Parenthood: Week 424 – Buffy's Bedtime Routine

It's always the last thing I do before getting ready for bed.

I get Buffy's toothbrush, her toothpaste, and a bowl of water and look for Buffy. She is usually on the main floor. By this point in the evening, she ignores me as I call her name. She is usually in one of her spots, entirely on her side. Like most dogs, she likes to be in corners when she rests. So, I'll find her in the corner of the tv stand, front door, piano, or the wall.  The other spot she likes is a small toddler couch we got for Ethan, which Buffy uses as a bed.  Some days she is lying in the middle of the carpet, comfortable that this is her space.

As I come over to her and sit near her, she perks up. The toothpaste is "poultry flavored," and she thinks of it as a treat. She walks around my body as I sit down, and as I cross my legs, she jumps into my lap. I brush her teeth, clean her butt with a baby wipe if she needs it and take her outside for a quick pee. In the night, when it's dark, we don't let her out in the back. We have skunks in our neighborhood, especially in the summer.  Also, her veterinarian has warned us that while her eyesight when there is a lot of light is fun, her night vision is likely not as good now that she is older.

I put on her leash, lead her outside, and she does her business, and we head back in. At this point in the night, Buffy is very efficient, ready to go to bed, and doesn't need to explore much outside.

Diana usually stays up later than me, so I leave Buffy downstairs to keep Diana company, so she'll make sure Buffy goes to bed with us. Sometimes I'm up after Diana has gone to bed, and in that case, I will usher Buffy up the stairs.

On some occasions, Buffy goes up to our room herself, and I find her in her bed. Every once in a while, I can't find Buffy as she has found her way into the baby's room or sleeping in other bedroom at the foot of Ethan's bed.

In our room, Buffy will often settle underneath the end of our bed. Our bed is built so that the frame around the mattress protrudes over the drawers built into the bed frame. This creates an overhand, which, combined with the comforter hanging over the end of the bed, makes a cave that Buffy enjoys.

After I say one last goodnight to my sons as they sleep, I say goodnight to Buffy. I kiss her on her forehead and usher her into her bed.  I keep trying to explain to her it's better to sleep in her bed for her hips and joints than sleeping on the carpet on our hardwood. She usually cooperates as I move her to her bed, and she settles down.

On nights when I can't sleep or the feeling moves us, Diana or I pick up Buffy and put her in bed with us. Buffy likes to cuddle but prefers to sleep by herself. So she will cuddle as we encourage her to for 10-15 minutes, and then she will move away, wanting to get off the bed. At this point, one of us will get up and help her down off the bed. Buffy no longer tries to jump up on the bed, and even though she can get down by herself, it feels better if we help her.

During the night, as I drift between sleep cycles, I hear Buffy. Sometimes it's her breathing, the little sounds of her footsteps as her claws click on the hardwood. As she has gotten older, sometimes she coughs a little at night. The sounds Buffy makes never keeps me up but are comforting reminders of her presence and the peace she has brought into our lives.

Buffy is content to sleep downstairs in a spot on the floor or a couch. There have been nights that we've forgotten to bring Buffy upstairs, and we find her in the morning, sleeping peacefully somewhere on the main floor. In some ways, having Buffy sleep near us is for her, and more ways, this is for me.

Like my sons being next door to me, having Buffy close makes me feel more at ease. Buffy, throughout the last twelve years, has given so much to our family. She has taught me how to be a parent and a better person. My soul has been enriched by the experiences we've had together, both joyful and challenging, and my heart had grown as I had learned to love in a way I never knew possible before she became part of our family.  

One of the most important things that she has given us is her presence. The past twelve years have brought tremendous change to our lives.

We welcomed three children into our lives, Diana and I changed jobs, and the world around us has changed dramatically in ways that sometimes seemed violent, that was stressful, and scary. Throughout it all, there's been this puppy in our lives reminding us that there is meaning and rejuvenation in caring for another, that the most important ways we connect are often not through words, and that beauty, love, and commitment persist.

Buffy being close at night doesn't make the day's troubles or the sadness in the world go away. The challenges are still there.  But knowing she is near makes me feel better about all of the darkness in the world, and as I hear her breathing, telling me, "I'm here."