Very few people chose their siblings, or chose to have siblings. Ollie didn’t get much of a say on whether he was going to have a brother, and when we told the boys about Lucas, well, it was news more than an invitation for feedback.
It makes sense when siblings don’t get along. Just because two people are part of the same family does not mean that they click. Parents can do all of the same things and the individual personalities of their children can click and become friends, but often it doesn’t work out that way.
It is a wonderful thing when siblings do get along. My brother understands facets of my life experience better than anyone else. Growing up together he shared formative experiences with me. We share an understanding of my parents that no one else does and except for my parents, he’s the only person that has been with me my entire life. Our relationship has had its ups and downs. I’m proud to say that we've had more ups, and I am grateful that he is my brother and a good friend.
My three sons have their ups and downs. I’m proud to say that there have been, and continue to be more ups. Yes, Ollie and Ethan have their moments. Usually one of them isn’t being polite, taking a toy without asking, or one of them is disrupting the other’s play (e.g. messing up a Lego model). Using words in moments of emotion is a place that both of them need to work on, and right now these disputes are a feature in their relationship.
The screams, and the tears related to Ollie and Ethan’s disagreements seem to fill the house and sap my energy but for the vast majority of the time, their interactions are positive. Ethan adores Ollie and will often just sit and watch Ollie’s "performances" and laugh in delight. Ollie tries to play with Ethan often and wants to include him in his reindeer games. Earlier today we were playing hide and seek and Ethan did not understand the game at all. Ollie found this charming and he tried really hard to help Ethan play the game with us.
I often overlook the moments when they are playing well together because these are the calm times when they are at peace that I can get chores done around the house or cook a meal. While I want them to see their positive interactions as a norm in our house, I do feel that its important that I take a moment to point out to them how great they are playing together and enjoy these times as a parent.
Ollie has to wait a little bit longer for me and Diana’s attention because of Lucas, but Ollie doesn’t seem to mind, and if he is resentful, he isn’t expressing these feelings to Lucas. He displays patience as Diana reads to him at night while holding Lucas in his arms, which sometimes means that bed time story has interruptions.
Ethan adores Lucas and wants to interact with him. He likes to point out body parts on Lucas (something he is learning about right now), and he gives very sweet kisses to Lucas when he sees us kiss him.
Ethan is very much into cuddling and being held right now. He gets frustrated when I don’t pick him up when he wants to be held. The thing is that even if Lucas wasn’t around, we’d still be having these moments. I can’t hold Ethan all of the time and sometimes he scratches my neck when I hold him, which is annoying and painful at times. So when he does this, I put him down.
I was worried that Ethan would get jealous that he would have to share cuddles with Lucas, but it seems to have worked out so far pretty well. Ethan is find cuddling on one side of while Lucas is on the other side. Maybe at some point, Ethan will get annoyed at this arrangement but right now we are doing okay.
I don’t really have a plan on how to help my children develop positive sibling relationships. All I got right now is modeling kindness and respect, validating feelings (even the “bad” ones like frustrations), helping them have space from each other, and guiding them through tough situations.
My children never asked for siblings, but it's what they got. It's going to be a journey helping them navigate these relationships, but it will be filled with love and I truly do believe we are all better because of each other, because I know that I am because of all three of my children.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Friday, December 27, 2019
Top Ten of 2019: Part 3 - New Voices
6. Brittany Packnett
Diana introduced me to “Pod Save America,” one of the best political podcast, and “Pod Save American” introduced me to Brittany Packnett, one of the most interesting voices I encoutered in 2019.
I accompanied Diana to a live taping of “Pod Save America.” I had heard this podcast in passing but I had never really listened to this podcast closley. The live taping It was a wonderful experience. The theater in downtown Chicago was filled with people, united in fandom, and also sharing something else much more important: a belief in the Democratic progressive values that stood in resistance to the sexist, racist, homophobic, and xenophobic administration, dedicated to maintaining power in the white patriarchy at all costs.
The men of Pod Save America, aware of their positionality, invited Brittany Packnett to join them on stage and she stole the show for me. Yes, the Jon Favreau, Daniel Pfeiffer, Jon Lovett, and Tommy Vietor were hilarious and informative (fueld by Jeppson's Malört_, however it was Packnett who interpreted the news and events in a way that got me to the edge of my seat. One of the main topics in the news that week was abortion. Being exemplary feminists the white men on stage gave Packnett the time and the space to explain the intersectionality between women’s reproduction rights, race, and class.
Ever since this event, I’ve been listening to Pod Save America, and they have provided me with essential insights and analysis of the politics in our country. I’m so grateful to them for their work, and I’m so grateful for them introducing me to Packnett. I now follow her as well, and her work continues to inspire, motivate me, and makes me excited and proud to share in her work to make this a more perfect, equitable, and anti-racist country.
5. Yola
I can’t get over the greatness that is Yola.
Her album Walk Through Fire is one of the greatest albums of the year, and one of the greatest albums of all time. Yola, is British, unapologetically Black vocalist and song writer with incredible vocal technique and expression.
If all Yola did was record some of the greatest country songs of the year like “Ride Out To The Country,” and remind America of the essential and often over-looked influence of Black artist in country, she would have made this list.
However, she did so much more on this album. “Shady Grove” is an incredible throw-back to 1960s pop music.
“Lonely The Night,” is one of the greatest Springsteen songs he never written or performed (Springsteen could never perform this song because of it’s enormous vocal range).
AND her cover of “Goodnight Yellow Brick Road” is breathtaking.
On top of all of this, her portrayal of a Freedom Rider in “The Highwomen” is one of the most emotional and powerful moments of the year.
Yola is is everything that is right with music, an artist who embraces the facets of her identity and her musical history, while making her own mark. Her music converses with music of the past while saying something new relevant and essential.
I don't think I will ever get over Yola, and this makes me feel so inspired.
Diana introduced me to “Pod Save America,” one of the best political podcast, and “Pod Save American” introduced me to Brittany Packnett, one of the most interesting voices I encoutered in 2019.
I accompanied Diana to a live taping of “Pod Save America.” I had heard this podcast in passing but I had never really listened to this podcast closley. The live taping It was a wonderful experience. The theater in downtown Chicago was filled with people, united in fandom, and also sharing something else much more important: a belief in the Democratic progressive values that stood in resistance to the sexist, racist, homophobic, and xenophobic administration, dedicated to maintaining power in the white patriarchy at all costs.
The men of Pod Save America, aware of their positionality, invited Brittany Packnett to join them on stage and she stole the show for me. Yes, the Jon Favreau, Daniel Pfeiffer, Jon Lovett, and Tommy Vietor were hilarious and informative (fueld by Jeppson's Malört_, however it was Packnett who interpreted the news and events in a way that got me to the edge of my seat. One of the main topics in the news that week was abortion. Being exemplary feminists the white men on stage gave Packnett the time and the space to explain the intersectionality between women’s reproduction rights, race, and class.
