got stuff on time, and I rarely miss deadlines at work. Time has always been a limitation, and it has always created a structure in my life, but with kids, all of this enters a whole different territory. With parenting I've begun to really dislike time.
When you are a parent you are managing your own time and helping manage another person’s time. My children have to go to bed at a certain time, which means that they have to get ready for bed at a certain time. I have to make sure that they start getting ready at a certain, which means that I need to make sure I am available at that time, to help them. There is a relationship between my own time management and how my children time.
It’s a shift from managing your time for your own benefit, to managing your time for your children’s benefit. There’s so much consequence because of the layers of needs on time. When Diana and I would drive somewhere far away, and we would get lost on the way home, it wasn’t a big deal. Now whenever we are further than like 15 minutes away and I’m not 100% of how to get home with the kids in the car, I always have Diana put directions on my phone. I can’t afford to lose time getting lost. Ollie may be hungry, and Ethan may need to get home to take a nap, and even in the most relaxed circumstances, it feels like there’s timers going by reflecting my children’s needs while they are in the car.
I have to get to and work on time, which is my responsibility, and Ollie and Ethan have to get to places on time, which is a responsibility that me and Diana share (though she is currently does more of this than I do). Being in charge of one person’s schedule is hard enough, but three can easily feel overwhelming.
There’s not enough time to work, not enough time to clean, not enough time to pay the bills, and there’s not enough time to shovel the driveway. There’s not enough time to cook a decent dinner, not enough time to walk Buffy, and there’s not enough time to plan social outings with friends let alone go out for these social gatherings.
There’s not enough time to spend with my family, and there’s not enough time for me to take care of myself. Something has got to give, and this is why many people hire in help. This can be landscaping, babysitting, and/or housekeeping. Anyone parent who claims to handle it all is lying.
This is the world live in, and this a reality that cannot fundamentally change. The solution is more about acceptance than anything else. Because only by accepting our limitations, by accepting a new relationship with time can we be free of the guilt that time brings so that we can enjoy the time we have.
Friday, January 18, 2019
Year 9: Week 18 - Full Week
This was a week of teaching. A full week. Not just because it was five days, but because so much was in this week, the whole range of what it means to be a teacher, and what a day in the life a teacher feels like.
We had our band concert on Thursday night. It was the most produced concert I had ever planned. There lighting cues, a slideshow, transition music, and oh yeah, there were concert bands performing. It felt right. There were a lot of little things to take care and this whole first part of the week I was deliberately not doing other things to focus on the concert.
This is hard, because I have a lot going on in the next couple weeks that needs my attention, so I had stay focused. Often, I chose to answer a certain email, or do a certain task when I feel ready to do it, and then go full out. This week, I couldn’t do it, I had to just do concert prep first whether or not I felt “ready.”
As great, and as proud I felt about the concert, the rehearsals the day leading up to the concerts were challenging. The students were on the stage, some for the first time. This nervousness and the "getting comfortable on stage," process meant that some students were not on their best behavior. I don’t want my students to feel stress or panic, however at times it didn’t feel like they were taking these rehearsals as seriously as I was, and that was discouraging. They did pulled it together for the performance and showed that they cared and they understood with the work they did. I just they showed me this earlier.
The concert seemed to come up fast, and we were ready just on time. Then it happened, and it was done. On to the next thing. The next thing for me was a pioneer sing-along with my 3rd graders and a parent meeting. I’ve done this pioneer sing-along every year and while it’s not new for me, it is for the students every year. I do my best “Bruce Springsteen,” and get out the harmonica. It’s fun, and for a time it’s fun to play rock star and do that for my kids. One of the other teachers joined me on piano while I played guitar. It was a really great time to perform music together.
The parent meeting was a completely different role for me. I was acting as one of the DEI Co-Chairs discussing with two parents the DEI work we are doing at this school. These parents had important observations to share as I sat with the assistant principal, and the upper school head in this room with the parents, I felt a need to really up my game. In the same way that I don’t talk to my 3rd graders the same way I talk to my 8th graders, I needed to adjust how I discussed the work of the school to support the message of the administrators in the room, and communicate in a way that these parents understood. It was stimulating work, interesting, and important.
One of my favorite memories this week was about two hours before the concert. All of the music teachers who were supporting the concert had dinner together in our shared office. The feeling in the room was joyful, relaxed, and chill. I love just being quiet and watching my music teacher colleagues enjoy each other’s company. It’s a sign of something so right in the work I've been doing at this school for the past eight years.
We had our band concert on Thursday night. It was the most produced concert I had ever planned. There lighting cues, a slideshow, transition music, and oh yeah, there were concert bands performing. It felt right. There were a lot of little things to take care and this whole first part of the week I was deliberately not doing other things to focus on the concert.
This is hard, because I have a lot going on in the next couple weeks that needs my attention, so I had stay focused. Often, I chose to answer a certain email, or do a certain task when I feel ready to do it, and then go full out. This week, I couldn’t do it, I had to just do concert prep first whether or not I felt “ready.”
As great, and as proud I felt about the concert, the rehearsals the day leading up to the concerts were challenging. The students were on the stage, some for the first time. This nervousness and the "getting comfortable on stage," process meant that some students were not on their best behavior. I don’t want my students to feel stress or panic, however at times it didn’t feel like they were taking these rehearsals as seriously as I was, and that was discouraging. They did pulled it together for the performance and showed that they cared and they understood with the work they did. I just they showed me this earlier.
The concert seemed to come up fast, and we were ready just on time. Then it happened, and it was done. On to the next thing. The next thing for me was a pioneer sing-along with my 3rd graders and a parent meeting. I’ve done this pioneer sing-along every year and while it’s not new for me, it is for the students every year. I do my best “Bruce Springsteen,” and get out the harmonica. It’s fun, and for a time it’s fun to play rock star and do that for my kids. One of the other teachers joined me on piano while I played guitar. It was a really great time to perform music together.
