It’s hard to know why things were so difficult last week.
Maybe it was Buffy.
For two nights last week, Buffy needed to go out to the backyard to do her business about every two hours. After the first night, I tried to get a veterinarian appointment and couldn’t make it happen. Her symptoms were better, and she was eating normally, and her energy level seemed fine.
The second it was just as bad as the first night. I felt guilty that I didn’t push harder to get her in to see the vet, and I was exhausted from the lack of sleep. Diana, better at me at these kinds of things, got her an appointment, and I took her in that afternoon. There was nothing seriously wrong with her, and after a bland diet and some medication, Buffy is doing just fine.
Maybe it was Ethan.
Ethan is the kind of person who needs consistency and structure, and when I stopped being so clear that he couldn’t sleep in our bed at night, he took advantage of this. Last week there were four or five nights when he came into our room and tried to sleep with us four or five times.
A couple of nights ago, I wedged a portable crib in front of his door. This meant that when he did get up, he couldn’t get into our room. Instead, he would call for me, and I would get up and help him go to sleep in his bed. Things have vastly improved, and last night he only got up once, about forty-five minutes before his read-to-wake alarm went off.
Maybe it was the snowstorm.
Snow makes everything about parenting harder. Getting them ready to go outside is a struggle. It takes more energy to play with them outside in the snow. Shoveling takes hours away time needed for parental takes. There are boots to dry, gloves to keep track of, and tracked in melted snow to mop up.
The worst of it has hopefully passed.
Maybe it was the suffering outside of my house.
People continue to die from COVID-19, and parents in Texas have had to struggle through unimaginable challenges just to keep their children warm and fed. The continued viol
I miss my parents. I’m frustrated that I can’t visit my friend who had to say goodbye to her beloved dog last week and hug her, and I’m tired of being tired all of the time.
Throughout last week, despite the challenges and all that I was trying to sort out in my mind, my children gave me a purpose, something to do, a reason to get up, and motivation to keep things going. Caring for others through cooking, doing dishes, and laundry doesn’t make all of the challenging things go away, but it helps them maintain a focus and a direction.
There is so much that is unclear and uncertain about the future. However, my love for my children is indisputable and unwavering. Right now, when I think about last week and how hard it was, I hear the laughter of my children. There is something about parenthood that helps your process, helps you move through to the next thing. Parenthood helps you understand what to let go of and what never to forget.
Some things are fleeting, like the lack of sleep, and some feelings will never forget that teach us lessons that will forever change us.
Right, all of this stuff is intertwined, and I don’t know which of these have affected me, but what I do know is that tomorrow morning, I will wake up and look forward to the smiles, the hugs, and the wonder that is my three sons.
No comments:
Post a Comment