Parenthood: Week 498 - What It Means To Be Away

Last week there was a lot going on. (Well, most of the time, it feels like there’s a lot going on). It was Halloween, I was out of town with my 5th graders on their outdoor education overnight trip, one of my children had a minor cold, and my mom was in town to visit and help out. Oh, and it was also Ethan’s birthday last week. 

We moved the 5th-grade trip earlier, which is nice. There’s a better chance the weather will not be as cold, and doing it before the election, and not on the election, is important. The 2016 election? I was on this trip the night of the election and the day after. So, yeah, that was a thing. If you want to read about what that felt like, here it is.

The timing worked well. The night before I left was Ethan’s birthday. So we had a family dinner with some cake and presents. He’s going to have a party with his friends at a later date. I was worried I'd miss his birthday for my trip. Ethan's been very excited for his birthday. He's been talking about it for month, literally.   

The first time I went on this trip was when Ollie was a little bit more than a year old it was tough being away. The good news is that Ollie was so young that he didn’t experience it in such a way that he showed that he missed me or was sad about it. I really missed him and was worried about him, but he was, of course, fine.

Now it’s different. I still miss my kids when I’m away, but it’s different. It’s less a feeling of worry and longing. Instead, I feel unsettled not being near my children. There’s a wonderful feeling at night knowing that all my children sleep peacefully and safely near me in our house every night. Everything feels right knowing we are all together. I miss that when I’m away. When I sleep, I can’t get entirely comfortable or relaxed.

My children are different now. Two of them clearly articulate that they don’t miss me or know I’m gone. My two oldest have enough of a sense of time. They can count down the days and feel how long I’m gone.   My second one Ethan, who had just turned five years old, wasn’t happy that I was gone. He showed that by being challenging when I got back, and melting down a lot. He didn’t want me to read to him and put him to bed like he usually did. He lashed out at me for the first two days I was back, which was hard to take. 

It’s hard because he has his feelings, and he doesn’t know how to express them productively or thoughtfully, so I’m made to feel like a punching bag at times. Also, I feel like there has been reversion like in years past right after his birthday. It’s because he spends so much energy and time wanting to get to his birthday so he can be older, and once the birthday hits, he worries about what it means to be older and reverts to less mature behavior.

Last night Ethan asked me to read him a bedtime story, so I got into bed with him, and he curled up next to me and listened as I read. This was his way of forgiving me for being away. Ethan tries to apologize, but he doesn’t know what it means to say, “I’m sorry.” However, at that moment in his room, as he fell asleep in my arms, I felt his forgivingness and the reassurance that we would be alright.

Year 13: Week 8 - Goals, Draft #2

I want to be honest, which means I have to admit that things are complicated. 

I value and care for this school, but my family is my priority. There are spaces where I feel valued and included and situations where I feel isolated. I feel confident in my power and position, and sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and stressed.  

There are things about this school that I’m proud of and things that bring me concern There is great satisfaction in much of the work to do, and times when a lack of gratitude makes this work feel like people take me for granted.  

And if I’m sincere, I must admit that it’s not easy to separate my work on myself from my work at this school. I must admit that sometimes negative feelings of loneliness at this school are not reflected in the incredible support many people give me at this school. And I have to admit that I don’t always know who I am and who I want to be outside and inside of this school.  

It would be easy to construct goals that appear progressive and reflective but those would feel like platitudes. So instead, I will lean into the tension, the complexities, and the truth of my work. 

I want to continue developing curricula that center DEIB in a subject that in most places does not. Foundations of my curriculum, like solfege, the recorder, band instruments, and note-reading, are reflections of a Euro-centric paradigm that permeates American music culture. While developing and pushing against this, I can't recognize and abandon these techniques and materials. For example, I’m working to de-center whiteness and masculinity in Western music while teaching tools created by white men. This is all in the goal that students will continue this work using music to strengthen their voices and self-expression.  