Ever since this event, I’ve been listening to Pod Save America, and they have provided me with essential insights and analysis of the politics in our country. I’m so grateful to them for their work, and I’m so grateful for them introducing me to Packnett. I now follow her as well, and her work continues to inspire, motivate me, and makes me excited and proud to share in her work to make this a more perfect, equitable, and anti-racist country.
5. Yola
I can’t get over the greatness that is Yola.
Her album Walk Through Fire is one of the greatest albums of the year, and one of the greatest albums of all time. Yola, is British, unapologetically Black vocalist and song writer with incredible vocal technique and expression.
If all Yola did was record some of the greatest country songs of the year like “Ride Out To The Country,” and remind America of the essential and often over-looked influence of Black artist in country, she would have made this list.
However, she did so much more on this album. “Shady Grove” is an incredible throw-back to 1960s pop music.
“Lonely The Night,” is one of the greatest Springsteen songs he never written or performed (Springsteen could never perform this song because of it’s enormous vocal range).
AND her cover of “Goodnight Yellow Brick Road” is breathtaking.
On top of all of this, her portrayal of a Freedom Rider in “The Highwomen” is one of the most emotional and powerful moments of the year.
Yola is is everything that is right with music, an artist who embraces the facets of her identity and her musical history, while making her own mark. Her music converses with music of the past while saying something new relevant and essential.
I don't think I will ever get over Yola, and this makes me feel so inspired.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Top Ten of 2019: Part 2 - Identity
8. Andrew Solomon
There are a couple books that have changed the way that I view my life and the human condition. These books include: The Grapes Of Wrath, The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich, The Warmth Of Other Sons, and Andrew Solomon’s essential book on parenting and identity, Far From The Tree.
Solomon writes in Far From The Tree, about a feature of parenting that many people see as a flaw in children. Many of us share vertical identity with our children. For example, Ollie is a cis-gendered male, so am I. However we do not share racial identity, which Solomon defines as horizontal identity. I am Asian-American, and Ollie is bi-racial, or multi-racial. This and other facets of Ollie’s identity that I do not share with Ollie is important to notes. I do not have the lived experiences with this facets Ollie's identity, which means that I am ill-equipped to help Ollie work through this part of this identity development.
Far From The Tree takes this idea and applies it to parents who do not share facets of their children identity, included children who are disabled, have special needs, suffer from mental illness, and are criminals.
This book is filled with stories of struggles, tragedies, and triumphs. It is a book that reveals the reality of parenting for many people in our society and forces us to ask difficult questions about what it means to be a parent. He interviews the parents of one of the shooters at the Columbine Massacre, and parents who spend their elderly years caring for their children with disabilities who are unable to care for themselves.
In all of these stories, and in all of these struggles, these parents are resilient and admirable in their commitment to their children. As hard as their lives have become because of their children, they do not regret having these children in their lives regardless of the consequences.
Yes, this book was published in 2013, but it was this part year that I read this book, and 976 pages of this work spanned most of the year. So that’s why I’m putting it on a list of important influences for 2019.
Far From The Tree shows us what parenting is really like in America and how the flaws in children, really are features in experience of parenthood. It’s an essential primer for anyone who is interested in being a parent. For those who are parents it provides forgiveness for feelings of frustration. More importantly, it helps us understand the journey of parenting, that for many is all-encompassing, more difficult than not, and for many the most meaningful part of life.
7. Ali Stroker
Oklahoma is a very problematic musical. It’s based on a play Green Grow The Lilacs which is about settlers in the area we know now as the state Oklahoma. The original play had characters that were Native Americans. These roles were cut from the musical, which only romanticized further imperialistic western expansion, and exploitative attitude of American settlers. This is a very white musical, that continues myths of the western expansion that ignores America’s crimes and atrocities.
Then there's that song, "I Cain't Say No." Most of the time this song didn’t do the character who sang it. I always get feeling that it’s a girl who is flirty and lacked intelligence. Saying that she can’t say no in this song is not flattering.
Ali Stroker changed all of this with her interpretation. Her confidence and bravado transforms this song into a Declaration of Independence. Stroker makes this song more about owning sexuality than being easily-manipulated by men. Her version is humorous, powerful, and vocally astonishing. And she sings better than anyone has ever sang it in this musical's almost 75 year history.
And she did this all sitting down.
The producers and directors of this new revival of Oklahoma made the admirable, brave and important decision to hire for diversity and the highest level of musical achievement. They cast at Ali Stroker in this play considering her talent in her work more than her disability. They didn’t change her character to explain why she was in her wheelchair, instead they added ramps, changed the choreography and made this facet of her identity. They don’t hide the wheelchair but they didn't’t feel a need to make the show abut this character having a disability...and it works.
And another awesome thing about this show is at the main female protagonist, played by Rebecca Naomi Jones, who is traditionally played by white actress played by black woman. During the Tony awards performance when she sings and yells right in the face and the male protagonist it feels wonderful. It’s like a glorious exclamation back through generations filled with confidence and power. She is saying in that moment, "I am here and no one can take this away from me, because it is mine."
Sometimes we have conversations about what we do with art that is not diverse, and that has racist themes. Sometimes it's best to bury that work and forget about it. However, sometimes we can do do more and fix a show. The new production of Oklahoma featuring showed all of us that with imagination a deeper sense of humanity we can transform the most white and exclusive piece of art into a celebration of diversity.
There are a couple books that have changed the way that I view my life and the human condition. These books include: The Grapes Of Wrath, The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich, The Warmth Of Other Sons, and Andrew Solomon’s essential book on parenting and identity, Far From The Tree.
Solomon writes in Far From The Tree, about a feature of parenting that many people see as a flaw in children. Many of us share vertical identity with our children. For example, Ollie is a cis-gendered male, so am I. However we do not share racial identity, which Solomon defines as horizontal identity. I am Asian-American, and Ollie is bi-racial, or multi-racial. This and other facets of Ollie’s identity that I do not share with Ollie is important to notes. I do not have the lived experiences with this facets Ollie's identity, which means that I am ill-equipped to help Ollie work through this part of this identity development.
Far From The Tree takes this idea and applies it to parents who do not share facets of their children identity, included children who are disabled, have special needs, suffer from mental illness, and are criminals.
This book is filled with stories of struggles, tragedies, and triumphs. It is a book that reveals the reality of parenting for many people in our society and forces us to ask difficult questions about what it means to be a parent. He interviews the parents of one of the shooters at the Columbine Massacre, and parents who spend their elderly years caring for their children with disabilities who are unable to care for themselves.
