Year 11 – Week 40: Private Vs. Public

One of the things that became clear in many communities is that private schools were more likely to be in-person during our ongoing pandemic than public schools. This was the case in Chicago, where I teach, and in Evanston, where I live.

From my experience and anecdotal knowledge, in-person teaching with COVID-19 mitigations was more effective than remote learning. Were there exceptions to this? Of course.  It will take time to research and understand these differences thoroughly, but from what I saw and the information I have gathered, it’s not even close. In-person was better.

Why were the private schools able to be in-person?

As not to overly generalize, I’m going to speak specifically about my school.

There are several reasons my school is able to open in person. First off, like many other private schools, we had bigger budgets than many other schools.  Also, we had more flexibility in their budgets. Reallocating money into different parts of the budget is not a big challenge in my school.  Money solved many issues when it came to being in-person. We were able to hire more assistant teachers. There was more money that could spent on cleaning and supplies.

One of my jobs as music department chair is managing our budget. We spent a lot of money on things that were not budget for. We bought microphones for students to record music at home.  We bought the individual instrument bags for our elementary school students and hand drums for the drumming curriculum we did without middle school students. Also, there were the masks designed for singing that I got for our choir students. This stuff, along with other things, was a significant expense. However, my budget did not end up going over because many things like field trips and concerts didn’t happen this year.

We were fortunate to have a medical advisory team that made hard decisions, so I didn’t have to. Guidance from medical professionals proved frustrating at times when it felt like there was tension between what they recommended and what was the most logical way to educate students. Still, at the end of it all, their guidance kept us safe.

Teachers at my school are unionized. This meant that there were structures for faculty to have their voices heard and limits on what we could be asked to do. This provided some willingness when teachers were asked to do different things because people were watching out for the faculty.

When I think about what we were able to do, it becomes clear that the things we had were privileges that other schools could have had. Money could have been made more available. Medical professionals could have played more active roles in advising schools. Unions could work for ways to help teachers work in-person effectively.

What happened at my school could have occurred at other schools.

There is this idea that there is a dichotomy between private and public schools, that the illusion of scarcity means that private schools’ success limits public schools’ achievement. Like the false dichotomy of gender, this idea serves to divide. The truth is that private schools can provide a vision of a possibility of what could be and should be for other schools. Many private schools did just that this past school year, and instead of coming up with reasons what this example doesn’t apply to public schools, we need to figure out how we can from each other and together create a better vision for education in America.

Year 11 – Week 32: Back To The Table

I miss how I used to teach music.

I’m very proud of the work I’ve done this year teaching about music. I’ve taught around 250 students about racist lyrics and racist origins of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I’ve helped many of my students fall in love with Dolly Parton, and my students have done some great composing through iPad apps. Yes, we’ve done some drumming together, and that’s been fun, but there’s so much that is missing.

It’s weird. These past couple of months, I haven’t thought a lot about teaching students how to create music with each other through singing and playing instruments. In some ways, I haven’t really felt like a music teacher. I do enjoy teaching students about culture and history and how to be creative, but what is missing cannot be replicated.

I know how to teach students how to play instruments. I can teach most ages how to play almost most of the instruments out there. I can teach students how to access their head voice while singing, shape vowels, and bring life to a song through emphasize pulse and energizing long notes. I know how to get 120 children to sing together through the strength of my posture, the way I breathe, a look in my eyes, and the movement in my arms and hands.

There’s so much that I know how to do that I haven’t done this year as a teacher. Some of this feels like a loss, but there are pieces of all of this that feel like they are beneficial. Not having a winter program that added stress into an already overwhelming time of year was really nice. Many schools save their big winter program for after winter break, and I can the benefits of this.

It’s been really nice to be free of the pressure of preparing music for concerts which has allowed me to teach about really important and relevant musical topics. This year I had time to teach about music from the Presidential Inauguration, wonderful Black women country artists who are finding an audience, and Warren Snipe’s incredible sing language performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the Superbowl. At best, in a regular year, these important and wonderful topics would have only been mentioned at the beginning or end of class briefly and would have been discussed in much depth.

