How To Define Marriage

When people ask me for marriage advice, or when I have to sign a guest book at a wedding, one of my favorite piece of marriage advice is: "Make your marriage what you want it to be."

 A lot of people these days are trying to define marriage. My issue with this is that people historically and even in our modern society have very different ideas of what a marriage means. I'm not even talking about the issue of gay marriage. You don't have to look to that deep into "traditional" heterosexual relationships to find wide variations in marriage.

My great grandfather had a concubine. This was an acceptable social practice at the time in Taiwan. While there are historical and literary accounts of wives having issues with concubines, my great grandmother had no issues with this issue. As she put it having a concubine meant that her husband "bothered her less." This was part of their marriage and they were fine with it.

A couple that I know who have been married for about four years has no intention to have kids. This is a position they both feel strongly about and discussed before they got married and they are fine with that fact.

Another one of my close friends spent the first year of their marriage living across the country from each other. And one of my uncles commuted from Tokyo to Texas leaving his family for months at a time for work. For these people, marriage was not something that meant they had to be physically in the same space all of the time.

My marriage to Diana doesn't involve a concubine, we are committed to having kids and it would take something pretty extraordinary for me to live apart from my wife. We've chosen to define our marriage a certain way that works for us. Who am I to say that a marriage that doesn't have children in the future is less legitimate?

Marriage means so many different things to different people. What's important is not that you subscribe to a type of marriage defined by other people but rather one that is defined by the spirituality, love and values that you share with your partner.

We've come such a long way accepting plurality in marriage. Last weekend I was in Nashville, at a cafe with my wife. Sixty years ago, if I walked into that same cafe holding hands with my wife, people would look at us with disapproval and today, no one even looked twice.

Divorce, wider age gaps, interracial relationships, interfaith unions, long distance relationships, changing gender roles, number of children, are all variations in marriage that our society have accepted in a wider definition of marriage.

Some of these things may not work in your marriage and you may disagree with some of these variations in marriage, but they are there and it's important we learn to not judge different definitions of marriage and accept them as reflections of the diversity in our culture.

So make your marriage what you want it to be. Don’t get bogged down by people telling you how their marriage works. Figure it out for yourselves and make it what you want it to be. As the priest said in the sermon I heard at my friends wedding I recently attended, marriage is a sacrament that is ordained by the people getting married, not the church. You are in control of your marriage.

The definition of marriage has evolved for thousands of years in different cultures all across the world and will continue to change. Everyone deserves to define marriage the way they want to, without prejudice and judgment.

The slippery slope is not "let gay people get married and then people will want to marry animals," it is "if you ban gay marriage, then you can ban marriage between people of different religions, and races." Providing more freedom for people begets happiness and more rights for all. And as we've seen in the darkest periods of human history, taking away rights leads to atrocities.

Let's stop trying to define marriage as a list of requirements, a cage.  Instead, let's define marriage with the fundamental framework of human companionship and build upon it with our own individual expression of who we are and what we believe.

Bogoróditse Dévo by Sergei Rachmaninoff

Freedom to worship, freedoms of speech, freedom of the press, freedom to assemble.

As American these are the freedoms promised by the Constitution of the United States. When we think of our right as individuals, these freedoms come to mind. There are many other freedoms we enjoy including the freedom to experience art. We can choose what television shows we want to watch and what music we want to experience. There are many societies in which, what we call “basic” freedoms are but a dream. And in Communist U.S.S.R. many freedoms were taken away including not only the freedom to create art but also the freedom to experience it.

Rachmaninoff composed “Bogoroditse Devo” as part of his setting of the Russian Orthodox All-Night Vigil ceremony for a capella choir. He composed this work in 1915 partly to benefit the Russian war effort. The Moscow Synodal Choir premiered this piece and it was performed five more times within a month because of its popularity with critics and audiences. With the rise of the Soviet Union, a ban was put on all religious music from the Marxist idea of religion being “the opiate of the masses.” The Synodal Choir was replaced by the nonreligious “People’s Choir Academy” marking the end of an era of Russian music.

With the fall of communism in Russia, people were finally allowed to worship in the open and embrace the culture that had been taken away. When “Bogoroditse Devo” was finally performed again, it was received as a long lost relative forcefully taken away. People in the audience wept as they were finally free to not only experience this music but to connect to their inner spirituality reminding them of all that was lost.

