Parenthood: Week 140 - I Will

I just changed my tune and no one seems to notice, but you will.

I love being a parent, but I don’t love everything about being a parent. There are days filled with tantrums, crying and stress. Then there are days when parenting feels wonderful, when the world you share with your child is all that you need. Last Tuesday was one of those days. 

And the first thing on my mind when I arise.

My school has mid-winter break, a week off in the middle of February. Leading up to this week, Diana and I had been talking a lot about potty training. We both agreed that we wanted to jump off the deep end and do a series of days of intensive potty training to really help get Ollie going.

Saturday before my week off, we went to a toddler Valentines Day party. A couple parents there had done the intensive potty training thing and they all explained that it really wasn’t that bad. With Diana taking the lead and our friends encouragement we went for it. I wrote this blog post about day two of potty training. Diana and I were both home, it went well. The next I faced a day of potty training by myself.

I know it don't come easy but I love you, I do.

Usually when I spend time with Ollie alone it’s just for half the day, not the whole day. More often than not, I will take Ollie somewhere like the library or the grocery store. Often during that time I try to get stuff done around the house, like cook dinner or do the laundry. The nature of potty training meant that I really had to pay attention to Ollie so I resolved not to do any chores, not to check my phone and to give my full attention to Ollie the entire day.

Ollie got up in the morning, I got him on his potty, he went, we celebrated, and the day was on. I made him some oatmeal for breakfast, and let him scoop out the oatmeal and stir in the brown sugar. Whenever we make oatmeal I let him stick his finger in the brown sugar jar to get a taste. This time Ollie tried to stick his whole fist in the sugar, but I caught him trying, he giggled and happily licked his finger. I cooked myself a fried egg and rice (a traditional Chinese breakfast), and Ollie asked for me to hold him while I ate. This is something that Ollie often asks Diana to do, which can annoyingly get in the way of eating. I didn't mind as Ollie had never asked me to do this before.

I can try and I won't find it where I'm looking.

Throughout the day, we did activities together. When he colored with crayons, so did I. We built some block towers together, worked on arts projects, read books together, watched a little television and danced. Throughout all of this, I made Ollie regularly sit on the potty and he made good progress getting more comfortable using the potty.

There were a couple moments when Ollie got frustrated but overall he was in a good mood. Then about halfway through the day it hit me. The entire morning Ollie had my undivided attention. Even when were playing in parallel, he still felt my presence focusing on him.

I will do the right thing I will.

I wonder how many times when Ollie is frustrated if he is simply fighting for my attention. Ollie has to learn how to not having my attention all of the time, that’s part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be moments when he can have all of my attention.

When you focus all of your attention on your child, it’s amazing what you realize. Ollie is growing up so fast. His vocabulary is amazing, he’s creative, and funny and he asks great questions. More than anything else, Ollie just wanted to do things with me. There was something so beautifully simple about what made him happy.

I'm sure that you want me to learn from you.

When I woke him up and made him go to his potty, I promised that he could go back in the crib when he was done. After he did his business, I put him back into his crib and he curled up around his pillow. "Ollie, do you want to hear some music?" "Yes," he replied. I scrolled through my iPad looking for something calm and came to "I Will" by Brandi Carlile. When the song was done, Ollie asked me to play it again. After the third time through, I put it on repeat.

Ollie asked me to come into his crib, so I climbed in. For almost half an hour Ollie giggled and cuddled up against me as we listened to Brandi Carlisle's voice soar through mountains and valleys of melody over and over again.  As Ollie rested his head against my chest, I whispered along with Carlile's singing into Ollie’s ear, with a prayer in my breath and a promise in my voice: 

I have to say that I'm proud to know you 
And I'll never ben the same because we met.
You might not miss this
I will, I will I will. 

Fine Fine Boy by Darlene Love

The greatest musicians in popular music aren’t always the ones that are the most popular and some of the most popular musicians owe their success to people who are not credited for their work.

20 Feet From Stardom is the Oscar winning documentary that explores the role of back-up singers and reveals the struggles of a generation of singers who contributed to some of the greatest songs in popular music history.

While their names may not ring a bell, their voices and the songs that they contributed to are unforgettable.



It’s a story like the film “Standing In The Shadows of Motown,” (which I discussed in this previous post), which seem tragic and victorious all at the same time.

The sad part is that these singers never “made it.” There are stories of singers who sang on songs while other artist got credit for them. Some of them rationalize this as a good thing but you can tell that there’s sadness, a feeling of regret as they reflection of their careers.

The amazing part is the music. These singers sound amazing from back when they were teenagers to now that they are past middle age. The passion and the shear joy that they express in their singing is simply breathtaking.

Phil Spector gets so much credit for his production work with songs like “Unchained Melody.” However his songs would not have had nearly the impact they did if these songs didn’t feature some of the best voices in pop music history. This becomes clear when you hear Darlene Love perform “Fine Fine Boy.”

20 Feet From Stardom ends with Darlene Love performing this song with Bruce Springsteen at the 25th Anniversary Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Concert.

Springsteen states in the documentary that one thing that made Spector productions so great is the youthfulness of these voice and yes Darlene Love sounds different than she did in her twenties:



Her voice is deeper now with more soul. After watching 20 Feet From Stardom, you know her struggle and how she went from singing to cleaning houses and finally came back and owned her true destiny as a singer. This knowledge gives her voice much more depth. Yes, “Fine Fine Boy,” is a teenage-centric song, but it’s about joy. It’s about hope and Darlene Love, expressing this so beautifully after all that she has gone through is truly inspiring.


