One of the most challenging and essential parts of understanding the world and human nature is holding conflicting thoughts together. For example, it is crucial to understanding Thomas Jefferson's contributions to democracy to understand America.
Also, it's essential to understand that Jefferson raped his slaves as we wrestle with white supremacy. Both these thoughts have to consider when thinking about this man. Holding conflicting, sometimes contradicting ideas became a feature of this school year. At times, keeping contrasting thoughts together helped clarify the path forward, and at other times, they create a lack of confusion and stress.
Everything about my teaching changed this year. My schedule change, the hours the school operated, and the rooms that I taught in changed. This wasn't easy to manage. Every day, I checked my schedule at least twenty or thirty times to make sure I was in the right place at the right time. At the same time, these schedule changes allowed me to have more time with my family. I was able to set up breakfast before I left for work and the shorter day meant I could do more pick-ups.
The school canceled numerous evening events worse or made them virtual events. As opposed to almost twenty times in a school year when I missed bedtime with my children, I only missed one bedtime routine this year.
Teaching itself was so difficult. COVID-19 mitigation practices were unprecedented. We knew what we needed to do, but we didn't know how to do it. The simple things were not simple. Wearing a mask doesn't seem like that big a deal. Well, it is. Beyond the discomfort, when talking with a mask, studies showed that voices are significantly quieter. Teachers figured out that microphones were necessary but not on the first day. This took days of struggle to figure out. It wasn't until April that I found a mask set-up that allowed me to teach and not be aware that I had a mask on most of the time.
And had everything we needed.
There were plenty of wipes, dividers, masks, and technological resources. The school set up access to the vaccine early in our vaccination phase and time off for school meetings and teaching to get vaccinated. I experience more privilege than the vast majority of teachers in America.
I will never forget the trauma of being exposed to a student who tested positive for COVID-19. The logistic struggle to get tested was significant, and this combined with the emotional toll made this the most challenging situation I've ever experienced as a teacher. There were tense meetings, rude words spoken, and other moments when people experienced fear, anger, and frustration.
This was also a year of great gratitude, love, and kindness. I'll never forget the sadness of a colleague who told me that she had to say goodbye to her mother on the first day of school. She lived with her and felt for her safety that they would have limited contact with each other. Like so many of us, she wasn't sure how contact with students could put her family at risk. Then less than an hour later, I saw him hugging a young kindergarten student in the misting rain, bringing comfort and love to this child.
During one of my last classes, I had our percussion teacher finish up a unit. This could have been a blow-off class, but the students wanted to work, so the students focused and worked really hard for the entire class. I was so proud of them for taking the opportunity to learn and doing so with focus and joy. Even in what felt like the worst of times, there was laughter among the faculty. Some of it was "either I'm going to laugh or cry, so I might as well laugh," but most of it was genuine joy and comradery.
I don't think I'm ever going to done fully processing this school year because the effects of this pandemic will likely affect the rest of my teaching career. While this will be challenging, what this school year has shown me is that there can be another side and that there can be beauty in the darkness.
Sometimes, like with the creation of gemstones in times of tremendous pressure over time, we can create beauty.
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