“Bogorodiste Devo” has almost medieval quality to it that captures the mysticism of the Russian Orthodox religion. It combines modern harmonic progressions with a variety of different textures. In the beginning, all the parts are singing the same rhythm (known in musical terms as “homophony”). This musical technique makes the voices feel as one unit with the deliberate and careful motion of a monastic chant.

The middle section of the piece that builds into the climax features the different choral parts singing different melodies (polyphony). Rachmaninoff creates a sense of motion as the alto lines meander while the other voices sing slowly rising sustained notes. The polyphony builds to a euphoric climax gently relaxes down until all the voices come back together in the last couple measures moving with homophony into quiet reflection.

One of the many pieces of advice Diana and I got when planning our wedding was to make sure we take a moment in the ceremony to take it all in. There is so much going on during the day it’s easy to forget to just stop and enjoy the day. So we decided to plan this moment during the ceremony and the unity candle lighting seemed like the perfect time for us to reflect on the service.

Well, things didn’t go exactly as planned. We didn’t bring a candle to the ceremony so we “borrowed” one from the church (or another ceremony that was going on, I’m not sure). The ceremony starts, we get to the candle lighting, the choir starts singing “Bogoroditse Devo,” and then we can’t get the candle lit. I think what you’re suppose to do for a wedding ceremony is have a smaller candle lit on the side and light the bigger candle.

We didn’t think of that so all we had a lighter, one of those 8 inches long deals that is suppose to light when you squeeze the trigger. Yeah it didn’t light after the first 5 tries. I was about to enlist the help of the groomsmen when the lighter decided to work. It was one of those things that you just got to laugh at and regardless it was beautiful moment.

Music has a way of taking us to different places, making the world dissolve away. Even though “Bogoroditse Devo” is less then three minutes it takes us on an incredible journey, from the smallest feeling of wonder to the incredible glory of spirituality.

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

[Phone conversation from last night between me (K) and one of my friends (J).]

J: Well, what are you up to on Sunday?
K: Sunday is our anniversary
J: What anniversary?
K: our WEDDING anniversary
J: really?!? I though that was in June. . .
K: no . . . we got married in July, on July 12th
J: I don’t know why I though it was in June, what is it two years?
K: no, we’ve been married ONE year
J: for some reason I though it was two. . .
K: LOOK, you were IN the wedding party! SERIOUSLY. I don’t expect you to send us a card like two of the other people in the wedding party did but at least you can remember what month the wedding was and what year we are on!!
J: . . . so, um, are you free on Sunday?
K: Yes, I would like nothing more to spend my WEDDING ANNIVERSARY hanging out with YOU!!
J: so maybe we can hang out sometimes next week?
K: I was serious, we can do Sunday afternoon, ‘groan’ you know what, I’m done with you, I’m handing the phone to Diana.

Let’s clarify the issue for anyone who may be confused, Diana and I got married on July 12th 2008, therefore this Sunday July 12th 2009 is our first wedding anniversary AND we are still talking to each other!

Diana’s nana, her paternal grandmother remembers her first year of marriage as the hardest. It was the year that she emigrated from Great Britain to America and it probably didn’t help that her Polish husband had limited ability to speak English.

I got to say our first year of marriage really wasn’t that rough. We moved from one Chicago suburb to another Chicago suburb, which was a little stressful, but not like taking a boat across the Atlantic. I changed jobs while Diana did some new fantastic things at her job. We shared family milestones with our extended families and survived, no more than that, absolutely loved a vacation which included both sets of parents, and all our siblings included my sister-in-law.

It’s been a good year, but there were challenges. There was a lot of “getting used to each other” stuff. I can’t speak for Diana but there were times when I was a little short with her when discussing an issue (and that’s a big deal because I’m only 5”4’, OH! Tang just made a funny). I can be rather obstinate about the way things should be done from cleaning the bathroom to organizing my kitchen utensils. But one of the great things about being married is that Diana helps me realize what I’m being stupidly stubborn about and that even though there are many things that are important to hold strong to, where we put our DVDs isn’t one of them (“keeping them in cases” vs. “putting them in a binder”).

There were those moments that overwhelmed: a hard day at work, a funeral, saying goodbye to friends and the uncertainty of the future. We remind each other how lucky we are but that doesn’t diminish these feelings of confusion, loss and fear. The simplicity of childhood is far behind us. The illusions that we based our world on as children continue to be shattered which leaves us needing something to lean on. When I’m exhausted and I feel overwhelmed by life, the hardest things to do is to know where to start.