In all of these stories, and in all of these struggles, these parents are resilient and admirable in their commitment to their children. As hard as their lives have become because of their children, they do not regret having these children in their lives regardless of the consequences.
Yes, this book was published in 2013, but it was this part year that I read this book, and 976 pages of this work spanned most of the year. So that’s why I’m putting it on a list of important influences for 2019.
Far From The Tree shows us what parenting is really like in America and how the flaws in children, really are features in experience of parenthood. It’s an essential primer for anyone who is interested in being a parent. For those who are parents it provides forgiveness for feelings of frustration. More importantly, it helps us understand the journey of parenting, that for many is all-encompassing, more difficult than not, and for many the most meaningful part of life.
7. Ali Stroker
Oklahoma is a very problematic musical. It’s based on a play Green Grow The Lilacs which is about settlers in the area we know now as the state Oklahoma. The original play had characters that were Native Americans. These roles were cut from the musical, which only romanticized further imperialistic western expansion, and exploitative attitude of American settlers. This is a very white musical, that continues myths of the western expansion that ignores America’s crimes and atrocities.
Then there's that song, "I Cain't Say No." Most of the time this song didn’t do the character who sang it. I always get feeling that it’s a girl who is flirty and lacked intelligence. Saying that she can’t say no in this song is not flattering.
Ali Stroker changed all of this with her interpretation. Her confidence and bravado transforms this song into a Declaration of Independence. Stroker makes this song more about owning sexuality than being easily-manipulated by men. Her version is humorous, powerful, and vocally astonishing. And she sings better than anyone has ever sang it in this musical's almost 75 year history.
And she did this all sitting down.
The producers and directors of this new revival of Oklahoma made the admirable, brave and important decision to hire for diversity and the highest level of musical achievement. They cast at Ali Stroker in this play considering her talent in her work more than her disability. They didn’t change her character to explain why she was in her wheelchair, instead they added ramps, changed the choreography and made this facet of her identity. They don’t hide the wheelchair but they didn't’t feel a need to make the show abut this character having a disability...and it works.
And another awesome thing about this show is at the main female protagonist, played by Rebecca Naomi Jones, who is traditionally played by white actress played by black woman. During the Tony awards performance when she sings and yells right in the face and the male protagonist it feels wonderful. It’s like a glorious exclamation back through generations filled with confidence and power. She is saying in that moment, "I am here and no one can take this away from me, because it is mine."
Sometimes we have conversations about what we do with art that is not diverse, and that has racist themes. Sometimes it's best to bury that work and forget about it. However, sometimes we can do do more and fix a show. The new production of Oklahoma featuring showed all of us that with imagination a deeper sense of humanity we can transform the most white and exclusive piece of art into a celebration of diversity.
Monday, December 23, 2019
Parenthood: Week 350 – Ollie's Gift
How do you recover from a rough night? How do you work through frustration, lack of sleep, and face the day with optimism?
My plan was to cook, Ollie had another idea.
Last night was another rough night. Yes, we have a newborn at home, but that wasn’t the big issue. Yes, Lucas has to eat during the night and he needs help falling asleep. The bigger issue was Ethan. He has had a cold the last couple days, and thankfully, he is doing much better now. The cold symptoms were worse during the night so he has been up in the middle of the night for the past couple days.
I’ve been able to comfort him, and help him get back to sleep most of the nights that he was sick, but last night my efforts were not working. Ethan got up around 3am, and even though I was able to get him him to calm down at times, he didn’t fully settle and continued to fuss and cry for a good part of the next hour.
Ethan woke up the entire household. Ollie is a great sleeper and most of the time that Ethan has woken Ollie up in the middle of the night. So, I was surprised to see Ollie enter the room and ask if Ethan was okay. I told Ollie that Ethan was okay and that he should try to go back to sleep.
Diana eventually got Ethan back to sleep. There was half an hour of peace and then Lucas got up, so there wasn’t really any solid sleep for me after 3am.
Ollie was the first up, and I eventually followed him. My plan was to make tea for myself and cook. Yes, I was tired, and yes, part of me was annoyed that Ethan kept me up a lot of the night. However, I knew that Ethan wasn’t doing this on purpose and that he didn’t do anything wrong.
To work through these feelings I decided to make a really good breakfast. I wanted to do something for Ethan to show him that I loved him despite the loss of sleep that he caused. Also, I knew that the only hope I had of getting through the day was with a good breakfast.
I didn’t get a chance to ask Ollie about how he felt about Ethan waking him up in the early morning. I was too busy stuck inside of my own head. It was Ollie who showed me how through his actions how he felt about Ethan the night before.
As I was cooking breakfast, Ollie with an empty cookie tin in hand, moved around the house with a purpose. I asked him what he was doing. “I’m putting toys in here for a Christmas present for Ethan.”
Ollie spent time looking through his toys, picking out things that he wanted to give to Ethan. He carefully wrote Ethan a note, and taped it on the top of the tin. As he ate breakfast, he told me that he was excited to give Ethan his gift.
I would have understood if Ollie was annoyed with Ethan, or was cranky because of lack of sleep. Ollie was none of these things. All he wanted to do was to make sure that Ethan had a happy morning after a rough night.
Ollie reminded me how we should take care of each other in our family, and that the best way to work through our feelings is to do for others.
My plan was to cook, Ollie had another idea.
Last night was another rough night. Yes, we have a newborn at home, but that wasn’t the big issue. Yes, Lucas has to eat during the night and he needs help falling asleep. The bigger issue was Ethan. He has had a cold the last couple days, and thankfully, he is doing much better now. The cold symptoms were worse during the night so he has been up in the middle of the night for the past couple days.
I’ve been able to comfort him, and help him get back to sleep most of the nights that he was sick, but last night my efforts were not working. Ethan got up around 3am, and even though I was able to get him him to calm down at times, he didn’t fully settle and continued to fuss and cry for a good part of the next hour.
Ethan woke up the entire household. Ollie is a great sleeper and most of the time that Ethan has woken Ollie up in the middle of the night. So, I was surprised to see Ollie enter the room and ask if Ethan was okay. I told Ollie that Ethan was okay and that he should try to go back to sleep.
Diana eventually got Ethan back to sleep. There was half an hour of peace and then Lucas got up, so there wasn’t really any solid sleep for me after 3am.
Ollie was the first up, and I eventually followed him. My plan was to make tea for myself and cook. Yes, I was tired, and yes, part of me was annoyed that Ethan kept me up a lot of the night. However, I knew that Ethan wasn’t doing this on purpose and that he didn’t do anything wrong.
To work through these feelings I decided to make a really good breakfast. I wanted to do something for Ethan to show him that I loved him despite the loss of sleep that he caused. Also, I knew that the only hope I had of getting through the day was with a good breakfast.