One of these days Ollie will ask me about "Fine Fine Boy," after years of me singing this song to him.  Then I'll explain to him who Darlene Love is and we'll watch some of 20 Feet From Stardom.  He may not understand what it's all about, but he'll understand the joy that comes from these amazing singers.  I can't think of a better tribute to their work then to pass their music and their stories on to one more generation. 

Cannonball By Lea Michelle

Okay, Shaun, here you go:

Cory Monteith’s death resonated in popular culture. As one of the stars of the popular show Glee! his character endeared himself to audiences as a jock who liked to sing. His co-star Lea Michelle was also his girlfriend and when he died we were all shocked. As hard as it was to imagine loosing a co-start the tragedy of loosing a boyfriend as well was heartbreaking.

Pop music is sometimes frivolous and it's sometimes profound. Taylor Swift has made her mark using her music to work through the emotions and struggles of her own life. It’s fun game to listen a song and try to figure out which boyfriend she’s singing about. While this is entertaining, does this make her songs better? Not necessarily.

The Coen brothers claim that their film Fargo was based on real events, which they later revealed to be a false statement. Does that film feel different when you assume it reflects real events? Yes. When we harness the story in reality our suspension of disbelief changes as we allow ourselves to believe more of what we see to be plausible then a film we are told is fiction.

Pop singers are actors. We don’t expect that what they are singing about is actually something they have experienced. There is a suspension of belief that  was at one time actually crazy in love. When we are told that a song is based on a true story, we listen to it deeper and try to decipher what the lyrics are really saying not so much metaphorically but more literally.

When I heard that “Cannonball” was about Monteith’s death, I expected a heartfelt tribute, instead a got something very different. In this way, connecting the song to a real life tragedy threw me off course.

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From the first word of the song, you know this isn’t your ordinary song about death.  Is it “breakdown,” as in she’s having a mental breakdown or is it “break down,” an action and get out of the walls she has built up around herself.

If I wasn’t told ahead of time, I would have thought that this song was actually about a break-up, not the death of a loved one. It is exactly these different ways that you could interpret this song that makes it interesting.

The mourning of Cory’s death has put her in darkness, and she needs to find a way into the light.  She lights the “fuse” and like a cannonball she flies. A cannonball doesn't fly, rather it’s propelled for the purpose of demolishing. While this analogy may seem strange, it fits what Michelle is trying to say. She can't simply fly away from the darkness of her loss, she needs to be propelled by something more powerful than death. In this way she can move on with her life and let go of her fear.

While we are seeing a trend of artists mining their own lives for inspiration for songs and sharing these intentions with their fans, the story behind the music really doesn't speak to the what is truly meaningful in music. 

All songs are amalgamations of emotions that come from true life.  Some songs speak more directly to actual events than others but all songs express feelings that come from the human experience.  Artists can provide context for us which appeals to many people and makes songs feel more authentic.  However, if the story doesn't reflect events in our own lives and the song doesn't resonate with our experiences, the connection to an actual event becomes meaningless. 

Great music doesn't have to be about actual events to be intensely personal and artistically profound.  Truly great music needs to authentically reflect emotions from our lives.  This makes the song feel as much about the story behind the music as the story of our own lives. 

We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus

We all should be proud of Miley.  

“We Can’t Stop” is not on the same level of the pop masterpiece that “Party In The U.S.A.” (which I wrote about in this earlier post). But it’s an interesting song that demonstrates the spirit and strength of a young pop star as she struggles with challenges and double standards.



Much has been written about the drug references in this song and the sexuality and drug use Miley has expressed when promoting this song. The first reference is “dancing with Molly,” which apparently alludes to the drug ecstasy (which sometimes is referred to as “Molly.”) The second references is  in the second verse, “tryina get a line in the bathroom” referring to cocaine.

Should we be annoyed/outraged that former child star that had a show on the Disney channel is not making drug references in her songs? First off her kids show was canceled almost two years ago, many of her fans from that era, have grown up. Yes, many of her fans from when she was younger are only teenagers and maybe they could do better without hearing drug references, but most will be fine.

Snoop Dogg was only one year older than Miley at the age of 21, when he broke out rapping about drugs in a far more explicit way. If you’re not a fan of Miley’s stripper reference and her sexuality, take a look at what Rihanna was doing when she was seventeen. Let’s not forget that Britney Spears was only seventeen when she asked us to “hit her one more time.”

Did generations of people who listened to these young artists sing sexually about drugs become deviants living in hedonistic sin? Look, I’m sure some people hear references in songs and get excited about them but most people make their choices regardless of what pop songs sing are about.  Music is powerful, but it's not THAT powerful.  Last time I checked, there's not legions of people running around dressed like Marilyn Manson.  

“We Can’t Stop,” like Lesley Gore’s 1963 anthem “It’s My Party,” is a declaration of independence. The fact that this song ruffled feathers and got people concerned about Miley’s influence has more to do with people’s discomfort with seeing a woman try to assert herself as a adult.

No, Miley didn’t handle the “Molly,” reference perfectly in interviews well, but most artists in the her situation handle it in a similar way with a white lie and a smile. Really, “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds,” is not about LSD? Really? Really?!?

Miley says that this song represents where she is in her life right now. Whether we like to admit it or not, many twenty year old woman are exploring alcohol, drugs, and their own sexuality. Yes, caution is important with these activities, but most people come out the other end of these times in their lives just fine.

If Rihanna performed this song would the controversy around the lyrics and the music video be as critical? What if a guy sang these lyrics? Chris Brown was singing far more explicit and concerning lyrics when he was younger than Miley.
 
"We Can't Stop," isn't about drugs.  The line that holds the most meaning isn't a reference but a statement of belief: "Remember only God can judge you, Forget the haters cause somebody loves you."

