Year 3: Week 26 - The Reactions

One of the challenges of teaching is trying to figure out how your students feel about things that are happening in class. I don’t need to know whether or not they like everything that I’m doing in class but it’s helpful. Being able to tell when a student is upset about something is even more crucial.

One of the things that I enjoy about my 3rd graders is that they are pretty easy to read. When they are excited about a song we are learning, they sit-up, smile at me and I can see the excitement in their eyes. When they don’t like something we are doing they will avoid eye contact, slouch and engage in distracting behavior.

For most of these kids, I can tell what’s going on with them because they don’t try to hide it. I do have students every year who are less comfortable with their self-expression and are harder to read but in general, 3rd graders pretty clearly show you how they feel.

Middle school students are a whole different game. They can sit there and give you the exactly same expression and posture when they are hating an activity or having the time of their life. " Grouchy-annoyed" face doesn’t necessarily mean that they are annoyed and "exuberant-happy" face could very well be sarcasm and not genuine excitement.

This can get confusing and can make working with middle school kids a baffling proposition. Because of the nature of middle school students you have to look for different things besides their facial expression to gauge their excitement and interest. Are they participating in class? When you ask them to do something are they complying? Even if they are whining, if they are still doing the work well, then they probably don’t hate what’s going on in class.

There’s a couple other things you can try. When a student was whining about being in band class I asked him, “are complaining because you are whining or because you actually don’t want to be here.” He responded, “I’m just whining, I’m cool being in band.” So after reassuring him that if it was a valid complaint that I did indeed want to hear, it we got back to work and I completely ignored his whining.

There's another piece with middle school students that can lead to more authentic reactions.  Like adults middle school students try to be a certain kind of person.  Many of their actions stem from insecurity.  If they show that they like something too much they may be considered a dork.  If you can create a classroom atmosphere where students feel safe enough that they stop trying to be someone and are simply themselves, you see many more genuine reactions. 

This is a hard place to get to that I've only reached with a couple classes of students.  It takes a lot of trust building, some very specific conversations and a great deal of energy from the teacher.  You have to make them believe that you really got their back and that in your classroom they have nothing to fear.

The bottom line is that you have to get to know your students as people.  Celebrate their hopes, their interests and their feelings.  Don't ever tell a students that what they are feeling is not valid.  Always give them the benefit of the doubt and never hesitate to tell a student how much you believe in them.  Above all else, listen, really listen to what the students are saying.

BUFFY'S DIFFICULTIES

LAUNDRY IZ DIFFICULT!!!

SITTIN ON TEH COUCH IZ DIFFICULT!!!

GETTIN OUT OV BED IZ DIFFICULT!!!

Long As I Can See The Light by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know where I’m going.

It’s kind of like that whole thing where you can feel alone even when you’re in a crowd. I have a general idea where my life is going. I’m lucky enough to be married and have a great job, which really brings a level of stability and predictability to life.  But then things happen that remind you that all of the plans we make don't give us a true sense of direction. 

It’s the things that you can’t control that throw your life off course, which are the most meaningful. If you really think about the moments that changed your life, it’s never things that you can predict or control. These moments are the sad ones like sickness and death but also the amazing ones like finding love and your wife getting pregnant.

These things are awesome and they make the world seem completely different but they also throw you off. Where do you find your point of orientation, how do keep on the path? For some people it’s God, for others it’s their family and for John Fogerty, it’s simply the light.



Fogerty’s music reflects life's journey. The music he did with Creedence Clearwater Revival and as a soloist speaks to finding peace and somewhere whether its’ out a back porch or simply in a sunny day.

“Long As I Can See The Light,” is a simple song. It only has one repeated section, there’s no bridge or chorus. Not very many artists can get away with this but the melody is beautifully crafter like Brandi Carlile’s “The Story,” that you don’t mind the repetitive nature of the song.

“The light,” can be interpreted literally as a bright window in the dark, but the song quickly hints at something deeper.  Fogerty sings about an inevitable journey that will eventually bring him home. He sings about a need to go out, explore and travel but also the need for this light to direct his path.

What’s revelatory about this song is that even though there is this deep unknown, there is a certainty that he will come home.  It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know where he is going, he’ll find his way home.

Too often in life we think about our journeys as going somewhere. Fogerty reminds us that while our paths take us to strange and foreign lands, at the end they lead us right back home.

That’s a comforting thought, because I know that no matter how lost and scared I feel, at the end, life will lead me back home to Diana. The light in my life is whatever force brought us together and continues to lead us to each other when life's journeys pull us apart. 

Year 3: Week 25 – Taking Yourself Too Seriously

As I sat in front of my class with one recorder in each of my nostrils playing both of them at the same time, the advice, “Always take your job seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously, “ echoed in my head.

