(click here for part I)
My mom is kind of like Forrest Gump’s mom except she’s not as nice.
Don’t get me wrong, my mom is one of the nicest people on the planet but when it comes to advice she’s tough and doesn’t let people be victims.
When I talked to her after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I remember her being silent for a second and then instead of expressing sympathy she told me about her life. My mom revealed to me that she has had to deal with allergies since she was a child, mostly in the form of hives. Only in recent years with new medicine and the availability of foods without preservative has she been able to get this under control.
My mom told me to deal with Crohn’s. She was strong enough to live life with hives, therefore I could live life with Crohn’s. It’s part of my life and I had to make it work. I couldn’t let this thing petrify me.
The problem was that it did.
After being diagnosed with Crohn’s things didn’t immediately get better. Instead of being a relief, knowing that I had Crohn’s, the diagnosis meant that I couldn’t forget about it.
This all occured when I was doing job interviews. I remember packing toilet paper and an extra pair of pants whenever I went to an interview for fear of my stomach turning on me. While I’m glad to say, I’ve never had an “accident,” I’ve had a lot of close calls especially during that period of time.
The fear of having an “accident,” is something that we all have felt at some point in our lives. It’s a horrible feeling. There really is no reason to be embarrassed about this, but when it happens you feel alone and powerless. Like a soldier in battle, you start making deals with God if you can just make it to a bathroom in time.
Crohn’s was going to change my life, so I figured I could either let it scare me or I could take control and make those changes positive. I started going to a psychologist for biofeedback training and consoling. I started exercising. Most importantly I took a careful look at what I was eating and I made sure to never miss a of medicine.
Somehow the combination of all of those things worked.
At one point in my life I feared not being within eyesight of a bathroom. That same guy in the past six years has gone on a 20-hour long bus ride with a group of teenage band students, traveled through Europe, hiked through remote areas of this world, and survived, no more than that, triumphed in some of the most stressful situations in my life.
I’ve done all of these things and more with Crohn’s.
Crohn’s is still a challenge. I do have occasional flare ups and there are times when I need to cancel on social events at the last moment because of my Crohn’s. Most of the time I don’t tell people, because I am still irrationally embarrassed by it and I don’t want people to pity me.
If you have a medical problem that hinders your dreams and the life you want to live, face it, deal with it and make it better. It's not going to get improve by ignoring it. Chronic digestive issues lead to major, sometimes life-threatening problems later in life so please get yourself checked out.
Because I have Crohn’s Disease, I need a pill box to keep my medications in order. Because I have Crohn’s Disease, I’ve now had two colonoscopies an experience that only people my parents’ age can relate to. And because I have Crohn’s Disease, I’ve learned that if you take the bad things life, the parts that aren't fair and you embrace them as part of who you are, there's strength that is revealed that can take you to places that you never imagined.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Student Teaching Part II - Teachers & Parents
This is the second entry of my student teaching journals (click here for Part I).
9/8
Staff development. Some teachers are SO not into this time. It seems like a lot of people feel it is a waste of time. i got into it because I'm new to this but I can understand why some teachers get annoyed. A lot of it is common sense and so much of what is going on is something teachers understand through maturity.
It reveals more about the teachers and their attitudes and gives and interesting view on the way they think and interact. I kept thinking that the way students act is a reflection of the way teachers act. How many of these problems and negative attitudes stem from teachers setting a bad example which can be solved by teachers not only pushing themselves as teachers but also as people?
9/15
There was an issue that Mr. S passed on to me about an issue he outlined the best way to deal with it. First, talk to administrators and ask for their advice. If they do this they buy in to what you are saying doing and the school district will legally back you up. TALK to administrators about controversial issues. That is important. Then talk to parents after your reasoning is clear and sound and is approved with administrator’s help and critiques. The thing administrators hate the most is being blindsided.
PARENTS: limit what they do. Give parents things to do and do not let them outside of that bubble. They are their to help the band not run the band.