There have been times this year that I think I would be happier stepping away from the performances and teaching more like I have this year than in years past, but this week was not one of those times.

Earlier this week, Ethan asked me to sing him a song as I was putting him to bed, and without thinking, I started singing “Crowded Table.” At that moment, it all came back to me: the first time I sang this song to my 3rd graders, teaching them the hand motions and discussions about the meaning of the lyrics.

I know we'll be back together making music like this.  It just feels like even now in this time of hope, it is so far away.

Parenthood: Week 411 – A Tough Week

It’s hard to know why things were so difficult last week. 

Maybe it was Buffy. 

For two nights last week, Buffy needed to go out to the backyard to do her business about every two hours. After the first night, I tried to get a veterinarian appointment and couldn’t make it happen. Her symptoms were better, and she was eating normally, and her energy level seemed fine.  

The second it was just as bad as the first night. I felt guilty that I didn’t push harder to get her in to see the vet, and I was exhausted from the lack of sleep. Diana, better at me at these kinds of things, got her an appointment, and I took her in that afternoon. There was nothing seriously wrong with her, and after a bland diet and some medication, Buffy is doing just fine.  

Maybe it was Ethan. 

Ethan is the kind of person who needs consistency and structure, and when I stopped being so clear that he couldn’t sleep in our bed at night, he took advantage of this. Last week there were four or five nights when he came into our room and tried to sleep with us four or five times.  

A couple of nights ago, I wedged a portable crib in front of his door. This meant that when he did get up, he couldn’t get into our room. Instead, he would call for me, and I would get up and help him go to sleep in his bed. Things have vastly improved, and last night he only got up once, about forty-five minutes before his read-to-wake alarm went off.  

Maybe it was the snowstorm.  

Snow makes everything about parenting harder. Getting them ready to go outside is a struggle. It takes more energy to play with them outside in the snow. Shoveling takes hours away time needed for parental takes. There are boots to dry, gloves to keep track of, and tracked in melted snow to mop up.  

The worst of it has hopefully passed. 

Maybe it was the suffering outside of my house.  

People continue to die from COVID-19, and parents in Texas have had to struggle through unimaginable challenges just to keep their children warm and fed. The continued viol

I miss my parents. I’m frustrated that I can’t visit my friend who had to say goodbye to her beloved dog last week and hug her, and I’m tired of being tired all of the time. 

Throughout last week, despite the challenges and all that I was trying to sort out in my mind, my children gave me a purpose, something to do, a reason to get up, and motivation to keep things going. Caring for others through cooking, doing dishes, and laundry doesn’t make all of the challenging things go away, but it helps them maintain a focus and a direction.  

There is so much that is unclear and uncertain about the future. However, my love for my children is indisputable and unwavering. Right now, when I think about last week and how hard it was, I hear the laughter of my children. There is something about parenthood that helps your process, helps you move through to the next thing. Parenthood helps you understand what to let go of and what never to forget.  

Some things are fleeting, like the lack of sleep, and some feelings will never forget that teach us lessons that will forever change us. 

Right, all of this stuff is intertwined, and I don’t know which of these have affected me, but what I do know is that tomorrow morning, I will wake up and look forward to the smiles, the hugs, and the wonder that is my three sons.

Year 11 – Week 23: What I Know For Certain

Dealing with uncertainty is a muscle. After making it halfway through this school year, this muscle has become strong.

We are coming up to our mid-winter break. This period between winter break and mid-winter break has felt calmer and more stable. We know how to process the challenges and the uncertainty, and because of significant steps forward, our administration made. 

After winter break, the school provided COVID-19 testing to all students, faculty, and staff. To be able to come back to in-person school, you needed a negative test. Our community came through, and there was not one positive test. A couple of weeks ago, my school provided us with access to the COVID-19 vaccine, and all the adults working in the school got their first vaccination shot. Soon we will all get our second shot and be fully vaccinated.