I didn’t get a chance to ask Ollie about how he felt about Ethan waking him up in the early morning. I was too busy stuck inside of my own head. It was Ollie who showed me how through his actions how he felt about Ethan the night before.
As I was cooking breakfast, Ollie with an empty cookie tin in hand, moved around the house with a purpose. I asked him what he was doing. “I’m putting toys in here for a Christmas present for Ethan.”
Ollie spent time looking through his toys, picking out things that he wanted to give to Ethan. He carefully wrote Ethan a note, and taped it on the top of the tin. As he ate breakfast, he told me that he was excited to give Ethan his gift.
I would have understood if Ollie was annoyed with Ethan, or was cranky because of lack of sleep. Ollie was none of these things. All he wanted to do was to make sure that Ethan had a happy morning after a rough night.
Ollie reminded me how we should take care of each other in our family, and that the best way to work through our feelings is to do for others.
Friday, December 20, 2019
Top Ten of 2019: Part 1 - Boss Time
Last year, I felt the year through important people, but 2019 felt different. Individuals stepped up, stepped out, and inspired me as true heroes. Here's my top 10 people of the year:
10. Megan Rapinoe
Megan Rapinoe is a mirror.
How people react to her success is revealing. The people who criticized her for celebrating after her goals, who didn’t apply the same standards revealed their sexism. Those who tried to argue against her efforts to get equitable pay, showed how much do not understand the presence and effects of systems of oppression in our society. Those who don’t like the fact that she’s “political,” are putting on display their vain efforts to justify supporting a president who is corrupt, amoral, racist and sexist.
By sharing with America all that she is, Rapinoe has forced a conversation, given voice to those who were afraid to speak up, and reminded Americans who feel unseen, and are oppressed by others that there are American heroes who look like them and see them.
Rapinoe is an “and.” She is one of the greatest athletes of the year, and she is a great leader, and she is a woman, and she is Gay, and she understands the power and her platform and the influence of her words. She is part of the great American tradition of athletes pushing for justice, and using their power and influence to bring social change to America.
What happens during a match or a game is a result of the best and worst of America. All that we are, and all that we fail to be, are on display when people fall into tribes fighting for a morally inconsequential contest that pits citizens against each other for something is often frivolous, but has the potential to be something so much more. Rapinoe and the US Women's soccer team transformed a game about kicking a ball into a movement of hope, in a society that sees women in sports as far less than they see themselves.
Megan Rapinoe and the US Women’s Soccer Team has transformed their soccer games into a movement, and a cultural event. For the first time in my life I saw men walking around with the jersey of a female athlete, and the name on that jersey I saw most often was Rapinoe.
Sportsperson of the year? For sure, and an inspiration to me to be bold and love more.
“The feeling of not standing up when I know something is wrong is so much worse than whatever happens if I stand up.”
9. Bruce Springsteen
Springsteen showed us in 2019 that being a man meant that you were reflective, vulnerable, honest, and hard working.
With his Netflix special Springsteen On Broadway late in 2018, and his album Western Stars, Springsteen used his art and his voice to reveal the struggles of being Bruce Springsteen, giving voice to the insecurities that haunt American men who suffer from damaging ideas masculinity.
Bruce in the 1980s was all man, electric guitar strumming, bicep-bulging, and hard rocking. As the decades past, he showed different facets of himself. Now entering the seventh decade of his life, Bruce is pushing further into himself, and showing more of who he is, and who he wants to be.
Springsteen On Broadway featured hauntingly beautiful stories and contemplation on life. Profound ideas filled this special like how our choices make us ghosts to our children haunting them, or make us ancestors supporting them. These ideas challenges all of us as men, fathers, and sons, to think deeper about our lives, relationships, and to share more of who we are, not as a flaw, but as a feature of masculinity.
Western Stars, one of his greatest works, continues this journey. The storytelling feel simple, but has layers of depth. Songs that seem to be about one thing change their meaning as ending lyrics transform the story. In the music of Western Stars regret and nostalgia, and sadness and optimism, co-exist.
It’s hard to know what it means to be a man in a more diverse, egalitarian, and inclusive society. Springsteen is showing us the way, and if we listen closely, we will find the parts of us, we do not recognize but we must face. As he teaches, “You can run away from a lot for a little while, but you can’t run away from it all forever, you can’t certainty can’t outrun yourself.” Once like all of us, he saw himself as being “born to run,” and with his help, we can stop running, and take a look in that mirror.
In a world where men continue to flail against progress and express insecurities through harming others, Springsteen showed me a way this year to do the work, honor ourselves, and in the eyes of our fathers and our children see a path forward that brings us all together.
10. Megan Rapinoe
Megan Rapinoe is a mirror.
How people react to her success is revealing. The people who criticized her for celebrating after her goals, who didn’t apply the same standards revealed their sexism. Those who tried to argue against her efforts to get equitable pay, showed how much do not understand the presence and effects of systems of oppression in our society. Those who don’t like the fact that she’s “political,” are putting on display their vain efforts to justify supporting a president who is corrupt, amoral, racist and sexist.
By sharing with America all that she is, Rapinoe has forced a conversation, given voice to those who were afraid to speak up, and reminded Americans who feel unseen, and are oppressed by others that there are American heroes who look like them and see them.
Rapinoe is an “and.” She is one of the greatest athletes of the year, and she is a great leader, and she is a woman, and she is Gay, and she understands the power and her platform and the influence of her words. She is part of the great American tradition of athletes pushing for justice, and using their power and influence to bring social change to America.
What happens during a match or a game is a result of the best and worst of America. All that we are, and all that we fail to be, are on display when people fall into tribes fighting for a morally inconsequential contest that pits citizens against each other for something is often frivolous, but has the potential to be something so much more. Rapinoe and the US Women's soccer team transformed a game about kicking a ball into a movement of hope, in a society that sees women in sports as far less than they see themselves.
Megan Rapinoe and the US Women’s Soccer Team has transformed their soccer games into a movement, and a cultural event. For the first time in my life I saw men walking around with the jersey of a female athlete, and the name on that jersey I saw most often was Rapinoe.
Sportsperson of the year? For sure, and an inspiration to me to be bold and love more.
“The feeling of not standing up when I know something is wrong is so much worse than whatever happens if I stand up.”
9. Bruce Springsteen
Springsteen showed us in 2019 that being a man meant that you were reflective, vulnerable, honest, and hard working.
With his Netflix special Springsteen On Broadway late in 2018, and his album Western Stars, Springsteen used his art and his voice to reveal the struggles of being Bruce Springsteen, giving voice to the insecurities that haunt American men who suffer from damaging ideas masculinity.