MONEY=POWER. If parents raise money for something they feel they have more of a right to give input for what is going on. This is dangerous. It is crucial that things that should be paid for by the school are not paid through fundraising by parents.
First competition is on Saturday. It will be interesting to see what pulls together and what doesn’t. Did work with both of the drum majors this week and they are getting there musically along with the band.
9/20
"Don't looks to the left or right to see how good you can be."
Today was really interesting. Two parents of the kids who were having some of the biggest issues in the band came in and talked to Mr. S. Mr. S mentioned how if you are tough on students and push them then you are forced to make hard decisions. When this happens, parents get involved. Kids and parents are pushed outside of their comfort zones but it is a good thing.
Both of these parents respected Mr. S and understood that he had to do what he had to do. It was more that these mothers were trying to help their kids by giving Mr. S more information to help them out as a teacher. This was an amazing thing to witness. There really is nothing like a mother speaking out for her child.
You see it in movies and you hear stories but until you are in a room hearing a mother talk about her child how it breaks her heart to see them struggle . . . well . . . it's really something that makes you think. Well . . .today starts classes and school. I am worried that it will be hard to sit in a freshmen level class at college and be taught and well . . . it's really going to shade in comparison to what i do during the day. but hell, there's always tomorrow
I gave Katie a good talk about trusting parents and stuff. . . you really can make a difference . . . I hope. . . you just gotta try. .
9/8
Staff development. Some teachers are SO not into this time. It seems like a lot of people feel it is a waste of time. i got into it because I'm new to this but I can understand why some teachers get annoyed. A lot of it is common sense and so much of what is going on is something teachers understand through maturity.
It reveals more about the teachers and their attitudes and gives and interesting view on the way they think and interact. I kept thinking that the way students act is a reflection of the way teachers act. How many of these problems and negative attitudes stem from teachers setting a bad example which can be solved by teachers not only pushing themselves as teachers but also as people?
9/15
There was an issue that Mr. S passed on to me about an issue he outlined the best way to deal with it. First, talk to administrators and ask for their advice. If they do this they buy in to what you are saying doing and the school district will legally back you up. TALK to administrators about controversial issues. That is important. Then talk to parents after your reasoning is clear and sound and is approved with administrator’s help and critiques. The thing administrators hate the most is being blindsided.
PARENTS: limit what they do. Give parents things to do and do not let them outside of that bubble. They are their to help the band not run the band.
MONEY=POWER. If parents raise money for something they feel they have more of a right to give input for what is going on. This is dangerous. It is crucial that things that should be paid for by the school are not paid through fundraising by parents.
First competition is on Saturday. It will be interesting to see what pulls together and what doesn’t. Did work with both of the drum majors this week and they are getting there musically along with the band.
9/20
"Don't looks to the left or right to see how good you can be."
Today was really interesting. Two parents of the kids who were having some of the biggest issues in the band came in and talked to Mr. S. Mr. S mentioned how if you are tough on students and push them then you are forced to make hard decisions. When this happens, parents get involved. Kids and parents are pushed outside of their comfort zones but it is a good thing.
Both of these parents respected Mr. S and understood that he had to do what he had to do. It was more that these mothers were trying to help their kids by giving Mr. S more information to help them out as a teacher. This was an amazing thing to witness. There really is nothing like a mother speaking out for her child.
You see it in movies and you hear stories but until you are in a room hearing a mother talk about her child how it breaks her heart to see them struggle . . . well . . . it's really something that makes you think. Well . . .today starts classes and school. I am worried that it will be hard to sit in a freshmen level class at college and be taught and well . . . it's really going to shade in comparison to what i do during the day. but hell, there's always tomorrow
I gave Katie a good talk about trusting parents and stuff. . . you really can make a difference . . . I hope. . . you just gotta try. .
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Because I Have Crohn's Disease - Part 1 of 2
“Dude, is that a pill box? What are you . . . like 80 years old? Why do you need to take so many pills?”We all have quirks with our bodies. Some people have bad knees or get migraines; my thing is that I have Crohn’s. When I was born my stomach wasn’t full developed. Feeding me wasn’t an easy task for my mom and I didn’t have much of an appetite during my childhood.
