Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

[Phone conversation from last night between me (K) and one of my friends (J).]

J: Well, what are you up to on Sunday?
K: Sunday is our anniversary
J: What anniversary?
K: our WEDDING anniversary
J: really?!? I though that was in June. . .
K: no . . . we got married in July, on July 12th
J: I don’t know why I though it was in June, what is it two years?
K: no, we’ve been married ONE year
J: for some reason I though it was two. . .
K: LOOK, you were IN the wedding party! SERIOUSLY. I don’t expect you to send us a card like two of the other people in the wedding party did but at least you can remember what month the wedding was and what year we are on!!
J: . . . so, um, are you free on Sunday?
K: Yes, I would like nothing more to spend my WEDDING ANNIVERSARY hanging out with YOU!!
J: so maybe we can hang out sometimes next week?
K: I was serious, we can do Sunday afternoon, ‘groan’ you know what, I’m done with you, I’m handing the phone to Diana.

Let’s clarify the issue for anyone who may be confused, Diana and I got married on July 12th 2008, therefore this Sunday July 12th 2009 is our first wedding anniversary AND we are still talking to each other!

Diana’s nana, her paternal grandmother remembers her first year of marriage as the hardest. It was the year that she emigrated from Great Britain to America and it probably didn’t help that her Polish husband had limited ability to speak English.

I got to say our first year of marriage really wasn’t that rough. We moved from one Chicago suburb to another Chicago suburb, which was a little stressful, but not like taking a boat across the Atlantic. I changed jobs while Diana did some new fantastic things at her job. We shared family milestones with our extended families and survived, no more than that, absolutely loved a vacation which included both sets of parents, and all our siblings included my sister-in-law.

It’s been a good year, but there were challenges. There was a lot of “getting used to each other” stuff. I can’t speak for Diana but there were times when I was a little short with her when discussing an issue (and that’s a big deal because I’m only 5”4’, OH! Tang just made a funny). I can be rather obstinate about the way things should be done from cleaning the bathroom to organizing my kitchen utensils. But one of the great things about being married is that Diana helps me realize what I’m being stupidly stubborn about and that even though there are many things that are important to hold strong to, where we put our DVDs isn’t one of them (“keeping them in cases” vs. “putting them in a binder”).

There were those moments that overwhelmed: a hard day at work, a funeral, saying goodbye to friends and the uncertainty of the future. We remind each other how lucky we are but that doesn’t diminish these feelings of confusion, loss and fear. The simplicity of childhood is far behind us. The illusions that we based our world on as children continue to be shattered which leaves us needing something to lean on. When I’m exhausted and I feel overwhelmed by life, the hardest things to do is to know where to start.

In the past, I looked within myself for the strength to preserver but what I’ve found in the past year that there is something between Diana and I which is more powerful. It’s looking into Diana’s eyes and seeing the world. It’s the warmth of each other’s presence that never leaves us even when we are alone. It’s a place, somewhere only we know that is deep within our hearts.

Now what are supposed to get your wife for the “paper anniversary” a 48-pack of Charmin? A ream of paper? I guess I could get her a book, she does love to read. But really who came up with these anniversary present themes? I mean I guess diamonds make sense for the 60th but really, tin for the 10th anniversary, TIN. “Oh honey we made it ten years, I got you some tin so you can solder something together.” Leather for the 3rd anniversary?!? I guess if you’re really into. . . I’m just going to leave that one alone.

Happy Anniversary Diana