The parent meeting was a completely different role for me. I was acting as one of the DEI Co-Chairs discussing with two parents the DEI work we are doing at this school. These parents had important observations to share as I sat with the assistant principal, and the upper school head in this room with the parents, I felt a need to really up my game. In the same way that I don’t talk to my 3rd graders the same way I talk to my 8th graders, I needed to adjust how I discussed the work of the school to support the message of the administrators in the room, and communicate in a way that these parents understood. It was stimulating work, interesting, and important.
One of my favorite memories this week was about two hours before the concert. All of the music teachers who were supporting the concert had dinner together in our shared office. The feeling in the room was joyful, relaxed, and chill. I love just being quiet and watching my music teacher colleagues enjoy each other’s company. It’s a sign of something so right in the work I've been doing at this school for the past eight years.
Monday, January 14, 2019
Parenthood: Week 301 – 1/14/18
It wasn’t difficult to get put this morning. Ethan’s foot pretty much took care of this somewhere between midnight and 4am. At some point, he was sleeping between me and Diana and he had flipped himself upside down. Half-asleep, I figured that it was better than him being perpendicular to us forming the cross-bar of the letter “H.” However my half-asleep logic failed to put together the fact that him lining upside-down meant that he would kick me in the face.
Half-asleep, I whispered to Diana “the boy is upside down.” “Silly baby,” she replied as she attempted to rotate him. He grunted in annoyance, but eventually settled down. After cuddling with Diana for a little bit he rolled over, grabbed the shoulder strap of the tank top I was wearing to sleep and gripped it tightly as he settled back to sleep.
When Ollie was Ethan’s age he would suck him thumb and play with his own hair when he would go to sleep. Ethan also sucks his thumb but instead of playing with his own hair he reaches out for the collar of our shirts for comfort. It’s cute, as he literally hangs onto us for comfort, except when he misses and scratches the skin on our upper chest and neck.
I left work right after school to pick up Ollie. I’ve been doing far fewer pick-ups than I’ve been doing in past years, so when Diana asked me to get him, I eagerly agreed to. He had cooking class after school, so this meant I didn’t need to get him until 4pm. Ollie seems to enjoy cooking class and takes an interest in the process of creating food. This has not led him to be a more adventurous eater than most children his age, but it has helped him have a better relationship with food and bond with people through the act of cooking.
Ollie is also doing Taekwondo as and afterschool activity, and then there is swimming lessons, which isn’t technically run at his school (it’s at the local YWCA), but it’s an after-school thing. It took us a couple conversations to help Ollie understand that Taekwondo is Korean, which he is not, and that there is a different between Taekwondo, Karate, and Kung Fu. As an Asian-American, I’m glad he is connecting to this tradition, and it’s important that he learns the differences between Asian traditions. Also, Taekwondo happens to be the only martial art I ever learned.
I had a couple hours alone with the boys myself when we got home. Ollie was pretty well engaged with playing LEGOs. Once he completes a set, he doesn’t want to take it apart. So, we gave him a set that has three different things that he can make so he has to take it apart to build more things. There was some frustration with him trying to take apart a space shuttle to make a moon base, but he worked through it pretty well. Also, he’s not a fan of putting his LEGOs away. He likes things being out on display. I get this because so do I, and if we had a bigger house, I’d have books, CDs, and DVDs on shelves all over the house.
Ethan wanted a lot of cuddles. He spent a good chunk of the day with the nanny. We really like her. She genuinely likes Ethan, she’s great with transitions, and she understands our parenting philosophy and our needs. Even though he was well taken care of Ethan needed a lot of attention from me when I got home, which made cooking dinner a challenge. I would hold him and cuddle on the couch. Then after a couple minutes, he would walk away begin to be engaged with a toy, or an object like a tissue box. I would go to the kitchen and start peeling a carrot and before I knew it I had a little one hugging my leg crying to be picked up. Somewhere in this cycle of cuddling and small windows of time, I managed to cook Chicken Fricassee.
Dinner was on the table at 6:30, an hour later than my goal, but everyone got fed and eventually put to bed, later than planned, but done. One way I got Ethan settled down was by putting him in his high chair and feeding him. He had a dinner of four strawberries, a handful of animal crackers, half a chicken thigh, half a banana, some roast potatoes, and half a piece of leftover pizza. Ollie had two pieces of leftover pizza for dinner and moved some Chicken Fricassee around his plate.
Bedtime routine went fine. Baths, toothbrushing and stories. I fell asleep on the couch with Ethan, and transferred him his crib after I woke up. Probably no longer than a 15-minute nap. He’s getting the point that I can’t leave the television on as I cuddle him to bed. Ethan’s starting to become aware of the television.
Monday. Done.
Half-asleep, I whispered to Diana “the boy is upside down.” “Silly baby,” she replied as she attempted to rotate him. He grunted in annoyance, but eventually settled down. After cuddling with Diana for a little bit he rolled over, grabbed the shoulder strap of the tank top I was wearing to sleep and gripped it tightly as he settled back to sleep.
When Ollie was Ethan’s age he would suck him thumb and play with his own hair when he would go to sleep. Ethan also sucks his thumb but instead of playing with his own hair he reaches out for the collar of our shirts for comfort. It’s cute, as he literally hangs onto us for comfort, except when he misses and scratches the skin on our upper chest and neck.
I left work right after school to pick up Ollie. I’ve been doing far fewer pick-ups than I’ve been doing in past years, so when Diana asked me to get him, I eagerly agreed to. He had cooking class after school, so this meant I didn’t need to get him until 4pm. Ollie seems to enjoy cooking class and takes an interest in the process of creating food. This has not led him to be a more adventurous eater than most children his age, but it has helped him have a better relationship with food and bond with people through the act of cooking.
Ollie is also doing Taekwondo as and afterschool activity, and then there is swimming lessons, which isn’t technically run at his school (it’s at the local YWCA), but it’s an after-school thing. It took us a couple conversations to help Ollie understand that Taekwondo is Korean, which he is not, and that there is a different between Taekwondo, Karate, and Kung Fu. As an Asian-American, I’m glad he is connecting to this tradition, and it’s important that he learns the differences between Asian traditions. Also, Taekwondo happens to be the only martial art I ever learned.