In the past, I looked within myself for the strength to preserver but what I’ve found in the past year that there is something between Diana and I which is more powerful. It’s looking into Diana’s eyes and seeing the world. It’s the warmth of each other’s presence that never leaves us even when we are alone. It’s a place, somewhere only we know that is deep within our hearts.

Now what are supposed to get your wife for the “paper anniversary” a 48-pack of Charmin? A ream of paper? I guess I could get her a book, she does love to read. But really who came up with these anniversary present themes? I mean I guess diamonds make sense for the 60th but really, tin for the 10th anniversary, TIN. “Oh honey we made it ten years, I got you some tin so you can solder something together.” Leather for the 3rd anniversary?!? I guess if you’re really into. . . I’m just going to leave that one alone.

Happy Anniversary Diana

Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey

I never understood what was so great about "Don't Stop Believin'" until I saw the ending of the Sopranos television show.



This ending was controversial because of the abrupt cut to black at the end. I’m personally a fan of how this show ended on a question mark, but this puzzled and annoyed a lot of viewers. What was more significant to me was the director, David Chase’s use of the music in this scene. I didn't know why at the time, but I instantly fell in love with "Don't Stop Believin' after watching this scene.

Throughout the six seasons of Sopranos, one of the major themes is this idea of enjoying the good times in life, cherishing the moments. Anthony, Tony’s son, mentions this in this scene after complaining about his job, “focus on the good times. . . try to remember the times that are good.” That’s what “Don’t Stop Believin’” is really all about.

It’s easy to disregard Journey. Journey’s music ranges from sappy power ballads to derivative anthem rock. This isn’t a band that pushes envelopes or challenges our ideas of popular music. However, Journey never presumed to be anything but a band that wrote and performed popular rock music for the masses.

In reaction to the progressive and artful music of the late 1970s with bands like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, bands like Journey became popular in the 1980s. I love listening to music that challenges my musical understanding but sometimes I simply want to rock out. As much as I love fine dining, sometimes I just want a cheeseburger. The thing is about "Don't Stop Belevin'" is that even though it isn't fine dining it is one of the best cheeseburger you will ever eat.

In 1981, Journey released Escape which featured “Don’t Stop Believin’” as one of the singles. Though it never reached #1 on the charts it’s popularity has continued to grow becoming the most downloaded song not released in the 21st century on the iTunes Music Store.

Usually the strongest part of a pop song is the chorus. More often then not artists will try to get to the chorus as quickly as possible using a short introduction and/or a shortened first verse. What’s unusual about “Don’t’ Stop Believin’” is that the chorus doesn’t occur until the last minute of the song and the lyrics “don’t stop believing” aren’t heard until the last minute of the song.

After the initial introduction and first verse, there is a short instrumental break followed by the second verse. Instead of a chorus, after the second verse is the pre-chorus section “strangers waiting. . .” which leads right into the third verse. After the third verse, we get the pre-chorus section again which leads into a instrumental break the chorus finally arrives.

The structure of the song mirrors the arc of the lyrics, which are a mosaic of blue collar life. There is the small town girls and the city boy in the first verse who take a midnight train “going anywhere,” not so much focusing on the destination but the need to get out of their surroundings. A singers sings in a smoky room tries to make some cash and “for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on.” Even though the singer is in a rough gig there are moments of connection that make the night not so bad. The pre-chorus observes strangers in the night and “streetlight people,” prostitutes looking for something in the night, trying to find themselves and “living just to find emotion.”

The last verse reflects on the lives discussed earlier in the song. Everyone wants a thrill, they want to play the game and even though some win and some lose people still try. As “the movie never ends,” neither does hope.

“Don’t stop believing” is a call to keep that hope alive. The mosaic of stories in this song creates an image of yearning that we can all relate to and a feeling of hope that we sometimes forget. The structure of the song takes us through a "journey" inviting us to consider the challenges of life before calling us to face life with hope in our hearts.

The moments that I fell in love with “Don’t Stop Believin’” was the Sopranos finale, but the moment that this song truly meant something to me was at the end of my wife and I's wedding reception.

Inspired by the end of the sopranos, we chose "Don't Stop Believin'" as the last dance at my me and my wife’s wedding reception. As the song began all of the wedding guest formed a circle with my wife and I. It is that memory, surrounded by friends and family, rocking out to “Don’t Stop Believin’" that keeps me believin' and searching through the shadows of the night.

