I lost sight of Lucas.
I was sitting at the dining room table writing an email on my laptop. After I pressed send, I looked up, and I didn’t see Lucas. I wasn’t worried about his safety as all the baby gates were up, but I was a little concerned. Lucas is at the age that he can move pretty quickly, and even though our house is set up well for Lucas, he can manage to do things that he shouldn’t like chew on the bottom of a shoe.
Then I noticed the pantry closet door that was open a crack start to open. Lucas appeared coming out of the pantry closet, holding a large carton of Goldfish crackers. This carton was like an oversized school lunch milk container and went up to his chin as he struggled to lift it.
Struggling under the weight of the container, he shuffled over to me and dropped the carton next to my chair, and looked up to me.
“Do you want some Goldfish?”
Since Buffy joined our family, we have had people in our family who do not communicate by talking.
Conceptually it’s an interesting challenge. Talking is one of the most important forms of communication in most people’s lives.
The idea of living with others who don’t talk can seem daunting and overwhelming; at times, it is frustrating. However, it’s amazing how quickly and normal it feels.
Even though Buffy barks and has a variety of moans and whines, she doesn’t talk. Ollie and Ethan are verbal but are still developing their verbal communication. Lucas has a variety of sounds that are starting to connect with objects and people, but he is in the beginning stage of this process.
There are times when it’s frustrating. When Buffy isn’t feeling well, I wish she could tell me what is wrong. In times of strong emotions, it can be hard to know what to do when Ollie doesn’t have the words to tell me what is wrong. Ethan has a clear idea of what he wants, and when I can’t understand what he wants, it can be a struggle.
There is also something special to learning how to communicate without words. I love the quiet moments with Buffy when she lets me know how she feels by relaxing her head on my lap or groans at me when one of the boys runs around the house screaming. Times when Ollie can’t find the words remind me that sometimes it’s not important to find words and that I can show him empathy simply by being present. With Ethan, figuring out what he wants can feel more like an adventure than a struggle, and we can find joy in reaching a better understanding of each other.
It is so cute watching Lucas connect through different ways of communicating. He brings over a sock if he needs help putting it on, carries a book over to me to tell me he wants me to read to me, and brings me his jacket to say to me he wants to go outside. During his nightly Facetime calls with my mom, he says hello by clapping his hands.
As we work to understand those in our world who do not talk, we have to try harder and pay closer attention to other ways of communication. We often overlook these important ways of communicating with those who are fully verbal and miss so much. What if we gave the care and attention to understanding those who cannot talk to those who can?
The journey to understand is one of care and love. The bond between parents and children strengthens as language develops as part of the wonderful experience of parenthood.
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