Year 11– Week 0: How It Feels

This past week was the week before students come when teachers have time to set up classrooms and have meetings. It’s a productive week, that often feels overwhelming. We get the joy of meeting new colleagues and get to see returning ones. There’s lots of laughter, and lots of smiles. It’s a homecoming of sorts, a time for us to come together and put together the pieces of a community back together with each other, and for our students.

This year this week felt very different. All of our meetings were over Zoom, and while saw each other on our screens, heard voices, and were productive, we weren’t together. The side comments, the chats in the hallways, and the fellowship of sharing meals together were absent. All of these things that made this week, this school feel so special were not present.

People tried. There were smiles, and some attempts at jokes, but those are often awkward over Zoom. The anxiety and trepidation of a school year like no other brought another level of tension into our meetings. No teacher feels 100% ready for the an upcoming school year, but this school year, this feeling is way beyond “normal.”

Everyone is making compromises, but it’s hard to know if we are making too many compromises. What is reasonable to ask of a teacher this year is different than in previous years, but it’s so hard to know the limits. Teaching is not going to be as good as in previous years, but it’s really hard to adjust and know what level of teaching is “good enough.”

All of this has been in the front of my mind, and I don’t have any clear answers because, well no one has clear answers. All we have is feeling better about our fears and insecurities sharing them with others and reminding ourselves that we are not alone.

Yesterday, I went to my school in person and helped clear out the music room which is not going to be used for kindergarten classes. During this time, I met a wonderful group of assistant teachers who were  setting up in that space. I spent some time teaching them how to use the A/V in the room and it felt great, and so energizing to be making some simple connections in person. We all wore masks and it was a little bit awkward trying to social distance in that room, but it felt energizing, and great to help.

Just this taste was a reminder of what we are doing all of this for. All of the time, the work, the money, the effort, the stress, and the anxiety, it’s all for this.  I think it’s all going to be worth it. There was laughter in the room, gratitude, and kindness.

There are so many unknown for me this school year, but what I do know is that there is something here worth fighting for. And if it feels this good to be around a couple other teachers in this very different set up, it’s going to feel great to be with my students.