Chill, this is a fun song.  The way she sings "we like to party," sounds really weird and the opening "God" voice chant, is funny and like the music video is more silly than anything else.  I'm proud of Miley for getting out there and reminding all of us that sometimes we just got to get out there and try something new we we can't stop. 

She's Having A Baby - Film Review

When people think about films about having a baby, titles like Father Of The Bride Part II and Nine Months come up. These film take a humorous look at pregnancy and having a baby. Unfortunately these films, like many others, steer away from representing the difficult realities of these experiences and fail to deal with the more challenging and complex emotional issues relating to having a baby.

One film that is not as well known but always shows up in lists of films that have to do with childbirth is John Hughes’ She’s Having A Baby. Like Hughes’ other works, this film is based in Chicago, touches on the challenges of growing up and has some powerful honest insights into life and relationships.



This films stars Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern as a couple that falls in love, gets married, buys a house and has a baby. There’s nothing really extraordinary about the plot but the way that its told is unique.

All of this film is through the perspective of Kevin Bacon’s character Jake. There are cut-scenes and altered reality as Jake deals with adulthood. He doubts whether he should get married, he’s unsure about settling in the suburbs, the job he takes seems like its crushing his spirits and his relationship with his wife doesn’t seem very loving.

Jake wanders through life, not fitting in; trying hard to reconcile his doubts with the responsibilities he’s taken on as an “adult.” Then his wife Kristy gets pregnant in the last third of the film. The relationships between Kristy and Jake seem to get better leading up to the childbirth scene.

Hughes can’t resist making one more childbirth cliché as Jake drives off to the hospital leaving Kristy behind but once they get to the hospital, the film takes on a very different tone.

Things don’t go as planned as is often the case with labor, and Jake is stuck out in the waiting room as Kristy has an emergency caesarean section. As Jake sits in the waiting room, his life with Kristy flashes in his memory. We see scenes from earlier in the film but instead of them fighting, we seen them laughing and enjoying each other’s company.



Kate Bush wrote and performed “This Woman’s Work,” for this scene. This song is full of hope and belief. It’s a song that honors the strength of women and captures the complexity of the emotions in this scene.

She’s Having A Baby is a flawed film and what it’s trying to say is more powerful than how it says it.  Regardless, John Hughes is right.  Sometimes we don't see the happiness that's right in front of us and sometimes our dreams are out of perspective from the realities that fulfill our lives in ways that our dreams never could.

A lot of people have told me that having a baby will change the way I view my life.  Is having a baby really going to change my entire perspective?  I don't know.  But after watching She's Having A Baby, I'm looking forward to that change. 

Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson

You know one of your friends is really into someone they like when they bring that person up in conversation all of the time. If you’ve been on the other side of this you know what it’s like to have someone always on your mind.

Like the first burst of emotions when you fall in love, the intensity of your thoughts about this other person wanes over time but it never really disappears. What happens after years in being in a relationship with someone isn’t that they leave your thoughts, it's just that you get so used to them being in you thoughts it becomes normal to think of the them all of the time.

“Always on My Mind,” is one of the most famous and beautiful love songs in popular music. It’s as much an apology song as a statement of commitment. Brenda Lee first recorded it in 1972:



This song was a moderate success but it was Elvis Presley’s cover the brought this song into prominence:



My introduction to this song was through Willie Nelson:



Brenda Lee is a fantastic singer but what works with Nelson’s and Presley’s version is the fact that they both exude this feeling of regret and heartache. This song isn’t an open apology. It’s not saying: “I did all of these things wrong,” instead it goes with “maybe. . . I did something bad.” That’s a big deal for this character in this song.  You hear that in the desperate voice of Elvis in his later years and the beat-up and battered voice of Willie Nelson.

Willie Nelson really owns this song. It feels like songs that he wrote for himself. There’s a conversational feeling to the verses that opens up into a beautiful chorus. There’s desperation, a feeling that this is the last attempt to bring this person back into his life, yet he can’t just come out and say that he was wrong. It’s tragic on some level how much he just can’t bring himself to open himself up. But you feel like he’s trying and maybe that’s enough.

What consolation is it really that someone who has done you wrong was thinking about you the entire time?

It depends on the situation, but for me it means a lot. It’s a statement that other things in life aren’t as important and through all of stuff they did wrong, they couldn’t help but think of you. The knowledge that someone is thinking about you is comforting. It lets you know that you matter, that you mean something and that you are always with the people who love you.

The Story by Brandi Carlile

Sometimes you find a song that expresses so accurately the way that you view the world that it feels like that you’ve known it your entire life.

 

When I first heard “The Story,” I was astounded. This is one of those instances in music where the parts individually are not that remarkable but when they are put together the create something unforgettable.

“The Story” is repetitive. There is one phrase that is repeated over and over with no bridge or chorus. The chords are unremarkable and go exactly where you expect them. The lyrics are insightful, but simple and outside of the context of the song may seem kind of trite.

The melody is perhaps the most interesting piece of the song. The first phrase rises up and down and then following phrases start on a high note and trickle down. This creates a sighing effect. It starts lower after a couple descending and gentle rises and falls before finally settling. Many people complain that modern pop songs don’t have artfully contoured melodies and “The Story” is an example of a truly amazing “Yesterday"- like melody.

The there’s Brandi Carlile’s voice. She’s in her early thirties, but the way she sings makes you feel like that she has lived lifetimes. She plays with the break in her voice between her head voice and chest voice like Sarah MaLachlan to a wonderful effect. It’s both mournful and triumphant expressing a feeling of being tired but also never giving up.

When you put these pieces together “The Story,” tells a remarkable tale of what it means to be a human being. The lines on our face, that come not only from tears but from laughter all create stories and like everything in life they do not mean anything if you have no one to share them with.