“Because I have Crohn’s Disease.”
As I entered my teenage years and got through my growth spurts, I started eating more like a regular teenager but my bowel movements (BMs) were often irregular. I did have a stool sample checked out when I was in high school but nothing came of it. I learned through trial and error that I couldn’t eat like other teenagers and that it seemed like a lot of different foods set my stomach off in a bad way.
In college my digestive system actually did pretty good. The schedule of college of classes with lots of break in-between meant there wasn’t a level of stress around going to the bathroom, which I later found out was a major factor in my Crohn’s.
I ate like other college students and did some partying. Even though I had some instances when my stomach wasn’t happy, for the most part, I didn’t think about my digestive system. Then in my second year of grad school I started student teaching and things got bad.
Working eight-hour days in a high stress environment resulted in stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation and other levels of digestive discomfort. It got worse in the Fall but I seemed to manage it but then when that Spring hit, I couldn’t take it any more.
Jamie Lee Curtis is right on those Activia commercials. Irregularities in your BM’s are not normal. If you have diarrhea for more than a week straight, you need to see a doctor. After suffering through months of discomfort, I finally went to see a gastroenterologist. This resulted in a colonoscopy (they basically sent a camera my butt) and a biopsy (taking a sample of tissue in my lower intestine).
After the procedure and some tests were done I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. In short, Crohn’s is a inflammatory autoimmune disease. This is a chronic condition in which certain factors, environmental, genetic and others effect the digestive system in an abnormal way. Diarrhea is a normal and necessary function when a person gets food poisoning. The difference is that a person with Crohn’s may get diarrhea for being stressed out or for no explainable reason.
I did not take the news well when I was told I had Crohn’s. I was really angry. First off, I was put on a lot of medicine to calm my digestive tract down and at the same time begin taking maintenance pills to keep my system calmed down.
At that time, I was taking ten pills a day.
This was ridiculous. This wasn’t fair. What did I do to deserve this? Why did I have to have a colonoscopy at a twenty-four year old and then find out that he has a chronic disease that will never leave him?
I had already spent way too much time worrying about whether I’d make it to bathroom in time, wondering what would happen if I ate something and thinking about my digestive system as opposed to my life.
What did having Crohn’s mean for my future?
Friday, July 6, 2012
Student Teaching Part I - The Beggining
Looking through some old computer files recently I found my student teaching journal. I wrote in this document every day of my student teaching. Below is the first of nine blog posts that are taken from this journal. I've editing it down significantly (the journal was forty-five pages single spaced typed) but left the syntax the same to preserve the spirit of the entries.
8/12
Mr. S told me something very important about teaching today. If you show your students that you care about them then you can be stern and even angry with them. Kids will take it and understand it if they get that what you are doing is coming out of care and love.
8/15
There are some sad stories with the students. One kid has issues with her parents and has really been let down by adults in her life and therefore has issues taking on responsibilities. It just seems like there is such real issues and problems that these students have. Seeing the parents in action in some ways really relates how some of these students deal with these issues.
I talked to one horn player who’s parents never come to these band events. I was surprised how open she was to talk about it and in some ways she probably just needed someone to talk to. It’s these small moments that make what I am doing feel more significant.
8/22
This was the in-service day. All of the teachers in the district crammed into one gym to hear the new superintendent give a speech along with all the other district heads.
The superintendent shared a story about how during one in-service day all the students’ names were placed around the walls of a big gym and teachers went up and put sticker dots on the names of kids they have made real connections with. The students who had the fewest dots had the most issues in school. I’m really trying to focus on making every conversation and interaction with the students count and not waste an opportunity to help out or make a positive difference in the lives of the students.
8/25
One thing that hit me today was how you have to trust your instincts sometimes. One girl I decided to pass on a playing test, even though she didn’t have it all together because I felt she had been working very hard and later I found that she had a learning disability. I’m glad I subconsciously caught that. I need to work on not being a nice guy and focusing on making the hard choices that will benefit the students. I will get there with time.