I am committed to centering my instruction on social and emotional learning and helping students develop better relationships with me, their classmates, and themselves. In addition, I want to be more effective at teaching music. While these things do not work against each other, as a more emotionally aware student is a more effective learner, the SEL work sometimes feels like it’s taking time away from music instruction, especially when most models of music instruction do not reflect the more progressive teaching practices l of  RULER.  

As the music department chair and DEIB co-chair, I love collaborating and being in the “room where it happens” with members of the admin team, and I struggle with the distance this work creates between the people in my department and me. I am excited about the challenging work that I can often find solutions to and frustrating problems that persist beyond my best efforts and intentions.  

I know people like me have moments when we don’t feel like we belong and are unseen by this community. In every interaction with faculty, new and veteran, I have the opportunity to empower others by making them feel more seen and valued. I will continue to create lessons and programming to make people see mirrors of themselves and the humanity in others different from themselves. I can deal with people’s thoughtless actions by allowing myself to feel these emotions, find support in others, and sometimes take action. I'll use my power to spread more positivity to others to feel the inclusive light of our mission.  

This school is a place that can be warm and inviting and can also feel cold and lonely. It is a place that is exhausting and energizing. And it's a school that is a place that has helped me better embrace facets of my personality, and at times seems not to honor parts of my identity. Among these contradictions and dissonances is me: a teacher, a department chair, a colleague, a collaborator, a leader, an ally, a manager, and to some, a friend. 

The truth is there are things that are clear and absolute.  

I am more excited about what Parker can be than frustrated at what Parker is not. I feel great gratitude for the people who have mentored me and supported me, and I am committed to making meaning of these gifts by helping others. I am here, ready to lean in, to all the complexities and challenges, for the work is good and allows me to bring meaning to others’ lives as this school has brought meaning to life.  

And that's if I'm being completely honest.

Parenthood: Week 497 - On The Even Of Five

For the past couple of months, Ethan has talked about how much he is looking forward to his birthday. Now some of this is because he wants more toys. Like most children, a big part of birthdays are presents for Ethan. However, it's more than just the toys for Ethan. 

Ethan wants to be older like his brother. He sees being older as getting better toys and more freedom. Ethan, more than Ollie, feels a need to control his life. He wants things to be on his terms and is less willing to go along with things. When Ollie was potty training, we would ask him to sit on the potty every forty-five minutes and try. Ollie was good about doing this. I have no clue how we eventually got Ethan potty trained because he refused to follow any training method. Finally, it came down to Ethan deciding to be potty trained. After weeks of struggle, Ethan decided he would be potty trained one day, and that was pretty much it.  

That's my boy.  

I don't use the motivator of being a "big boy" to get my children to do things. I get that this works, and I use it sometimes. However, I'm not too fond of the idea of glorifying how great it is to be older. I want my children to enjoy being their age and not spend too much time pining for the future when there are wonderful things about being children they should enjoy. This talk does work with Ethan, partially because he wants to be like his brother, and he knows now more than ever he's a small boy.  

Ethan, like me, is small for his age. He can share clothing with his two-year-old brother, and he's turning five tomorrow. Ethan knows he's smaller, and I think there's a hope with age, he will be bigger, and he will, but he's always going to be on the small size. I see with my students how much talk, especially with the boys, is around height. Last week, I gave a mini-lecture as boys were making value judgments around height, and I was not having it.  

I hope he doesn't have to deal with too much of this. I was made fun of for my height a lot when I was a kid, and it was not fun. I knew that by looking at my dad and brother. I would always be a smaller guy, so I realized that being older wouldn't make me bigger than other boys. But I hoped that by being older, that height would matter less, and I was right about that.  

Ethan made significant progress over the summer sleeping in his bed all the way through the night. He was down to getting up earlier and coming into my bed once every two weeks instead of twice a week. Ethan has been coming into my bed more often for the last two weeks. He's been talking about how he wants to sleep in our bed more often, and we've explained that he's older, which means he's in his bed. Like all of us, when we get older, I think Ethan is worried about getting older and wants to hang on to something as he goes into the unknown.  