She sings about the stories, the places she’s been, the rule’s she has broken and how she did it all for her love because of the way that person made her feel. Then she breaks free of illusions, admitting that her head is a mess. It is in this moment, the time when she is at her most vulnerable that she realizes how much love she holds for this other person because they know her like nobody else does.

What makes our stories meaningful is what makes our lives worth living. We tell them to each other so that we can understand one another to create a more significant and lasting connection. These stories are happy, they are sad and sometimes they are painful, but they need to be told for us to find our way in this world.

You can hear every different kind of story in this song. The melody never changes, but the feelings do and like life itself, it's a truly amazing journey.

Again by Janet Jackson

Michael Jackson’s little sister grew up before our eyes.

First there was her time as a child actress and then there was her evolution as a pop music icon. The moment when Janet Jackson became more than simply Michael’s younger sister was in 1993 when she released Janet.

The album cover, first seen on the cover of Rolling Stone shocked the world. I still remember a girl in my middle school who came to school with a t-shirt that had this image, being sent to the principal’s office and being forced to wear that shirt inside out for the rest of the day.

Janet backed up the controversy surrounding this image with great music. “If,” is a thunderous and aggressive dance song with a clever sample of a Motown classic and “That’s The Way Love Goes,” is a groovy, relaxed and unforgettable R & B classic. These songs demonstrated a strength and confidence but the song that always got to me was “Again,” which showed a more vulnerable and sensitive side of Janet.


As a middle school boy, this video blew my mind. There was something about this video that combined Janet’s beauty with a gentle sensuality that was so much more memorable and powerful than many “sexy,” videos of that time or that I’ve seen sense. There’s giggling, there’s fun, there’s anticipation and then there’s the quiet moments, a look in that eye that lingers in the memory like a ghost that you want to go away but you hope never leaves.

There’s not a lot of songs that deal with the aftereffects of a break-up this way. We don’t’ want to show that we actually want to get back together with that person after its over. The strength is in being “Stronger,” like Kelly Clarkson, but the reality is that most break-ups involve the feelings that Janet deals with in “Again.”

She’s conflicted. Janet sings about the tears and the pain, and while she seems to resolves that she’s not going to go through this again, she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to not fall in love again.

The songs climax’s as Janet sings with anger “Don't you stand there and then tell me, you love me, then leave again!” Then with a trembling voice Janet realizes that she is falling in love again.

There's strength in walking away from a relationship but there's also strength in facing your feelings and taking a chance.  It's not easy to open yourself up to somebody because the more open you are, the more likely that you will get hurt.  Do people deserve a second chance like Janet's love in "Again"?  Maybe, maybe not.  It depends on the circumstance.  However we should always strive for the strength to give ourselves a second chance and take a chance for love. 

Halo by Beyoncé

There’s been a lot of talk about Beyoncé lately. There was the ridiculous controversy surrounding her performance at the Inauguration (ridiculous because any criticism about her lip-syncing reflects a lack of historical perspective and her role as a pop artist). Then there was the amazing halftime show she performed at the Super Bowl.

As I was watching her perform what struck me was the strength and spirit in her music. I’m not talking about “Bootylicious” (which I discussed in this earlier post). I’m talking about her more recent solo work. The song that exemplifies the power of Beyoncé’s music is “Halo.”

When I started hearing Tyra Banks use the term “fierce” on America’s Next Top Model, I was confused and just figured it was another example of Tyra being weird and crazy. Then there’s Sasha Fierce, the name of the album that features “Halo.”


“Halo” is an unconventional love song. It’s not so much about what somebody does for you that makes you fall in love. It’s about letting you love somebody and being loved in return.

This is really mature reflection on relationships that many people don’t understand. Most people struggle with their own role in the weaknesses of the relationships they have and in “Halo,” Beyoncé embraces them and moves past them.

The first verse is about the emotional walls that Beyoncé puts up and later in the song she sings about “every rule I had you breaking, It’s the risk that I’m taking.” This is a person who found comfort keeping people at a distance and setting up rules so that she wouldn’t get hurt. In this way, many people see themselves as being “strong,” or “fierce.”

That’s not strength.

True strength is reflecting on your feelings and having the guts to open yourself up and be vulnerable. This is a fierceness that would scare anyone who dares to mistreat someone because of their own insecurities.

The production of this song features an aggressive beat but also soft heavenly instruments. It modernizes the 1990s era ballad into something more modern. Beyoncé’s voice is strong but also it's honest. You feel that she’s really been through something to get to this point of strength.


The two videos I featured in this post show Beyoncé making “Halo,” something very special, first for the hospital she was visiting and second, this girl who has lived a life with cancer. Look I have no illusions that Beyoncé is some saint. I don’t look to my pop stars to be on a higher moral plane, but there is special about Beyoncé beyond the dancing, the singing and physical beauty.

There’s halos all around us we just need to tear down our walls to see them in the people is our lives.

8th Grade Playlist: 9 - Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift featuring Ed Sheeran

Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand and now there’s Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.

There’s this amazing tradition in popular music of artist joining together to do duets. It’s a dream team kind of idea where two people at the top of their game come together and create something amazing. Taylor Swift, a still rising pop star, and Ed Sheeran who recently broke big (I talked about him in this earlier post) are huge right now.

Taylor and Ed are the Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand of their generation. They are central figures in their genre representing the best in popular music right now.

No, they are not singing a break-up song about the lack of flowers in their lives (check out this post if you missed this reference). Instead they are singing about the beginning of a relationship, that special spark in “Everything Has Changed.”



Taylor and Ed lay down a peaceful and intimate track. The opening dialogue breaks down any sense of formality. You really feel like you are in a living room hearing them perform this song.

