Monday, December 26, 2011

The Road Less Traveled: Looking Back At The Beginning 9 Years Later

There are many important dates that we remember in our lives. When I think about my wife Diana of course July 12th, 2008 jumps out as the day we got married. This was a beautiful day and the memories from that event I will always cherish but the day date that means the most to me when I think about Diana is December 26th, 2002 the day that Diana and I began our relationships as boyfriend and girlfriend.

After meeting earlier in that fall and fast becoming friends we came to that point in all relationships between men and woman when they have to choose which road to go down: Road A-the going out direction or Road B-the friend path.

With almost all of my female friends we went down Road B. Most of the time there really wasn’t a discussion needed, we just kind of got a friend vibe and we built off of that.  However for some reason I wanted something different with Diana.

As we got closer to Winter Break, we were talking every day and hanging out, not really defining our relationship as one thing or another. Then the night before Winter Break when I was going to fly back to Seattle we kissed for the first time.

I still remember the magic of that moment. There was a singularity of being, a mutual expression and a shared moment that felt so pure and so right. Instead of clarifying our relationship it only made things more complicated and as I left for home the next morning my mind was in a whirl about what this all meant.

During that Winter Break, from December 14th to January 4th, Diana and I e-mailed each other every day. I have all of these e-mailed saved on a single 71-page document (38,818 words). The e-mails are cute to read and really aren’t that different than the conversations we have now.  Most of it is sharing daily events and pondering random things, not really talking about our relationship until an e-mail I sent Diana on December 15th, subject: the road less traveled. . .

After three pages commented on the idea of perfection and the different types of friends we had, I laid out my feelings about the direction of our relationship:
You are not going to lose me as a friend through this.

If you say "Kingsley, I like you a lot, I care about you, but going down Road B is not what I need right now, and I'd rather just stay friends." then I'll be ok, I'll need some time to get over it but after that things will be just how they are now. Things will be fine.

Let's just get Road A out on the table and what that means to me. If we decided that being together, going out, is what we really need right now, I see that as a close friendship where the emotional closeness is reflected is physical intimacy. I believe the physical intimacy allows for a level of emotional intimacy as well. People, who I've never been physically intimate with I've been very close to emotionally but there is a kind of barrier.

If we go down Road A, there's a lot to gain but there are some risks, and yes, Road B is kind of a steadier road. . .I'm ready for Road A, right now. I just feel like I'm in that point in my life at the moment. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I'm ready to take the chance.

I feel grateful that you took a chance with me and opened yourself up to me, and I hope I made you feel that the chance was worth taking.

Whatever happens to us in the future, it won't change we shared for the last quarter at all. That will always be there. If last quarter was all I got to experience of Diana Oleszczuk, I'd be very sad, but I'd also be very happy and very grateful for the time I had to share what I got to share with you.
After further e-mailing and phone calls Diana on December 26th, she decided to take a chance with me.

Why I did I want Road A with Diana when I had been okay with just being “friends” with other girls?  Well, there was something different about Diana.  There always has been.  I wanted to love her, to share everything with her.  She used to more colorful clothing and I found that as a reflection of her inner strength and passion.  Diana loves what she loves without apologies no matter what other people think and I admire that about her.

People say that couple start looking alike the longer they are together, which if you know Diana and I is a hilarious thought.  The biggest change in me in the past nine years of knowing Diana is how I embrace the things that I love.  I don't know if I knew Diana was going to be the one to teach me that nine years ago, but I sensed something about how I knew she would be a positive force in my life.

Diana wasn't attracted to me because of the jokes I made or the fact I was a composition major.  She saw in me the man that I'm still becoming and that's I liked about me and I knew I needed to hold her as close to me as possible.

It's hard for me to articulate how I felt nine years ago.  Maybe it's just my memory or maybe it's the fact that like the most important moments in life, words fail to articulate the depth of the human heart.

Diana, I know it wasn't easy to take a chance on a relationship with me, and I thank you for believing in me and our future together.  So much has changed in the past nine years of our lives and I can honestly say that I love you more than I ever have.
Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.
-Hamlet: Act 2, Scene 2

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