Bruce in the 1980s was all man, electric guitar strumming, bicep-bulging, and hard rocking. As the decades past, he showed different facets of himself. Now entering the seventh decade of his life, Bruce is pushing further into himself, and showing more of who he is, and who he wants to be.
Springsteen On Broadway featured hauntingly beautiful stories and contemplation on life. Profound ideas filled this special like how our choices make us ghosts to our children haunting them, or make us ancestors supporting them. These ideas challenges all of us as men, fathers, and sons, to think deeper about our lives, relationships, and to share more of who we are, not as a flaw, but as a feature of masculinity.
Western Stars, one of his greatest works, continues this journey. The storytelling feel simple, but has layers of depth. Songs that seem to be about one thing change their meaning as ending lyrics transform the story. In the music of Western Stars regret and nostalgia, and sadness and optimism, co-exist.
It’s hard to know what it means to be a man in a more diverse, egalitarian, and inclusive society. Springsteen is showing us the way, and if we listen closely, we will find the parts of us, we do not recognize but we must face. As he teaches, “You can run away from a lot for a little while, but you can’t run away from it all forever, you can’t certainty can’t outrun yourself.” Once like all of us, he saw himself as being “born to run,” and with his help, we can stop running, and take a look in that mirror.
In a world where men continue to flail against progress and express insecurities through harming others, Springsteen showed me a way this year to do the work, honor ourselves, and in the eyes of our fathers and our children see a path forward that brings us all together.
Monday, December 16, 2019
Parenthood: Week 349 – Week 1 of Three
Lucas has been with us a full week. Here are some thoughts…
First off, it feels like Lucas has been with us for a lot longer than a week. Lucas has been in our lives for the better part of a year. No, I couldn’t touch him, and I couldn’t hold him, but I held him in my mind and in my heart for months. This past week doesn’t feel like there is a new life in our lives, but the next step in life like a child going off to college.
Buffy was very interested in Lucas when we first brought him home. As we put the car seat down on the floor, she came up and smelled his head. She moved to the side to greet Diana, and then went back to check in on Lucas. Buffy has been great with Ethan and Ollie as babies. She was never aggressive or overbearing and still tolerates them in ways that I would not.
Ollie never tried to ride Buffy like a horse, however Ethan continues to give this a try every so often. Buffy is fast enough to outrun Ethan at this stage and get away. Instead, she usually just stands there and lets him grab at her torso and try to mount her. In a way she look sad when he does this but if this really bothers her, she would leave, and since she doesn’t, it shows that she is trying in her way to play with him.
I often get Ollie and Ethan’s name mixed up and the addition of Lucas has only made matters worse. I have called Lucas by the wrong name more times than I have called him by his correct name. Sigh, this is going to be a process.
Lucas is wonderful. He smells like happiness and he is wonderfully squishy. His face changes depending how his positioned because his cheeks are so chubby that gravity affects them. If he’s sitting up they drop downwards, which look slightly different than when he’s on his back. Lucas is doing exactly what he is supposed to be doing. He nurses, cries, poos, sleeps, and wakes us up int the middle of the night. Every day his eyes open a little bit wider, and he reaches with his little hands out into the world a little farther.
Ollie is being a great older brother. He greets Lucas and he is interested in holding him, and giving him a bottle. Ollie doesn’t quite know what else to do with Lucas and that’s okay. Most of his life right now isn’t changed dramatically because of Lucas, which I feel is helping with the transition to being part of a larger family.
Ethan is fascinated by Lucas. When Ethan first met Lucas in the hospital he repeatedly pointed at Lucas and said, “baby.” When he went to school the next day he spent the entire day carrying around a baby doll, and telling people that it was a baby. Ethan loves to greet Lucas and likes to touch him. Ethan is a toddler who sometimes hits when he’s trying to touch, but he’s been wonderful with Lucas gently touching him on the head and chest.
I love seeing my parents with my children. They are wonderful with them, and it feels like seeing into a time portal. I imagine that this is how they were with me when I was younger, and it’s a powerful and endearing thing to think about. To see two people, fall so completely in love with Lucas immediately is powerful and amazing. Both of my parents spent long periods of time, almost as long as an hour, holding Lucas and simply looking at him. I don’t know what they were feeling and thinking in these moments, but I know it’s right, it’s beautiful, and it makes me proud to be their son.
First off, it feels like Lucas has been with us for a lot longer than a week. Lucas has been in our lives for the better part of a year. No, I couldn’t touch him, and I couldn’t hold him, but I held him in my mind and in my heart for months. This past week doesn’t feel like there is a new life in our lives, but the next step in life like a child going off to college.
Buffy was very interested in Lucas when we first brought him home. As we put the car seat down on the floor, she came up and smelled his head. She moved to the side to greet Diana, and then went back to check in on Lucas. Buffy has been great with Ethan and Ollie as babies. She was never aggressive or overbearing and still tolerates them in ways that I would not.
Ollie never tried to ride Buffy like a horse, however Ethan continues to give this a try every so often. Buffy is fast enough to outrun Ethan at this stage and get away. Instead, she usually just stands there and lets him grab at her torso and try to mount her. In a way she look sad when he does this but if this really bothers her, she would leave, and since she doesn’t, it shows that she is trying in her way to play with him.
I often get Ollie and Ethan’s name mixed up and the addition of Lucas has only made matters worse. I have called Lucas by the wrong name more times than I have called him by his correct name. Sigh, this is going to be a process.
Lucas is wonderful. He smells like happiness and he is wonderfully squishy. His face changes depending how his positioned because his cheeks are so chubby that gravity affects them. If he’s sitting up they drop downwards, which look slightly different than when he’s on his back. Lucas is doing exactly what he is supposed to be doing. He nurses, cries, poos, sleeps, and wakes us up int the middle of the night. Every day his eyes open a little bit wider, and he reaches with his little hands out into the world a little farther.
Ollie is being a great older brother. He greets Lucas and he is interested in holding him, and giving him a bottle. Ollie doesn’t quite know what else to do with Lucas and that’s okay. Most of his life right now isn’t changed dramatically because of Lucas, which I feel is helping with the transition to being part of a larger family.
Ethan is fascinated by Lucas. When Ethan first met Lucas in the hospital he repeatedly pointed at Lucas and said, “baby.” When he went to school the next day he spent the entire day carrying around a baby doll, and telling people that it was a baby. Ethan loves to greet Lucas and likes to touch him. Ethan is a toddler who sometimes hits when he’s trying to touch, but he’s been wonderful with Lucas gently touching him on the head and chest.
I love seeing my parents with my children. They are wonderful with them, and it feels like seeing into a time portal. I imagine that this is how they were with me when I was younger, and it’s a powerful and endearing thing to think about. To see two people, fall so completely in love with Lucas immediately is powerful and amazing. Both of my parents spent long periods of time, almost as long as an hour, holding Lucas and simply looking at him. I don’t know what they were feeling and thinking in these moments, but I know it’s right, it’s beautiful, and it makes me proud to be their son.