“Everything Has Changed” is a very gentle and unassuming song. It doesn’t really insist on a strong meaning or narrative. Instead it reflective and honest capturing a certain innocents that we sometimes overlook and forget about when we get to know the people around us.

The phrase “all I know,” appears throughout this song. This phrase expresses a sense of humility. They don’t fully understand their own feelings but they do know that they want to know each better.

There are beautiful and subtle descriptions as Ed sings about a wall painted blue coming down and Taylor’s butterflies in her stomach taking flight. These are the lines that really show the strength of these two song writers. They are short but meaningful and full of emotion.

There’s no turn around or twist in this song. Unlike other Taylor Swift songs like “Love Story,” this song is really about a single moment and not the way a relationship develops over time. It’s tough to have a song talk about such a small moment but this song does it really well.

Initially this song feels like teenagers singing about their first love.  That mix of hormones and infatuation that rarely leads to a long-term relationship, but it's more than that.  The older I get the more I realize how much I need people in my life and how much of the meaning in my life lies I share my life with others. 

When I first met Diana everything in my life didn't change, but it felt like it did because my perspective changed.  Every person you meet changes the way you look at the world sometimes in very small ways but in other times in very significant ways.

When you meet that person and all you want to do is get to know them better you're entering a journey that leads you to truly know yourself.  This is what life is really about.

8th Grade Playlist: 7 - The Scientist by Morgan Gold/Coldplay

Dear Morgan,

Musical heroes: Train, Taylor Swift The Black Keys, and you, Morgan Gold.

I’m a music teacher in Chicago.  To get to know my 8th graders, I asked them to send me youtube clips of their musical heroes.  A lot of the clips were what I expected, but there were some videos that were surprises like your performance of “The Scientist” by Coldplay.



I know this song well. “The Scientist” is the first Coldplay song that connected with me. The washed out production of "Clocks," while unique, didn’t really capture my imagination.  It wasn’t until I saw Chris Martin perform this song that I got drawn into their world.



There is something magical about this song. It’s like a great novel. You know there’s a deeper story and instead of becoming frustrated that it’s not revealed, you are excited that you get a glimpse. This is a song about vulnerabilities, insecurities and hope.

If it’s possible to love a song because of one line, then I love this song because of “you don’t know how lovely you are.” It’s one of the most beautiful moments in music I’ve ever heard and the setting and arrangement of these words truly is beautiful.

This is what I brought with me when I watched your video for the first time, but there was something more than just the song itself that made this video powerful for me.

We so often focus on the worst of the Internet and how it enables bad behavior.  Sometimes we forget the amazing connections that can be made because of technology. What you’ve done is a great example of what’s amazing about not only music but the internet itself.

Morgan, you were brave enough to put yourself out there and because of your courage you’ve inspired people and you are at least one person’s musical hero. That’s a big deal. Right now your video has 371 views. It doesn’t seem a lot when compared to the amount of views that popular videos get, but it’s still amazing when you try to imagine all of those people in one room. 

We live in a world now where young people are empowered not only to create and share their art but to inspire other young people. I’m so excited for your generation to be able to have this exchange.  I can’t think of a better song and performance than your rendition of “The Scientist,” to represent what that means.

There’s no irony, cynicism, or sarcasm in your performance. It’s devoid of everything that people who don’t know young people unfairly stereotype about people your age. And like the lyrics suggest, this performance gets back to the start: music's role in connecting us to other people through our shared humanity. 

Keep creating Morgan, keep playing and keep singing.

-Kingsley

8th Grade Playlist: 5. Red by Taylor Swift

Define work . . . if you define works as: Can you get something out of it? Was it good for you? Was it good for them? Did you grow in this relationship? Do you look back at it with some fondness if it should end before your death or his death? Than yeah, it can work. . .

Dan Savage Savage Lovecast: Episode 226

The idea of a relationship for many people is a relationship that lasts 50 or 60 years. Sometimes in our struggle to find that relationship, we see the relationships that don’t last the long haul as not really “working.”

If you think about what Dan Savage is saying, a relationship that lasts 60 years and then ends because someone dies, may not have necessarily “worked.” And a relationship that lasted a year could have really worked for that period of time.  Just because it ended, as all relationships eventually do, doesn’t mean that it didn’t work.



“Red,” the title track from Taylor Swift’s most recent album is about a relationship that worked. It ended, but Taylor is able to look past this to celebrate what the relationship meant. I’m reminded of Springsteen’s “Bobby Jean,” which has a similar message. It’s not about trying to get back together, but rather its' about acknowledging how what was meaningful about a relationship.

Taylor goes into some great similes and metaphors, “Loving him is like trying to change your mind, Once you’re already flying through the free fall."  However I got to say though the opening line “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street,” is kind of hard to relate to for most of us. She takes us through different colors, expanded on the idea of feeling the “blues,” to feeling “grey,” and most powerfully: “red.”

Taylor effortlessly sings through this song and introduces some great musical touches that are heard throughout the album. Right after the bridge she sings the chorus in a slightly different way with more intensity and darkness. Also the line “and that’s why he’s spinning round in my head,” feels like its twirling. Taylor could have made an entire section of this song repeating this part but rather she leaves it undeveloped as a catchy and beautiful musical nugget.

“Red” revels in the wide range of emotions that love can bring and celebrates the drama, the lack of control, the intensity and the true wonder that is love. We hear her struggle in the bridge trying to get over the relationship but part of her doesn’t want to because she remembers everything about the relationship that worked.

Sometimes we feel like the only way that we can get over a break-up is by convincing ourselves that the relationship never worked and that there was never anything worthwhile in the relationship. Well, if there wasn’t anything of value even for five minutes then the relationship would have never happened.

Yes it’s hard to get over the end of a relationship.  However this process isn’t always about burning photos, bad mouthing the other person with friends and being bitter.

