Wednesday, July 31, 2013

On Being A Sissy: Part 2 - The College Sissy

In college it was a lot easier to be a sissy. Unlike during high school, there were open and out homosexuals all around me. The confidence in which some of these guys embraced their “feminine” gestures made my level of being a sissy pale in comparison.

Gay jokes didn’t exist in my group of friends. In my fraternity there were always at least a couple gay guys who would make self-deprecating gay jokes but none of the straight members ever made a gay joke to them or to any of the straight members of the fraternity.

This doesn’t mean that there wasn’t some comments that were said. I was asked if I was gay a handful of times. One of my close female friends told me when she first met me that she wasn’t sure if I was straight, and others commented on gestures or the way I did things. There wasn’t any meanness connected with these comments but they still made me take pause and think about the way that I carried myself.

When something happens in life that reminds you about a characteristic that you don’t hold as a central part of your identity, it’s annoying. When someone makes an Asian joke, I’m reminded that I’m Asian. I’m not ashamed of this fact, but it’s not something that I think about all of the time. When someone makes a comment that I’m more feminine than they think I should be, it reminds me that in their mind I don’t fit what it means to be masculine.

Of course it doesn’t matter what they think as long as I’m proud of whom I am. That’s true, but it’s still annoying to hear these kinds of comments. But not being reminded of this in college as often as in high school gave me time to become comfortable with myself.

In the same way that my parents embraced my interests which were not stereotypically “straight,” I found other guys like me who also loved boy bands who were straight and girls who thought it was awesome that I could play songs from Rent on the piano. Somewhere within all of that, I came to accept the “sissy” parts of myself that my parents did all those years ago.

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