Friday, December 13, 2019
Year 10: Week 15 - Paternity Leave
So I didn’t teach last week, and I’m not going to be teaching for about another four weeks.
The original plan was that I would work up until my 3rd child’s due date this past Friday, the baby would come and I would peace out, and my paternity sub would jump in. Lucas didn’t get the memo, so he came last Sunday early in the morning…and I mean EARLY morning. This meant that my paternity leave started four days early.
Friday afternoon I had the feeling that I should tidy up my desk. After I cleared my desk off, I remember pausing for a moment. I had this feeling that I wasn’t going to be back for a while, and then I shook that feeling off and went home.
The week before the baby came was really hard. On top of doing the work that I needed to do to get by day by day, I was furiously trying to plan for being away. That was really difficult, because this past week and next week were two of the trickiest weeks of teaching. Next week is our annual JK-5th grade winter performance, and last week was critical time to prepare for this performance. AND our band concert is right after winter break so this is also a very important time for my 6th grade and my 8th grade band.
The idea of being away and having a paternity substitute jump in right before a performance, prepare for it, and then lead it, is…well, it’s taken a lot of to process all of this.
When we first found out Lucas’ due date, all I could do was laugh. It was a horrible time to be away because I would miss this performance, but it was in a humorous way, the best time to be away because I wouldn’t have to deal with the work and the stress of the winter performance.
Lucas is my third kid so I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t take time. Then my brain moved on to accepting whatever was going to come and prepare the best that I could. I big question mark was my paternity sub. If they were going to be awesome then I could basically aim for the sub to do what I would do, if not, I would have to figure something out that was easier to put together.
At some point in the fall I decided that I was going to plan for the best situation, and plan as if I wasn’t leaving. I could have repeated songs, I could have made simpler arrangements, and I could have pre-taught these songs much earlier in the curriculum, but I didn’t.
I had an idea of who my sub was going to be, and I was really excited for the possibility that he would work with my students when I was away. So, I had him do some things with some of my students as a guest teacher and hoped for the best.
The moment came was he was approved as my sub and I felt a huge wave of relief. We met soon after and went over all of my ideas and plans.
I’ve been busy with my family, however my mind has traveled to what is going on to school. I know I could check it, but I’ve resisted that urge. To honor my family and time with them, I need to stay focused at home, and to respect my paternity sub’s work and give him space to be successful, he needs space, and freedom to make things work.
I'm sad that I'm missing things at school, and I'm also so happy that I have time with my family right now. It's the right decision to be away from my students, but that doesn't mean that part of me doesn't wish that I could have it all. And then the night comes. When I feel the presence of my three sleeping children, Diana, and Buffy, I do feel like I have it all.
The original plan was that I would work up until my 3rd child’s due date this past Friday, the baby would come and I would peace out, and my paternity sub would jump in. Lucas didn’t get the memo, so he came last Sunday early in the morning…and I mean EARLY morning. This meant that my paternity leave started four days early.
Friday afternoon I had the feeling that I should tidy up my desk. After I cleared my desk off, I remember pausing for a moment. I had this feeling that I wasn’t going to be back for a while, and then I shook that feeling off and went home.
The week before the baby came was really hard. On top of doing the work that I needed to do to get by day by day, I was furiously trying to plan for being away. That was really difficult, because this past week and next week were two of the trickiest weeks of teaching. Next week is our annual JK-5th grade winter performance, and last week was critical time to prepare for this performance. AND our band concert is right after winter break so this is also a very important time for my 6th grade and my 8th grade band.
The idea of being away and having a paternity substitute jump in right before a performance, prepare for it, and then lead it, is…well, it’s taken a lot of to process all of this.
When we first found out Lucas’ due date, all I could do was laugh. It was a horrible time to be away because I would miss this performance, but it was in a humorous way, the best time to be away because I wouldn’t have to deal with the work and the stress of the winter performance.
Lucas is my third kid so I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t take time. Then my brain moved on to accepting whatever was going to come and prepare the best that I could. I big question mark was my paternity sub. If they were going to be awesome then I could basically aim for the sub to do what I would do, if not, I would have to figure something out that was easier to put together.
At some point in the fall I decided that I was going to plan for the best situation, and plan as if I wasn’t leaving. I could have repeated songs, I could have made simpler arrangements, and I could have pre-taught these songs much earlier in the curriculum, but I didn’t.
I had an idea of who my sub was going to be, and I was really excited for the possibility that he would work with my students when I was away. So, I had him do some things with some of my students as a guest teacher and hoped for the best.
The moment came was he was approved as my sub and I felt a huge wave of relief. We met soon after and went over all of my ideas and plans.
I’ve been busy with my family, however my mind has traveled to what is going on to school. I know I could check it, but I’ve resisted that urge. To honor my family and time with them, I need to stay focused at home, and to respect my paternity sub’s work and give him space to be successful, he needs space, and freedom to make things work.
I'm sad that I'm missing things at school, and I'm also so happy that I have time with my family right now. It's the right decision to be away from my students, but that doesn't mean that part of me doesn't wish that I could have it all. And then the night comes. When I feel the presence of my three sleeping children, Diana, and Buffy, I do feel like I have it all.
Monday, December 9, 2019
Parenthood: Week 348 – The Experience I Cannot Know
This past Saturday, for the third time in my life, Diana my wife went into labor, which led to the birth of our third son Lucas early Sunday morning.
Witnessing and helping Diana through these experiences of child labor hasn’t changed what I think about women, but it has confirmed ideas that I have, and has led to an evolution in the way that I view our world and the human experience.
I have always believed that women are strong, and in some way stronger than men. However, there is something more to this belief that came to me as I witnessed Diana move through one of the difficult parts of the human experience.
The process of childbirth is one of the most difficult physical, and emotional experiences that a human can go through. And no, painkillers and the option of caesarean section do not create a pain free way of moving through this process. Childbirth is scary and life threatening. Things can go south very quickly for the mother and the child even in the best of situation.
It’s an experience that is central and fundamental to all of our existences, yet most people’s ideas about the business of being born are flawed, full of misunderstandings, and influenced by patriarchal ideas about gender. If every adult intimately understood and experienced in a meaningful way the challenges and plurality of experiences that people go through in child birth, we would have a very different society.
Cis-gendered men like myself can never experience childbirth. It’s something that I can read about and learn about but I can never truly “get.” There’s a limit to my understanding of what it means to be human because I will never be able to experience what it means to bear a child first-hand. Cis-gendered men, can never birth children, and the strength and insights that women gain from this process, I will never be able to attain. There are other experiences that I can have that I can grow from, that can make strong, but not in the same a women can gain strength through childbirth.