After Ellie dies in Up!, Charles struggles to move on with his life.  The way he accomplishes this is by cherishing the time they spent together, which helps him realize the value of the relationship he develops with Russell.

If you go out with a guy for a month and it doesn’t work out, am I saying you should strap some balloons to your house and go to South America? No, but don’t let the way it ended cloud the beautiful colors of the memories of when it worked.

American Anthem by Norah Jones

On this Independence Day, the first thing that came to mind was Norah Jones. Let me explain:

The last couple years I’ve begun watching more documentaries. I love the American Experience series, which shares many writers and producers with the documentary work of Ken Burns.

One of the things that contribute to a great documentary is the use of music. Ken Burns clearly understanding this using period music in artful and deliberate ways, however sometimes he includes music that is not from the period to great effect.

In Ken Burn’s epic Civil War documentary, an original song “Ashokan Farewell,” accompanied the reading of a letter of Sullivan Ballou (which I discussed in this earlier post). This is one of those “if you don’t cry when you watch this, you must be a Cylon” moments.



Burns did a similar thing again using a Norah Jones song as part of his World War II documentary The War.



Burn’s juxtaposes Jones’ gentle and sincere voice against images from World War II. These are images of terror, bravery, triumph and tragedy. There’s American fighting in unimaginable situations pushing aside their survival instincts and logic to fight for the idea, the dream, and the hope that is America.

As Jones sings “I gave my best to you,” we see a soldier who was killed in battle half buried in sand. He gave more than his best, he gave his everything. Watching this video is a celebration and a tribute to people who fought for our freedom but it’s also a question to all of us whether we give our best to America.

Today we celebrate our independence and the creation of our country. These are two incredible gifts we’ve been given that most of us have done nothing to earn. Did I do any work to have the freedoms I enjoy? No.

There are still many Americans who fight in the military to preserve our freedoms but most people don’t. We go about our daily lives, sometimes thinking about what we can do for our country and other times thinking about what our country can do for us.  But honestly, most of the time we’re too wrapped up in our own lives to even think about our relationship to our country.

In addition to seeing fireworks, partying with our friends and family, let’s take this Independence Day to think about how we can give our best to America. It can be something as simple as committing to go to a city council meeting, or volunteering at a community event.

We can’t earn our blessings but if we take advantage of them in a positive way then we can make the spirits of the people who truly gave their best rest easy, knowing their sacrifices were not made in a vain.

Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson

I literally ran across a parking lot to Barnes & Noble to buy Kelly Clarkson's previous album because of how much I liked “My Life Would Suck Without You.” So what happened with “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)”? . . . eh. . .



My first reaction to this song was to the title. It seemed really cliché to use that saying for the title of a song. So I ignored this song for months. Then it hit me recently: many pop songs, some of my favorites are settings of clichés, so what am I whining about? Then I realized that it wasn’t so much that the title was cliché it was the phrase that was being used.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” always came across to me as a type of euphemism. This phrase seems to be something people say to convince themselves that a bad experience in life has some worth. That spirit really isn’t such a bad thing, I mean, I’m an optimist so I’m down with that. But the reality is that many bad experiences that don’t kill you do not in fact make you stronger. Wounds sometimes never fully heal and sometimes there are scars that are left behind.

Not liking the lyrics in a song’s hook is a perfectly valid reason to not like it, but for Kelly Clarkson an artist that I enjoy so much that the first blog post I ever did was about “Since U Been Gone,” it didn’t feel right. So I decided to really see what this song was about.

“Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” is a spiritual sequel to “Since U Been Gone.” In Clarkson’s first and most popular single, she is singing about a break-up and the immediate feelings that follow. It’s a song that’s a mix of anger “shut your mouth, I just can’t take it,” and liberation “I can breathe for the first time.” It captures the transition between the depression and self-blame and the spirit of “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You).”

In “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” there’s no acknowledgement of that this break-up had any bad effects. The pain in “Since U Been Gone,” is diminished and the hint of liberation in that song is exploded in an anthem of self-empowerment.  The background harmony and instrumental texture has a dark shade to it. This sets up the anger and pain that Kelly is singing about getting over.

Clarkson has come a long way from “Since U Been Gone.” In early recordings she simply screamed through the high notes, now she belts them out with more strength and depth. While there is a characteristic strain to her singing there’s also a sense of ease watching her sing and a feeling that Clarkson is really enjoying herself.

After listening to this song, I think I better understand the "doesn't kill you make you stronger," sentiment.  I still don't love this statement and I think it's really really poor consolation to give someone who is going through hard times.  But hearing the strength and conviction the Clarkson sings with, it's beginning to make sense.    

Be careful, don't judge a song by its cliche, you never know what you may be missing out on.

One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men

To mourn the death of my goldfish Winston Tang, my brother and I posted songs about death on his facebook page.  Buffy’s contribution to this remembrance was “One Sweet Day” by Mariah Care & Boyz II Men.



SRY, I HAS NEVR TOLD U,
ALL I WANTD 2 SAY
AN NAO IZ 2 LATE 2 HOLD U
CAUSE UVE FLOWN AWAY SO FAR AWAY

You know how there are songs that if you don’t know means that you literally lived under a rock during a certain time period? “One Sweet Day” is one of those songs. Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men joined forces at the peak of their popularity to record this unforgettable song of mourning in 1995. “One Sweet Day” topped the charts for a record 16-weeks making it the longest running number 1 song ever. It sold over two million units making it one of the most successful pop songs of the year and the decade.

Carey, Boyz II Men and Walter Afanasieff wrote this song about people in their lives they had lost to AIDs. Instead of creating a depressing song focusing on the sorrow of death, Carey and Boyz II Men made a joyous expression about looking forward to that “One Sweet Day” when they would be reunited with the ones that they loved.

