Why a Patty Melt Is Superior To a Burger

Height
I get no pleasure out of trying to take a bite out of a “big-mouth” burger. I already have temporomandibular joint disorder in my jaw (TMJ). Stretching my mouth open for the sake of eating never feels good for me. The other way to compensate for this issue is to press the burger down, turning the bun into a compressed, flattened version of itself lost in condiments and grease.

The patty melt is a different story. It’s delightfully constrcuted to about the height of a grilled cheese sandwich. There’s no extra effort that needs to be put into eating this sandwich.

The Bread
Most hamburgers are set up with a soft bun. If it’s toasted, usually it’s only on the inside of the bun. This means that your teeth go through a soft piece of bread, maybe hit the crunch on the other side of the bun, and maybe get a slice of lettuce for texture before hitting the patty.

Patty melt on the other hand gives you a satisfying crunch before you hit anything else. Some burger patties have a little crunch with a sear, but optimally cooked, a sear it doesn’t add that much texture. 

The delightful crunch of the bread on a patty melt creates a wonderful contrast to the meat inside and helps maintain the structure of the sandwich to the very last bite. This is not the case for the burger. By the last bite, the bun has been bitten into and flattened with finger indentations to the point of barely providing any structure for the sandwich.

Have you ever taken a bite out a burger and felt like you were getting more bread than you wanted? Not an issue with a patty melt.

Condiment
Ketchup is an overused condiment in our food culture. While it totally hits the spots with fries, and  hot dogs (don’t you dare start with the "no ketchup and hot dog" thing! This ridiculous Chicago eating custom is ridiculous), ketchup doesn't enhance a beef patty. Ketchup when added to a beef patty makes a beef patty taste like…ketchup. Thousand Island on the other hand, adds a layer of richness and a little tanginess without masking the flavor, creating an almost umami flavor with the beef. Add some fried onions to that, and you really got something going on.

Toppings
Lettuce has no place near a beef patty. Are we hoping that one piece of lettuce is somehow going to make this meal more balanced and healthy? Okay, you are adding a crunch, maybe a splash of freshness. Well, if you really wanted a crunch, the patty melt has that covered with the bread, and that little pop of water you get when you bite through lettuce in a burger, does that really add to the beef? Let’s be honest it’s more a distraction than anything else. Also, the positive properties of the lettuce are lost in a the grease of the beef patty itself. A patty melt has no distraction of a “fresh” vegetable. A sandwich focusing on a beef patty shouldn’t have a “hot side,” and a “cold side.” Only a two hot sides in perfect harmony, otherwise known as a patty melt.