9/6
It is interesting to see how things get planned out in teaching situation. With marching band there is the spectre of the weather to deal with and the constant crunch time that makes the marching band season so hectic.
Mr. S decided to take the band to U of I this year and the reasons came from a financial and ultimately educational standpoint. It is amazing the power of competition over people in a band culture. There is so much to gain but there is also so much that can be easily compromised. I find competitive nature interesting and how worked up people get about playing times fighting for their students to have the best experience.
At ISU the band would not have been as competitive and would have ended the season on a down not but at U of I they have the possibility to win. Here is the weird thing, someone is going to come in last place, some school is going to have a down turn for the end of the season and it sucks for that band.
Is it worth the glory and the rewards of the band that wins over the price of the bands that lose. It's a community philosophy and unfortunately it's as much or even more of a reflection of the programs and the teachers as opposed to the students. Is so many ways it's not even a competition of the bands but the directors. As the competition side of this is so new to me it will be interesting to see how the students react to competition and how it drives and motivates them towards success.
8/12
Mr. S told me something very important about teaching today. If you show your students that you care about them then you can be stern and even angry with them. Kids will take it and understand it if they get that what you are doing is coming out of care and love.
8/15
There are some sad stories with the students. One kid has issues with her parents and has really been let down by adults in her life and therefore has issues taking on responsibilities. It just seems like there is such real issues and problems that these students have. Seeing the parents in action in some ways really relates how some of these students deal with these issues.
I talked to one horn player who’s parents never come to these band events. I was surprised how open she was to talk about it and in some ways she probably just needed someone to talk to. It’s these small moments that make what I am doing feel more significant.
8/22
This was the in-service day. All of the teachers in the district crammed into one gym to hear the new superintendent give a speech along with all the other district heads.
The superintendent shared a story about how during one in-service day all the students’ names were placed around the walls of a big gym and teachers went up and put sticker dots on the names of kids they have made real connections with. The students who had the fewest dots had the most issues in school. I’m really trying to focus on making every conversation and interaction with the students count and not waste an opportunity to help out or make a positive difference in the lives of the students.
8/25
One thing that hit me today was how you have to trust your instincts sometimes. One girl I decided to pass on a playing test, even though she didn’t have it all together because I felt she had been working very hard and later I found that she had a learning disability. I’m glad I subconsciously caught that. I need to work on not being a nice guy and focusing on making the hard choices that will benefit the students. I will get there with time.
9/6
It is interesting to see how things get planned out in teaching situation. With marching band there is the spectre of the weather to deal with and the constant crunch time that makes the marching band season so hectic.
Mr. S decided to take the band to U of I this year and the reasons came from a financial and ultimately educational standpoint. It is amazing the power of competition over people in a band culture. There is so much to gain but there is also so much that can be easily compromised. I find competitive nature interesting and how worked up people get about playing times fighting for their students to have the best experience.
At ISU the band would not have been as competitive and would have ended the season on a down not but at U of I they have the possibility to win. Here is the weird thing, someone is going to come in last place, some school is going to have a down turn for the end of the season and it sucks for that band.
Is it worth the glory and the rewards of the band that wins over the price of the bands that lose. It's a community philosophy and unfortunately it's as much or even more of a reflection of the programs and the teachers as opposed to the students. Is so many ways it's not even a competition of the bands but the directors. As the competition side of this is so new to me it will be interesting to see how the students react to competition and how it drives and motivates them towards success.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
American Anthem by Norah Jones
On this Independence Day, the first thing that came to mind was Norah Jones. Let me explain:
The last couple years I’ve begun watching more documentaries. I love the American Experience series, which shares many writers and producers with the documentary work of Ken Burns.
One of the things that contribute to a great documentary is the use of music. Ken Burns clearly understanding this using period music in artful and deliberate ways, however sometimes he includes music that is not from the period to great effect.
