Parenthood: Week 218 – Hugs

“Hug your children.”
 - Dr. Spock

Sitting in the parked car, I heard Ollie whimper. I looked back and him and he looked tired, sad and distant. I had just driven him from one activity to another. Ollie had been doing a great job this whole summer managing different camps and activities, but that afternoon it seemed like it too much for him.

I wasn’t sure what to say to him, so I asked him “Do you need a hug?” He nodded silently in reply with sad eyes and a tense lower lip.

I leaned the drive seat back as far as it would go so I could reach back and unbuckle his car seat. He crawled out of his seat, and positioned himself on top of me. I felt his arms reach under mine as I gently hugged him.

After a couple minutes, Ollie pushed himself off my chest. With a energetic smile, exclaimed, “let’s go!” And he headed for the car door.

Ollie is four.  He’s no longer an infant, he’s no longer a baby, and he’s no longer a toddler. While mentally I still sometimes think of him as a toddler, I’m proud of how he has grown into a preschool-age child.

We are working with him on the same things we did when he was a baby: being independent, learning to understand and embrace the whole spectrum of emotions, being kind and empathetic to others and developing communication skills (e.g. talking, listening, reading).

Recently, we’ve been working on teaching him to clip his own seatbelt in his car seat, making his bed, sounding out short words, applying his number skills to the world around him (e.g. elevator buttons), and greeting people with a gesture of his choice (high five, wave, hug, fist bump, or hand shake) and good eye-contact during these interactions.

Ollie’s getting to old to whine, to pout and be rude, but he’s not getting too old to get a hug when he needs one. I don’t know at what age, cuddling in bed when reading a story, or other types hugs stops being developmentally appropriate, but I don't really care.  I’m not a rush for him to stop him from seeking comfort in my arms, and I don’t know if this will ever be a priority in my life.

When we talk about things that I do that Ollie can’t like drive and drink beverages with caffeine, Ollie thinks of these things happening when he’s twenty-years-old (not sure why). While I think it’s good for Ollie to look forward to these things, I want him to understand that there are great things about his life right now.

So the other day, I explained, “Ollie, when you are 20, you will get to drive and drink stuff with caffeine in it, but you will be too big for daddy to carry you.” Ollie, with a concerned look on his face asked me, “But when I’m 20 will you still be able to give me huggles?”

 “Don’t worry little guy, daddy will always be able to give you hugs.”