Parenthood - Week 516: Buffy's New Bed

“Buffy? Kings, get down here!” 

 

I was upstairs when I heard my wife call me. I wasn’t clear from her tone the mood of the moment, but her voice had a level of urgency. As I came downstairs, I saw Diana standing and pointing at our box of winter wear. In this box full of gloves, hats, and mittens sat Buffy. Her fur was coming out of the sides of the box, and she was resting peacefully. 

 

Buffy had somehow managed to climb into this box, and like a cat in a box meme, she sat there content while looking absurd.  

 

“Silly puppy.” 

 

Buffy has a bed in the front room near the same area as this box, but lately, she has been resting not in her bed but on random jackets, gloves, and other clothing on the floor. Because we live with three children, winter clothing accessories are often not hung up or put away. After school, my kids come in, sometimes needing to go to the bathroom in a rush to transition to being home, which can be a mess at times.  

 

The boys get home from school, and as they transition, Buffy takes advantage of the time before my sons put away their stuff. Sometimes before we can put everything away, she has already settled on Ollie’s jacket. Maybe Buffy likes to lay on Ollie’s jacket because it’s soft or novel, or perhaps she likes cuddling up to the scent of someone in her pack.  

 

A couple of days ago, I was cleaning the house nightly after the kids went to bed. As I moved into our living room, I noticed Buffy slowly following me. When I stopped, she stopped and looked up at me. I sighed and then went to the closet. I took out Ollie’s winter coat and threw it on the ground. Buffy turned around and walked towards the coat. She walked in a small circle around the coat and settled down in the coat. Then she let out a relaxed sigh and closed her eyes.  

 

*****  

 

In the evening, Buffy regularly goes upstairs and wants to sleep in Ollie and Ethan’s room. She gets upset when the door isn’t open after they go to bed and wants to get in. At some point in the night, she wants to sleep back downstairs. When I forget to leave that room’s door open a crack, I will hear her whine or bark in the middle of the night, and sometimes Ollie gets up to open the door for her. We’ve gotten into the habit of leaving that door open so she can go downstairs.  

 

There’s a little space between a chest of drawers and Ethan’s bed. It’s only about a foot and a half wide. I’ve wedged one of Buffy’s bed’s into that space, and she enjoys having this little nook to settle in for part of the night.  

 

I’m not sure why she wants to go downstairs in the middle of the night, but it’s nice knowing she’s keeping an eye on the boys and wants to settle for the night close to them.

Parenthood: Week 498 - What It Means To Be Away

Last week there was a lot going on. (Well, most of the time, it feels like there’s a lot going on). It was Halloween, I was out of town with my 5th graders on their outdoor education overnight trip, one of my children had a minor cold, and my mom was in town to visit and help out. Oh, and it was also Ethan’s birthday last week. 

We moved the 5th-grade trip earlier, which is nice. There’s a better chance the weather will not be as cold, and doing it before the election, and not on the election, is important. The 2016 election? I was on this trip the night of the election and the day after. So, yeah, that was a thing. If you want to read about what that felt like, here it is.

The timing worked well. The night before I left was Ethan’s birthday. So we had a family dinner with some cake and presents. He’s going to have a party with his friends at a later date. I was worried I'd miss his birthday for my trip. Ethan's been very excited for his birthday. He's been talking about it for month, literally.   

The first time I went on this trip was when Ollie was a little bit more than a year old it was tough being away. The good news is that Ollie was so young that he didn’t experience it in such a way that he showed that he missed me or was sad about it. I really missed him and was worried about him, but he was, of course, fine.

Now it’s different. I still miss my kids when I’m away, but it’s different. It’s less a feeling of worry and longing. Instead, I feel unsettled not being near my children. There’s a wonderful feeling at night knowing that all my children sleep peacefully and safely near me in our house every night. Everything feels right knowing we are all together. I miss that when I’m away. When I sleep, I can’t get entirely comfortable or relaxed.

My children are different now. Two of them clearly articulate that they don’t miss me or know I’m gone. My two oldest have enough of a sense of time. They can count down the days and feel how long I’m gone.   My second one Ethan, who had just turned five years old, wasn’t happy that I was gone. He showed that by being challenging when I got back, and melting down a lot. He didn’t want me to read to him and put him to bed like he usually did. He lashed out at me for the first two days I was back, which was hard to take. 

It’s hard because he has his feelings, and he doesn’t know how to express them productively or thoughtfully, so I’m made to feel like a punching bag at times. Also, I feel like there has been reversion like in years past right after his birthday. It’s because he spends so much energy and time wanting to get to his birthday so he can be older, and once the birthday hits, he worries about what it means to be older and reverts to less mature behavior.

Last night Ethan asked me to read him a bedtime story, so I got into bed with him, and he curled up next to me and listened as I read. This was his way of forgiving me for being away. Ethan tries to apologize, but he doesn’t know what it means to say, “I’m sorry.” However, at that moment in his room, as he fell asleep in my arms, I felt his forgivingness and the reassurance that we would be alright.

Parenthood: Week 497 - On The Even Of Five

For the past couple of months, Ethan has talked about how much he is looking forward to his birthday. Now some of this is because he wants more toys. Like most children, a big part of birthdays are presents for Ethan. However, it's more than just the toys for Ethan. 

Ethan wants to be older like his brother. He sees being older as getting better toys and more freedom. Ethan, more than Ollie, feels a need to control his life. He wants things to be on his terms and is less willing to go along with things. When Ollie was potty training, we would ask him to sit on the potty every forty-five minutes and try. Ollie was good about doing this. I have no clue how we eventually got Ethan potty trained because he refused to follow any training method. Finally, it came down to Ethan deciding to be potty trained. After weeks of struggle, Ethan decided he would be potty trained one day, and that was pretty much it.  

That's my boy.  

I don't use the motivator of being a "big boy" to get my children to do things. I get that this works, and I use it sometimes. However, I'm not too fond of the idea of glorifying how great it is to be older. I want my children to enjoy being their age and not spend too much time pining for the future when there are wonderful things about being children they should enjoy. This talk does work with Ethan, partially because he wants to be like his brother, and he knows now more than ever he's a small boy.  

Ethan, like me, is small for his age. He can share clothing with his two-year-old brother, and he's turning five tomorrow. Ethan knows he's smaller, and I think there's a hope with age, he will be bigger, and he will, but he's always going to be on the small size. I see with my students how much talk, especially with the boys, is around height. Last week, I gave a mini-lecture as boys were making value judgments around height, and I was not having it.  

I hope he doesn't have to deal with too much of this. I was made fun of for my height a lot when I was a kid, and it was not fun. I knew that by looking at my dad and brother. I would always be a smaller guy, so I realized that being older wouldn't make me bigger than other boys. But I hoped that by being older, that height would matter less, and I was right about that.  