In Ken Burn’s epic Civil War documentary, an original song “Ashokan Farewell,” accompanied the reading of a letter of Sullivan Ballou (which I discussed in this earlier post). This is one of those “if you don’t cry when you watch this, you must be a Cylon” moments.
Burns did a similar thing again using a Norah Jones song as part of his World War II documentary The War.
Burn’s juxtaposes Jones’ gentle and sincere voice against images from World War II. These are images of terror, bravery, triumph and tragedy. There’s American fighting in unimaginable situations pushing aside their survival instincts and logic to fight for the idea, the dream, and the hope that is America.
As Jones sings “I gave my best to you,” we see a soldier who was killed in battle half buried in sand. He gave more than his best, he gave his everything. Watching this video is a celebration and a tribute to people who fought for our freedom but it’s also a question to all of us whether we give our best to America.
Today we celebrate our independence and the creation of our country. These are two incredible gifts we’ve been given that most of us have done nothing to earn. Did I do any work to have the freedoms I enjoy? No.
There are still many Americans who fight in the military to preserve our freedoms but most people don’t. We go about our daily lives, sometimes thinking about what we can do for our country and other times thinking about what our country can do for us. But honestly, most of the time we’re too wrapped up in our own lives to even think about our relationship to our country.
In addition to seeing fireworks, partying with our friends and family, let’s take this Independence Day to think about how we can give our best to America. It can be something as simple as committing to go to a city council meeting, or volunteering at a community event.
We can’t earn our blessings but if we take advantage of them in a positive way then we can make the spirits of the people who truly gave their best rest easy, knowing their sacrifices were not made in a vain.
The last couple years I’ve begun watching more documentaries. I love the American Experience series, which shares many writers and producers with the documentary work of Ken Burns.
One of the things that contribute to a great documentary is the use of music. Ken Burns clearly understanding this using period music in artful and deliberate ways, however sometimes he includes music that is not from the period to great effect.
In Ken Burn’s epic Civil War documentary, an original song “Ashokan Farewell,” accompanied the reading of a letter of Sullivan Ballou (which I discussed in this earlier post). This is one of those “if you don’t cry when you watch this, you must be a Cylon” moments.
Burns did a similar thing again using a Norah Jones song as part of his World War II documentary The War.
Burn’s juxtaposes Jones’ gentle and sincere voice against images from World War II. These are images of terror, bravery, triumph and tragedy. There’s American fighting in unimaginable situations pushing aside their survival instincts and logic to fight for the idea, the dream, and the hope that is America.
As Jones sings “I gave my best to you,” we see a soldier who was killed in battle half buried in sand. He gave more than his best, he gave his everything. Watching this video is a celebration and a tribute to people who fought for our freedom but it’s also a question to all of us whether we give our best to America.
Today we celebrate our independence and the creation of our country. These are two incredible gifts we’ve been given that most of us have done nothing to earn. Did I do any work to have the freedoms I enjoy? No.
There are still many Americans who fight in the military to preserve our freedoms but most people don’t. We go about our daily lives, sometimes thinking about what we can do for our country and other times thinking about what our country can do for us. But honestly, most of the time we’re too wrapped up in our own lives to even think about our relationship to our country.
In addition to seeing fireworks, partying with our friends and family, let’s take this Independence Day to think about how we can give our best to America. It can be something as simple as committing to go to a city council meeting, or volunteering at a community event.
We can’t earn our blessings but if we take advantage of them in a positive way then we can make the spirits of the people who truly gave their best rest easy, knowing their sacrifices were not made in a vain.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
I literally ran across a parking lot to Barnes & Noble to buy Kelly Clarkson's previous album because of how much I liked “My Life Would Suck Without You.” So what happened with “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)”? . . . eh. . .