Someone can be a great teacher without being a parent. However, not including a person who is a parent in a teaching community is mistake. Not including someone who has experienced childbirth on a board where important decision are being made is absurd. How could you possibly make an important decision in life without consulting the perspective that can only come from someone who has created life?
There is nothing I can compare the strength, courage, and perseverance Diana displayed last weekend, and the last 9 months. Watching her, only a day later taking charge in the hospital getting ready to go home, I was in awe. It takes me a day to recover running a 5K. Diana had been through something far more difficult a day earlier and was already making things happen.
Part of me wishes that I could experience what Diana did with childbirth, but mostly I'm happy that this is something that she has done, that I can sit back and admire. I love that she has been to a place that I can't go. I love that she has strength to draw from these experiences, and more than ever in my life, I love her.
Witnessing and helping Diana through these experiences of child labor hasn’t changed what I think about women, but it has confirmed ideas that I have, and has led to an evolution in the way that I view our world and the human experience.
I have always believed that women are strong, and in some way stronger than men. However, there is something more to this belief that came to me as I witnessed Diana move through one of the difficult parts of the human experience.
The process of childbirth is one of the most difficult physical, and emotional experiences that a human can go through. And no, painkillers and the option of caesarean section do not create a pain free way of moving through this process. Childbirth is scary and life threatening. Things can go south very quickly for the mother and the child even in the best of situation.
It’s an experience that is central and fundamental to all of our existences, yet most people’s ideas about the business of being born are flawed, full of misunderstandings, and influenced by patriarchal ideas about gender. If every adult intimately understood and experienced in a meaningful way the challenges and plurality of experiences that people go through in child birth, we would have a very different society.
Cis-gendered men like myself can never experience childbirth. It’s something that I can read about and learn about but I can never truly “get.” There’s a limit to my understanding of what it means to be human because I will never be able to experience what it means to bear a child first-hand. Cis-gendered men, can never birth children, and the strength and insights that women gain from this process, I will never be able to attain. There are other experiences that I can have that I can grow from, that can make strong, but not in the same a women can gain strength through childbirth.
Someone can be a great teacher without being a parent. However, not including a person who is a parent in a teaching community is mistake. Not including someone who has experienced childbirth on a board where important decision are being made is absurd. How could you possibly make an important decision in life without consulting the perspective that can only come from someone who has created life?
There is nothing I can compare the strength, courage, and perseverance Diana displayed last weekend, and the last 9 months. Watching her, only a day later taking charge in the hospital getting ready to go home, I was in awe. It takes me a day to recover running a 5K. Diana had been through something far more difficult a day earlier and was already making things happen.
Part of me wishes that I could experience what Diana did with childbirth, but mostly I'm happy that this is something that she has done, that I can sit back and admire. I love that she has been to a place that I can't go. I love that she has strength to draw from these experiences, and more than ever in my life, I love her.
Friday, December 6, 2019
Year 10: Week 14 – Stress
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…kind of.
For music teachers this is often the most stressful time of the year, which is why on your music teacher friend's Facebook pages there are posts and memes about giving music teacher hugs and how much we have aged over the month of December.
On top of the stress of the holiday season and how it takes over music teacher's personal lives, many music teachers have to put on performances right before winter break. For many music teachers it’s not a great time in the arc of the school years since December really isn’t the middle of the school year in many school calendars and depending when you start the school year, it can feel really early to put students on stage.
This leads to many music teachers in the month of December feeling a lot of stress. This week while I’ve been preparing for my paternity leave, which is going to happen over my 3rd and 5th grader’s Winter performance and happening during a critical time for my band students to prepare for their performance after break is no small task. Yes, I have an AMAZING paternity sub lined up, but it’s still a lot to prepare for, and a lot to process. This has been stressful.
The stress that I have, I’ve realized is slightly misplaced, and mostly self-induced and I wonder if this is similar for other music teachers. I have a standard, and a way that I want my students to prepare and to perform. I am pushing myself to that standard. Can my students to one fewer song? Yes, probably, but like most music teachers, I don’t really play it safe. I want to push my students to their full potential, which means I’m taking some chances, doing things, I haven’t done before and putting stress on myself.
There’s also the stress of community and parental expectations, which is mostly through my own perception. Most parents want their children to present in performance as being prepared and enjoying themselves. That’s it, and what we do to raise them to a higher level of musical excellence, which adds a lot of stress on us, is really on us.
The stress that I feel and the worry I am processing, I wonder about. Is this stress based on the work that will truly benefit the students, or is based on my own expectations of my professional work, which many times does benefit the students, but I’m sure on some level is more about me.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to push yourself as a teacher to grow and to do more year to year, but I also feel teachers need to do this in a way that helps students and create opportunities to grow with limited stress.
It’s important that students feel the importance of our work and value the limited time we have in making music together, but I do not believe that stress motivates and help students grow. And undo stress that teachers feel and often put upon themselves, makes teachers forget the sheer joy of creating music with children.
My time is running out. I don’t know exactly how many more days I have before my leave and at some point in the middle of the past week, I stopped let myself have fun with my students. It’s weird. I know that I’m not good at motivating my students through being stern but I seem to revert to that in times of stress. And when I smiled, and showed my students how much joy I got out of their hard work, we all started to have more fun and be more productive.
I let stress take my smile a way for part of this week, and it didn’t help my students prepare for their performances.
We have to figure out where are stress comes from, and see where it leads us. There are so many important things to teach in preparation for performances. If we get to a polished performance through a process full of stress, then that’s all our students will remember.
Music is not about stress,. Music is about understanding and sharing the human experience in ways that words cannot. In this way music is life-affirming and powerful. If this happens in our classroom leading up to our concert, this is what they will remember regardless of how well a concert goes.
The glory of a great performance only last an evening, understanding the joy and meaning in the process of learning music lasts a lifetime.
For music teachers this is often the most stressful time of the year, which is why on your music teacher friend's Facebook pages there are posts and memes about giving music teacher hugs and how much we have aged over the month of December.
On top of the stress of the holiday season and how it takes over music teacher's personal lives, many music teachers have to put on performances right before winter break. For many music teachers it’s not a great time in the arc of the school years since December really isn’t the middle of the school year in many school calendars and depending when you start the school year, it can feel really early to put students on stage.
This leads to many music teachers in the month of December feeling a lot of stress. This week while I’ve been preparing for my paternity leave, which is going to happen over my 3rd and 5th grader’s Winter performance and happening during a critical time for my band students to prepare for their performance after break is no small task. Yes, I have an AMAZING paternity sub lined up, but it’s still a lot to prepare for, and a lot to process. This has been stressful.