Ethan made significant progress over the summer sleeping in his bed all the way through the night. He was down to getting up earlier and coming into my bed once every two weeks instead of twice a week. Ethan has been coming into my bed more often for the last two weeks. He's been talking about how he wants to sleep in our bed more often, and we've explained that he's older, which means he's in his bed. Like all of us, when we get older, I think Ethan is worried about getting older and wants to hang on to something as he goes into the unknown.  

I get it because I feel the same way as Ethan. I'm so excited about what age five will bring to Ethan's life, but I'm worried, and part of me doesn't want him not to grow up. And no matter what I do, tomorrow morning Ethan will wake up a 5-year-old.  

I'm so proud of him, and while there are many thoughts in my head as I reflect on this movement, in my heart, more than anything, there is love.

Parenthood: Week 496 - 10/17/22

Ethan is getting more into soccer. Before his game yesterday, he spent time practicing kicking a ball around. For some reason, he thought he had to throw the ball to get the ball moving, so he proceeded to try to drop-kick the ball over and over. During the soccer practice before the game, he was more successful moving the fall down the field and passing the ball in other drills with his teammates. 

The afternoon was the coldest we’ve had this fall, and I didn’t dress Ethan in as warm clothing as his teammates. Other team members wore hats, gloves, and thick fleece underneath their uniforms. Ethan was just wearing a long t-shirt. I was expecting him to complain that he was cold as I saw him pull his sleeves over his hands to keep them warm, but he didn’t.  

There were times when Ethan got distracted and was less engaged in the game, but he was on par in this regard with most of the players on his team with his attention, so I wasn’t concerned.  

Things with soccer are starting to click for Ethan. 

*****

If you sit on the couch and ask Lucas to bring you a book, he will happily run off and get one for you to read to him. Sometimes these books are small board books, and sometimes they are picture books the size of his torso. Then, he will push the book onto your lap and climb onto the couch. 

Lucas is still at the age where climbing on the couch really is a climb. He drops his head and torso down the couch, throws his leg up, and tries to pull himself up. Sometimes I help him. Other times, he manages himself.  

Once Lucas makes it up to the couch, he will settle down next to me or in my lap. Then, when I’m done with the book, he jumps off my lap and grabs another book. Suppose I let him this go on and on. He will happily keep bringing books for you to read as long as you are willing to read to him. 

***** 

Sometimes I get annoyed when Ollie leads his brothers in playing a game that is too loud and messy. I’ll be in the kitchen and hear joyful laughs and screams, check on my boys, and the living room will be an absolute mess.  

Sometimes, when it’s too late, it’s too messy, or close to a meal, I stop them. I make them top and clean up, and do something different. Then there are others times I just walk away and let it go.  

Ollie loves playing with his brothers. He’s not concerned about playing games that are too kiddie. As they play, I see Ollie teaching his brothers rules and helping them along, even in the silliest games. He wants to involve his brothers and have fun with them. I look at the way Ethan and Lucas are up to him with fascination and wonder, and it makes me so happy that they all have each other.

Parenthood: Week 489 - The First Day Of School 2022

We were doing pretty well on time. 

I got the kids seated on the front set to take first day of school pictures and got them in the car with time to spare.   

The drop-off lane was not going up for the first two days of school, so we had to park, which I knew would be an issue. However, we got pretty lucky and got to the school early enough that I managed to get a spot on the street not too far from the school.  

I got Ethan and Lucas in the double stroller. Only Lucas really needed a stroller, but I figured that having Ethan and Lucas contained in the stroller would be helpful. Ethan is old enough not to need the stroller, but he likes it, and I was willing to do anything I could this morning to keep things positive and smooth. Also, we had back-to-school supplies to carry, and the stroller helped with that.  

We got in line to enter the building; before I knew it, it was time. I got Ethan out of the stroller, helped him put his backpack on, and handed Ollie his bag of school supplies. Then, I asked, "Ethan, do you want Ollie to help you walk in?" Ethan nodded silently in response with a concerned look on his face.  

Ollie struggling to balance his bag of supplies, took Ethan's hand, and they walked up the steps to the door to the school. While Ollie looked up to the door, Ethan looked down at his feet to navigate the steps. Then he looked up at Ollie and, seeing Ollie's focus, turned his eyes to the door. Together they walked into the school and never looked back.  

I was so proud of Ollie for helping his brother and having a great attitude on the first day, and I was so proud of Ethan for being brave and trusting in his brother and his school.  

I pushed Lucas around to another side of the school to the playground entrance. His first day would be some time in the playground and some time in his classroom. As a guardian, I was supposed to hang out, just in case Lucas needed me.  

I got Lucas out of the stroller, and he motioned insistently at his backpack. I helped him put it on, and he stood there silently. His teacher, the same teacher he had last year, gave him a warm greeting on the playground. As she did that, I was down at his level, and I told him I would be around just in case he needed me.  

Lucas looked at me with sad eyes and walked toward me, leaned his head on my shoulder, and I pulled him close into a hug. I felt his arms go around my neck, and he felt so small at that moment. We separated, and as his teacher motioned toward him, he walked towards her slowly and never looked back.  

Lucas saw me at the playground, but he never walked toward me. Instead, he played a little bit, refusing to take off his backpack, and went inside with his class. Lucas moved slowly, but he did what was asked of him and was brave and strong.  

At the end of Lucas' time, I greeted him, and he walked toward me. I saw that he was tired and helped him take off his backpack.  

"How are you doing special one?" I asked him.

 

"Snack?" Lucas asked.  

"Sure, buddy." 

I gave him a bag of crackers, and he happily ate them while walking around in a circle and smiling in the sunlight.  

It was a good first day.

To Cook - Part 5: Cooking For Children

I wish I could say that cooking for my children was a wonderful, meaningful experience that always brings me joy and great meaning. But I can't.

Along with keeping your children clean and warm, providing food for your children is an animalistic instinct. Most parents care deeply about feeding their children well and want to provide the best food possible for their children. Also, for people like myself, cooking and food are culture and tradition. The problem is that children are not always willing and interested recipients of the food we cook. This can be disheartening, frustrating, and annoying.  

I've cooked meals for my children that they have a track record of liking that they decide on that night they don't like for some reason. So they don't eat much and end up eating cereal hours later. This rejection doesn't feel good, and while we are teaching our children to be polite and appreciative about food even if they don't like it, it's tough to deal with.  

I remember cooking for Ollie when he was a baby. I'd steam him pears and make him rice porridge. I'd cook him scrambled eggs in butter and toast points as he learned to pick up food and feed himself. As he entered toddlerhood, Ollie seemed to eat anything. I was so proud as he ate mouthfuls of salmon, chicken, and almost anything I put in front of him. I thought I was the master parent, and those parents who talked about their children only eating dino-nuggets didn't teach their children how to appreciate food. Before I knew it, Ollie pushed away much of the food he used to eat and entered dino-nugget land.  

