Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Shopping at Michael's

- Michael's is the worst. I would have an easier time finding finger paints if I went to O'Hare airport and asked the person at the United ticket counter for help than asking the worker at Michael's.

- You know the best part of shopping at Michael's? Do you? Because I have no idea. Everything about that place is horrible. Like

- Shopping at Michael's is like re-watching Rocky V. You figure it can't be as bad as you remember, but it ends up being worse than you could possibly imagine.

- Do you know what makes me feel nostalgic about the time I ate a Gyro and got food poisoning? Shopping at Michael's.

-If shopping at Michael's was a girl group it would be All Saints. "Never Ever"

-One time I tried to watch Caligula. That was kind of like shopping at Michael's.

-Shopping at Michael's made me yearn to watch Starlight Express.

 -Some people actually enjoy shopping at Michael's and some people actually enjoy listening to Nickelback.

-If shopping at Michael's was a boy band it would be LFO.

 -Shopping at Michael's gives you the same warm feeling you get when reach into a bag and touch a banana that you left there weeks ago.

-Watching an Al Snow match sounds like more fun than shopping at Michael's.

 -Shopping at Michael's is like trying to defend Mase as a good rapper. There's no point.

-Shopping at Michael's is like my new leaf blower. It both sucks AND blows.

-There are some things in life that everyone should try at least once. Shopping at Michael's isn't one of them.

-If shopping at Michael's was a cologne it would be called "Shame & Regret." It would smell of cloves and 8th grade boys, with a hint of star anise.

-Shopping at Michael's is as satisfying as eating a poorly prepared Hot Pocket.

-If George Lucas made changes to Michael's it would actually make the shopping experience better.

-Shopping at Michael's is like dressing up as the Marvel Super Hero Speedball for Halloween. It's confusing and embarrassing.

-Star Trek V: The Final Frontier makes more sense and has more charm than shopping at Michael's.

-Do you know what makes Carrie Underwood as Maria seem like a good idea by comparison?

-Shopping at Michael's. Hate-watching? Try hate-shopping.

-Billy Joe Armstrong wrote "American Idiot" about himself after he chose to go shop at Michael's.

-Do you know what's the worst part of shopping at Michael's?
Shopping at Michael's.

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