The stress that I have, I’ve realized is slightly misplaced, and mostly self-induced and I wonder if this is similar for other music teachers. I have a standard, and a way that I want my students to prepare and to perform. I am pushing myself to that standard. Can my students to one fewer song? Yes, probably, but like most music teachers, I don’t really play it safe. I want to push my students to their full potential, which means I’m taking some chances, doing things, I haven’t done before and putting stress on myself.
There’s also the stress of community and parental expectations, which is mostly through my own perception. Most parents want their children to present in performance as being prepared and enjoying themselves. That’s it, and what we do to raise them to a higher level of musical excellence, which adds a lot of stress on us, is really on us.
The stress that I feel and the worry I am processing, I wonder about. Is this stress based on the work that will truly benefit the students, or is based on my own expectations of my professional work, which many times does benefit the students, but I’m sure on some level is more about me.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to push yourself as a teacher to grow and to do more year to year, but I also feel teachers need to do this in a way that helps students and create opportunities to grow with limited stress.
It’s important that students feel the importance of our work and value the limited time we have in making music together, but I do not believe that stress motivates and help students grow. And undo stress that teachers feel and often put upon themselves, makes teachers forget the sheer joy of creating music with children.
My time is running out. I don’t know exactly how many more days I have before my leave and at some point in the middle of the past week, I stopped let myself have fun with my students. It’s weird. I know that I’m not good at motivating my students through being stern but I seem to revert to that in times of stress. And when I smiled, and showed my students how much joy I got out of their hard work, we all started to have more fun and be more productive.
I let stress take my smile a way for part of this week, and it didn’t help my students prepare for their performances.
We have to figure out where are stress comes from, and see where it leads us. There are so many important things to teach in preparation for performances. If we get to a polished performance through a process full of stress, then that’s all our students will remember.
Music is not about stress,. Music is about understanding and sharing the human experience in ways that words cannot. In this way music is life-affirming and powerful. If this happens in our classroom leading up to our concert, this is what they will remember regardless of how well a concert goes.
The glory of a great performance only last an evening, understanding the joy and meaning in the process of learning music lasts a lifetime.
Monday, December 2, 2019
Parenthood: Week 347 – Every Day
In a recent podcast Dave Meltzer explained that one of the reasons that people in his generation grow and learn about what it means to be anti-racist and more accepting of diversity is through their children. Children, he explains, encourage us to grow and learn about new things in life. Children ensure that every single day of our lives is different.
Dave Melzer isn’t a parenting expert. He is a sports journalist who primarily focuses on professional wrestling and MMA. It is not an understatement to say that Meltzer is a genius, with an encyclopedic memory for sports. He is one of, if not the most prolific sports journalists of all time. Check out this great New York Times profile about him.
One of the reasons I respect Meltzer so much is that he has incredible instincts about recognizing racism, how to respond to issues related to racism, and what it means to navigate the modern world with all that has progressed in society. His mind, and his understanding of the world makes professional wrestling a wonderful world to explore. Following along with Meltzer is one of the reasons that I follow professional wrestling.
Back to the opening statement…Meltzer is right.
If you want your life to basically be the same every day, it’s possible. Stick with the friends you made in high school and college, go to the same job, and have the same hobbies. The years will go by like lightning and you can expect nothing much to change in your life. If you are fortunate enough, you can have forty years of your life go by without much change.
If consistency and predictability is what you want out of life. Fine, do your thing.
However, if you want your life to be different every day, have kids.
Every single day of my life since having children has been unique. Unpredictability has become the norm. Sometimes Ethan will sleep through the night, others nights he will not. Some night Ollie doesn’t have a lot to say at the dinner table, while tonight he told us that he wanted a unibrow because he heard about it in the story someone read to him at school.
Development stages pass like the seasons, new adventures are always on the horizon, and there’s always new things to learn and explore. Children motivate me to try new things with them, and my children motivate me to want to learn and be a better me.
Pushing for consistently day to day with children in routines is important for structure but these routines aren’t a cage to control children but structures for children to grow like tomatoes moving up and around wooden stakes. You can’t predict exactly how a plant will grow, and that’s the exciting part.
Why kid number 3? Because I like that my life is different every day, and I want more of that. To me, what makes life awesome, interesting, emotional and powerful is the difference from day to day, what is unique about each morning, each afternoon, and each evening. Children ensure that every day is an adventure. It feels right for more of this, for myself, for my wife, and for my children.
I like the rollercoaster. It’s scary, but it’s fun. I’ve loved going on this ride with Diana, and I’m looking forward to bringing Ollie and Ethan along for the ride, as we welcome a special one into our lives.
Dave Melzer isn’t a parenting expert. He is a sports journalist who primarily focuses on professional wrestling and MMA. It is not an understatement to say that Meltzer is a genius, with an encyclopedic memory for sports. He is one of, if not the most prolific sports journalists of all time. Check out this great New York Times profile about him.
One of the reasons I respect Meltzer so much is that he has incredible instincts about recognizing racism, how to respond to issues related to racism, and what it means to navigate the modern world with all that has progressed in society. His mind, and his understanding of the world makes professional wrestling a wonderful world to explore. Following along with Meltzer is one of the reasons that I follow professional wrestling.
Back to the opening statement…Meltzer is right.
If you want your life to basically be the same every day, it’s possible. Stick with the friends you made in high school and college, go to the same job, and have the same hobbies. The years will go by like lightning and you can expect nothing much to change in your life. If you are fortunate enough, you can have forty years of your life go by without much change.
If consistency and predictability is what you want out of life. Fine, do your thing.
However, if you want your life to be different every day, have kids.
Every single day of my life since having children has been unique. Unpredictability has become the norm. Sometimes Ethan will sleep through the night, others nights he will not. Some night Ollie doesn’t have a lot to say at the dinner table, while tonight he told us that he wanted a unibrow because he heard about it in the story someone read to him at school.
Development stages pass like the seasons, new adventures are always on the horizon, and there’s always new things to learn and explore. Children motivate me to try new things with them, and my children motivate me to want to learn and be a better me.
Pushing for consistently day to day with children in routines is important for structure but these routines aren’t a cage to control children but structures for children to grow like tomatoes moving up and around wooden stakes. You can’t predict exactly how a plant will grow, and that’s the exciting part.
Why kid number 3? Because I like that my life is different every day, and I want more of that. To me, what makes life awesome, interesting, emotional and powerful is the difference from day to day, what is unique about each morning, each afternoon, and each evening. Children ensure that every day is an adventure. It feels right for more of this, for myself, for my wife, and for my children.
I like the rollercoaster. It’s scary, but it’s fun. I’ve loved going on this ride with Diana, and I’m looking forward to bringing Ollie and Ethan along for the ride, as we welcome a special one into our lives.
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