Parenthood: Week 436 – Pandemic As A Feature Of Parenthood

Every year of my life as a parent, there have been new challenges. Some of these challenges were expected, and some were not. The expected difficulties, like minor childhood illnesses you can prepare for but are impossible to fully understand until you have a feverish child in your arms. And unexpected challenges are difficult in a different way because sometimes they are things you should have expected, and often there is nothing you can do to prepare for them.

I never expected that I would be living in a pandemic, let alone parenting during one. In March of 2020, when schools closed down there was no guidebook on how to parent during a pandemic. And as the weeks turned into months, we passed tragic milestones. Acceptance had to set in that the pandemic would no longer be an unexpected detour in the journey of parenthood but a feature for at least another year, with effects that will resonate for our entire lives and beyond.

Looking forward as a parent during the pandemic, I’ve been thinking about language. I have never made casual comments or jokes about COVID-19 throughout this entire pandemic. Hearing students make “corona” jokes towards Asian-American students in the weeks leading up to the shutdown was an important reminder that words matter. I’ve generally tried to be a matter of fact about adjustments in our life. “We are going to wear masks to keep ourselves safe and the people around us safe” felt sufficient to a 3-year-old. So there was no need to tell Ethan about the hundreds of thousands who have died of COVID-19 and the fact that people with power and privilege are deliberately spreading misinformation for misguided short-term goals to consolidate power.

None of our children understood why we were so emotional when we got our vaccines but they have a new interest in vaccines when they noticed that I am not wearing them as often. Ollie has had a lot of questions about how the vaccine will feel. We’ve talked about the negative of the pinch of the shot, and how the possible side effects outweigh the risks. He’s old enough to understand how something that can feel bad can have a positive impact.

Ethan, on the other hand, is a little bit more unclear about vaccines. He asked me recently if our house was big enough to fit his vaccine in it.  For Ethan, the pandemic is "normal" for him. He has no sense of how this has affected his daily life negatively because I’ve never explained it to him in this way. For Ethan and Lucas, so much of their understanding of this pandemic will come years later looking back.

As I think ahead to this school year, we’re not changing course. We will continue to be cautious within reason and do our best to make sure our children feel loved. People keep talking about waiting for the “new normal.” I’m done waiting. Right now, the way we are living and the choices we are making are the “new normal.” We’ve got to make our present the best it can be for our children during this challenging time.