The production of this song is slick and clean. It has that 1990s sheen that so much pop music had back then. Sometimes this comes off as cheesy and dated but something about this song makes it work. Mariah does a beautiful job of adapting her voice to this song stripping away any level of sensuality to a more personal and soulful performance.

Three of the Boyz II Men take solos. The one that always gets to me is Wanya. Usually I prefer Nathan’s, who opens this song, but there’s something about Wanya’s bridge. I’m not a big fan of huge gospel glissandos between phrases but Wanya makes it work. He never looses sight of the main melody and the way he ends the phrase is a perfect transition into Carey’s voice.

Yeah, I used this song as a joke.  This probably was due to the overexposure I experienced listening to this song in the 90s.  Coming back to this song years later, after loosing people in my life, I am grateful for this song.  The best music doesn’t always rise to the top in the music industry but “One Sweet Day” is an example of a song that did. The song is well-crafted, the singing is strong and the meaning behind the song is beautiful.  

Although, the sun will never shine the same,
I'll always look to a brighter day.    

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

“Bad Romance” is one of Lady Gaga’s greatest works and one of the best pop songs ever created.  It’s a powerful song that through the shadow of its dark imagery is a celebration of everything that is awesome about popular music.


After her breakthrough album The Fame, it was difficult to imagine what Lady Gaga was going to do next. Songs like “Pokerface” and “Paparazzi” (this hyperlink and others in this entry link to other post about these songs) pushed the boundary of what people felt comfortable as pop music.  She using strongly referential musical styles with provocative lyrics. There is nothing original about the elements that Lady Gaga used in her first album, but the way she put things together and presented herself was something that no one was else was doing at the time.

Her first album was a triumph but lacked a song with true universal appeal that spoke beyond her neo-1980s dance music and disturbing music videos. Yes, singing “Pokerface” is a good time, but something feels off about rocking to this song in a large group of people.

To lead off her second album The Fame Monster we got “Bad Romance.” The song opens with a glorious rising vocal line leading into the words “caught into a bad romance.” This hook could have been easily used in an Elton John song or after the chorus in a Springsteen anthem. It is simple and straight forward, which is exactly the reason it is so appealing. It’s a melody that an entire stadium of people could sing along with after only hearing for the first time.

Then Lady Gaga presents her second hook. This chant is uniquely Gaga in its quirkiness and even more catching than the opening line. After a verse, a pre-chorus that draws back the texture we get the final hook in the chorus. As the chorus continues we hearing the opening line come in and like the glorious moment in “Tonight, Tonight” from West Side Story when Leonard Bernstein layers in songs on top of each other, the song opens up in sheer joy.

Yes, the lyrics are weird, but the themes are not.

This is a song about someone wanting a relationship even though she knows that there are bad things involved in being together. Instead of pushing this away, Lady Gaga embraces the bad possibilities, the bad romance because she simply wants this regardless of what other people tell her. She knows its not good for her but she wants it anyways. This is a song about taking a chance, not playing safe because as she sing, she doesn’t want to be friends, she wants something more.

Many songs in the this album express the message Lady Gaga has been expressing in her advocacy. Like “Edge Of Glory,” “Bad Romance,” carries the theme of accepting who people for who they are, good and bad. "Bad Romance" is about accepting what you want and who you are regardless of what other people tell you. It’s a feeling that things may be bad and may look bad but that doesn’t mean that have to be bad. “Bad Romance” is similar to songs like “He’s A Rebel,” about a girl wanting to be with someone that others say are bad.


Yes, this is an innocent and misguided viewpoint, but this is same viewpoint that gives us songs like “God Only Knows.” Lady Gaga captures this feeling of “I’m going to do what I want,” with strength and attitude. This is a pop song with the soul of a rock song because like all great rock music "Bad Romance" is about liberation and empowerment.

If you listen to the song and don’t know what I’m talking about, sing along and you will feel what I mean.

Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain (Song From Brave Trailer) by Julie Fowlis

I loved her beautiful wild red hair. The sublime nature scenes of rolling Irish hills were breathtaking. Everything about the Brave trailer felt excitingly different but comfortable. Then Julie Fowlis gentle voice began singing “Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain” As her voice calmed the action and the strong words of our heroine asked a powerful question, I was memorized.



Every once in a while a movie trailer becomes an emotional and meaningful experience completely separate from the film itself. Almost all of the time when this happens, the trailers feature incredible music. Like the use of Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up” in the Where The Wild Things Are trailer:



And REMs tribute to Andy Kaufman that inspired the title of Man On The Moon.



After hearing this song, I spent the next week trying to figure out how to get a recording of this song. I initially thought it was part of the soundtrack to Brave.  I wasn't able to find any samples songs from that album, so I resigned myself to wait for the soundtrack to come out. A couple days later I decided to look around some more through a random message board I found this:



Julie Fowlis is an Scottish artist who sings primarily is Scottish Gaelic. Her gentle and expressive soprano voice perfectly fits the style of folk music that she sings. “Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain” is a track from her debut album in 2005 titled Mar A Tha Mo Chridhe. The lyrics to “Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain” tell the story of a man finding a girl who is singing about her love who is at sea. The song has a twist in the last verse when it is revealed that the man who is so struck by the girl's singing is the love the girl has been singing about who has finally come home.

What strikes me about the lyrics is that most of the lines describe the beauty of nature during the twilight hours. These moments are painted using different senses and almost fantastical imagery juxtaposing the peace and calm of nature with the pain and heartache in the girl's hearts. On one level this doesn't seem to have anything to do its Brave, but maybe the yearning for something more, something different set against a magical setting really is what both this song and Brave is all about.