Sometimes I cook for my children a meal that comes from my heritage and my soul, like Taiwanese beef noodle soups. The dinner table is quiet as my boys slurp up noodles, and I feel proud of my heritage and my family. They are eating a dish my mom taught me how to make and connect them to their ancestors and their culture.  

Sometimes I cook with my children, which can be a lot of fun, and other times it can be annoying. My children are good helpers in the kitchen, but when we don't have time to mess around and people are hungry, children in the kitchen is not a good idea.  

Sometimes I feel like I'm giving up and throwing whatever I know they will and eating like instant ramen over taking a chance and cooking something more wholesome that they may not enjoy. And sometimes I cook a different meal for my children than I do for myself because I don't want to eat what I cook that I know they will enjoy, but I will not.    

This is the reality of cooking for your children. There are wonderful moments, but there's a lot of frustration. And I am proud of my children. They eat many different foods and embrace many foods from their culture. 

I'm not giving up. I'm always going to cook for my kids. Cooking is my love language, even if it's something as simple as making toast or a bowl of cereal. However, I do feel a need to be realistic and not portray cooking for children as some magical, wonderful thing because it's not always that way, and that's okay.  

It's okay for parenting to be frustrating, and it's okay for cooking not to be fun. It's fine. I don't love every moment of parenting, and I don't love everything about cooking, and there are moments when I don't love cooking for my children. However, I do love parenting, I do love cooking, and I do love cooking for my children.  

My children will know that their father tried to make good food and teach them about their culture and other culture through food. I am proud of that fact, and I'm proud to cook for my children.

Parenthood: Week 486 - Taking A Moment To Have Fun

Parenthood is many things. It's exhausting, stressful, and it's emotional. It's full of insecurity that can feel isolating and confusing. The role of parenthood, along with other responsibilities, often feels like a grind. In the daily tasks and stresses, it's easy to forget that parenthood is also fun.   

There's always something to do around the house. There are dishes, laundry, meal prep, and cooking. Even when these daily tasks are done, there are other things to do, like cleaning the basement, organizing the garage, and paying bills. It's hard to get all these things done when you have children. There is only so much you can do after they go to bed, so it's a great chance to get some things done when your kids are working or playing independently.  

These moments almost feel magical. Lucas will be sitting looking through books or playing with a train. Ethan will be working through a workbook or carefully coloring a picture. Ollie will play a video game or work through a new algorithm on a difficult speed cube puzzle (a more advanced Rubik's cube-style puzzle).  

When all of my children are engaged quietly, I usually rush to get the dishwasher emptied or the laundry folded. It feels like a bonus, a chance to get ahead on the after-bedtime tasks so that I can possibly use that time to watch a show or work out.  

I've realized lately that these things that keep my children the most engaged so that I can do other things around the house are the things that are the most fun for me to do with them. When Lucas is looking through books by himself, he is delighted when I come and sit next to him and offer to read to him. When Ethan is coloring a picture, he loves it when I sit next to him. He tells me about his work and loves to ask me about the colors. Ollie is always happy when I play video games or sit next to him and practice cubing, asking him for advice as we work sitting next to each other.  

When my children are engaged in activities they like, and I decide to play with them instead of doing something like dishes, I've had fun with them, and it's been really nice. I worry that I might regret playing with them late at night when I'm doing chores, but I don't really because here's the thing: you can play with them and get things done. I'm not talking about multitasking. This has to do with the fact that it doesn't take a lot of time to have fun with your kids.  

Reading a book to Lucas can take as little as three minutes, and in that time, we can both have so much fun. Sitting and chatting with Ethan for five minutes doesn't take away much time from dinner prep. I can jump in a video game with Ollie for ten minutes and then jump out and get back to the laundry. It's never been long swaths of time that have made my time with my children fun and rewarding. It's about the time being meaningful and fun. And after some fun during the day with my children, chores late at night don't feel as annoying, because I have fun memories of the day to lighten my mood.

I know it's easier said than done, but make some time to have fun with your children, because that time will not always be there.  

The days are long but the years are lightning 

They're bright and they will never strike again 

...We all think we got the time until we don't

Parenthood: Week 485 - Permutations

We like to do things as a family. 

The vast majority of our family outings include all of us. There are times when Diana or me will take all three of our sons out to do something like go to the beach or something. Most of the time, though, the three boys are together when we go out and do things together.   

While we have a great time as a family with all three boys together, I’ve begun to notice that there are advantages to having my sons be together in different groupings. This allows for some individual time with one of us and also lets two boys have some time away from the third, which can be a nice change of pace.  

I took Ollie and Ethan to go see Lightyear. We figured Lucas probably wouldn't get a lot out of seeing this film. He doesn’t sit for that long, and Diana wasn’t that interested in the film, so I took the older boys. They had a lot of fun. I was honestly not that into the film and ended up falling asleep for a chunk of the film, but I was really happy Ollie and Ethan had a good time. Now I end up falling asleep in most films, plays, and concerts, since becoming a father...something about the dark room. Ollie and Ethan were both highly motivated by the film, so they were really well behaved getting to the film, which was nice.  

Last week, Ollie had a camp on Friday morning, and Ethan and Lucas were free, so I took them to a local park district amusement park called Pirate’s Cove. We did take Ollie to this place with his brothers last year, and he had a good time, but he’s starting to get too old for places like this. He’s right at the top age of the recommended age limit. While Ollie generally doesn’t mind doing things that are directed toward children younger than him, I don’t want to push it. We asked Ollie if he minded us taking his brothers without him or if he wanted us to go some other time with him, and he said he didn’t mind me taking my brothers without him.  

When Ethan and Lucas are together, they often take their cues on what to do and where to go when they go to places from Ollie. Without Ollie, Ethan stepped up and made an extra effort to lead Lucas around and help him out on the rides. I also found that Ethan paid more attention to Lucas without Ollie around and ensured he was okay. Now, Ethan didn’t spend the whole time looking after Lucas. There were times when he ran off, completely oblivious to where Lucas was, but more often than not, he was doing a great job taking on the role of the older responsible sibling.  

I’m not sure what it will be, but I look forward to doing something with just Lucas and Ollie. They have the biggest age difference between the three of them. Even though Lucas is actually closer in age to Ethan than Ethan is to Ollie, developmentally, Ollie and Ethan are more able to communicate and play together. This will change, and the dynamics of their relationships as a trio and as pairs will evolve over time.  

