I know exactly who I would call in my school to cover my classes if I got that phone call, text, or saw the news pop up on my feed. I’ve imagined myself leaving my school in a hurry, the hurried pace of my car, texting my parents at red lights and talking to my wife on with the speaker phone function as I raced to my son’s school. And I believe in the power of my community, my friends and my family to work through the unimaginable, and make an event like this mean something.
When Ollie my oldest son started kindergarten at his current school, the PTA and the district had moved forward in the construction of a secure entrance for the school. What that means is that there’s a double door and a security window between the two doors. This allows a visitor to check in before being allowed into the building. It is a straight-forward and simple way to make every school safer, however many schools in my son’s district don’t have a secure entrance. The way that my son’s school got this entrance approved was through PTA advocacy.
This made me really frustrated. On one hand, I’m glad that the community at my son’s school rallied and made this happen. At the same time, it angered me that they would even have to work to get this entrance made, and that there remained schools in the district that didn’t have secure entrances.
What kind of country do we live in that our students don’t even have a secure entrance for their schools? Securing entrances to schools is one of the most effective ways to make schools safer. The federal government should make an emergency resolution to make every school in America have a secure entrance, right now.
It is beyond anger that so many in our country, reflected in our leaderships simply do not prioritize the safety of our schools, and my son’s safety. It should not just be on parents to advocate for the needs of children in America in the same way it should not be just on people of color to be anti-racist, and it should not just be on women to fight for women’s rights. Our children are all our responsibility, and the soul of the nation is darkened and tainted every time we chose to do less...or nothing at all.
Every time there’s a school shooting tragedy, I come home from school a little earlier, I hug my children a little longer, and I tell them that I love them a couple extra times. I try not to express to fear, but rather gratitude and pride for how these little ones have enriched my life and made my life more meaningful. Being reminded about the finite-ness of life isn’t always a bad thing and making sure that your words to the ones you love are words you would be happy with being your final ones isn’t a bad way to live your life.
I do fear the loss of my children. I am not a religious person and while I have learned to accept death in my life, the death of my children is something that is beyond my comprehension and dealing with this loss through a school shooting is beyond my imagination.
All of these thoughts and feelings are inside of me every day, but there’s something more powerful at play.
This morning after I walked Ollie up to the door of his school, he turned to me and said goodbye. We hugged and he gave me a kiss. Ollie reminded me to wait to wave to him through the windows of the kindergarten hallway after he entered the building. As I watched him walk away from me, this is all I felt:
I’ve never hesitated to drop Ollie off at school for fear of his safety. I’ve had issues separating from him because I’m worried that he will be help from me, needed comfort only I could provide, or because I don’t want to miss out on his day.
I’m not so naive to think that a school tragedy couldn’t happen at my son's school. I’m well aware that there is no demographic that hasn’t been touched by school violence. So, it’s not ignorance that brings me optimism when I drive away from school after dropping him off.
I believe in schools. The only way to solve the problems in schools, and in our world is for us to send out children to school, and to support them and our schools. That knowledge, that feeling, that power we are handing to our children through education, that potential to change everything that is dark and oppressive pushes the fear in my heart into the corners.
So how do I send my kid to school? I do it with the same belief and optimism that get me up every morning as I ask myself, how I can better person today for myself, my family, and my community. I cope with the stress by doing good work, and if the real thing did happen? I believe I would do the exactly same thing.
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