I'm On A Boat by The Lonely Island

One of the things I love about my wife Diana is how she has introduced me to new experiences. Often she will suggest that we do activities that I wouldn’t necessarily think of and these experience make up some of my favorite memories. So, when Diana suggested that we go on whale watching, I didn’t think twice about it.

Too bad boat trip ended up being a puke-fest.

One of our best friends got married last weekend in Carmel, California. It’s a small city South of Monterey Bay right next to the legendary Golf Course, Pebble Beach. The wedding was on Friday, so we decided to stay for the whole weekend and spend some quality time by the ocean.

Before we left, Diana and I were in contact with our friend Bonnie, who was also coming to Morgan’s wedding. Bonnie thought up the idea of going whale watching and her and Diana found this company, “Monterey Whale Watching.” The website looked great and there were some good testimonials so we went ahead and got tickets.

On Saturday morning we checked in with Monterey Whale Watching on “Old Fisherman's Wharf” and Bonnie, with her friend Aaron met up with Diana and me. Before we got on the boat, the boat’s naturalist did a little speech to all of the passengers.

The naturalist went over some safety rules on the boat, and explained what to look for to spot a whale. Then she proceeded explain what to do if we got seasick. She explained how if you lost the “good fight” and had to throw up to do it off of the back of the boat, not the sides (because the puke would travel down the side of the boat). She went over the best place to be on the boat to go if you felt seasick and told us if we were feeling seasick, to take deep breaths and keep our eyes on the horizon. In retrospect, it wasn’t a good sign that the naturalist spent more time talking about seasickness then watching whales.

We all piled on to this boat, The Pacific Explorer a 75-foot long and 23-foot wide “wildlife observation vessel.” It had a small cabin in the center bar and space around the outside to walk around.


Diana and I started our boat ride sitting on the side of the boat and as I gazed at the 10 to 20 foot waves, I started to feel queasy. After about ten minutes, we found Bonnie and Aaron who were at the back of the boat leaning on the back railing. As Diana started talking to them, it happened, I made an a-line to the back railing and there went my breakfast.

About five minutes after my first “pukage” Aaron lost it as well, and I saw his Chai-Tea Latte and Cranberry Scone fly out into ocean. The sight of this caused a visceral reaction in my body and I lost whatever was left in my stomach. By this time, both Bonnie and Diana trying to take care of us handing us gobs of paper towels, provided by crew.

In my own haze of seasickness, I began to notice that Aaron and I were not the only people leaning over the back of the boat throwing up. This made me feel a little less embarrassed and not so emasculated. Some people didn’t quite make it over the back so there were puddles of puke around the back area which the shipmates kept cleaning up. Meanwhile people took their turns running to the back of their ship to get better acquainted with the contents of their stomachs.

A little bit more than half of the boat got sick and the various friends and family members approached the crew members about the people who were getting seasick. They did provide paper towels but they didn’t do much else. Diana and Bonnie asked them repeatedly as did many other to turn back early, but they did not. We stayed out for the 2 1/2 hours.

Now I understand that if you have one person sick on a boat ride then it’s not fair to the other paying customers to end the boat ride early. However, if half of your passengers are sick and the other half are not having a good time because there were no whales to be seen (though Bonnie did say she was an otter laughing at the people who were sick) you probably should cut the boat ride short.

As I was leaning against the back rail trying to focus my gaze on the horizon (which didn’t help AT ALL) I was desperately trying to play music in my head to help the time go faster. The only thing I could come up with was marching band music, which didn’t help at all. Later I found out that Aaron had the same idea as I did and had “I’m On A Boat” going on in his head.

We certainly were on a boat and though it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as Andy Samberg described with his “flippy-floppies,” we definitely felt the righteous anger that Samberg inexplicably directs at the good things on the boat. Our anger, however, was focused on this “wildlife observation vessel” that we could not wait to get off of.

Even though the boat ride was one of most miserable experiences of my life, I don’t blame Diana or Bonnie. It’s not their fault. The thing is, I don’t even blame the boat company for the bad weather and the fact that we didn’t see any whales. However, the fact that we didn’t turn around after so many people got seasick . . . yeah, that’s not cool.

I just thank God that I don't have to clean up puke as part of my job.