I love how much fun they have as a trio. So much they do together makes me so happy to witness. As someone who only had one sibling, I didn’t really think about what it meant for them to have time in different arrangements until recently. I’m looking forward to creating space for these relationships to grow in different ways and watching them grow. 

Ollie, Ethan, and Lucas are great to each other, and I’m so glad that have each other.

How I Came To Believe In Women's Right To Choose

I don’t remember conversing with my parents about abortion growing up. However, I remember many things that my parents taught me about women and other moments in my life that led to my belief that all women are entitled to the right to free, legal, accessible, and safe abortions. 

My father has never been a controlling husband. He never monopolized the dinner table conversations or the television. I don’t remember any moments when he lectured my mom. However, I do remember them talking over decisions all of the time, and at moments when my dad would get understandably upset, my mom worked through these moments with my father as an equal partner.  

The older I got, the more I noticed that not all couples were like this. In high school couples, with my extended family and my friend’s parents, I saw guys condensing to and being domineering to their female “partners.” Even as a high schooler, I could tell that the women in these situations were uncomfortable, and it wasn’t right.  

As I became more aware of abortion, it never occurred to me that a woman wouldn’t get to make a choice. My dad didn’t make choices for my mom, and I saw how my mom made choices in her life. It just didn’t compute why women couldn’t decide what was best for their bodies and their lives.  

I grew up without the influence of any organized religion. I had no messaging coming to me about how there were “commandments” or a moral code of how I was supposed and what was right and wrong. Instead, I had parents who taught me to see other people as human beings and to be kind to myself and others.

I remember my dad being telling me once that he was frustrated that a friend told him that he was somehow less than others because he didn’t attend church. I thought at that moment: here is a person who immigrated to another country, learned another culture and another language and was successful in many ways, financially and beyond.  

My dad lived his life well and is living proof that you can be successful in America without exploiting other people and while being kind to others. I realized that any assertion that my dad is less moral because he didn’t go to church was garbage. So I decided at the moment that I am never taking any religious doctrine at face value as being moral. If Christians can be wrong about slavery, they can be wrong about abortion. So when a high school classmate told me that abortion was wrong because it went against Christian teachings, it meant nothing to me. I replied, “well, I’m not Christian, and I don’t need Christianity to tell me what’s right or wrong.”  

One of the most influential books in my life is “Dead Man Walking.” I read it junior year in high school. The work of Sister Helen Prejean showed me the best of Christianity and taught me how to see humanity in what people view as the “worst among us.” The book is about her time working with people on the death row and her advocacy against the death penalty. His experiences and arguments have stuck with me for over twenty years, and I have never wavered in my belief that the death penalty should be abolished.  

There was a moment in class when we discussed this book, and it hit me. “How could Christian-identified people be pro-life and also pro-death penalty? That is a moral inconsistency. This must not be about saving fetuses.” I didn’t understand years later that the pro-life movement was about political power and dehumanizing and controlling women, but I knew at that moment that this wasn’t about saving lives. Don’t forget. Legal abortions used to have bi-partisan support. The first governor to sign a bill protecting women’s right to abortions was Republican Ronald Reagon.  

At this moment on this day, when Roe Vs. Wade has been overturned, I’m reflecting on my journey because only by understanding our past can we move forward with purpose and clarity. Also, I want to ensure that my children understand and respect the humanity of women and their right to abortion. I’m not going to talk to my 4-year-old about abortions, but I can do as my father did and demonstrate daily how I value women.  

For a meaningful reflection on this day and the path forward, I'll leave you with Senator Warren, who as always is empathetic, wise, and a has plan...

Parenthood: Week 480 - Buffy Walking Lucas

Buffy still gets excited to go outside but is not always up for a long walk. 

Our neighborhood is a street is a circle with houses on both sides. The street is about ⅓ mile. When Buffy was younger, she happily made it around the circle, sometimes twice. Nowadays, she wants to go outside but will go three or four houses down. That’s fine. She’s older an sometimes just wants to sniff about. Now that it’s warmer, Buffy will sometimes just stand in the sunshine for a couple of minutes, content to feel the warmth.  

At some point, I was annoyed, but I’ve fully accepted that these walks are for Buffy, and if she wants them to be shorter or simply wants to go at a slower pace, then it’s all good. These walks are for her, and I’m glad to do them the way she wants them. 

Lucas is always eager to get out of the house. When he realizes that we are getting ready to go somewhere, he is often the first of my three sons to have his shoes on. Even though he is least coordinated as a 2-year-old and sometimes still needs help to get his shoes on, he almost always leads the pack ahead of my 4-year-old and 9-year-old in getting ready to leave the house.  

Once the front door is open, Lucas will push through the screen door and out into our neighborhood. We need to be careful with this because he will sometimes get out of the house before we are ready, and we’ve had to chase him down our driveway or across our lawn when he has snuck out of our house. 

A couple of days ago, Diana was taking Ollie and Ethan out. Lucas saw this as a cue to get ready to go, and he got his shoes on. The only issue was that Lucas was staying home with me. As I held him back, he started to cry, seeing his brothers getting ready to go. Finally, I assured him we were going too, and I got Buffy’s lead on so I could take Buffy along with Lucas.  

As soon as I opened the door, Lucas happily ran out to the sidewalk. He stopped and looked back at me, Buffy. “Which way do you want to go?” I asked him, and he pointed to the right. “Sure, buddy, let’s go.” 

Lucas doesn’t run yet. It’s more like a jog/trot. His arms are half-engaged, and his forearms are loose, so they swing at his sides. It's really cute

As I tried to keep up with Lucas walking quickly, I noticed that my leash was loose at my side. I looked over at Buffy. Her eyes were fixed on Lucas in front of us, and she was trotting along next to me, determined to keep up with Lucas.  

That’s how it went. Lucas giggled in front of us, with Buffy and me chasing behind. He would stop every so often, distracted by a leaf, tree, or blade of grass, and he would sit and example what he found. Buffy and I would stop and wait for him. Once done, he'd push himself up and start down the street again, with his arms hanging at his sides.  

Lucas recognized our house; he went up to our driveway right into the front door. Buffy went ahead of me into the house right behind Lucas. As soon as I took off her leash, she walked over to one of the corners of the room and settled down, watching Lucas as he started to look through a book.  

Buffy sensed this walk was Lucas, the same way I know walks are for Buffy. She did what she could to take care of Lucas on that walk and saw her purpose. She’s a great dog, and it felt wonderful to have her beside me taking care of Lucas.

Parenthood: Week 477 - Holding Out for Hero - Part 2

The human imagination is incredible. 

Without sensory information, we can feel and understand things. I can now experience the scent of the incense at my grandmother’s funeral, the sound of my father’s voice, the feeling of my nine-year-old son's newborn hair, and the taste of split pea soup on the deck of a ship in Alaska without any stimuli from my senses. 

