When you reach out for a crying baby or crying toddler, sometimes you are doing it because you have an idea that you can somehow make that child feel better. However, other times you do this because your partner needs a break. This is what happened on a recent plane flight.
Ethan is not at the age where he will pay attention to an iPad during the flight but he is too old to chill out and nap. So instead of doing either of these things, he would be entertained by one of us for 5-10 minutes, loose it because of some small incident like dropping a cracker, and become seemingly inconsolable. At this point, if he was with Diana, I’d reach out to him, Diana would hand him over to me, and the crying would escalate, but eventually subside. I would figure out a way to keep him entertained but inevitably he would lose it again and I would hand him back to Diana.
There are other times when we lean into the crying. Sometimes Diana needs to take care of something and she is holding Ethan. As I reach towards him, he clearly is not happy and doesn’t want to come with me. However, in that time Diana needs space so I peel him off as he screams and walk away as the tears start rolling. This needs to happen, and in this moment, I know that it’s not going to be pretty but I do it. Diana does the same for me when Ethan is not done cuddling with me but I need a break or have something I need to do alone, like go to the bathroom, which I have done with a kid on my lap, but it’s more comfortable not to...trust me).
Sometimes swooping in when Ethan is having a moment is exactly what he needs to calm down, but other times it doesn’t help at all, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the wrong choice.
Parenting isn’t just about making your kid happy. Ethan needs to learn that sometimes someone that he loves, who loves him back needs a break from him. This lesson is not well received and isn’t learned with some tears but it’s an essential lesson. How we treat other people’s bodies is an important thing to learn in life that you can start teaching toddlers. Ollie learned at a young age that Diana wasn’t into early morning cuddles so if Ollie gets up early, he always jumps into my side of the bed. Ollie's understanding of Diana’s needs allows him to better respect her, which adds depth to their relationship.
Parents have to run towards the cries, reach out to the little ones and bring them close as they scream. There’s a thought that we can make the little ones feel better in our efforts but we do it even when we know it’s going to possibly may makes things worse. It’s an action that expresses our complete love of our children from the happy moments to the sad ones. As we hold them tight in their screams, we learn to embrace all of who our children are and who they will become.
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