I get it because I feel the same way as Ethan. I'm so excited about what age five will bring to Ethan's life, but I'm worried, and part of me doesn't want him not to grow up. And no matter what I do, tomorrow morning Ethan will wake up a 5-year-old.  

I'm so proud of him, and while there are many thoughts in my head as I reflect on this movement, in my heart, more than anything, there is love.

Year 13: Week 7 - Goals

In some ways, it's easy to state my goals are this year as a teacher and department chair. I have new faculty to support and mentor, I need to rejuvenate the music program, and I need to lead in changing our curriculum to meet the needs of the students. We have all been changed by the pandemic and other current trends like social media and political extremism, and in turn, so does our work.

In other ways, it's hard to articulate and understand what I want for myself and this school. I love the work I have the privilege to do in this community. The time I have with my students and the ability to support and help other faculty feel meaningful is rewarding. Because this school has helped me develop as a teacher and administrator, I have the tools and abilities to enjoy the challenges. In the same way, I enjoy solving a Rubik's Cube because I know how to do it. Most of the challenges at this school feel manageable and even fun sometimes.  

However, there are feelings that are hard for me to process.

There are times when I don't feel appreciated and included at this school. Some of this is because we as a community need to continue to put effort into being for each other. That work is never done, and while people at this school are overwhelmingly outwardly kind, there are aspects of interactions at this school that feel less than. Some of this is my perceptions and work that is more about me. This is hard to process because it's nigh-impossible to separate out and fully understand what these feelings are about other people actions and what about my own insecurities.  

Feeling isolated is part of the gig sometimes. I teach a curriculum that no one else does. I'm one of the few Asian-American men at this school. And my position as department chair sets me apart with the information I can't share with others and situations when I have to make decisions all by myself. So while I do have the opportunity to work with teams of teachers and am honored for my contributions, often I'm working with a team and not part of the team.  

I wonder what of this is a feature to be accepted and what is a flaw that can be improved upon.  

In these thoughts and wonders, I see that I want to develop my personality and my understanding of myself. And as I better understand who I am and who I am becoming, I want to make school a place I feel more comfortable being myself. Because I do believe that I can change, and this school can change, and be better for myself and others.  

I've always made it a practice not to complain unless I had a solution. While I feel this has made me an asset to work with, it has made me take on too much of a burden to fix things and closed me off from meaningfully expressing experiences, concerns, and feelings that people need to hear. I can change this. 

I feel a need to prove myself and sometimes take on so much that I feel overloaded. While I know, I have a valued place in the community. I don't understand why I push myself. I have more value to this community the more balanced I am. So I can back off, do less, and address these feelings more productively. I can change this.  

I will continue to be warm and inclusive to other people. This isn't going to change all of my feelings, but it's something I can do to help others and make them feel like they have a place in this school. My approach to others does not have to be dictated by how I think other people treat me. I can help make sure this is a place for others that I want it to be for myself. In these efforts, I can work with others and find joy in changing.

What I want for myself is what I want for students. I want them to feel known and seen. I want them to be appreciated and for people, to understand them, and I want people to want to work with them. Everything I'm doing to create an atmosphere where my students feel these things are what I know I need for myself.

 

Sometimes when we do for our students, we learn to do for ourselves. So I'll lean as I always do, and do what I can do make this school what it can be for myself and for others. 

Parenthood: Week 496 - 10/17/22

Ethan is getting more into soccer. Before his game yesterday, he spent time practicing kicking a ball around. For some reason, he thought he had to throw the ball to get the ball moving, so he proceeded to try to drop-kick the ball over and over. During the soccer practice before the game, he was more successful moving the fall down the field and passing the ball in other drills with his teammates. 