Our imagination is also one of the most potent tools of empathy. We can sense how someone feels about something without actually experiencing it ourselves. For example, I have never won a championship on a sports team. Still, I can imagine how great it would feel to experience these emotions by watching sports documentaries and films. So when I watch a team win a championship, I can get emotionally involved because my imagination informs my empathy. 

When you take that step of imagination and actually know firsthand experience, empathy comes quickly and more profoundly. Because all of my grandparents have passed away, when someone I know loses a grandparent, I have real experience to draw from to empathize with them. I don’t need t to imagine how it feels. Experience is a powerful and essential part of empathy and allows us to make deeper connections with others, but it can bring us to dark places when the unimaginable happens. 

The shooting in Uvalde hit me on two levels. The teachers and students who died were in a 4th-grade classroom. I teach fourth grade. I know what those students are like, and I know what it means to teach that age. And what hit me Wednesday night is the fact that my oldest son, Ollie, is the same age as some of these students who died. I’m looking at parents describing the worst times of their lives, and we are connected. This tragedy happened to someone who has my job in a school with students the same age as the students I teach and also happened to parents who have children the same age as me. 

I didn’t have to imagine much to see myself in this situation, and it doesn’t take a lot for me to imagine this happening in my school and to my child.  

As a teacher, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to have a shooter come into my school Wednesday morning on the way to work. I almost had to pull over. It was overwhelming, and as tears came to me, I didn’t fight them and let the emotions come over me like a wave. It was a hard experience, but it felt necessary and important. 

I’ll be honest, I haven’t let myself imagine what it would be like to lose my son to a school shooting. It may hit me at a moment when I don’t expect it, or it might trigger the upcoming funerals of the children who died in Uvalde last week. When it comes, it will be rough, but it will be vital for me to feel for myself and to further empathize with others. 

Maybe by strengthening empathy muscles through imagination, we can imagine something better for our children. 

Let us be motivated by sorrow and pain to bring light to our world.

Parenthood: Week 475 - The Joke Of Self-Care

In this new age of self-care, one metaphor commonly used is the oxygen mask. The idea is that they instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask on a plane before helping out someone near you. This applies to real life because you should take care of yourself before you take care of other people. In a time when teachers are overworked, stressed out, and on the borderline of being burned out, the idea of taking care of yourself first is about survival. It’s also helpful in refraining from what it means to take care of your students. If you don't take care of yourself and have a breakdown, you are incapable of taking care of your students.   

The issue is that this doesn’t always apply to parenting very well.  

The other night I decided to cook myself a healthy dinner instead of just grabbing whatever out of the refrigerator. Ethan really wanted something from me, so I told him that he had to wait. As I got my dinner ready and sat down to eat, Ethan asked for my attention. I told him that I would be with him as soon as I was done with my dinner.  

I finished my dinner, and then I couldn’t find Ethan. I looked all over the house. He wasn't responding to my voice, and I eventually found him hiding in our backyard on top of our play structure. Yes, Ethan made a terrible choice by hiding from us when he didn’t get what he wanted. And I made the wrong choice as well.  

I could have grabbed a banana, hung out with Ethan, and eaten dinner after he went to bed. Ethan would not have had a meltdown and had a much better night. Would I have been hungry? Yup, but I would have been fine. I don’t see it as a big sacrifice to put my children’s needs in front of my own because often, it will bring peace later, which genuinely does allow me some time for self-care.  

That’s why I cook breakfast for my children on weekends before I cook my own. They are hungry when they wake up, and so am I. However, I can manage my appetite better than my two-year-old and wait for later. If I make Lucas wait for me to eat before he eats, I will have a meltdown on my hands, and no one will enjoy breakfast.  

I’m not saying that all of your needs should come second to your children’s needs. I’m saying that often, delaying your needs and taking care of your children means that you will be able to have your needs met later with more peace and calm.  

Being a parent means that you have to put aside your needs. It’s not uncommon for parents of newborns to miss showers, eat poorly, and stop exercising. When you have a newborn, it is not the time to “put your oxygen mask on first.” Yes, you should find ways to “self-care,” but it looks different when you have children.  

One time, someone told me about an after-work self-care routine that took forty-five minutes. I wanted to laugh out loud. My after-work self-care routine is going to the bathroom and then changing into more comfortable clothes. If I really want to treat myself, I will sit in the car for two minutes and watch a silly youtube.com video before leaving my car.  

So yeah, self-care? With children, sometimes it’s best to wait and get their mask on first, you can hold breathe, but they can’t.

Parenthood: Week 474 - Lucas 5/9/22: Talking About Diapers and Climbing Out Of His Crib

“Dye Puh!” 

I looked over at Lucas, and he was joyfully running up to me, holding a diaper. Then it hit me; he just said diaper! Lucas is at a wonderful age when he is starting to reveal all of the languages he has learned his whole life through talking. It seems odd at first to live with another human being who doesn’t know how to speak, but it becomes routine very quickly with children. Then as time goes on, communication starts happening through gestures, sounds, and finally, words.  

I was really excited. I ran upstairs and told Diana that he had said diaper. She was also excited. As I made my way back down the stairs, I realized that Lucas wasn’t saying diaper as a noun; he was saying diaper as a verb.  

Lucas was standing there with his pants down and a poopy diaper he had managed to take off in his hand, smiling up at me. “Dye puh,” he exclaimed at me.  

I called Diana down, and together we got him cleaned up. She asked me, “how did you not sense that he was trying to tell you to change his diaper?” I didn’t have a good answer; I should have checked his diaper when the kid was holding a diaper.  

I’ve been a parent for nine years. Lucas is my third child. I should have figured this one out. I’ll chalk this one up to being so proud of his use of words and his cuteness.  

*****

There are some milestones parents dread. Lucas hit one of the big ones last week: he figured out how to climb out of his crib.  

I started noticing in the morning that Lucas would come down and hang out with me as I was getting ready for work. I figured he must have cried, then Diana took him out of his crib and let him come downstairs. Nope, he was just jumping out of his crib, opening the door, and coming down.  

It can be pretty scary to see a  toddler climb out of a crib. The scale of it is pretty incredible. It’s like an adult dropping from the height of ten feet. Life-threatening? No, but you could hurt yourself depending on how you did it.  

Ollie never learned how to climb out of his crib. He loved his crib. Ollie would wake up from a nap and just want to hang out there. Ethan was the opposite. He would try to get out of the crib immediately after waking up. I’m pretty sure that Lucas learned how to get out of the crib by watching Ethan, who would sometimes climb into Lucas’ crib to play with him.  

Lucas’ new climbing skills mean that his crib is no longer a place where we can leave him and contain him. This has made some nap times and bedtimes more challenging, though he’s still doing a pretty good job of falling asleep.  

