This King’s Speech – Part 7

The evaluation started with a conversation. This served two purposes. It gave the speech therapist an understanding of why I wanted to get an evaluation, and it also served as a speech sample.

I wasn’t nervous, but I felt very aware of my speech. There were times when I was purposely trying to speak clearer, mindful that two therapists were assessing me.  Other times I tried not to think about how I was talking so that the therapist could get an accurate sample of how I spoke. I told the therapist about this at a certain point, and they were understanding. Their affirmations helped me focus less on how I talked, and after a while, I was able to get into the groove of a conversation.

I told them about my name and how it was a struggle for me to say it clearly sometimes. One of the therapists asked me to say my name three times in a row and try not to think about it too much.

“I am Kingsley Tang. I am Kingsley Tang. I am Kingsley Tang.”

She looked at the other therapist and said, “I didn’t notice a difference, did you?” The other therapist shook her head “no” in reply.

In my head, each iteration felt different and not altogether clear. I didn’t ask them at the moment if there was an issue with how I said my name. I wanted to, but the therapists kept the conversation going.

After about fifteen minutes of me talking about my life, one therapist explained what she was thinking. Some of the normal speech assessments weren’t applicable here. A vocabulary test was pointless because I spoke with a good vocabulary.  Memory recall tests were not going to help because I could respond very quickly to their questions. In addition, they didn’t think me doing reading samples aloud would provide much insight because they were getting a good idea of how I spoke through our conversation.  So they wanted to chat a little bit more to hear me speak to complete their assessment.

One of the therapists asked me about my job. I talked to them about my school, and what I loved about being a teacher. They looked at me with great respect while I talked.  Which was nice, but their positive facial expressions felt awkward at times, so I broke eye contact.  I wasn’t in the mind space to receive positive feedback.

After I got to the end of my response, they asked if I would leave the room. Instead of having me leave and meeting and then setting up another appointment, the therapists felt like this would better use all of our time. So I left the office and sat in the waiting room.

Later, one of the therapists came out and invited me back into the office. She kindly explained,

I’m not sure if this will be helpful to hear, but neither of us hears any articulation issues in your speech. There is nothing you would benefit from working with us as a speech therapist. You are a powerful speaker. You have a great vocabulary, your ideas are well-articulated, and you are a dynamic in your speech.

She explained that both of them agreed with this assessment and had many years of professional experience that informed their assessment. They told how many people with speech issues work hard on certain sounds as children, and those strategies and negative feelings around those sounds often stick around long after a person masters those sounds.  Then it becomes an issue of affirmation, recording yourself saying those sounds so that you come to understand how you actually speak little by little, not how you remember yourself speaking as a child.  I learned how my difficulty in talking at the end of the day was not unusual, even for people without speech issues. It made sense for me since speaking takes so more me to do clearly than for other people.

I don’t remember anyone complimenting my speech as an adult. I remember my speech teacher as a child being kind and encouraging as I progressed, but the negativity I heard from peers and adults overshadowed those memories. 

I knew there was a possibility that my speech was typical, but I didn’t expect that my speech would be atypical in a positive way. The speech therapist was cautious not to make me feel like I was gaslighted. And in some, it would have been easier to hear that I had an issue saying “r” or that the way I told my name was intelligible, but it wasn’t.

They offered some strategies with words and sounds that I felt I didn’t say clearly. I could make a list, practice these words, record myself, and listen to get a true assessment of how I sounded. As we said goodbye, I felt admiration and respect for the two therapists.  They were kind, and I felt they truly wanted me to see my speech the way they heard me.  

I don’t feel proud of how I talk, but these two therapists gave me an important affirmation that set me on the path to accept and celebrate my speech.

I should feel proud of my speech. I went through years of speech therapy and figured out a way to correct many different sounds. Instead of growing timider in the face of negative comments from my peers and a negative self-image as a speaker, I pushed to become public speaker. As a result, I have brought meaning in a wedding toast, made hundreds of people laugh during delays in school concerts, and in a dedication of a piano affected a mother deeply as I spoke about how her son’s spirit would live on in our school through her gift. 

I am a great teacher, and one the reasons I am effective is because I am a great public speaker.

There are feelings about ourselves that we need to learn to accept and feel that we need to work to change. How I think about the way I talk needs work. I’m looking forward to making progress on this journey. I believe that the speech therapists are right.

I am a powerful speaker.

I don’t feel that in my heart, but I will.