My first reaction to this song was to the title. It seemed really cliché to use that saying for the title of a song. So I ignored this song for months. Then it hit me recently: many pop songs, some of my favorites are settings of clichés, so what am I whining about? Then I realized that it wasn’t so much that the title was cliché it was the phrase that was being used.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” always came across to me as a type of euphemism. This phrase seems to be something people say to convince themselves that a bad experience in life has some worth. That spirit really isn’t such a bad thing, I mean, I’m an optimist so I’m down with that. But the reality is that many bad experiences that don’t kill you do not in fact make you stronger. Wounds sometimes never fully heal and sometimes there are scars that are left behind.
Not liking the lyrics in a song’s hook is a perfectly valid reason to not like it, but for Kelly Clarkson an artist that I enjoy so much that the first blog post I ever did was about “Since U Been Gone,” it didn’t feel right. So I decided to really see what this song was about.
“Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” is a spiritual sequel to “Since U Been Gone.” In Clarkson’s first and most popular single, she is singing about a break-up and the immediate feelings that follow. It’s a song that’s a mix of anger “shut your mouth, I just can’t take it,” and liberation “I can breathe for the first time.” It captures the transition between the depression and self-blame and the spirit of “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You).”
In “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” there’s no acknowledgement of that this break-up had any bad effects. The pain in “Since U Been Gone,” is diminished and the hint of liberation in that song is exploded in an anthem of self-empowerment. The background harmony and instrumental texture has a dark shade to it. This sets up the anger and pain that Kelly is singing about getting over.
Clarkson has come a long way from “Since U Been Gone.” In early recordings she simply screamed through the high notes, now she belts them out with more strength and depth. While there is a characteristic strain to her singing there’s also a sense of ease watching her sing and a feeling that Clarkson is really enjoying herself.
After listening to this song, I think I better understand the "doesn't kill you make you stronger," sentiment. I still don't love this statement and I think it's really really poor consolation to give someone who is going through hard times. But hearing the strength and conviction the Clarkson sings with, it's beginning to make sense.
Be careful, don't judge a song by its cliche, you never know what you may be missing out on.
My first reaction to this song was to the title. It seemed really cliché to use that saying for the title of a song. So I ignored this song for months. Then it hit me recently: many pop songs, some of my favorites are settings of clichés, so what am I whining about? Then I realized that it wasn’t so much that the title was cliché it was the phrase that was being used.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” always came across to me as a type of euphemism. This phrase seems to be something people say to convince themselves that a bad experience in life has some worth. That spirit really isn’t such a bad thing, I mean, I’m an optimist so I’m down with that. But the reality is that many bad experiences that don’t kill you do not in fact make you stronger. Wounds sometimes never fully heal and sometimes there are scars that are left behind.
Not liking the lyrics in a song’s hook is a perfectly valid reason to not like it, but for Kelly Clarkson an artist that I enjoy so much that the first blog post I ever did was about “Since U Been Gone,” it didn’t feel right. So I decided to really see what this song was about.
“Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” is a spiritual sequel to “Since U Been Gone.” In Clarkson’s first and most popular single, she is singing about a break-up and the immediate feelings that follow. It’s a song that’s a mix of anger “shut your mouth, I just can’t take it,” and liberation “I can breathe for the first time.” It captures the transition between the depression and self-blame and the spirit of “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You).”
In “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” there’s no acknowledgement of that this break-up had any bad effects. The pain in “Since U Been Gone,” is diminished and the hint of liberation in that song is exploded in an anthem of self-empowerment. The background harmony and instrumental texture has a dark shade to it. This sets up the anger and pain that Kelly is singing about getting over.
Clarkson has come a long way from “Since U Been Gone.” In early recordings she simply screamed through the high notes, now she belts them out with more strength and depth. While there is a characteristic strain to her singing there’s also a sense of ease watching her sing and a feeling that Clarkson is really enjoying herself.
After listening to this song, I think I better understand the "doesn't kill you make you stronger," sentiment. I still don't love this statement and I think it's really really poor consolation to give someone who is going through hard times. But hearing the strength and conviction the Clarkson sings with, it's beginning to make sense.
Be careful, don't judge a song by its cliche, you never know what you may be missing out on.
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