Come What May (from Moulin Rogue!) by Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman

"Come What May" film clip

For the first dance at my wedding my wife, Diana and I took a dancing lesson. This is actually a common thing for people to do. Most dance studios have a “wedding package” which typically include multiple sessions and personalized choreography. Now this may seem a little silly but the fact is that many people don’t feel comfortable dancing in front of a large crowd of family and friends.

Diana and I didn’t want a choreographed first dance but we wanted to feel a little bit more comfortable on the floor and have some ideas so that we wouldn’t be stuck in the generic “left foot, right foot” side to side slow dance. It didn’t help the fact that the song that we chose "Calico Skies" by Paul McCartney which had an up-tempo triple meter.



So we met with a friend of ours who taught dance and we had a lot of fun with our lesson. We learned some basics, a dance step that worked, how to do some turns and how to end the dance. For the next two weeks before our wedding, we practiced and both were looking forward to our first dance.

At the receptions, after the wedding, we enjoyed a beautiful dinner, heartwarming toasts and cutting cake. It was now time for our first dance. The music started and Diana and I approached each other. I was thinking about my posture, making sure right arm was firm, keeping my eyes up, and the dance steps steps. By the time, the first verse had started all those thoughts left my mind and for a moment, it was like we were floating.

About half way through the song, Diana surprised me. She reached up, put her hands behind my neck and pulled me close. My first thought was “hey we’re not doing our dance steps that we practiced what’s going on?” But, as our dance became the typical side to side slow dance and I felt her close to me, I realized that it really didn’t matter about the dance moves or even the song, it was just about sharing a special moment with her and showing all our friends and families how much we loved each other.

My brother Ed and his fiancée Laura are getting married tomorrow and as I think about how amazing it’s going to be I can’t help but think of the magical dance that Diana and I shared on our wedding day. Ed and Laura, you’ve chosen a great song for your first dance. "Come What May" from Moulin Rogue! is a beautiful song that captures the love between you two and the spirit of your wedding.

Moulin Rogue! is the kind of film, a student of culture like myself loves. It has more musical references then any other musical I’ve seen featuring intriguing and inventive reinterpretations of popular music. Watching this film for the first time was like cultural overload. My mind raced trying to keep track of all of the references. The amazing thing about the film wasn’t necessarily the music itself but how the music served the dramatic arc of the film. All of the references would have been meaningless if not for the tragic plot and engaging characters. As much I love the medley’s and hearing “Roxanne” being sung as a tragic tango, the song that always got to me is my favorite song from the film is the only original song composed for the Moulin Rougue! “Come What May.”

The song starts with Christians describing how the world just seems different because of the love that he feels. It starts simple with singing that almost seems unsure. It’s like he is beginning to understand his feelings as he sings. As he asks “listen to my heart” the notes become longer and more dramatic. Then Christian sings “but I love you” at the end of the first verse which through its intimacy and honesty feel more real then any other line in the song.

Satine, Nicole Kidman’s character sings in the second verse about how the world seems perfect and that her life doesn’t seems “such a waste.” Even though our minds tell us that the world is never perfect, at certain moments in our lives our hearts helps us feel that the world is perfect. That feeling is not one of solitude but comes from sharing not only our joys, but also our grief with the ones we love.

Enjoy your first dance. Yes, everyone is watching, but that’s okay. I know you’ve been practicing and trust me you will look tons better than you think you will. Everyone is wishing you well and basking in your joy. For a moment, the world may seem like a perfect place and I hope that you will bask in that feeling.

Laura if you feel like forgetting the dance moves for a moment and just pulling Ed close, go for it. It’s your moment and you two should do whatever you want. People are at the wedding to witness true love, your true love. No dress (even though I know your will be sublime) can make a bride as beautiful as the happiness that she is feeling with her new husband and I have no doubt that will shine like the stars.

All You Really Need Is Love by Brad Paisley

"All You Really Need Is Love" wedding video

Anyone who says that planning a wedding is a stress-less, easy, enjoyable and wonderful experience either hasn’t planned a wedding or is the kind of person that sees a glass that is half-empty as over-flowing.

Now I’m not saying that there isn’t enjoyable parts of planning a wedding, but in helping plan me and my wife’s wedding and in my friend’s experiences I have yet to find anyone who have not faced unwanted difficulties and challenges in preparing for the wedding celebration. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not venting some deep, unresolved issues from my own wedding experience, I just think it’s interesting how the craziness of planning a wedding sometimes makes us lose sight of the point of it all, the marriage.