The mitigation measures have not changed how we have operated as a school, but it has changed how teachers feel. The week that we got our vaccinations, the teachers in a great mood, and you could feel the positivity in the building. 

The most significant factor that made this period rewarding and joyful was the students. They were remote starting after Thanksgiving, so they weren’t in the building for almost a month and a half. So, when they finally came, they were really happy to be here.

Despite world events and all that is being asked of my students, for the most part, they are still moments of joy and meaning. They giggled walking down the hallways, they got on each other’s nerves, and they rolled their eyes at my bad jokes. Some of them deeply engaged in projects, others less than, but they all tried. 

My middle school students impressed me with new lyrics they wrote to “The Star-Spangled Banner.” My younger students continued after every class was over, working on collaborative music composition projects on their iPads, and we all had the opportunity to explore racism in music together.

The mask and the distance between us are barriers, but that barrier cannot take away the feeling of being in a room of students joyfully creating music together. The barrier may hide smiles, but it doesn’t take away the sweet voices of children saying hi to me in the hallway. And this barrier makes it harder for all to be understood but doesn’t make us any less determined to understand each other.

As a teacher, the future of my life is full of uncertainty, but what I do know for sure is that even in these difficult times, our students can continue to inspire us to be better and do better for them and ourselves.

Parenthood: Week 409 - The Cold

It's cold.

Yes, I complain about it being cold when it's 40 degrees out, but this past week and what we got coming up is cold by anyone's standard. Right now, it's 10 degrees outside, and the highest temperature we got coming up in the next week is 19 degrees.

One of the strategies for handling this pandemic and the anxiety around our lives' uncertainty is to focus on what's in front of you. Yes, think about the future but spend your energy on the next day and the following week. So I didn't think about how COVID-19 would affect parenting in sub-freezing temperatures.

In past years, when it's been this cold, we would get our children out of the house in different ways. When Ollie was a toddler, I used to take him to our library. Our local branch has a heated underground garage, which was convenient these days when your face hurt after being outside for a minute. We would look at books, he would play at the play space, and sometimes he would run up and down the aisles while I would chase him around.

There were also play spaces we would go to, bookstores, and grocery stores. Winter was rough in the past, but there were always ways to get out of the house.

My children are in a better mood if they get out of the house at some point in the day, so we would go somewhere even on the coldest days.

And now there's nowhere to go.

Libraries and play spaces are closed. Retail stores and grocery stores are no longer places where my children can explore the aisles and shop with me comfortably. There are many places like Chicago where outside playgrounds in parks still are not open, which is ridiculous. Many school buildings and park district facilities are empty. These aren't challenging problems to solve. It's not a money issue. It is a lack of will.

Our country is dealing with so many issues. Creating spaces for children to play indoors when it's cold outside might seem like a minor convenience for some people; it's a symptom of a larger problem: children are not a priority in America.

One of the hardest things in America as a parent to accept how unnecessarily difficult our society had made parenting. This has only become clearer during the pandemic. I hoped in some way that this crisis it would refocus on what is right for the nation's children. But no, the focus instead was on financial gain and sports.

We can be better, and we can do better. We can have a country where no child goes to sleep hungry, but we don't. So we keep digging deep, and in this winter of discontent, we make something work for our children stuck at home, wishing for something different, knowing that change is not forthcoming.

The darkness of this winter is reminding me that America is a very cold place.

Year 11 – Week 22: How I Teach In-Person Students and Remote Students...At The Same Time

Last summer, when we were planning for the fall of 2020, there were a couple of options on the table.

• All the students are in-person.
• All the students have remote instruction.
• There is a hybrid of in-person and remote teaching (e.g., Math class is in-person and art is remote).
• Students choose between in-person and remote instruction

All of these options had advantages and drawbacks. The only one of these I had done was having all students have remote instruction. I had never done in-person during the pandemic.