“Tha Mo Ghaol Air Aird A' Chuain" is one of the be most beautiful songs that I've ever heard. The combination or the music, the words and the performance create a feeling that only music can capture.  This is a song that you've never heard before but seems to have always been in your heart. It’s a story you've never read but somehow feels like something that you've written.  It's a place you've never been that feels like a home.

You Gotta Be by Des’ree

As graduation season comes into full swing people start thinking about songs to address this transition in life. Often people think about “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) by Green Day or “Seasons Of Love” from the musical rent (which my 8th graders are singing for their graduation).

One of my favorite “advice” songs is Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be,” a beautiful song full of love and encouragement from 1994.



This is Des’ree’s most popular song. Other notable recordings she made include “Kissing You,” the love song from Baz Luhrman’s Romeo And Juliet.



The phrase “you gotta be,” seems to have a sense of urgency, but Des’ree sings it with such calm that its meaning changes. Usually this phrase is followed with an or statement, like “you gotta study for the test or you will fail.” So what is the consequence if you aren’t all these things?

Des’ree never says it straight out but what you begin to realize when listening to this song is that she is saying that you gotta take an active role in your life or else you will miss out on what life’s all about.

Des’ree sings about opening your eyes to the world, thinking about your parents and not getting bothered by other people’s lives. She talks about being “bad,” which goes beyond the 1980s slang to another meaning. This is more about speaking truth to power and being a little mischievous to accomplish great things in life.

While she encourages us to be strong, she also sings about embracing the pain in life and working through fears. It’s a viewpoint that accepts the dynamics of who we are but doesn’t accept the idea that we can’t do anything to change our position in life.

Des’ree sings this song with confidence and power. She’s not aggressive in her strength but rather cool and calm. Through her rich and soulful voice you believe that she truly is everything that she is singing about.

Songs that give this kind of message don’t seem to come around very often, but we need them so badly. Des’ree represents the best of what pop music can say to a wide audience. Yes, songs that have controversial lyrics get a lot of attention but it’s the ones that truly have soul and a life-affirming message that stay with us.  Des’ree reminds us of the great potential in pop music and what we should strive for every day in our lives.

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper is so much more than a girl who wants to have fun. 

After releasing her iconic hit “Girls Just Want To Have Fun,” she released “Time After Time” as a single, which became her second most successful song.

When I was growing up Cyndi Lauper and Madonna seemed similar.  They both had the same dyed hair and clothing style.  Now if you compared the two, they could not be more different.  While Madonna has continued to work hard to be in the public eye and up with trends in pop music, Lauper has taken a quieter route. 

This artist in this acoustic performance of “Time After Time,” is who Cyndi Lauper has evolved into and there’s hints of this sensitivity and maturity in “Time After Time.”

Lauper takes the cliché of “time after time,” the idea that someone does something persistently, often with a negative feeling into a feeling of reassurance.  With gentle imagery in the first verse and the feeling of longing and sadness she reassures in the chorus that she will be there.

With unforgettable and thought-provoking lines like “the second hand unwinds,” and “the drum beats out of time,” Lauper paints a beautiful picture of insecurity, hope and love.  Lauper has an almost child-like voice.  It’s small, but powerful like Lauper herself.  Within her small stature there is a powerful artists and within her gentle voice there is great expression and depth. 

I grew up with this song and never thought anything of it until seeing it featured in an 8^th grade play I went to last weekend.

The promise of this song is not something that you understand early in life.  When you are young you have parents, friends and sibling and you don’t think that they will ever not be there. 

Then you grow up and people pass away, friends move away and you realize how everything in life doesn’t last forever.  You can’t know for sure that you can always be there for someone but you can promise. 

When you do this, it’s not about lying or being unrealistic, it’s about expressing a feeling.  It’s saying that against the odds, against reality, you will be there.  That desire and commitment to do whatever you can, time after time to be there, is what connects us to the ones we love and motivates us to be not for ourselves but for each other.  

Top 5 Girl Groups

I discussed Boy Bands last week, so it's only fair to show the ladies some love.  Here's some of my favorite Girl Groups songs

5.  "Whatta Man" by Salt-n-Pepa featuring En Vogue

This is what was great about music in the 1990s.  An incredible rap girl group with one of the greatest female vocal groups of the time.  This song exudes confidence, fun and attitude and features an irresistible beat and an unforgettable hook.



4.  "Goodbye" by The Spice Girls


After Ginger Spice left, The Spice Girls recorded this heartfelt song about the transitions in life.  The Spice Girls invigorated pop music in the 1990s.  Recent tours have proved that they weren't just a flash in the pan and that their message of Girl Power truly had meaning (this earlier post discussed "Wannabe."


3.  "Celebrity Skin" by Hole


This movie trailer about the drummer from Hole reminds us the importance of this band. 


This was a great band and while "Celebrity Skin" may be one of their more mainstream songs, it's a delightful but dark confession by Courtney Love that was part of her come back after the death of her husband and rock legend Kurt Cobain.


2.  "Wide Open Spaces" by The Dixie Chicks


One of the comments people often say about the Dixie Chicks is about how well they can play.  I wrote this earlier post about their powerful song "Not Ready To Be Nice," about their controversial statements about President Bush (as well as this post about "Easy Silence").  My first exposure to this ladies was "Wide Open Spaces" a beautiful tribute to nature.  The most amazing thing about this song is musically it sounds so beautiful and open you can almost feel the sunshine.

1.  "There's No Stopping Us Now" by The Supremes


Most people know The Supremes from "You Can't Hurry Love" (which I discussed in this earlier post).  "There's No Stopping Us Now" shows Diana Ross opening up with the elegant Supremes providing Heavenly back-up.