I had a couple hours alone with the boys myself when we got home. Ollie was pretty well engaged with playing LEGOs. Once he completes a set, he doesn’t want to take it apart. So, we gave him a set that has three different things that he can make so he has to take it apart to build more things. There was some frustration with him trying to take apart a space shuttle to make a moon base, but he worked through it pretty well. Also, he’s not a fan of putting his LEGOs away. He likes things being out on display. I get this because so do I, and if we had a bigger house, I’d have books, CDs, and DVDs on shelves all over the house.
Ethan wanted a lot of cuddles. He spent a good chunk of the day with the nanny. We really like her. She genuinely likes Ethan, she’s great with transitions, and she understands our parenting philosophy and our needs. Even though he was well taken care of Ethan needed a lot of attention from me when I got home, which made cooking dinner a challenge. I would hold him and cuddle on the couch. Then after a couple minutes, he would walk away begin to be engaged with a toy, or an object like a tissue box. I would go to the kitchen and start peeling a carrot and before I knew it I had a little one hugging my leg crying to be picked up. Somewhere in this cycle of cuddling and small windows of time, I managed to cook Chicken Fricassee.
Dinner was on the table at 6:30, an hour later than my goal, but everyone got fed and eventually put to bed, later than planned, but done. One way I got Ethan settled down was by putting him in his high chair and feeding him. He had a dinner of four strawberries, a handful of animal crackers, half a chicken thigh, half a banana, some roast potatoes, and half a piece of leftover pizza. Ollie had two pieces of leftover pizza for dinner and moved some Chicken Fricassee around his plate.
Bedtime routine went fine. Baths, toothbrushing and stories. I fell asleep on the couch with Ethan, and transferred him his crib after I woke up. Probably no longer than a 15-minute nap. He’s getting the point that I can’t leave the television on as I cuddle him to bed. Ethan’s starting to become aware of the television.
Monday. Done.
Friday, January 11, 2019
Year 9: Week 17 – Concert Prep...
My students came ready to work. Coming back from winter break I wasn’t how my students would react to getting to it, but I was pleasantly surprised that overall all of my kids were excited to be in school and get going.
Part of this is because my band students have their band concert next week. Yes, it’s a little weird not having our winter concert right before winter break where many musical concerts typically occur. There’s a couple reasons why the band concert ended up after break. We have our elementary school winter concert before break and our choir concert before break. One more concert seemed like a lot for our community and for my department.
Moving it after winter break places the concert closer to the technical end of the semester and there’s not as much stuff going. One of the things that makes concerts right before winter break stressful isn’t the concert itself it’s all of the other stress that holidays bring about outside of school. Personally, as a teacher it’s nice to be working and planning for a concert without as much stuff going on in my personal life. No, I don’t think you should make educational decisions purely based on how they affect your personal life, but it’s a factor worth considering.
Another reason to have our band concert after the winter break is because one of my bands is the 6th grade band. This group is a beginning band and having a later concert allows us to have more time in the beginning of the year to create foundations for the group for growth and have less pressure to get a performance together quickly. With a group at this level a couple weeks does make a big difference.
Last year was the first year we had a band concert this time and it felt very different to me mostly because I was coming back from paternity leave. My paternity sub did a great job, but it was difficult for me to feel in complete control of what was going on and focus my energy and attention on the concert. Don’t get me wrong the concert went well, but this year I know it’s going to be even better. My preparation just feels different. My brain has the space to be more imaginative, more detailed and I’m feeling more excited than I did last year and I think my students are sensing this and responding well to my ideas.
One of the things that I’ve been thinking about is how concerts reflect my work as a teacher. The students’ work on stage is exactly that: the students’ work. However how the concert is organized, and set-up is a reflection of my own professionalism and creativity. There’s so many details to handle, and it can feel like almost too much to handle, but it’s important. It’s feel strangely satisfying to have the space to think about all of these little details because it’s a way that I can show that I care.
A lot of the students will not realize how much work goes into planning a concert, and a lot of the parents will not know either but I will. The pride of knowing that I did right by my school and my students is one of the most powerful motivators I have as a teacher.
Next week is going to be a thing. There’s a lot going on outside the concert prep that I need to find mental space for but I have to make the concert prep feel right for myself and my students. How we feel about how we prepare will create the feeling of how we prepare. The pride that comes starts with the pride we have, every step of the way.
Part of this is because my band students have their band concert next week. Yes, it’s a little weird not having our winter concert right before winter break where many musical concerts typically occur. There’s a couple reasons why the band concert ended up after break. We have our elementary school winter concert before break and our choir concert before break. One more concert seemed like a lot for our community and for my department.
Moving it after winter break places the concert closer to the technical end of the semester and there’s not as much stuff going. One of the things that makes concerts right before winter break stressful isn’t the concert itself it’s all of the other stress that holidays bring about outside of school. Personally, as a teacher it’s nice to be working and planning for a concert without as much stuff going on in my personal life. No, I don’t think you should make educational decisions purely based on how they affect your personal life, but it’s a factor worth considering.
Another reason to have our band concert after the winter break is because one of my bands is the 6th grade band. This group is a beginning band and having a later concert allows us to have more time in the beginning of the year to create foundations for the group for growth and have less pressure to get a performance together quickly. With a group at this level a couple weeks does make a big difference.
Last year was the first year we had a band concert this time and it felt very different to me mostly because I was coming back from paternity leave. My paternity sub did a great job, but it was difficult for me to feel in complete control of what was going on and focus my energy and attention on the concert. Don’t get me wrong the concert went well, but this year I know it’s going to be even better. My preparation just feels different. My brain has the space to be more imaginative, more detailed and I’m feeling more excited than I did last year and I think my students are sensing this and responding well to my ideas.
One of the things that I’ve been thinking about is how concerts reflect my work as a teacher. The students’ work on stage is exactly that: the students’ work. However how the concert is organized, and set-up is a reflection of my own professionalism and creativity. There’s so many details to handle, and it can feel like almost too much to handle, but it’s important. It’s feel strangely satisfying to have the space to think about all of these little details because it’s a way that I can show that I care.