The hybrid model seemed to have potential, but that was also an unknown. I was leaning towards the idea that students could choose between in-person and remote instruction. Families have very different situations and different levels of risk they are willing to take. I felt early in the process that families should choose remote instruction.

I never imagined that I would be teaching students in-person and students who were remote at the same time.

I assumed that our students receiving remote instruction would somehow have a different remote instruction experience. So, I was surprised when our administration presented their plan. I had no idea how this was going to work. However, it didn't really stress me out as the school year started. I was already stressed trying to figure out how to teach music class without singing and what to do with band students since we couldn't have band anymore.

Since the start of the school year, I've taught in-person and remote students simultaneously. With my 4th and 5th grade pods of nine students, the most remote students I've had at a time was three.  With my middle school classes, I've had as many as six remote students in a class of 18. It varies from class to class. 

I cannot speak to how well this model is working with students in grades JK-3, as I only teach students grades 4-8.

On the best of days when I have a well-planned lesson and have meaningful ways for the students on Zoom to interact and participate, it works well. I'll have a student on Zoom on an iPad with a stand sitting at an empty desk. I'll move this iPad around during discussions and the student experiencing class, which is not all that different from for students in the room.

I clearly remember a great discussion as I sat in the front of the room with a desktop computer in front of me with six students on Zoom. I called on them as I did with the students present in the classroom, and the conversation felt organic and comfortable.

Teaching students who are at home while teaching students at school feels different, and there is a learning curve to getting used to doing this. It felt weird having students on a screen, some of whom had their cameras off, and trying to engage them with the students in-person at the same time. It felt awkward repeating things other students said throughout the discussion so the remote students can better participate in the discussion. And it felt horrible when early in the year, I would forget to actively involve the remote students. All of these feelings have passed, and this new norm at this point is not something that brings me stress or anxiety.

Would things be better if the remote learning students had their own individualized remote learning plan and the school did not integrate them with the in-person students? Some things would be better. The lessons could be better designed to be remote and likely be more effective.  However, these students wouldn't be a member of a larger classroom room. Most importantly, they wouldn't have a seat in the room.

Some families at my school have chosen for their children to be remote for the whole year. Others have had their children be remote for short periods and then switch to being in person. This has happened for various reasons. For example, if a student is exposed to a person outside of school who has tested positive for COVID-19, they can still have school when they are quarantining with the same teachers and same classmates.

Having a place for the remote students expresses that there is a place for them if they choose to be in-person. It's an optimistic view that we will be altogether at some point, and when that moment happens, we have a seat waiting for you.

If a school wants to go with the plan to have teachers teach remote students and students in-person at the same time, there's a couple of things that need to happen:

• Academic freedom: Teachers need the freedom to modify and change the curriculum to make lessons work for remote students and in-person students.
• Technology: Without a good laptop, a fast internet connection, an iPad, an iPad stand, a working projector, and cords and adapters to hook up my devices TO the projector, this whole type of teaching would be impossible.
• Cooperative parents: Families need to understand that the remote learning experience is different than if the entire class is remote and is willing to be a partner in making this work.
• Student-teacher ratio: The class size allows the students/teacher ratio to be 1:9 for lower graders and 1:18 for middle school and upper school grades is essential for making this set-up work.
• Teacher assistants and technology staff: There will be issues with the best set-ups. Having support staff is essential in helping solve problems so that teachers can focus on teaching.
• Prep time: Teachers have to learn a whole new way to plan, instruct, and assess. They need more prep time. One way to provide this time to have school days shorter. 
• Grace, patience, and support from administrators. 
  

It's interesting. All of the things listed above are things that teachers need all of the time. When the administration asks teachers to do more in this time of crisis, this list becomes more urgent. With all of these things I listed above, what I'm doing is really difficult, but it's possible, and it's worth the effort.

