This King’s Speech - Part 3

I have trouble saying my name.

I remember one session with my speech teacher when I was in elementary school, where we tried to make a list of challenging words for me to say. I was having a hard time coming up with a list of words. I was still new to speech therapy, and quickly my teacher sensed the flaw in this activity. To tell her words that I couldn't say correctly, I would have to say them incorrectly, which I didn't want to, so she changed approaches quickly.

She started saying words and asking me to say "yes" or "no" if I had issues saying them. Each time I would admit to saying that I couldn't say a word right, she explained what that word was difficult to say with a lot of empathy. I remember being surprised that someone else understood that talking was hard and that there were specific reasons why certain words were more complex. Then, as our list grew longer, she asked, "How about your name? 'Kingsley.' Your name has different sounds in it. That's a pretty hard to say, isn't it?" I looked away, not wanting to make eye contact, and nodded.

The main sounds I struggled with were "s," "l," and "r," and having two of three right together, along with "g," was something I couldn't really handle saying clearly as a young child.

I was a shy child, and I probably would have been shy if I didn't have a speech impediment. However, having this condition probably made my shyness worse. When my parents encouraged me to greet people most of the time, the first question I would get was, "what is your name?" I would struggle to say my name. Most people wouldn't understand what I said. Partially because I had an unusual name, it was more difficult. If my name was "Michael," and I couldn't pronounce it clearly, there's a pretty good chance people could figure it out. With "Kingsley," not so much. Even on the third try, most people wouldn't understand me, so my parents or brother would jump in and help out.

Did I avoid meeting new people and introductions because I had anxiety around saying my name? Yeah. Do I still? [exhale]

I can say my name clearly now if I slow myself down and focus. About half the time, people ask me to repeat myself or give me that look, letting me know they didn't quite catch my name. It's not a good feeling, but I've gotten used to blowing past that and moving on. Often, people comment that they like my name, so that helps balance out the negative feelings at the moment.

I love my name.

Having a unique name reflects all of the awesomely amazing things about me. I love that my nickname is "Kings" and it sounds like my Mandarin Chinese first name "Chin."  It always takes me more effort to make sure people hear my name right from me, but maybe that helps me not take my name for granted. My name is a beautiful gift from my parents. I honor them and myself by treating my name with care. I've never wished for a different name. I wouldn't give up the pronunciation challenges because I can't imagine not being a "Kingsley."