A lot of the students will not realize how much work goes into planning a concert, and a lot of the parents will not know either but I will. The pride of knowing that I did right by my school and my students is one of the most powerful motivators I have as a teacher.
Next week is going to be a thing. There’s a lot going on outside the concert prep that I need to find mental space for but I have to make the concert prep feel right for myself and my students. How we feel about how we prepare will create the feeling of how we prepare. The pride that comes starts with the pride we have, every step of the way.
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 5 - Asian Aaron Burr, Sir
Hamilton starts suddenly, without warning. The lights dim, there is an announcement over the speakers in the character of King George to silence cell phones and the opening chords of the first song, “Alexander Hamilton” starts. There’s no overture, no time to really ease into the show, instead you are immediately placed into the room where it happens. As the opening chords sounds as knocking on a door, the sound of strings like a creaky door lead into the first opening questions, and in that moment the exhilarating ride that is Hamilton begins.
My mom and I had gotten to the theater with some time to spare. This was to my fourth time seeing the show and the first time for my mother. We had some issues with dinner beforehand. The service was slow, which was annoying because, well, we had Hamilton tickets. It was left unsaid to us, but I could see in my mother reactions that we were both wondering if our service had anything to do with the fact that we were the only two people of color in the restaurant. If you think we were being paranoid or unreasonably thinking about our race in this situation, you will not by the end of this post.
I knew that the show was going to start like a roller coaster. I was prepared for it, but I wasn’t prepared for the first thing that happened on stage: Asian Aaron Burr. I didn’t really think about the cast. I assumed there might be some changes since the last time I had seen the show, but I didn’t bother looking up if there was going to be any changes. I was sure it was going to be great regardless.
Then walking onto stage left with a swagger and a twinkle in his eye was Jin Ha. His performance of the first the questions “How does a bastard, orphan, son of…” literally left my jaw hanging open in shock and awe. I have seen so many amazing things on stage, in music, and on screen that have surprised me, left me speechless, and given me an emotional feeling that makes life worth living.
Jin Ha, Asian Aaron Burr, was one of the greatest artistic moments I have ever experienced in my entire life.
The other times when I had seen the show, I felt tears well up in my eyes when the entire cast during the song “Alexander Hamilton,” stand in a company front and all of the wonderful diversity is presented on stage with one powerful chord on the word “time.” This time, I felt tears from the moment Jin Ha walked on to stage. He was everything. His voice was powerful and beautiful, his form and stance were strong and inspiring, and his appearance was attractive, masculine, and beautiful.
Jin Ha on stage was everything I always wanted to see in an Asian-American on stage, and everything I wanted to see in myself when I looked in the mirror.
Sitting next to my mom, I could feel her excitement match mine. It meant so much that we were sharing this moment. This talented, wonderful Asian-American actor was validating her belief in me and filling me with hope for what could be for my children.
I understood why it was meaningful on an intellectual level to have people of color play all of these roles of people who were Caucasian historically. This was an audacious, through-provoking and controversial choice the creative team behind Hamilton made The success of this casting philosophy demolished any arguments against inclusive casting decisions. However, I didn’t get it emotionally until I saw one of my own, a true mirror on stage doing something that was once unthinkable, impossible, and incomprehensible in my mind: an Asian-American playing a part that first belonged to an African-American/Black actor playing a character that was based on a historical white person.
This casting was about race but it was also about the hard work, and talent which Ha proved throughout the musical owning the part of Aaron Burr. He played it with virtuosity, incredible singing technique and depth of character that was nothing short of remarkable. This all meant so much, and so much more because of all of the horrible things the 45th and his administration continued to say about fundamental parts of my American experience.
All of the horrible things that the 45th has said can be put into two categories: things that I find appalling because of what they mean to other people, and things that I find un-American and offensive because of what they reflect about myself. My heart aches every time he says something about a group of people that I am not a part of, but my soul hurts when he says something about me and my family.
This “guy” has questioned the value of my parents as immigrants, portrayed Asians with offensive mocking accents and stereotypical characterizations, provided no public support for AAPI federal initiatives, attempted to position us against other people of color in perceptions of college admissions policies, and even questions my place as an American citizen by questioning the value of birthright citizenship. He did all of these things callously, often with misinformation, and never followed by apologies. His racism against Asian-Americans is as clear as his racism against Mexicans, and his sexism against women.
Worse than all of these things is that his evil efforts to harness the worst fears and scapegoat immigrants have led to the deaths of innocent children and the unnecessary suffering of thousands of people. He has kidnapped children from their parents, ripped babies away from mothers, and he is ultimately responsible for the deaths of at least two children, likely more, all in the guise of a made-up non-existent crisis.
With all of this floating around in my mind, in the zeitgeist of our society, I have thought more about my identity as an Asian-American and an immigrant son than any other year of my life. Unfortunately, these thoughts have more often happened in times of hurt, and painful disbelief. In this world we live in, the strength of one man who proves every single stereotype and misinformation wrong is an inspiring, superhuman act of heroism. This is what Jin Ha did that night on that stage. His contribution to that show, was proof that Asian-Americans are beyond stereotypes, are an essential part of American society, and through their immigration make America great.
My mom and I had gotten to the theater with some time to spare. This was to my fourth time seeing the show and the first time for my mother. We had some issues with dinner beforehand. The service was slow, which was annoying because, well, we had Hamilton tickets. It was left unsaid to us, but I could see in my mother reactions that we were both wondering if our service had anything to do with the fact that we were the only two people of color in the restaurant. If you think we were being paranoid or unreasonably thinking about our race in this situation, you will not by the end of this post.
I knew that the show was going to start like a roller coaster. I was prepared for it, but I wasn’t prepared for the first thing that happened on stage: Asian Aaron Burr. I didn’t really think about the cast. I assumed there might be some changes since the last time I had seen the show, but I didn’t bother looking up if there was going to be any changes. I was sure it was going to be great regardless.
Then walking onto stage left with a swagger and a twinkle in his eye was Jin Ha. His performance of the first the questions “How does a bastard, orphan, son of…” literally left my jaw hanging open in shock and awe. I have seen so many amazing things on stage, in music, and on screen that have surprised me, left me speechless, and given me an emotional feeling that makes life worth living.Jin Ha, Asian Aaron Burr, was one of the greatest artistic moments I have ever experienced in my entire life.