The afternoon was the coldest we’ve had this fall, and I didn’t dress Ethan in as warm clothing as his teammates. Other team members wore hats, gloves, and thick fleece underneath their uniforms. Ethan was just wearing a long t-shirt. I was expecting him to complain that he was cold as I saw him pull his sleeves over his hands to keep them warm, but he didn’t.  

There were times when Ethan got distracted and was less engaged in the game, but he was on par in this regard with most of the players on his team with his attention, so I wasn’t concerned.  

Things with soccer are starting to click for Ethan. 

*****

If you sit on the couch and ask Lucas to bring you a book, he will happily run off and get one for you to read to him. Sometimes these books are small board books, and sometimes they are picture books the size of his torso. Then, he will push the book onto your lap and climb onto the couch. 

Lucas is still at the age where climbing on the couch really is a climb. He drops his head and torso down the couch, throws his leg up, and tries to pull himself up. Sometimes I help him. Other times, he manages himself.  

Once Lucas makes it up to the couch, he will settle down next to me or in my lap. Then, when I’m done with the book, he jumps off my lap and grabs another book. Suppose I let him this go on and on. He will happily keep bringing books for you to read as long as you are willing to read to him. 

***** 

Sometimes I get annoyed when Ollie leads his brothers in playing a game that is too loud and messy. I’ll be in the kitchen and hear joyful laughs and screams, check on my boys, and the living room will be an absolute mess.  

Sometimes, when it’s too late, it’s too messy, or close to a meal, I stop them. I make them top and clean up, and do something different. Then there are others times I just walk away and let it go.  

Ollie loves playing with his brothers. He’s not concerned about playing games that are too kiddie. As they play, I see Ollie teaching his brothers rules and helping them along, even in the silliest games. He wants to involve his brothers and have fun with them. I look at the way Ethan and Lucas are up to him with fascination and wonder, and it makes me so happy that they all have each other.

Year 13: Week 6 - Introducing The Story

It’s really scary to share something you love with people. Even though you know that if someone doesn’t like what you have to share, it’s not personal, it can still feel invalidating. The more you tell someone how you feel about something, the more vulnerable you feel. However, this sharing also opens up the potential for a deeper connection.  

We’ve been studying The Highwomen with my 4th graders. “Crowded Table” is a wonderful value-affirming song to start the school year.  

 

The story of The Highwomen, four female artists frustrated with the state of country music coming together to feel less alone, is relatable to children and is a great example of how you can empower others by being your authentic self.  

As part of this unit, we are learning about the four artists who make The Highwomen: Amanda Shires, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Brandi Carlile. 

Earlier this week, the lesson was focused on Brandi.  

It’s both incredibly easy and challenging to explain what Brandi Carlile and her music mean to me. Her music gave me hope and strength in the darkest moments of my life. Her life story, her resolve, and the way she has used to voice and platform continue to inspire me as a teacher and a person.  

I wanted to tell my 4th graders some of this. Hyping up and preparing students for music is important. If I genuinely tell students that something is interesting and why students will be more likely to have a meaningful connection with the music.  

So I told my students that Brandi Carlile is one of my heroes. I told them that her music makes me feel less alone. I explained that the song “The Story,” written by Phil Hanseroth, the bass player in her band, is about how the good times are so much more fun with people that you love and the bad times aren’t so bad when you share them with people that you love.  

I had more to say, but I stopped myself and let Brandi perform for my students.  

 

As the video played, I didn’t want to look at my students. I wasn't sure how I would handle seeing one of my students being disinterested or bored with this video. However, when I did, I saw every student looking at the screen in awe, and I got emotionally seeing them experience deeply something I loved so much.  

When the video was over, the class was quiet. There was a feeling of disbelief in the room at what they saw. I stumbled through some words and said, “isn’t Brandi magical?” And they all nodded their heads.  

