The usual routine works pretty well. I go upstairs with Ollie and do his bedtime routine with him while Diana takes care of Ethan. Ollie and I wrestle a little bit, I help him with his bath, and brushing his teeth. Then we snuggle up in bed and read a book. When we are done reading together, Ollie goes downstairs to get Diana, while I hide underneath his covers. Diana and Ollie come upstairs with Ethan. Ollie jumps on the be and makes a joke about how lumpy the bed is, then I make the bed come alive, and wrap him up in covers. Eventually Ollie extricates himself out of the covers. Ollie hugs me goodnight, gives Ethan a kiss goodnight and then I go downstairs with Ethan.
Diana and Ollie have some time together. They read together and often carry out of their wonderful bedtime traditions. Since Ollie was a baby, Diana would tell Ollie what he did today. Now that he is older he participates in this reflection. It’s like a verbal journal, that helps Ollie understand his world, and his life.
It’s a good routine. Ollie ends his day with giggles, hugs, smiles, and Ethan gets the attention he needs.
Now trying to do this routine when one of us is away is a challenge, which I experienced for the first time a couple days ago. Because of concerts and evening events, Diana has had a number of nights when she has had both boys all to herself, and I have had time when I’ve had both boys to myself, but not in evenings. Taking care of the boys during the evenings is trickier than taking care of them in the morning or the afternoon. Ethan is general is most fussy at night and during the day, I don’t feel as much pressure as I do during the evening to work through routines.
As expected, Ethan was fussy. Sometimes he would cry loudly and other times he would whimper softly in discontentment. It was getting late, so I we skipped Ollie’s bath and managed to get his teeth brushed while Ethan cried in the other room. Holding Ethan in my arms and trying to console him, I read Ollie a book. Ollie helped by holding the book open for me while rocked his brother. As I was reading, Ollie would cover his ears when Ethan got louder, but he tried to make it work.
After we finished the book, I said goodnight to Ollie. He leaned over and gave Ethan a kiss on his forehead, and said goodnight to his brother. I walked out as Ethan starting crying louder in my arms. Then I heard Ollie behind me asking softly, “can we talk about what I started today?” I answered over Ethan’s cries, “I’m really sorry honey, but Ethan is upset, and I need to calm him down, so I’m going to take him downstairs and we can talk tomorrow.” “It’s okay daddy, I understand,” Ollie replied as he lay himself down and pulled up his covers.
After eventually getting Ethan to sleep, I went up and checked on Ollie and say him peacefully sleeping.
Ollie reminded me that night how wonderful he is, but part of me wished I didn’t have to put him in that position. Ollie doesn't ask for a lot, and when he asks for something as simple as my time, and I can't give it to him, it makes my heart ache. Yes, I know that Ollie has to learn how to share me with Ethan, but that doesn't mean that this learning process isn't difficult.
The next morning before Ethan got up, Ollie and made waffles together and spent some time in the morning playing Transformers together. Did it make up for the night before? I don't know, but we had some good times.
That's something.
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