The other times when I had seen the show, I felt tears well up in my eyes when the entire cast during the song “Alexander Hamilton,” stand in a company front and all of the wonderful diversity is presented on stage with one powerful chord on the word “time.” This time, I felt tears from the moment Jin Ha walked on to stage. He was everything. His voice was powerful and beautiful, his form and stance were strong and inspiring, and his appearance was attractive, masculine, and beautiful.
Jin Ha on stage was everything I always wanted to see in an Asian-American on stage, and everything I wanted to see in myself when I looked in the mirror.
Sitting next to my mom, I could feel her excitement match mine. It meant so much that we were sharing this moment. This talented, wonderful Asian-American actor was validating her belief in me and filling me with hope for what could be for my children.
I understood why it was meaningful on an intellectual level to have people of color play all of these roles of people who were Caucasian historically. This was an audacious, through-provoking and controversial choice the creative team behind Hamilton made The success of this casting philosophy demolished any arguments against inclusive casting decisions. However, I didn’t get it emotionally until I saw one of my own, a true mirror on stage doing something that was once unthinkable, impossible, and incomprehensible in my mind: an Asian-American playing a part that first belonged to an African-American/Black actor playing a character that was based on a historical white person.
This casting was about race but it was also about the hard work, and talent which Ha proved throughout the musical owning the part of Aaron Burr. He played it with virtuosity, incredible singing technique and depth of character that was nothing short of remarkable. This all meant so much, and so much more because of all of the horrible things the 45th and his administration continued to say about fundamental parts of my American experience.
All of the horrible things that the 45th has said can be put into two categories: things that I find appalling because of what they mean to other people, and things that I find un-American and offensive because of what they reflect about myself. My heart aches every time he says something about a group of people that I am not a part of, but my soul hurts when he says something about me and my family.
This “guy” has questioned the value of my parents as immigrants, portrayed Asians with offensive mocking accents and stereotypical characterizations, provided no public support for AAPI federal initiatives, attempted to position us against other people of color in perceptions of college admissions policies, and even questions my place as an American citizen by questioning the value of birthright citizenship. He did all of these things callously, often with misinformation, and never followed by apologies. His racism against Asian-Americans is as clear as his racism against Mexicans, and his sexism against women.
Worse than all of these things is that his evil efforts to harness the worst fears and scapegoat immigrants have led to the deaths of innocent children and the unnecessary suffering of thousands of people. He has kidnapped children from their parents, ripped babies away from mothers, and he is ultimately responsible for the deaths of at least two children, likely more, all in the guise of a made-up non-existent crisis.
With all of this floating around in my mind, in the zeitgeist of our society, I have thought more about my identity as an Asian-American and an immigrant son than any other year of my life. Unfortunately, these thoughts have more often happened in times of hurt, and painful disbelief. In this world we live in, the strength of one man who proves every single stereotype and misinformation wrong is an inspiring, superhuman act of heroism. This is what Jin Ha did that night on that stage. His contribution to that show, was proof that Asian-Americans are beyond stereotypes, are an essential part of American society, and through their immigration make America great.
Monday, January 7, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 4/Parenthood: Week 300 - Ollie's Reading & Buffy's Attack
4. Reading To Me
Every single person I respect in my life, every genius I have encountered, and every person who has been an important influence in my life all have one thing in common: they are readers who have a passion and respect for the written word. One of the most important people in my life, who is many of the things I listed above, read his first book, all by himself this past year, my first son, Ollie.
Reading is so important. It is the most powerful tool to gain information, to build empathy, and to understand the human experience. Reading is the gateway to democracy, to power, to love, and to knowing yourself. From the day Ollie was born, I thought about reading to him. Almost every day of his life, I have had the pleasure to read to him, and this year as a kindergarten student, his reading has really taken off.
This past we’ve seen some amazing developments in his reading. We read to him at night, he has the attention for chapter books, and he asks me to trace along words that I’m reading while I read to him. Ollie asks insightful questions about the books that we read and he is eager to spend time reading books independently.
When Diana told me that Ollie had a book he could read to me himself, I was really excited. Yes, it was a photocopied folded over leveled reader about things being cold. There was a lot of repetition, regardless I was so excited that he could read it all by himself. I don’t think Ollie understood how big a deal that this moment was, but I made sure to tell him how excited I was that he read a book to me just as I had been reading books to him for years.
We have been opening up the world through reading to Ollie and I’m so excited that he is beginning to be able to explore through reading by himself and enter this journey of exploration and growth without me holding his hand. Part of me wishes I could be with him through every word, every surprise and every emotion he experiences through books, but I know he’ll share some of these experiences with me, and others he will keep to himself.
I have never been more excited to hear someone read in my entire life. There’s just so much more than pride I feel for Ollie and how much he has grown.
3. The Attack
Buffy doesn’t demand attention like she did when she was a puppy. She doesn’t get as squirrelly as she used to without longer walks and she doesn’t require as much stimulation as she did when she was younger. In the world we live in with a five-year-old and a baby, sometimes the care of Buffy becomes an afterthought.
This changed after the attack
It was unexpected, and we thought we handed it right but we didn’t get her to veterinarian fast enough. Two dogs left multiple puncture wounds on Buffy. By the time she got to the vet, the wounds were infected. While the other dogs’ owners did everything right in the situation (e.g. calling the vet and setting up payment immediately), our little puppy was hurt badly.
The pain pills helped and while we had to trick her into taking them, that was nothing compared to the care we had to do of her wounds.
I’ve cleaned up and dealt with all kinds of bodily fluid from those I love, vomit, defecation, snot, blood and saliva, but treating an infected puncture wound is another level. The discharge from the wound was objectively grosser the any other body fluid I’ve dealt with. The fluid out of an infected wound has a smell and a look that heartbreaking to see as part of one that you love. With all of these bodily fluids issues, cleaning it up is an act of care and love. Sometimes the act is accompanied by sadness and concern like when you are cleaning up vomit as your baby cries from panic and confusion. Accompanied by cleaning up Buffy’s wound and draining the infection was deep guilt and sadness. Also, there was great worry. If the infection didn’t pass, she may have to go in to surgery to get the wound cleaned, which while a minor procedure would require her to be put under, which has the potential for complications.