When there are no remote students, and I can focus on the students in the classroom, the class is easier to teach. However, when I have a class with in-person students and remote students, I feel proud to connect with my remote students and bring them into the classroom. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's a struggle, but like the nightly calls between my mom and my son, there can still be meaning, purpose, and joy in the imperfection. 

Year 11 – Week 20: Instead Of The Inauguration

It was a good week of teaching. 

The week started with similar anxiety as I had in previous weeks. Even since the insurrection, I’ve unsure of what the world was going to throw at me next and how I would have to, as a teacher, help my students process and understand things that I barely understand myself.  

I didn’t let myself get too excited about the inauguration because it felt like something that was not yet real. With all that has happened in the past year, I couldn’t imagine feeling disappointed and sad about something I’ve yearned for. As I started my work students on Monday, I started feeling more positive about what was coming.  

I had decided after winter break that I would do a unit on the anthem. NPR has this wonderful series on American anthems that inspired me. 

I knew that my students would watch the inauguration, so I wanted to do some work to prepare for the musical content. At the beginning of the week, it wasn’t clear what would be performed except for "The Star-Spangled Banner.”  

In all my classes 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th grade, we learned about this song. The vast majority of students didn’t know the origins of this song, that the first verse ends in a question, and that there are things about it that are racist.  

 

I presented this information differently depending on the grade. It was enjoyable and interesting to present this information and help my students wrestle and process these new revelations about a song they have heard their entire life but never thought about.  

Like America itself, the dominant narrative about the anthem leaves a lot out. If you love this song as you love America, it’s important that you know the problematic lyrics and that Francis Scott Key was a slave owner.  

After the inauguration, I formed a lesson around President Biden’s quoting of the song “American Anthem” in his inaugural speech. I asked my students to think about why he quoted this anthem and not the “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I gave them some background on Norah Jones, who originally recorded this song. We watched some footage of her father, Ravi Shankar, performing and connected that she, like Vice President Harris, is an American who has a parent from India.  

Then we listened to “American Anthem.”  

 

It’s rare to sit and listen to a song and not do anything else, and it’s even rarer to do this with a group of people. Most of the time, when we listen to music in my classes, we are doing something else at the same time, like moving or watching a performance. For this experience, I chose to have them listen and do nothing else.  

This made me a little nervous.  It’s not a short song, and it’s slow. Even though I love this song, I was worried it wouldn’t connect to the students, and they would get bored without another way to engage as we listened.  

Every single class sat all the way silently through the song. After the song was over, students in each class shared how much they liked the song. As the song concluded, one class of 6th graders applauded. That moment felt magical. Sharing this song was one of those rare instances when a song that I love intersects with a meaningful, timely event and curricular unit. 

 It really worked.  

I wasn’t able to share watching the inauguration with my students. My school chose to have the middle school students watch it live and have the younger students watch it later that day and the next day. I was teaching my younger students when the inauguration happened. I didn’t have a moment to feel this important event with them. However, I had something important and unforgettable this week.  

I helped my students see more in “The Star-Spangled Banner,” and we experience the song “American Anthem” together as a classroom community. This is what I’m going to remember about this week, what it felt like to feel connected to my students as Americans through music.  

I have missed teaching band and teaching singing, but I didn’t miss it this week.

Year 11 – Week 19: Finding The Motivation To Teach In-Person

I was not looking forward to teaching in-person this week. 

The COVID-19 infection rates and fatality statistics aren’t getting better. Yes, my school’s mitigation strategies have worked, and even with the addition of COVID-19 tests for all students and faculty who came back in-person, the risk is not zero. With the vaccine horizon, after months of doing the right thing, social distancing, and wearing masks, I am even less willing to take risks than I did last fall.  

The teaching zeitgeist in Chicago is not good. Chicago Public School has started in-person school, and many teachers are not on board.  

