Parenthood: Week 256 – Having Two Is JUST Like Having Three

“Oh, you are having two? A second child? You are in for it. Having to like having three.”

This was one the most common annoying piece of unsolicited “advice,” that I got when people found out that I was having a second child. At first, I took it as friendly advice, as a way to prep myself for the worst, but most of the times it felt like the hazing that parents like to give soon-to-be parents as an expression of their own insecurities, and unhappiness. Here’s the other thing, most of these people only have two kids, so it’s not like they actually know what it’s like to have three kids. And here’s the other thing, the people I know who have three kids, don’t tease me about having two.

So how is it having two? Is it an insane crazy experience that is just like having three? I don’t know. I haven’t had three. At times having two seems perfectly reasonable. Like when Ethan is taking nap and Ollie is quietly playing with his Transformer toys, and all the housework is done. Then there are other times, like when we are trying to get through airport security, with two kids a car seat, and two backpacks, when having two kids seems . . . less reasonable.

Mind you, we have kids who are four years apart. This means that we have only one kid in diapers. Ollie is pretty much settled in his sleep routine. He’s old enough to ask for what he wants, and most of time we know what he wants. There are things like podcast, books, and toys that can keep his attention for independent play for enough time (sometimes longer than half an hour), for me to cook dinner. If I tell Ollie to wait a second while I change Ethan’s diaper, he will most likely do just that without any complaints.

Is it always a piece of cake? Like I alluded to earlier with the airport example. It isn’t. There was a moment today when Buffy wanted to be let back in from the backyard, Ethan was crying and Ollie wanted help with one of his toys at the exact same time.

Now there are people who knowingly steer into having two kids under the age of two to get the young kid thing “over with.” I can imagine that having a baby and a two or three-year-old in the house would in some ways be more stressful than what we got going on right now. However, with all things parenting, you never know. Depending on the children and their needs, it could be more difficult some people with a wider age gap.

So if you are thinking about having another one, be realistic about how it's going to change your life, and yes there are moments when it all feels overwhelming, but if you are in it for the right reasons, it's not going to feel like three, it's going to feel right.