Buffy had a cone and a shaved area around her rear the wounds were and it was beyond sad. She didn’t understand what was going on, why she hurt and why she had to wear the cone and why we were so sad.
After multiple veterinarian visits, it became clear that the infection had passed. While we were relieved, it took weeks for us to get over the trauma of the event.
You never stop thinking when something goes wrong with your puppy that you could have done something better or different. The relationship between a human and a dog is one that does not bring the dog to a true independence. Buffy will always rely on us and when something goes wrong, the feeling is that we let her down.
The first time Buffy was attacked it helped me understand how much I loved her and cared about her. In the moment when she could have been lost to me, I realized what she meant to me. This most recent attack was a reminder of my responsibility to her and that she is a priority in my life even if she doesn’t demand it. She can’t be an afterthought. I simply have to make more space for her care and consideration in my life. Can I cut one of her walks short? Yes, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should. I committed to take care of her for her entire whole life and that’s never going to change.
Buffy has enriched my life beyond description and taught me what it means to be a parent and to truly love unconditionally. Her presence and her care for our family is powerful and life-changing. My sons are more empathetic and happier because of her spirit and for that I will forever be grateful. I will spend the rest of Buffy’s life helping her understand this by taking care of her with all of my love.
Every single person I respect in my life, every genius I have encountered, and every person who has been an important influence in my life all have one thing in common: they are readers who have a passion and respect for the written word. One of the most important people in my life, who is many of the things I listed above, read his first book, all by himself this past year, my first son, Ollie.
Reading is so important. It is the most powerful tool to gain information, to build empathy, and to understand the human experience. Reading is the gateway to democracy, to power, to love, and to knowing yourself. From the day Ollie was born, I thought about reading to him. Almost every day of his life, I have had the pleasure to read to him, and this year as a kindergarten student, his reading has really taken off.
This past we’ve seen some amazing developments in his reading. We read to him at night, he has the attention for chapter books, and he asks me to trace along words that I’m reading while I read to him. Ollie asks insightful questions about the books that we read and he is eager to spend time reading books independently.
When Diana told me that Ollie had a book he could read to me himself, I was really excited. Yes, it was a photocopied folded over leveled reader about things being cold. There was a lot of repetition, regardless I was so excited that he could read it all by himself. I don’t think Ollie understood how big a deal that this moment was, but I made sure to tell him how excited I was that he read a book to me just as I had been reading books to him for years.
We have been opening up the world through reading to Ollie and I’m so excited that he is beginning to be able to explore through reading by himself and enter this journey of exploration and growth without me holding his hand. Part of me wishes I could be with him through every word, every surprise and every emotion he experiences through books, but I know he’ll share some of these experiences with me, and others he will keep to himself.
I have never been more excited to hear someone read in my entire life. There’s just so much more than pride I feel for Ollie and how much he has grown.
3. The Attack
Buffy doesn’t demand attention like she did when she was a puppy. She doesn’t get as squirrelly as she used to without longer walks and she doesn’t require as much stimulation as she did when she was younger. In the world we live in with a five-year-old and a baby, sometimes the care of Buffy becomes an afterthought.
This changed after the attack
It was unexpected, and we thought we handed it right but we didn’t get her to veterinarian fast enough. Two dogs left multiple puncture wounds on Buffy. By the time she got to the vet, the wounds were infected. While the other dogs’ owners did everything right in the situation (e.g. calling the vet and setting up payment immediately), our little puppy was hurt badly.
The pain pills helped and while we had to trick her into taking them, that was nothing compared to the care we had to do of her wounds.
I’ve cleaned up and dealt with all kinds of bodily fluid from those I love, vomit, defecation, snot, blood and saliva, but treating an infected puncture wound is another level. The discharge from the wound was objectively grosser the any other body fluid I’ve dealt with. The fluid out of an infected wound has a smell and a look that heartbreaking to see as part of one that you love. With all of these bodily fluids issues, cleaning it up is an act of care and love. Sometimes the act is accompanied by sadness and concern like when you are cleaning up vomit as your baby cries from panic and confusion. Accompanied by cleaning up Buffy’s wound and draining the infection was deep guilt and sadness. Also, there was great worry. If the infection didn’t pass, she may have to go in to surgery to get the wound cleaned, which while a minor procedure would require her to be put under, which has the potential for complications.
Buffy had a cone and a shaved area around her rear the wounds were and it was beyond sad. She didn’t understand what was going on, why she hurt and why she had to wear the cone and why we were so sad.
After multiple veterinarian visits, it became clear that the infection had passed. While we were relieved, it took weeks for us to get over the trauma of the event.
You never stop thinking when something goes wrong with your puppy that you could have done something better or different. The relationship between a human and a dog is one that does not bring the dog to a true independence. Buffy will always rely on us and when something goes wrong, the feeling is that we let her down.
The first time Buffy was attacked it helped me understand how much I loved her and cared about her. In the moment when she could have been lost to me, I realized what she meant to me. This most recent attack was a reminder of my responsibility to her and that she is a priority in my life even if she doesn’t demand it. She can’t be an afterthought. I simply have to make more space for her care and consideration in my life. Can I cut one of her walks short? Yes, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should. I committed to take care of her for her entire whole life and that’s never going to change.
Buffy has enriched my life beyond description and taught me what it means to be a parent and to truly love unconditionally. Her presence and her care for our family is powerful and life-changing. My sons are more empathetic and happier because of her spirit and for that I will forever be grateful. I will spend the rest of Buffy’s life helping her understand this by taking care of her with all of my love.
Friday, January 4, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 3 - The Work At School
6. She Persisted
As a teacher we should do for our students more than we do for ourselves at school. However every once in a while, there comes an opportunity, a project that serves your soul as a person as much as it serves your school community. The She Persisted project was one of those moments.