Teaching is not a place to try to be cool. Quite the contrary, the best teachers are the ones who have absolutely no hesitation to make a complete fool of themselves if it means that it will help students learn.

Sometimes teachers build up this facade. They try to be a serious academic scholar in the front of their kids. This stems from the whole idea that teachers have to be super strict in the beginning of the year and not smile. Also many teachers are more concerned about the image of who they are as a “teacher” more than what they need to do to help their students learn.

I’m not saying be goofball in front of your kids, but don’t try to be something that you are not. More importantly when you do something funny by accident and kids laugh, laugh along with them.

For example, if you are explaining a concept and you fumble over the pronunciation of a word, laugh at yourself and let your students join in. If you trip over an extension cord and make a funny looking stumble. Go ahead and let your kids have a little fun at your expense. It’s okay, it lets them know that you are human and that it's okay to make mistakes.

It’s counter-intuitive, but often it’s the teachers who are willing to do ridiculous and silly things who are the most respected and effective teachers.  My wife had a teacher who would dress up in clothes of different cultures depending on what he was teaching. I’ll never forget my orchestra teacher who would have the silly dances to help explain rhythmic patterns.

The reason these teachers are memorable and meaningful is because they were willing to show their students the entire range of who they were as human beings. They were serious when they needed to be but they also knew that life and learning is sometimes about having fun and letting go of your ego.

When you are willing to dress up funny, do a silly dance or share some kind of embarrassing experience with your students you are communicating a very special message. You are saying that you care about your students so much that you are willing to make a complete fool of yourself on their behalf.  Your are saying that your dignity is secondary to their learning.   

Pick a time to do something really silly in front of your students.  It's a hard thing to do, but it's worth taking that chance.  It forces you to put aside your ego and once you do that, then you will begin the shift from being a "teacher" for your own self image to being a teacher for your kids. 

The Dad The World Expects Me To Be: Conversations About Gender Roles During Pregnancy

If you ever thought that our society had moved passed the gender issues that our feminist pioneers fought so hard to overcome, you have a rude awakening once someone close to you becomes pregnant.

As a man who has felt judged and excluded because of not conforming to gender stereotypes, I always thought that I could relate to the pressures that women were under from other men and women. In adulthood, I‘ve witnessed my female friends deal with issues related to gender roles including body image issues, birth control and the struggle to balance work and family life.

I’ve seen my wife, Diana, deal with issues that are unique to her because of her gender. It’s been a struggle to learn how to support her and move passed the feeling of simply wanting to punch anyone who prejudges her because she’s a woman.

Then we were blessed with Diana’s pregnancy. Within the joy of sharing this experience with the world around us, I noticed that the pressure and expectations of gender roles became more present.

It's subtle.  All of the comments people share with us when they find our Diana is pregnant are well-intentioned but some of them express certain expectations.  It's in the way that people ask about childcare and our careers.  It's in the questions that people more often direct to Diana about what kind of diapers we will use and it's fact that people seem surprised that I have informed opinions about child-rearing. 

The implication in these exchanges is that Diana will be more likely to compromise her career to raise the child and that I will play a less active role in childcare then her. While I don’t find these questions all too bothersome, the underlying assumptions about our roles as parents make me feel uncomfortable at times. 

I get why people say these things. Partially it’s because if you look at the stats, women are more likely than men to compromise their career for their children.. Here’s the thing: over-generalizations even in a positive like (i.e. All Asian people are good at math), has a degrading effect on people who don’t live up to those positive stereotype.

The second reason that these things come up is because of our own insecurities. Our society has not wholly embraced the stay-at-home dad. We are not comfortable with the women CEO’s who put their job first and we are not as progressive as we would like to believe when it comes to who takes more responsibility for the second-shift, the house work.

A woman who makes a choice to stay at home and compromise her career faces judgment and criticism and so does a husband who chooses stays at home with the kids. If you feel this pulls, one can’t help but a feel a level of insecurity. This is projected during conversations as we struggle to deal with the consequences of these difficult decisions. 

There are people who buck this trend. When we were planning our wedding, most of our venders didn’t just talk to Diana, they worked to include my opinion. When we go to our bank, my financial adviser makes sure to talk to Diana directly and includes her in decisions. I am blessed with great friends who respond to the choices we make in our lives not with manifestations of their insecurities through judgmental comments, rather with support and love.

We all have to make very difficult choices when we enter adulthood. It’s scary, and it’s hard, so let’s make it easy on each other. If we want to create a world where the choices we make are respecting and not judged against preconceived assumptions of gender roles, we need to move passed the idea that someone has to be wrong for us to be right.

