Under My Thumb by The Rolling Stones

I’ve never seen my relationship with my wife as a power struggle. We have disagreements but these issues aren’t really related to the power structure in our relationship. We’ve been married a little under a year, so some of you who have been married longer may be thinking, “just wait” and you may be right but for now it’s not really an issue.

I’m very conscientious of not giving my wife, Diana any unsolicited advice or insisting that she do something a certain way. There’s a lot of little things that we do differently. For example, we have different approaches in loading the dishwasher. I like to keep the same type of cups in a line and give each dish plenty of personal space. My wife on the other hand puts as many dishes in the dishwasher as possible.

Now, are the dishes less clean when my wife loads the dishwasher? Not really, am I wasting tons of water and space by not packing the dishes in as tight as I can? Maybe, but I doubt it. The bottom line is that we just feel comfortable loading the dishwasher in different ways. Really, after a long day at work, if she says that she will load the dishwasher, I could not care less how she does it.

Part of the reasons I’m so careful about the way I treat Diana is because I don’t want to be controlled myself. I don’t want to have a wife that spends all her time telling me what to do. I know it might just be this “guy thing” this fear that our girlfriend or wives are trying to change us but I think it’s something more.

When you are constantly told what to do and how to be by someone who is suppose to accept you for who you are, there is a feeling a resentment and anger that grows in response. I know what this is because once upon a time I had a girlfriend in high school who I resented for trying to change me. She was probably just trying to expand my horizons but I didn’t see it that way at the time and I probably didn’t communicate to her how this made me feel. What is scary is how much I envied the voice in “Under My Thumb” and how much I wanted to have power over her.

The protagonist in “Under My Thumb” is celebrating the fact that he’s girlfriend is no longer controlling him and pushing him around. The tables have turned and now she is under his thumb. He controls what she wears and compares here is a “Siamese cat” who is the sweetest “pet" in the world. These misogynistic lines continue as he states that “her eyes are just kept to herself” while he can still look at other people. This line implies a level of promiscuity that he is engaging in while she is devoted entirely to him.

When I was in high school, the song was a male empowerment anthem. Here’s a guy who was controlled by a girl but now it’s all different, it’s changed, he’s the one in charge. What could be bad about this situation? Now, many years later I noticed something sad about this song, almost regretful.

The marimba and the fuzzy bass line create a dark and smoky atmosphere like that of a dive bar. Mick Jagger’s voice has a uneasy shake in his voice when he sings “it’s down to me.” This is why I now hear this song as a guy bragging to his friends about how much control he has over a girl when in reality he is still under her thumb.

If the tables truly have turned and he has tamed that shrew then it really isn’t something that will bring happiness. If I somehow exerted the control over my high school girlfriend that I felt she had over me it would probably leave me feeling hollow and alone.

Sometimes when people around me are talking loudly, I talk softly in the hope that they will notice and start talking softer, but sometimes I speak quietly simply because I don’t like yelling all the time. Sometimes when we do things for other people we are truly doing things for own my soul.

If you feel that relationships are about power, take another listen to "Under My Thumb." It's a dark place to be.

There's no room in love for power.