Before I go to bed, I checked on my sons, and three nights this week, I found Lucas sleeping on the floor of his room next to his crib. Instead of trying to find Diana and me, he climbed out and decided to just settle on the floor. I’m not sure what he was thinking, but it was cute to see him there cuddled up with a bit of pillow.  

Lucas is growing up, he’s no longer a baby, and the challenges are new every day, but make life different every day, and are oh so entertaining.

Parenthood: Week 472 - What I Learned From Men Of Color

Fathers have a powerful effect on their sons whether they want to or not. A father’s actions and inaction resonate in the soul of their sons. A father cannot escape the impact on his sons by leaving physically, as a son feels that one action their whole life. A father's accomplishments, regrets, glory, and shortcomings live forever in their sons. Fatherhood is a responsibility and a burden. More than that, fatherhood is an opportunity.

As I listened to nine brilliant educators talk about their fathers, these thoughts came to me. This past weekend I attended My Brother's Keeper: A Retreat for Men of Color in Education. At different times different parts of our identity brought us together, even though the intersectionality of different facets of our identity was undeniable. There were discussions about our schools where our work at independent schools came to the fore and other times when the race was an important topic. At that moment, when we talked about early examples in our lives about what it meant to be a man, our identity as sons of fathers brought us together.

All of our experiences with our fathers were different. There were similarities between some people’s stories that people connected over. The stories revealed pride, insecurities, frustrations, and pain. There were lessons learned from fathers and unresolved issues. There was a determination in the room to be better than their fathers. And here was also a struggle to understand and acknowledge the positives while being unable to forget the negatives.

The most important commonality is that we were all profoundly affected by our fathers. Some people stated that out loud, while others expressed this with the emotion in their voices and how they talked. It’s not a big surprise that fathers profoundly impact their sons, but it was different from being in the room and hearing these reflections. Behind these men's strength, talent, and accomplishments, I could see little boys, all wanting the same thing: to be loved by their fathers.

While I have had the privilege to be in affinity spaces with people of color, I am rarely in groups of men, socially or professionally. I went to this retreat to put myself in an area out of my comfort zone. Encouraged by the fact that two of the facilitators were incredible people I had worked with before and the advice of two work friends, I decided to go, and I’m happy that I did.

In addition to talking about our fathers, we spoke of challenges in being a man of color in independent schools, toxic masculinity, explored some current research about leadership, and had time to bond and get to know each other. The only other times I can remember that I felt included in a large group of men since my college fraternity days almost twenty years ago was when I worked with men of color who were facilitating a Young Men Of Color Conference.

There’s nothing wrong with the fact that I like hanging out with people in smaller groups and that most of my close friends are women. But I am starting to see how I can feel belonging in groups of men. While many of those barriers that make me feel awkward in groups of men are created by toxic masculinity and the patriarchy, some of these barriers are maintained by me.

I need to figure this out for myself and my sons. Because my issues with relating to men will become my sons’ issues. I know I can’t be perfect, but I want to be better. 

Fathers are up against a lot. The messages around masculinity are unclear, but our sons are even more confused than us. But we don’t have to know the answers; we just have to embrace these challenges with our sons. We may not be able to change our world, but if we are willing to do the work, we can give our sons the power to change their own world. It’s too great an opportunity to pass up, so let’s get to work.

 We are worth it, and our sons are worth it.

Parenthood: Week 471 - Spring Break With A Sick Kid

There are universals in parenthood. One of the most challenging is dealing with illnesses of your child. 

Some parents deal with chronic medical conditions that shape the lives of children and their families. Some parents deal with the life-threatening illnesses of their children that are traumatic and resonate throughout their lives of parents. And all parents deal with fevers, flu, colds, and other viruses.  

In our modern life, much of the stress and anxiety as parents come from how childhood illness affects work, school, activities, and siblings. This compounds the practical and emotional challenges of caring for a sick child. Parents should have the financial and job security to care for their sick child, but unfortunately, many do not. We do not live in a society that prioritizes children and families, and this is obvious and painful for many families when a child is sick.  

Over time, I’ve become less stressed and anxious when my children get sick. I remember being so worried the first time Ollie had a fever. I was checking his temperature every ten minutes. I was horrified when I woke up to the sound of Ollie coughing when he had croup. When one of my children has a fever, I give them Tylenol and a croup cough, which still sounds horrible. But I know what to do to help with that.  

One of the byproducts of the COVID-19 pandemic is that I am much more comfortable taking time off work to take care of my children when they are sick. In addition, I can apply many of the tools I set up and used during remote learning to sub plans so that my students can still have a productive music class even if there is no music substitute teacher. Also, the pandemic has given me a healthy dose of perspective about what are my real priorities in my life.  

I was thinking about all of this as I sat on the couch with my sick 2-year-old Lucas last week during my spring break. During my time off, Lucas got over a cold, went to school for a day, developed double ear infections, and stayed home the rest of the week. While I did have work that I was hoping to catch up on and some errands I wanted to take care of, I was able to adjust my life and take care of him. We are very privileged to have access to great health care. So we were able to get Lucas diagnosed and treated in a timely way.  

All of this made this experience of caring for Lucas strangely relaxing and calming. Lucas is not a cuddler like my second son Ethan. So it was kind of nice that he was snuggled up in my lap. He’s only two years old, but he’s still such a little guy, and he’s pitiful and helpless when he’s sick. It’s nice to know that even though he grows so fast, he still finds comfort cuddling up with me. 

Part of me was annoyed that Lucas got sick, and it cut into my plans for my spring break. But more than that, I’m happy that I could be there for him when he needed me. That moment when his smile came back after feeling so sick, was beautiful.

Parenthood: Week 467 - New Adventures In Co-sleeping

In the quiet of the night, there are times when I am so tired that moving fully out of sleep seems like an impossible lift. Sometimes there is not a reason to get up. When I hear Lucas cry, I know that if I get up, he will get frustrated that it's me and throw himself down on his crib mattress and continue screaming for Diana. So I stay in bed and wait for Diana to get him, trying to fall back deeper asleep. 

There was a time when Ethan's cries were a nightly thing. He would wake up when he was 2-year-old wanting to get out of the crib. I'd lay there, annoyed, wishing that he could sleep through without waking me up for at least one night. Eventually, I would get up and comfort him and try unsuccessfully to get him back into his crib. Eventually, I would relent and let him sleep with me in my bed. While I lay sleepless, at least Ethan was quiet.  

That time has passed, and now on the rare occasion Ethan does cry at night, I am up quickly. There is a cry when Ethan is unhappy because I didn't get him a toy or another cookie. That cry doesn't move me, and it doesn't bother me. The cry when Ethan is scared at night or feeling sick moves me to fully being awake in seconds, moving quickly into his room cradling him in my arms.  