Based on the book by Chelsea Clinton, this assembly I organized around based on this book, provided me a chance to “go high,” and focus on positivity in the face of so much darkness, and negativity. Yes, we need to bring forward the corruption, expose exploitation, and call out the hypocrisy and systemic oppression. We also need to find moments to reflect on the good work, the positive examples of people doing work for the people and by the people. We can’t forget that the work of social justice can be and should be joyous sometimes and, in this assembly, it was exactly that.
Thinking about what else has happened this year and the continued sexism women face in our society, and the amazing examples of women showing incredible courage, it feels like projects like this need to happen all of the time. I’m proud of this work, but I’m also very aware that this cannot be an end. This has to be a start and we have to, I have to keep pushing to elevate women in society, and in my school community.
Persisting takes strength, lack of sleep, and stubbornness. It would easy to do less, but to prove to my children that my time at work away from them means something, for the future of our country in the students I teach, and for myself, I have to keep persisting.
5. Of Color
My school hosted two incredible events this year: The Administrators Of Color Conference, and The Young Men Of Color Symposium. In these spaces I was surrounded by amazing people. There are so many misunderstandings about people of color in our society. The main one that these events disproved over and over is the power and brilliances in people of color. Yes, people of color have suffered oppression over generations and continue to face racism beyond most American’s imagination. But we are here, we are survivors and we are changing America right now.
The Administrators Of Color Conference was mind-blowing. I was surrounded by some of the smartest and most intelligent people I have every met in my entire life. The conversations were thought-provoking and challenging but also were validating and comforting. It was a conference that faced tough issues with creativity, important questions and solidarity.
Sitting in an auditorium full of young men of color was transformative. Feeling the energy, the potential in the room, and being amongst an incredible group of adults present to bring these young men up was something beyond pride. The speaker Wes Moore defined success as one’s ability to bring other people up, to serve others, and in this context, we worked together as a community.
I found myself relying on parents I was partnered with to help teach groups of students in break-out sessions that I did not know how to best to teach. In this discomfort, I learned about how much work I had to do but also what the students needed and weren’t getting from teachers like myself. Leading an Asian-American affinity group, I was reminded that sometimes the most important thing we can do as teachers is show up and listen.
There’s a lot of work left to done, and in these spaces the work seemed less daunting and more exciting, because I knew that I had others to join me in the work and a whole generation of young men to go on this journey together.
As a teacher we should do for our students more than we do for ourselves at school. However every once in a while, there comes an opportunity, a project that serves your soul as a person as much as it serves your school community. The She Persisted project was one of those moments.
Based on the book by Chelsea Clinton, this assembly I organized around based on this book, provided me a chance to “go high,” and focus on positivity in the face of so much darkness, and negativity. Yes, we need to bring forward the corruption, expose exploitation, and call out the hypocrisy and systemic oppression. We also need to find moments to reflect on the good work, the positive examples of people doing work for the people and by the people. We can’t forget that the work of social justice can be and should be joyous sometimes and, in this assembly, it was exactly that.
Thinking about what else has happened this year and the continued sexism women face in our society, and the amazing examples of women showing incredible courage, it feels like projects like this need to happen all of the time. I’m proud of this work, but I’m also very aware that this cannot be an end. This has to be a start and we have to, I have to keep pushing to elevate women in society, and in my school community.
Persisting takes strength, lack of sleep, and stubbornness. It would easy to do less, but to prove to my children that my time at work away from them means something, for the future of our country in the students I teach, and for myself, I have to keep persisting.
5. Of Color
My school hosted two incredible events this year: The Administrators Of Color Conference, and The Young Men Of Color Symposium. In these spaces I was surrounded by amazing people. There are so many misunderstandings about people of color in our society. The main one that these events disproved over and over is the power and brilliances in people of color. Yes, people of color have suffered oppression over generations and continue to face racism beyond most American’s imagination. But we are here, we are survivors and we are changing America right now.
The Administrators Of Color Conference was mind-blowing. I was surrounded by some of the smartest and most intelligent people I have every met in my entire life. The conversations were thought-provoking and challenging but also were validating and comforting. It was a conference that faced tough issues with creativity, important questions and solidarity.
Sitting in an auditorium full of young men of color was transformative. Feeling the energy, the potential in the room, and being amongst an incredible group of adults present to bring these young men up was something beyond pride. The speaker Wes Moore defined success as one’s ability to bring other people up, to serve others, and in this context, we worked together as a community.
I found myself relying on parents I was partnered with to help teach groups of students in break-out sessions that I did not know how to best to teach. In this discomfort, I learned about how much work I had to do but also what the students needed and weren’t getting from teachers like myself. Leading an Asian-American affinity group, I was reminded that sometimes the most important thing we can do as teachers is show up and listen.
There’s a lot of work left to done, and in these spaces the work seemed less daunting and more exciting, because I knew that I had others to join me in the work and a whole generation of young men to go on this journey together.
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 2 - The Elections & The Hearing Aid
8. Two Years Later
I knew it mattered that I voted back in 2016, but when I voted this past November, I understood what was at stake. After two years of the one of the worst Presidents in American history, a horrendous Senate, and a damaging House Of Representatives, it became painfully clear that the choices we made during elections mattered.
The government, for the people and by the people should work to expand the rights of its citizens. Instead of doing this the Republican led executive and legislative branch focused on their version of “economic growth,” and “small government,” setting up situations which would actually require more government involvement in the future to fix the devastating effects of their selfishness. Not doing anything about racism in America will make it worse, and in doing nothing, the President and the majority power in congress have made one thing in America “great” again, racism.
Was their doubt that the blue wave would come? Yes, but pessimism never served me well in the past and while it did lead to a devastating feelings of loss and disbelief in 2016, it was optimism that refused to let me give up on my family, my country, and myself.
So, I voted with Ollie doing our mail-in ballot together, I mailed it in, and then I hoped for the wave. As much as the right might want to claim this election wasn’t victory for the Democrats, they are wrong. The Left won in a big way and they lost in ways that many did not predict. Elections across the country which were supposed to be blow-outs because of systemic racist voter suppression were close, and established candidates on the right sweated.
