Year 12 – Week 1: Teacher Tang

I want this year to be different. 

In many ways, it feels like we are back. We are back in the music classroom, back to a more typical schedule, and back to singing for all and winds instruments for most people. And in many ways, it feels like things are not back to normal.

In the past year and a half, many faculty and administration have left. Some traditions that seemed to be part of the fabric of our community have been let go of, and the path forward seems less clear than it did before the pandemic.  With all of these changes, there is no going back. While this is sad in a way, it’s a reality of life. You can’t go home again. All you can do is create a home that resonates with the values and relationships that made that old home special.

When I think about the past year, I know that I did the best I could do with my time. However, there are things that I wish I were able to do better. For example, I wish I had better records of my curriculum, more carefully kept track of assessments, and created a curriculum that better-provided students with musical building blocks. I can’t change what I did last year, and I can’t just go back to what I did before the pandemic, but I can do better now.

For the first time in over a decade, I have put together binders to gather curricular materials and lesson plans for each class. I decided to give space for skill-building learning more systematically while doing some songs with my students simply because I like them. I want to get to know my students better, and I want them to understand me more as a teacher and what that means to me, and what it can mean to them.

I have felt overwhelmed this week. My department chair duties are a lot.  Transitioning back to this year from last year has taken a lot of work. There are new schedules and new classroom needs. The trauma and challenges of last school year resonate with the challenges we are experiencing this year. It is said that you can’t process trauma until it’s over.  However, we have to work on the trauma of being a teacher during the pandemic even though it is still with us. How I can support my faculty through this challenge is taking a lot out of me.

In the classroom, I feel like a teacher, in a way that I didn’t always feel last school year. I don’t feel like a visitor in my music room like I did last year teaching in different classrooms. This year I feel like a host, welcoming students into my space, a place of love and support that I can create for them. As I encourage my students to sing and teach the first song of the year, I hear the results. I can feel the learning and join together in song in a way that cannot be replicated without singing. As I stop singing and hear my students’ voices continue singing without me, I feel like I’m in a new home, a better home.

There is so much work to be done, but I know it’s good work, and with the sounds of my students’ singing fresh in my memory, I know I will make this year different and better for myself and my students.