There are times when I wake up, and Lucas lies between Diana and me. Sometimes after nursing at night, Diana and Lucas fall asleep, and this little one is sleeping next to me. There are nights when he is lying perpendicular to Diana and me. On the best of these nights, I get the head side and feel his head on my chest, and on the worst of these nights, his little feet kick me. More often than not, he is lying nicely between us. Diana and I sleep better once he's back in his crib, so I'm usually quick to move him back into his crib.  

I'm most comfortable lifting up my children with their heads on my left arm, and the way that Lucas lies on his bed, it's hard to pick him up this way. So to pick him up, I pull Lucas on top of my chest, sit up slowly, and have him roll down into my arms. Some nights, as he lays on my chest, I give up and let him rest there for a couple of minutes. Then there are the nights when his weight feels heavier than usual, and I have to swing my legs up and then back down off the side of my bed to get the momentum to stand up while holding Lucas in my arms.  

Ethan only comes into my bed once or twice a week. A couple of days ago, I found myself with Lucas sleeping on my right and Ethan on my left. The bed was so crowded that I couldn't lay down flat, or else I would end up on top of Lucas. Ethan was sleeping peacefully nestled up to me, and I realized that if it weren't for my arms, Ethan would fall off the little piece of bed he had managed to crawl onto.  

I started trying to figure out a plan to get Ethan back to his bed and then work on getting Lucas to his crib. I craned my neck around and looked at Lucas sleeping peacefully. I reached over and felt his little toes and curled his hair between my fingers. As I felt Ethan exhale and relax into my arms, I couldn't help but smile.  

As tired as I was I smiled to myself thinking, "sleep can wait."

Parenthood: Week 463 - My Third Rodeo

Lucas was stomping around the house. He had twisted his face into a full-on pout. I asked Lucas what he wanted, and he walked over to a shelf and pointed up. I reached up and pointed to a book and asked if this was what he wanted. He sharply said "no" and shook his head, which caused his adorable curls and bangs to swing around his head.

"Ah, I see, you want the iPad."

Immediately, Lucas' face relaxed and became a smile. And he reached up in anticipation.

"No.No iPad."

His face tightened back up, and he let out a scream. I picked him up, and he looked at me crying, and all I could do was smile. "Dude, this isn't my first rodeo."

Compared to the meltdowns and tantrums of my second son, Ethan, Lucas' tantrums are just downright adorable. Sometimes when he wants to go up the stairs, and I need him to stay with me, I pick him up, and his little legs frantically kick in the air. If Lucas weren't my third, I would probably be a little more swayed by his screams. Too bad for him, well, actually fortunately for him, I've been there.

When he was three years old, I walked away from Ollie while he screamed. I was trying to get him to a birthday party, and he was refusing to walk. Knowing that this was a wide sidewalk with very little traffic and people around, I turned away and walked away. He screamed in full tantrum mode in the middle of the sidewalk. Finally, after I moved away for about twenty yards, he got up, realizing I wasn't going to give in, and he stopped crying and ran over to me.

A memory of Ethan losing it. Um…

Dear reader, for those of you who have been reading my blog, you probably have a sense of what I'm about to tell you. Ethan is a "spirited" child. For those of you who aren't a 21st-century parent, "Spirited" is a euphemism for a stubborn child who often doesn't like to sleep, talks back before they learned to talk, refuses to act logically, and engages in power battles consistently. However, like my special-little-guy-Ethan, most children are brilliant, loving, and creative.

The other day, I took Ethan to the grocery store and said he could pick out a piece of candy. He did, and I bought it for him, and then he asked for a second piece of candy. I said "no," and he started screaming. Finally, we got to the car. As I started driving, Ethan calmly said, "You are mad at me, so I'm going to kick your seat." Thinking that ignoring him was the best path to go, I drove home, and he sat there kicking the back of my seat for the entire ten-minute drive home.

I do miss how everything was new with Ollie. The "firsts" I have with Lucas as a parent are so much fewer than they were with Ollie. But, at the same time, it's a nice feeling looking into the face of a screaming baby and knowing that "I got this."

Parenthood: Week 455 - 10 Moments Of 2021: Part 2

My reflection on my sons, in no particular order...

Ollie has an excellent mind for games.

In the past year, he continued to develop his skill with chess. He has also gotten into playing other games too. Somehow he ended up with some Pokemon cards. He would take them out and look at them periodically. I asked him one day if he wanted to learn how to play the game, and he was excited about this idea. So I bought him two duel decks, the most basic one I could find, and we got to it. Ollie caught on quickly. Every other time I got him more decks, he was really excited to get into the game and play it. I would sometimes find Ollie playing a Pokemon against himself to practice and get to know the decks better. 

On our trip to Seattle over the summer, one of the things that we did was play board games. So, I suggested that he play chess with my dad. My dad was a little apprehensive at first since he hadn’t played the game in a while. However, my dad quickly found his groove. Then I suggested that my dad teach Ollie Chinese Chess.

Watching Ollie learn Chinese Chess from my dad was really special. It was more than a board game. This is part of Ollie’s heritage and a way that my dad and my son could bond. In full teaching mode, my dad helped Ollie understand the strategy and nuances of the game, and Ollie paid attention well and worked hard at playing the game.

Through Ollie’s talent with games, he learned about dad and himself, and through sharing the game of Chinese Chess crossed over that generational and cultural barrier.

 

Ethan is a lot of things. 

He is exuberant, opinionated, and loud. However, he is also creative, focused, and determined. We first saw this early in the pandemic because he did puzzles. This little child, whose energy at times was almost too much for our house to contain, would work quietly at a puzzle designed for children twice his age.

This evolved into workbooks in 2021. At first, it was these Color Wonder coloring books. These markers revealed color on the special paper but otherwise came off on normal paper as white. As Ethan worked on these, he started coloring specific shapes instead of just coloring all over the page, which he previously did. As a result, he colored through almost every Color Wonder book I found. He easily did upwards of fifty of these coloring pages.

Next was color by sticker books. Most of these books had stickers that you would peel off had numbers next to them, and you would put the stickers on a page space with corresponding numbers. Only recently is Ethan able to use the numbers to do these books. He just went by the shape and figured it out that way. He’s done at least ten of these books. Then I got him workbooks with letter practice, cut and paste activities, and matching work. H has done about a dozen of these. Now he’s only color-by-number work, and it unique his accuracy with coloring in the lines and the care at which he works.

Ethan has a set of markers. I have a backup set, so I can replace it for him whenever he uses up a marker. Ollie used his markers, but he never used them up the way Ethan does. It’s remarkable.

I love the moments when Ethan is concentrating and working. This year he really blossomed with this type of work. I am excited to see how this continues to evolve and the wonderful work he will do next year.