Every election matters, every vote matters. Things get better or they get worse and unless you take a stand, and work to make things more equitable, rights will disappear. After the 2016 election, I initially felt devastated, after the 2018 election, I'm feel that I'm ready to get to work.
7. Baha
It wasn’t like one of those videos on youtube.com when a kid hears their parents’ voice for the first time. Ethan’s eyes didn’t light up the first time he had his hearing aid turned, he didn’t start giggling, or acting all that differently. I don’t think in the moment this meant all that much to Ethan, but it meant a lot to me.
We knew that this day was coming. Ethan’s unilateral hearing loss has been on our mind Ethan’s entire life. While it was once far in the front of my mind when I thought about him, it has become less in my thoughts as he grew older, but his disability never left me.
In my daily interactions with Ethan I don’t really notice his hearing loss. He reacts when I talk to him, he hears the front door open when we are upstairs, and his verbal skills are developing very well. I do see his right ear for what it is, smaller than his left and shaped different due to microtia, but it’s more of a cute feature when I gently touch it than a deformity. That ear really is the only outward sign of his disability, so putting on the head-strap and the Baha (hearing aid) in public comes with the knowledge that we are making public in the eyes of people something that we could easily hide.
Carrying him around family parties or at school when he is wearing his Baha, I have to careful to center him in front of me or carry him on my right hip to make sure the hearing aid doesn’t brush up against my chest. This is a challenge since I usually carry him on my left hip with my left arm, which is significantly stronger since I am left handed. I wonder if people are noticing his hearing aid, and I prepare myself for any comments people might ask say. Plenty of people come up and say hi to Ethan but very few saying anything about his hearing aid and the ones that do ask in the most wonderful and supportive ways. I’m sure that someone eventually will saying something rude or annoying about his Baha but it’s nice to know that this doesn’t have to be the norm.
The facebook groups I'm a member of for parents of children with hearing loss have filled my feed with pictures of children with all of kind of disabilities and stories of parents struggling with situations far more challenging than ours. I've read the first part of Andrew Solomon's essential book Far From The Tree including his chapter on deafness, which has completely changed the way that I view and feel about people with disabilities.
We are starting to see more of difference when Ethan wears his Baha. He talks more and reacts to sounds faster. Ethan gets tired of wearing it sometimes and it’s easy to forget to put it on as much as we should. More than these things, I’m happy that we have this hearing aid for my little special little guy, and the world sounds a little bit more beautiful to him because of his Baha.
I knew it mattered that I voted back in 2016, but when I voted this past November, I understood what was at stake. After two years of the one of the worst Presidents in American history, a horrendous Senate, and a damaging House Of Representatives, it became painfully clear that the choices we made during elections mattered.
The government, for the people and by the people should work to expand the rights of its citizens. Instead of doing this the Republican led executive and legislative branch focused on their version of “economic growth,” and “small government,” setting up situations which would actually require more government involvement in the future to fix the devastating effects of their selfishness. Not doing anything about racism in America will make it worse, and in doing nothing, the President and the majority power in congress have made one thing in America “great” again, racism.
Was their doubt that the blue wave would come? Yes, but pessimism never served me well in the past and while it did lead to a devastating feelings of loss and disbelief in 2016, it was optimism that refused to let me give up on my family, my country, and myself.
So, I voted with Ollie doing our mail-in ballot together, I mailed it in, and then I hoped for the wave. As much as the right might want to claim this election wasn’t victory for the Democrats, they are wrong. The Left won in a big way and they lost in ways that many did not predict. Elections across the country which were supposed to be blow-outs because of systemic racist voter suppression were close, and established candidates on the right sweated.
Every election matters, every vote matters. Things get better or they get worse and unless you take a stand, and work to make things more equitable, rights will disappear. After the 2016 election, I initially felt devastated, after the 2018 election, I'm feel that I'm ready to get to work.
7. Baha
It wasn’t like one of those videos on youtube.com when a kid hears their parents’ voice for the first time. Ethan’s eyes didn’t light up the first time he had his hearing aid turned, he didn’t start giggling, or acting all that differently. I don’t think in the moment this meant all that much to Ethan, but it meant a lot to me.
We knew that this day was coming. Ethan’s unilateral hearing loss has been on our mind Ethan’s entire life. While it was once far in the front of my mind when I thought about him, it has become less in my thoughts as he grew older, but his disability never left me.
In my daily interactions with Ethan I don’t really notice his hearing loss. He reacts when I talk to him, he hears the front door open when we are upstairs, and his verbal skills are developing very well. I do see his right ear for what it is, smaller than his left and shaped different due to microtia, but it’s more of a cute feature when I gently touch it than a deformity. That ear really is the only outward sign of his disability, so putting on the head-strap and the Baha (hearing aid) in public comes with the knowledge that we are making public in the eyes of people something that we could easily hide.
Carrying him around family parties or at school when he is wearing his Baha, I have to careful to center him in front of me or carry him on my right hip to make sure the hearing aid doesn’t brush up against my chest. This is a challenge since I usually carry him on my left hip with my left arm, which is significantly stronger since I am left handed. I wonder if people are noticing his hearing aid, and I prepare myself for any comments people might ask say. Plenty of people come up and say hi to Ethan but very few saying anything about his hearing aid and the ones that do ask in the most wonderful and supportive ways. I’m sure that someone eventually will saying something rude or annoying about his Baha but it’s nice to know that this doesn’t have to be the norm.
The facebook groups I'm a member of for parents of children with hearing loss have filled my feed with pictures of children with all of kind of disabilities and stories of parents struggling with situations far more challenging than ours. I've read the first part of Andrew Solomon's essential book Far From The Tree including his chapter on deafness, which has completely changed the way that I view and feel about people with disabilities.
We are starting to see more of difference when Ethan wears his Baha. He talks more and reacts to sounds faster. Ethan gets tired of wearing it sometimes and it’s easy to forget to put it on as much as we should. More than these things, I’m happy that we have this hearing aid for my little special little guy, and the world sounds a little bit more beautiful to him because of his Baha.
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