Earlier this afternoon, I was sitting on the floor playing chess with Ollie. This was the only the second time we had played, and he was catching on really quickly. The first time we played I had to walk him through almost every move. This game, I was impressed to see that he remembered how all the pieces moved and only need a couple reminders.
At one point he successfully cornered my bishop. He had strategically placed two other pieces near it, and the only way for the bishop to get out would lead to his immediate take down by one of Ollie’s pawn. In that moment I looked up at Ollie and saw him thinking about the next move and I was suddenly stunned with a mind-blowing realization. I was playing chess with my son.
This person sitting across from my strategically playing one of the complicated and intricate board game was my son. This was the same person who once upon a time needed help with everything just to survive. Only a couple short years ago, Ollie couldn’t stand. He couldn’t talk. He needed help be fed, dressed, and to go to the bathroom. He used to not fully understand that his hand was connected to his body. There was a time when numbers meant nothing to Ollie, and putting a square piece into a shape sorter was far too difficult for him. Now this person can read, can compute, and can play chess.
As Tanya Tucker sings, “The days are long but the years are lightning.” It’s easy to forget how much our children grown up and changed in such a small amount of time. One of the wonderful things about having multiple children is that the younger children are a constant reminder how long the older children have come.
So much of our focus as parents are on the future, the next milestone. As soon as a baby is born, we are thinking about when the baby is going to roll over, and as soon as the baby rolls over we are looking ahead to crawling. We encourage our children to move past babbling into talking, and make sure that new toys and books present new challenges. This is not a bad thing at all. One of the most important parts of parenting is helping our children grow and creating an environment that they can move on to the next stage of their lives with confidence.
In the same way I take for granted all that is wonderful in our lives in our desire for more, sometimes I forget to appreciate how far my children have grown. Giving the space for reflection and loving who we are, more than we are focusing on who we are to become brings our lives center, meaning, and joy.
With babies and toddlers the milestones feel more concrete. Walking, and talking are very noticeable and notable. The slow but powerful development of reading skills in first grade doesn’t not appear as dramatic as taking first steps, however they are also meaningful and should be celebrated.
Diana is really good at this. She’s great at pointing out to Ollie places where he has grown that me and Ollie both have overlooked. In the daily grind, it’s easy to move through live doing what’s ahead and not take a moment to think of our journey.
We can celebrate our past, and we can look forward to our future. Being reflective does not mean that we are complacent. Telling a child that they have accomplished great things is essential in helping children to learn to love themselves. Children can never hear too much that their journey is valued, that we are proud and who they are right now, and that we love them.
I’m really excited to see the joy that Ollie gets out of chess. I am so proud to be part of the journey that has led to his intellectual ability to play this game. As I guided him into a checkmate, cornering my king, I told myself to save this moment. One day, Ollie will beat me without my help, and I will need to remind him of this second game that we played, the first board game we ever played, and the first time as a baby I truly felt his eyes focus on mine and gaze into my eyes with wonder.
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