The Chicago Teachers Union and the Chicago Public Schools never agreed on a plan to bring students and teachers back. While we can debate which side is more at fault for the current situation, it is clear that there is significant conflict right now in the CPS. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a path to resolution.  

In Evanston, where I live, there continues to be tension around the plans to reopen the school. The superintendent and some members of the school board are acting divisively. Labels of “white supremacists” have been misused in response to people who have challenged the superintendent, creating a divide within a community that needs leadership to build bridges.  

After being responsible for countless unnecessary deaths, the trump’s administration handling of vaccine roll-out that delays teachers from getting the vaccine will lead to more deaths. It’s hard to be optimistic about any vaccination timeline. 

On top of all of this, I’ve been home remote teaching after Thanksgiving breakthrough winter break. That’s almost a month and a half. I know that the transition is hard on my family, especially my 3-year-old Ethan, and I was not looking forward to not having time to spend with him in the mornings.  

With all of this is happening in the world and swirling in my mind, it was a great week of teaching. The energy of my students pushed me through the day. We engaged in fun conversations and debates about “good” music and examined different anthems and what it meant to represent a group, body, or a cause through music.  

In discussions, students brought up ideas that I hadn’t thought of before. They were receptive to my activities and my feedback. And we had fun thinking deeply, engaging with others, and practicing and developing the skills needed to have productive, respectful, and inclusive discussions.  

It’s strange. I sit here at the end of this school week, and much has not changed in the world since this week started. In some ways, things have gotten worse. I would rather be at home, but I am happy that I taught this week in-person.  

When things get difficult, when the world gets dark, it’s hard to find the motivation to do. Staying static feels safe, but that doesn’t make us feel better. After the attacks on 9/11, my mom told me that we have get to work because that is the way to honor things that are lost and find purpose in the darkness.  

It was very hard this week to find the energy to make it to my school, but once I got into the classroom, the spirit, the work, and the magic of my student lifted me up, and I felt inspired.  

I’m looking forward to seeing them next week.

Parenthood: Week 404 – 20 Moments Of 2020: Part 7

3. Kamala Harris: For The Children

When Vice President-Elect Harris' addressed the children of America, I was so proud and excited. Finally, I could let my children hear and view our country's two highest leaders with comfort and pride. 

 

I haven't allowed my children to hear the President speak for the past four years. trump often uses inappropriate language and models immaturity. The content of his speeches and interviews full of lies. At some point, when they are older, I will show them footage of trump speaking and explain to him why they didn't see footage of him when they were younger, but for now, I have chosen to shield them from him.  

Vice President-Elect Harris's victory speech was not about her.  

It was about us and our future.  

She talked about her own children, President-elect Bidens' children, and then she spoke directly to America's children. It was a message of self-worth, imagination, and courage. She was giving words to the examples her actions had displayed in 2020, and I was proud to make sure that my sons heard her speak these words to them.  

… and to the children of our country regardless of your gender, our country has sent you a clear message: Dream with ambition, lead with conviction and see yourselves in a way that others may not simply because they've never seen it before. 

But know that we will applaud you every step of the way."

 

2. Our Sons

First, he disregarded Beau, the son of President-elect Biden lost to cancer. Then he made multiple false statements about his other son Hunter and brought his struggles with drug abuse as an insult. I have heard trump say many horrible things and insulting things, but this line of attacks felt extraordinarily despicable and hurtful.  

 

As I watched this attack, I allowed myself to be in that place. I was there with President-elect Biden and felt the blows of each of those words, and it hurt. From the look on his face, it was clear that President-elect Biden was also feeling this attack deeply.  

What would you do at this moment? What would you do if a person viciously attacked your children in front of millions of viewers? How would you respond? 

Joe responded with love.  

He could have gone on the attack, he could have changed the subject, or he could have distanced himself from his son's challenges.  

Instead, he said, "my son." With his words, he held his sons close to him. He showed the world what it meant to love one's child, unconditionally. And he reminded parents the most powerful way to defend your child is through the power of your love.