Next time you see a couple and you find out that the woman is pregnant talk to both of them when you ask follow-up questions. Include the guy in the conversation about diapers and if you are wondering about how they are going to balance their family with their career, don’t just direct the question towards the woman.  By including the man in that question, you are saying that he can be as big a part in that child's life as the woman and this could inspire that man to be dad in a way that he never imagined.  

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) by Billy Joel

Almost ten years ago, Billy Joel released his last pop album, River Of Dreams. In the eleven albums leading up to River Of Dreams, Joel created an astonishing catalog of popular music and left and unforgettable mark on popular music.

 Joel’s music grew out of his working class background and developed through the nostalgia he had of the 1960s, the cynicism of the 1970s and the complexities of the 1980s. When the 1990s hit, Joel’s artistic maturity hit a peak and we got some of his most powerful and personal works of his life.

Joel was no longer an angry young man or a piano lounge singer. He found himself in the 1990s a husband a father. To express this sentiment, he took a instrumental piano prelude that he developed into a Latin chant and turned it into one of the most famous lullabies in popular music.



Billy Joel often speaks of the influence of western classical art music on his compositions. This is very clear in this song with harmonies and piano writing that echoes the works of Beethoven and Chopin. He is writing in a monophonic style where most of the parts of moving together in the same rhythm as the harmonies progress.

Just listening to the piano part itself, it seems like an odd choice to put lullabye lyrics to it but this  juxtaposition really works. The formality in character of the piano part presents these words from the perspective of an older generation. Having these tender and intimate lyrics come from a voice which does not normally express such sentiment makes the song feel that much more special.

The lyrics demonstrate the struggle of parenthood. In the first verse, he’s not able to answer all of her questions. In the second verse, he’s left with so many more things he wants to say. In his child, Joel realizes what he doesn’t understand and what he can’t explain. Instead of focusing on this failure, he reassures his daughter of his love.

Joel writes lyrics that when you first hear them have a clear meaning. Then later, other lyrics make those previous words in retrospect mean something very different. In the first verse he promises, “no matter where you are, I never will be far away. “ This seems like a comforting reassurance to a child that isn’t necessarily true in the literal sense. Then later in the song he sings, “someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby . . . there will always be a part of me.” Joel ends the song acknowledge that he will be gone and it is in the lullabye that they will be together.

I have so many questions about life.  I know my son will have even more questions than I do, and there will probably be many times I will not have answers.  "Lullabye" reminds us that this is okay.  We don't have to always know what to say as long as we share our love with the angels in our lives.  

Year 3: Week 24 - Truth To Power

 “. . . there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”  

                                                                                           -Dumbledore

As I was talking, I felt myself tense up. My mouth got dry, my pulse echoed throughout my body and I felt a heat rise up in my chest.

I knew what I had to say was important, but I also knew that it was loaded. My reflection did not speak the best of our school, but it was the truth and the administration and other teachers in the room needed to hear what people had been telling me all week.

I’m being purposely ambiguous and I realized that it might be aggravating to not provide specifics. I’m not doing this out of shame but respect to my school. At another time in another place, I’d be more than happy to give details, but for now I want to focus on the larger challenge of what it means to speak truth to power.

People react to being the new kid on the block differently. Some people try to assert themselves and make a big splash. My strategy three years ago was to observe, keep my mouth shut and get the lay of the land. I did just that and I didn’t take any major chances at saying things to administration.

I often tell people that the only thing that intimidates me about my administration is their titles. It’s true. Nothing they’ve said or done has ever made me feel scared or threatened. Because I have a healthy does of inbred respect to my superiors, the title of principal itself causes me to pause before speaking.

My life has changed over the past three years and what this school has asked of me has also changed. This year, I’m on three committees where I charged with the responsibility to represent a certain population of the school. That means that I need to speak up for my peers and say things that maybe difficult to say.

One of the things that I was shocked at when I first got on these committees was how fearless other people were with their comments. They spoke their mind, and expressed viewpoints directly to administration that were critical and direct about controversial issues. I’ve grown to realize that it is exactly this type of discourse that strengthens this school. Speaking truth to power for my school is a reminder that while it’s the teachers’ job to serve the students, it’s the administrators’ charge to serve the teachers.

I had two moments this week when I spoke up. It was hard, but I knew it was the truth. They were comments that reflected what people were thinking but were not saying out in the open. While I knew a lot people shared my thoughts, I also knew that some people were not aware of these concerns.

I felt really insecure for the rest of the day after I made those two comments. It was a new feeling fighting against my instincts to do what I knew to be right. After having a couple people thank me for my comments. Becoming secure to speaking truth to power is about accepting my experience and my evolving role in this community.  It’s easy to be the new kid on the block but right now, I need to be something else for my school, take the harder road and do what's right.