I was stunned and speechless when my colleague asked me this question. I wasn't surprised that she could quiet me, but the question made me think about myself in a way I wasn't prepared.
At this school, I am rarely asked something that I don't have a quick response. My brain loves the conversations at my school and the challenges of discourse in my role as a teacher and a school leader. However, things are different when I'm with this colleague.
She is one of the few people at this school who can see through my armor and the facade I put up in different spaces and situations at this school. People ask me, "how are you?" Most of the time, I say, "I'm fine," and the exchange is over. But, when she asks me how I'm doing, regardless of my answer, she can see the truth, my complicated feelings, and the thoughts behind my eyes.
We were in her office working through some administrative issues, and she asked me about my legacy as we worked things out. I was unsure how to answer this question because no one had ever asked me to think about my legacy at this school. This is a question I hadn't asked myself.
I'm like the anti-Hamiton. Legacy is rarely on my mind. While I think about the future, I'm just not a person who thinks about what I leave behind or what people will think about me when I'm gone. I move into and through my work as an educator not focused on myself but focused on others. Over the years, I've learned how to allow myself to focus on my joy and interest in my work, which has been rewarding. However, I continue not to think about the long-lasting effects on my school and my world. I guess I see meaning in what I do now, and I don't look for what I may leave behind to bring meaning to my life.
What hit me when she asked me about my legacy is that whether I like it or not, I am creating a legacy in all my choices for others and myself. I should think about my legacy and control it. This can be and should be part of what I consider and think about because it can bring meaning and purpose to my actions.
After thinking about her question for a couple of days, I still don't have to know what I want my legacy to be. I do know some things: I want parts of my work to continue.
I want people to think of me and smile, and I want the spirit of my work to be passed down. I want people not to need me. I say that because the people of my school who have meant the most to me as a teacher do not linger like ghosts. I feel their strength and inspiration more than their lack of presence.
Most of all, I want people I have worked through to move with more strength because of what I did for them and feel motivated and inspired by what I did for them to do for others.
No comments:
Post a Comment