This year, Lucas began to reply.

When you have a baby, you communicate with them for the day they are born, but initially, you don’t get much back. Then, after a couple of months, they start to smile when you make a funny sound, and eventually, little baby sounds come out when you talk to them. In addition to words, we use hand motions to respond to babies, and over time they start doing them back. It’s a wonderful moment when they start to wave because it’s an exchange, a wonderful moment of connection.

For Lucas, 2021 was the year,so many connections came clear.

Lucas comes over when I ask him to. Even though he can’t say many words clearly, he knows many, which is clear when I ask him if he wants a banana and gets excited. In addition, he shows that he knows other directions and gets excited when I understand what he asks when he gestures towards something.

When my mom would say goodbye to Lucas on FaceTime, she would blow him kisses for months. At first, I held his arm and made him make the motion in response. This changed to Lucas responding to my mom on his own when she blows him kisses. Just two days ago, when Lucas saw mom on FaceTime, he started blowing kisses to my mom on his own. It was adorable.

Lucas is starting to come up with names for everyone in his family and is working really hard at talking. All of the learning he did around language his whole life is now being expressed more actively through his speech.

A couple of days ago, I started teaching him the baby sign language for “I love you.” With a huge smile on his face, he copied the motions. Like my other two sons, I know it’s only a short time before he signs “I love you” back to me.

I’m so proud of my Lucas-bear. He is wonderful beyond description.

Parenthood: Week 452 - Figuring Out How To Be a Dad

My children are not scared of me. 

When they do something they shouldn’t do, I can effectively redirect them, but I don’t sense a level of fear or intimidation from them. When I am trying to express anger at them, it is clear that it is not effective. I’m not surprised, as I have found through my teaching experience that fear is not an effective tool for me.

This all stems from really good things. Many men in my generation are doing the best they can to be a better kind of father. We do more chores around the house, support our partners the best we can, and try to be emotionally available to our children. The problem that I have found in conversations with other men is that knowing how to discipline gets confusing. Traditional models of discipline from previous generations don’t work because the relationships we are trying to create require a level of emotional distance that we are actively trying to work against. 

Sometimes I wish I could use a stern tone, and my children would immediately stop what they are doing and change their behavior. But that doesn’t work. What is usually effective is if I come to their level, get them to slow down physically, and calmly talk things out. The best tool I have to get them to snap out of behavior is to take something away (e.g., a toy). This is the only thing that gives them a shock to the system that gets them to pause. 

 
There is a level of aggression with taking something away or removing a child from a room that I don’t like, but it is sometimes the only thing that works. I’m trying to do this less suddenly. Ideally, I ask them to give me the toy, but I’m only there with my oldest right now. 

The hardest thing about disciplining my children is how the quality of my tools has to do with how much I have left in my tank. I am a teacher, and I spend my whole day with young people. A big part of teaching is discipline. While I rarely have significant issues, I am always maintaining a certain level of work and awareness around children. It’s part of the gig. 

 
After a day of teaching, I come home and I have to do often more disciplining.  It’s hard to do this when you’ve been doing it all day. The other difficult piece is that it feels more personal with my children.
Once upon a time, I took it personally when a student acted out in class.  After almost seventeen years of teaching, I don’t take students’ misbehavior personally most of the time. It’s rarely, if ever, about me. 

Honestly, I think it’s the same with my own children. I don’t think they are doing a lot of things “to me.” This is because so much of what they do is impulsive. While I know they love me, they don’t fully see me as a human being all of the time. They don't understand the impact of their actions and what it means to show love is still developing. I’m learning to take less personally when my children misbehave. Because like with my teaching, more often than not, it’s not about me. 

 
As we seek to figure out what it means to be a man and how to make expressions of masculinity inclusive and constructive, the search for how to be a dad persists. I don’t think the fathers in the past who ruled over their children with fear enjoyed that and felt like what they did was effective. I think fathers who used fear to parents felt lost and struggled. Like many generations past, they just wanted to feel connected with their children. 

 
There is a lot of work to be done, but it is good to work. The problem modern fathers find themselves is an opportunity to make fatherhood better for our children and ourselves. Being a parent-focused on love will be the greatest gift we can give our children so they can build off of our struggles and learn to parent better than parents than us.

Parenthood: Week 451 – Lucas' Explorations

Lucas now can teleport. 

I will walk by and see him playing in the living room, and then I'll go into the kitchen. I walk out of the kitchen a minute later, and Lucas is now in the den, standing on top of the coffee table. 

Ethan and Ollie both hit this stage when I underestimated their ability to move quickly, reach higher, and get into stuff. It feels like a slow process from birth to walking. However, the process from walking to running, reaching, and climbing goes quickly.

Lucas is enjoying his new mobility, and it's adding a whole new dimension of "fun" in our house. Beyond climbing onto the coffee table, he can get onto the dining room chairs and the sofa. Lucas can also climb up onto our bed which is pretty incredible to watch. He grabs onto the duvet with one hand, swings one leg onto the bedside table, and manages to climb up onto the bed with his horizontal body. It is adorable how proud Lucas is of himself when he does this. He smiles and giggles to himself after he's on the bed. It's like he thinks he is being sneaky and loves getting away with getting on the bed.

Lucas has found freedom in the kitchen step stool. Diana and I are short, so we have a folding step stool we keep by our refrigerator. Someone Lucas figured out how to carry around the house and set it up. This step stool gives Lucas access to a whole new world in the kitchen. Lucas loves exploring the silverware drawer and other places in the kitchen previously out of reach. Yes, part of me is annoyed how he now gets into more stuff he shouldn't, but mostly, I'm proud of his ingenuity.

Now his ability with the television is something else.

Lucas will walk up to the television and turn it on using the button on the side of the television. Then, he will find the Roku remote, sit down and start moving through the Roku menu. On more than one occasion, he has figured out how to start a show or movie that he really shouldn't be watching.

Lucas isn't really a daredevil right now. He doesn't throttle himself off of things like Ethan did when he was at this age. However, he does periodically fall off of things. For example, the other day, he rolled over on the sofa and ended up falling on the floor because he misjudged the depth of the cushion. Also, like other toddlers, sometimes his core muscles fail him, and he will flop out of a chair.

It's fun to see the world open up to Lucas. He is at an age when the world is an adventure. He is often the first of my three sons to be ready to leave the house for an outing. Whenever I take Buffy for a walk, Lucas usually runs over, puts on his boots, and wants to join us.

The world must be an excellent place through Lucas' eyes. He's got two older brothers who provide entertainment all of the time, the warm presence of a cute dog, and a life where there is something new and wonderful every day to experience.  

It is one of the great joys in my life to see the world through Lucas' eyes.