Friday, September 2, 2011

Year 2: Week 0 - Clueless

I don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing.
Next week I start my second year at my school, which I can no longer refer to as my “new school.” Thinking back on last year, I’m not really sure how I got through it all. If it wasn’t for my lesson plans and my blog posts I wrote last year, I really wouldn’t be able to tell how I managed to have such a successful year.

Well, that’s probably not sure, but it feels that way.

Last year, I braced myself for a rollercoaster of a school year and that’s what I got. Like a roller coaster I was warned about certain things but also some drops and turns came when I least expected it and all I could do was hold on and make it through.  But I did more than survive, and if you ask anyone who worked with me they would agree that I had a fantastic year.

I know that’s true but it’s kind of hard to know how to handle a comment like that. Even though I was new last year it was my fifth year of teaching and entering my sixth year, I haven’t fully accepted that I’m more of an experienced teacher than a rookie.

It feels safer to tell myself that I’m a rookie. This means that I don’t know what’s going on and if I believe that then maybe other people around me will feel the same way and my risk of failure will be less, but that’s probably not true. I guess I’m just worried about being overly confident.

I guess I’m just bracing myself like I did last year but in a different way. I know the roller coaster track now, so I have a lot more on my mind to think about. I’m trying to not just get through the curriculum this year, rather I’m committed to involving myself in it and really make it meaningful.  I can only blame myself for the additional pressure, but hey, that's the only way I know how to work.

My feelings really are irrational. I have a masters degree in music education, I know how to teach. What’s intimidating are my almost two hundred students more that half I’ve never worked with before. But I know that once I get through the first week, that will not be as big a deal, because they will change from a number to kids that I will grow to love.  Even though I am preparing myself for the worst, I got to make sure not to forget to expect the best out of my kids.

I had an amazing year last year honestly not really knowing how a lot of things worked at my school last year. So this year, knowing the school, teachers and staff I’m going to be unstoppable.

Maybe the feeling of not knowing what you are doing isn’t such a bad thing. It just means there’s exciting discoveries for you to make, people to know and things to learn. That’s the feeling that makes education a challenge and an adventure.

1 comment:

  1. You are so right about additional pressure in a second year of teaching. The second year is the hardest just for that reason. We know what we need to do, we know what we didn't do and wish we had, and we know how we want to make what we did better. So much pressure! Hang on! At least I know we will enjoy the second ride on the roller coaster.