Wedding in America is an industry. There are magazines, websites and stores dedicated to creating the perfect wedding. There are vendors including caterers, photographers, florists, DJ’s, musicians, wedding coordinators, wedding planners, design specialists and pretty anything that you can imagine, however small the detail in a wedding, there’s a person who spends their lives just working on that.

It’s a little ridiculous . . . ok, it’s a lot ridiculous. If you call up a hotel and tell them, you are having a company banquet, they will give you a price but if you call the hotel again for the same space with the same number of people at the same date and tell them it’s a wedding reception, the price will double. This is not an exaggeration and is a symptom of this wedding “thing” that our society has created.

My wife and I found it funny that during our wedding planning it seemed that we were worrying more about the wedding than our marriage. At the end of the day, the marriage is the point of the wedding, and not the other way around. One of the things that helped us keep this perspective was Brad Paisley’s sage advice that “All You Really Need Is Love.”

Brad Paisley’s concepts for his songs are hilarious. Here you have a friend asking Brad if he thinks that he and his fiancée have what it takes to be married and Brad says, “yes” because all they really need is love. The song has a nice medium pace as Brad explains how happy he is for the couple, then it kicks in high gear as he goes into his list. He lists all the stuff that you need for the wedding and the friend and his fiancée’s mood starts to change into a panic.

After Brad’s list, he slows things down and notices a weird expression on the couple’s faces as they look kind of pale. Try writing down all the things that Brad lists off while he sings and you’ll start to get the overwhelming feeling that comes with planning a wedding, which is exactly their “expression” on the couple’s face. Brad goes on with his second list, notices a tear on his friends’ eyes, and misinterprets their feeling of shock as happiness.

This song has a sense of joy and teasing. Paisley doesn’t sing like he’s trying to be the specter of doom but instead he sounds like a person who in genuinely happy for his friends and wants to help. The up-beat tempo and the amazing instrumental break all contribute to a general feeling of celebration.

As Paisley sings his list of wedding needs he doesn’t bogged down. He has a light tone and smoothly flows through the words. That’s exactly how people should try to take on all of these wedding tasks with a sense of humor and a wink in the eye because at the end of the day it really is all about love.

It’s the love between a man and a wife and love that is shared with friends and family. We cheat ourselves by focusing energy on pleasing just the bride, doing only what the groom wants or making decisions solely on what the parents want. Yes as a man, I was annoyed that every time we talked a vender they would only talk my wife. I’m not saying that it would have made me happy if they only talked to me and ignored my wife instead. That would probably get me even angrier.

What I think is idea would be a level of respect all around. If you truly love someone, you don’t spend your entire day doing every little thing just to please to them and always let them have them their way. Love is about being partners, sharing in the experiences and responsibilities of life and it makes me sad to think an event that is suppose to be about joining two people together often ends up being about just what one person wants. That seems to defeat the point of what that special day is suppose to symbolize.

My brother and his fiancée have less then a week before they get married. It’s been interesting watching them put together their wedding. I find myself sometimes thinking, “well, that’s not how I would do it” and then I remember that I had my chance to do it my way and it’s not really important how the details are done. Most people who come to a wedding don’t really care about the bar package, the chair coverings or the centerpieces, they are just happy to be there to share the day.

Through helping out with my brother’s wedding, I’ve gotten a level of perspective on my own wedding experience. There were some things that I was obtuse about and irrationally decisions that I made. I’m not proud of that fact and I hope I didn’t cause too much stress to my wife, my in-laws and my parents. I’m sorry if I did. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, I wasn’t exactly the kind of groom who was satisfied sitting in the corner while everyone else figured out what the wedding day would look like.)

However, I think I did the best I could, and it took time for me to figure out that it wasn’t all about my wife and I, but it was about everyone who was there on that day. It’s an indescribable feeling being in a room full of people who want nothing but to wish you well and help you celebrate your lives. If that feeling isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

The planning was sometimes stressful and not all that much fun but think about it, if planning is the best thing about the wedding, something is wrong. The wedding should be the best part, so I think it’s ok if you don’t love planning your wedding.

Ed and Laura, this Saturday, don’t forget, all you really need is love and I know there will be plenty of love between you and around you on your wedding day. Love will make that glass not only seem half-full, but will fill it until it actually is overflowing.