I'm so glad I got to share "The Story" with my students. I didn't think this song could mean more to me, but after my experience with my 4th graders, it means more than ever.

Parenthood: Week 495 - The Cubing Competition

I wasn’t alone; there was a sea of nervous parents with me. 

As Ollie got up there to serve as a judge during this the cubing tournament, I could feel the other nervous parents near me, hoping their children wouldn’t mess up judging other competitors. We were all learning forward, but none of us got up as our children figured out where to go and what to do.  

There is a lot of steps to judging: asking the competitor if they were ready, timing the preview period, giving them time warnings of the period, marking down the score, making sure the competitor signed off on the score and judging issues with the solves. I was worried Ollie would mess up someone else’s experience, but he didn’t. He wasn’t the fastest judge, but he figured it out, and it was because of the people at the competitions.  

The people running the competition were very helpful, which was nice but not unexpected. What impressed me was the competitors, many of them older than my 9-year-old son (some of them were adults). The were helpful and patient with him as he figured out how to be a judge. Clearly, for the competitor, their priority was doing well, but from the way I saw them treat my son, treating judges and new participants with respect was as part of that process.  

Ollie started getting into cubing last June. As he got faster, I wondered if there were any competitions he could check out. I didn’t think he would go and win, but I hoped he would enjoy experiencing. Luckily we found one near us, The Mt. Prospect Open 2022. Ollie was really excited when I asked him if he wanted to go, so we got him registered. He wanted to do all of the events, so he got practicing. Before he registered, he didn’t even have a 7x7 cube, so I got him one, and he figured it out.   

This cubing competition was fascinating. It was at a park district center gymnasium. The competitor limit was 200, and there were five events: 2x2, 3x3, 7x7, pyraminx, and meganminx. People were called up in groups at one of four stations for most of the events. First, they dropped their cube in a box with a scorecard and then sat down in a waiting area. Next, cubes were scrambled, and people were called up to complete a solution. When they were done, they would sit down and wait for the cube to be scrambled for their next solution. Once they got through five solves, that round was done. Here is a video that outlines the process. 

Initially, the process seemed a little convoluted, but once I watched a couple of rounds, it made a lot of sense. 

The tournament really felt right. I realized it was because three things that I feel are central to educational and human development were a part of the foundation of these competitions. 

First off, ages and genders were not split up. 8-year-olds were competing against 40-year-olds and girls were competing against boys. Was this unfair? Not really. The nature of speedcubing means that younger people can be competitive and there are no reasons to split up people by gender. We live, learn and operate best when around people of different ages and genders. It is unnatural to segregate by age and gender as much as we do as a society, and many of our issues result from these practices.  

Second, every single participant served others in the competition as a judge. I think this came from needing help for these events, but it has created a fantastic vibe. If you know you will have to serve as a judge, you have more empathy for the people judging you. This also encourages interaction between people and opportunities for support and kindness. I saw many judges being very kind, offering encouraging comments, and helping out competitors. Also, judging creates a situation where people can see competitors up close, which is a thrill.  

More competitions should have individuals serve others and have a role in judging. It makes the competition feel less like competitors vs. judge/referee, and more of a feeling where the competitors are working with the judges to make the competition fair and kind.  

Finally, this competition was about finding satisfaction in your progress and goals while competing against others. This allowed for success to look and feel different for people. For example, hitting a personal best and not making the finals was an awesome accomplishment. However, while competing against each other, people were not competing head-to-head.

Two people could still hit their personal best, and one would win because they were slightly faster than the other. Nothing that another person could do, like intercepting a football pass, directly impacted another person, and this made for a positive feeling in this competition. A lot of this was due to the setup of the competition, but I think a lot of it had to do with the cubing community.  

