Friday, August 29, 2014

Year 5: Week 0 - The Feeling That Rises Above

As the school year has begun to gear up, I find myself doubting my ability to handle it all.

Part of it is being away from working at a certain pace. It’s hard to get stuff done over the summer because you lack the energy that you get from the students. As we prepare for the beginning of the year, it feels like we are running on empty but we’ve got to get moving. Then when the kids enter the door, it’s like we finally get a full tank. Before you know it, it’s go time and you’re moving at that faster pace.

This year I’ve a got a new teacher in my department to mentor. We’re trying new things with our curriculum, lining up band and choir in a way that we’ve always wanted to but never actually did. We’re fully integrating Smart Music, an amazing computer program into our band program. We’ve completely rearranged our elementary school music room and instead of having all five of us in three different office spaces, my entire department will for the first time, share one large office space.

It’s a lot of changes and I’m expecting a pretty chaotic beginning of the year. All that craziness isn’t throwing me off balance and kicking my confidence down a notch, it’s who’s not there. Last year we had one new principal, and this year we have two more new principals. The three administrators who I worked closest with, who mentored me and got me to the place I am are no longer at my school.

Last year it became clear to me that they had trained me well so that I didn’t need them as much as I did when I first started here. Regardless I checked in with them and simply knowing that they were there, that they had my back, gave me strength.

These three new administrators have been fantastic. I know they have my back, but I also know they need my help to get to know the school and I find that I support these new administrators in a way that I never supported the old ones. I really like having something to give to them in this way, but sometimes I miss being the new kid.

I know I got this, and I know that my doubts are silly. So much of this feeling of being without is ridiculous. There are so many people at this school who support me every day but there’s still a feeling that I want to go back to Neverland.

It’s not a bad thing to be nostalgic and to being worried about the future. Being nostalgic gives you comfort and being worried means that you care.

There is one feeling that rises abouve my worries and my doubts. I am so excited to see my kids again whom I get to teach again and meet my new third graders. As much as things change every year I get to relive these ages with my kids. Every year I get to experience the wonders of this time in their lives. So in a way, I never have to grow up and that may be one of the greatest things about being a teacher.

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