“You can do anything for a minute.”
During the first year of Ollie’s life I was working through some physical therapy. I had developed sesamoiditis (basically my foot hurt). It had developed during my 5th grade camping trip, and after seeing various doctors, I found a specialist that offered me more than pain killers, a prescription for physical therapy.
Physical therapy was two or three times a week for an hour in the evening. In our first year of Ollie’s life we were still very much figuring out how to do this parenting thing, so having to take care of Ollie without the other parents was challenging.
Diana was always 100% support of me taking this time for myself, and my self care. Even at the times when Ollie was crying, the house was a mess, and we were both exhausted, Diana shooed me out the door to make my physical therapy appointment.
So when Diana asked me what I thought about her doing an exercise class after Ethan was born, I was in full support. Even though I knew it was a challenge, I knew it was important that I have some times with my children by myself. It’s great to be a parenting partner with Diana, but you learn a lot about yourself and your kids when you are on your own (and it makes you more grateful for your partners work and support).
The organization was Fit4Mom. First Diana did Stroller Strides a class which included Ethan…in a stroller as the name suggests, and then Diana started doing Body Back. These experiences were as much a workout classes as they were an affinity group. I enjoyed hearing Diana tell me about new friends she was making and new exercises she was learning. Honestly though, I didn’t have a clear idea what she was doing in these classes, and I didn’t mind not knowing. She was coming back from these classes happy and she kept going.
Last weekend they had a special “invite a friend” class, and I figured why not? First off, I think it’s important that as a man, that I purposely put myself in spaces when I’m in the gender minority. Women are in the minority all of the time, and for my own growth, and to show support of Diana, I feel like it was important for me to show up. Also, a free work out class? All good.
We dropped off the kids with Diana’s dad Saturday morning and we headed to the Body Back class. There was a teacher and eight other women there to work out. The workout consisted of cycles: one minute cadio, one minute strength, and one minute. Each cycle repeated twice, and we got through a total of five cycles in that hour, along with a warm-up and cool down activity.
This was a tough class. I’m still feeling it three days later. There were some people there who were better than me, and some who weren’t, but they were all there, they all had showed up, and for that they had my respect. The teacher created a great positive vibe in the room giving encouragement without being distracting. She was positive without be disingenuous, and was happy to share this time with all of us.
The teacher drew on struggles of parenting and could authentically related to all of us. One of her mantras was, “You can do anything for a minute,” and as time expired, pushed us with “You can do anything ten seconds.” And as I stood there giving up on the wall-sit minute, I dove back in for those ten seconds and dealt with the pain, because she was right, for myself and my children, I could do anything for ten seconds.
As I lay there on the mat in the dark during the cool down, I understood why people I had seen in videos flop down on the floor of a gym at the end of workout. We had just finished stretching and this song “Slow Down” started playing over the speakers.
I listened to the breathing of these women around me as they accompanied this song, acutely aware that I was a visitor, but also grateful to have the opportunity to share this special space. Part of me was jealous that I hadn’t found this space for myself, but more I was so happy that Diana had found this for herself.
We live in a culture where the patriarchy controls almost every facet of life. Men are in charge of almost every industry, event, experience and institution. The sexism women face every day is real, unending, and unjust. Add in all of the horrible things that mothers have to deal with and you have a perfect storm to tear down the spirit and test the strength of women. To get through this, men have to stand up and show support, for organizations like Fit 4 Mom in which women support women and give a sense of community and understanding that men cannot.
We do what we can as men. Sometimes it’s watching the kids, taking out the trash, and other times it’s showing up to an exclusively women fitness class, and working until you are out of breath, with no intention or attempt to be “the man” in the room, and honoring these women with respect.
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