I was first introduced to the cubing community by this incredible Netflix documentary, The Speed Cubers. It’s an excellent documentary about cubing and how positivity and kindness can be present in a highly competitive atmosphere:  

 

One of the best and most beloved cubers right now Max Park, featured in this documentary, is autistic. This is significant. As I’ve joined cubing Facebook groups, I’ve seen this kindness and inclusivity worldwide and saw it on display during this competition last weekend. The camaraderie in this documentary sets a tone for the cubing community.  Are there people in the cubing community who are jerks? I’m sure of it, but it makes a difference when the leaders in this community are not. This a community where neurodiversity, racial diversity, and a wide age range are features that are celebrated.   

There were emotional ups and downs. Ollie wanted to make the finals, but he didn’t. Ollie had great times and disappointing times. Overall he completed seventeen solves and had one DNF (did not finish) because he couldn’t finish the 7x7 cube in the ten-minute time limit.  

When this happened and the judge had to stop him, Ollie was clearly disappointed. As he returned to the chair next to me, a parent sitting next to me noticed his sadness and told him how amazing he was for even trying. As he sat next to me and finished his 7x7 in a couple more minutes, another parent sitting nearby told him how most people in the competition didn’t even try to do the 7x7 event and how he was doing something 99.999% of the world couldn’t do. I couldn’t help but reflect on this kindness during the whole event, talking to other parents and being encouraging to other competitors.  

I think this is why Ollie wants to come back to another cubing competition. Competitors and spectators were friendly to Ollie. People started conversations with him and gave him encouraging comments, and Ollie reciprocated this by responding to people and showing great care when judging.  

I’m proud that Ollie went out and did something different, and was so successful. I’m really grateful to Ollie that his interests and excitement got me to try something different and go to an event that was new for me too.  

Yes, it’s nice when Ollie shares my interests, but that’s not the point of our relationship. If I’m looking for someone to share my interests with, I should look for that in my friends more than my children. While my children should learn to understand and try out my interests, it’s okay if they are not into something I’m passionate about. Love isn’t about loving the same things.  

I remember getting into Broadway music when I was in middle school, and my father, who was not into Broadway music, made an effort to dive into this musical genre to understand me better. Then he developed his passion for musicals. This was so cool of him, and I feel it’s one of the best examples of what is so great about parenthood. My children being into something I’m not, which leads me to new experiences and growth, is part of the transformative experience of parenting. This happened in a very real way with Ollie’s interest in speedcubing.  

I sat down for an hour and a half to learn how to solve a cube just so I could better understand Ollie’s passion, and I went to this competition last weekend to be closer to him. And at the same time, I’ve developed my independent interest in cubing. How cool is that?  

To the organizers of the Mt. Prospect Open 2022 Cubing Competition: Bravo. Nicely done, and thank you. This competition felt like the best of parenting: when doing for your child feels like doing for yourself and pride fills your heart as they do more than you ever could. 

Year 13: Week 5 - Moving On From Masks

Last fall, I had a plan. I picked out a bunch of music and activities to get my students going. The 2020-2021 school year was challenging. Students had music in their classrooms, we were told we couldn’t sing, and we were coming up with lesson plans on the fly. The 2021-2022 school year seemed like it had more potential to be normal, and I needed to plan how to get the students back to music. 

It felt good to hit the ground running last fall, and as much as I worked, it was hard to get to know the kids and connect. Even by the end of the year, there were students I didn’t feel I knew as well as I typically did before the pandemic.

This fall, I feel I’m getting to my students and enjoying that aspect of my job more than I have since the pandemic started. It’s not because of my planning. I am doing far too much teaching without well-defined lesson plans, but it’s not getting in the way of me getting to know my students for my 4th and 5th graders.

I talked to one of the 5th-grade classroom teachers about this, and he agreed. He also felt like he was getting to know and connect with his students faster than he did last year. So we chatted, trying to figure out why and he concluded, “well, we’re not wearing masks.”

This recent study argues that mask-wearing for children has no clear benefit. One thing mentioned in this article is that many people don’t see a downside to children wearing masks, so why not take this precaution, even though masking is effective?

It will take years and a lot of time and energy to fully understand the long-term effects of masking on children and teachers and how this has affected education. However, I know right now how much a lack of masking has changed how I have gotten to know and work with my students.

There were students I got to know first with their masks on, and then when I saw them later without their masks, it was really hard to process. I had only seen half of their face, and my imagination often filled in the rest of the face inaccurately and sometimes didn’t fill it in at all. So all I knew of that face was half, reflecting how little I knew of my students. 

It’s hard to feel close to someone who is wearing a mask. It’s harder to be empathetic and show you care when you are wearing a mask. It’s harder to see how people feel when they are wearing a mask, and it is harder to hear a person’s voice with a mask. I was never able to overcome these harder things, and I don’t think it was possible because there is just too much lost and too much hidden by masks. One of the saddest moments I had in my teaching was when close to a performance last spring my 5th graders had to mask back up. Even though they were allowed to take off their masks for their performances, most did not. I did everything I could to prepare them and get them going during their performance, but I just couldn't make it click. 

Nothing I could do could overcome what the masks put between us.  

I love teaching because it is a job that is built on making and nurturing relationships. But, unfortunately, masks get in the way of this. I would be the first person to advocate that me and my students wear masks if it significantly affected people’s safety. But it doesn’t. After experiencing so many wonderful moments getting to know students this past fall, it’s clear that mask-wearing “out of an abundance of caution” isn’t worth it. 

We didn't know about in the fall of 2020. We know better now. 

Now it's time to make sure we do better, and move on from the idea of masking our children. 

Parenthood: Week 494 - It’s Getting Better All The Time

Lucas can now put his sock on…with a little bit of assistance. He is also getting a lot more aware of his surroundings and that he can have a voice in what is going on in his life. And this is why he was wearing two different socks yesterday. 

Lucas is talking more, following more verbal directions, and working hard at figuring out how to express himself. His receptive language is growing as he sits when told, comes over when we ask, and has adorable conversations with us more and more 

Lucas is become less cooperative with diaper changes and with changing his clothes when he doesn’t want to. These things can be annoying however these are signs of other growth that he is may ready for the potty.

I’ve noticed in the past month that when Lucas asks for a hug, he really needs a hug. He squeezes me around the neck like my other sons did not at this age. While he doesn’t hug as long as often as Ethan or Ollie does, his hugs are more intense and lovely, uniquely and wonderfully.  

*****

Ethan is sleeping better than he used. He will still come into my bed in the middle of the night for a hug, but it is becoming less consistent and rarer.  

Ethan has moments of frustration and acts out with his brothers, but he can calm down faster, showing more kindness to Lucas, his baby brother. Ethan has always been pleasant to Lucas, but he is leading a higher awareness of how to deal with Lucas when he is frustrated.  

When Lucas is frustrated, Ethan will offer him a toy, a book, or hug him. Sometimes they fight over toys, but a lot of the time, Ethan solves these moments himself.  

Family rituals are starting to sink in with Ethan. He expresses gratitude at dinner time, enjoys bedtime routines as much, and seeks routines more then fights them.  

*****

Yesterday Ollie created his puzzle out of Magna-Tiles. It was a shifting tile puzzle that is usually handheld size, but with his creativity was spread across the floor. It was fascinating to see him create his project, his challenge. Like a game of solitaire, he had to create rules to follow, and without anyone making him stick to those rules, he did so for the satisfaction of the exercise and the pursuit.  

Last evening, I also found him reading a book with Ethan explaining what was happening in the pictures and sharing the joys of reading. We are working on things with Ollie, but I love how he finds ways to stimulate himself by creating his work and sharing it with others.  

Ollie is preparing for this first cubing competition this weekend, and I am so glad to share this new experience with him.

At night, when I’m tired and the house is a mess, or when my children have difficult moments, it seems like we aren’t moving forward, but thinking about last week, I got to admit, it’s getting better.