Parenthood: Week 447 – Halloween Meltdowns

I think it's fair to say that I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween. I love dressing up my little children in cute costumes when they are so young that they can't have any say in what they are wearing. I love the wonder of my older children getting excited to dress up, and I love watching my children go on the adventure of trick-or-treating.

That's about it.

Halloween with young children is accompanied by confusion and meltdowns. They don't get why they can't dress up like a certain character, they don't understand why they can't eat all of their candy at once, and the whole social interaction of going to people's houses to ask for candy is odd.

Our neighborhood does trick-or-treating early in the afternoon on a Sunday around the actual date of Halloween. This year Halloween was on a Sunday, so it lined up for once. Because taking young children trick-or-treating when the sun is down is not a good time.

My 4-year-old had an epic meltdown the night of Halloween after trick-or-treating. He was upset that I didn't let him eat more candy, and he was tired from the day's activities. There was no logic that I could tell him that would get through to him about why he couldn't get what he wanted, so I held him as he screamed.  Eventually, my wife took over and managed to get him to calm down.

After the kids finally went to sleep, Diana gave me a weary high five. We had gotten our children through another holiday. It took a lot of effort, far more planning than my children could understand, and we were left cleaning up after the day literally and figuratively.

Halloween is the start of the holiday season. Next will be Thanksgiving, then the winter holidays, and New Years. In our family, this time of year includes two of our son's birthdays. It's a time when children get excited about getting stuff, and I get excited about spending time with my family. Once again we will try to balance out the joy of giving our children presents with making sure they don't feel entitled to get more presents. And try to have experiences that minimize meltdowns and help us all focus on what it means to be a family.

Holidays are hard for parents. We want to replicate good things from our own experiences as children and create magic. Even though we try, sometimes we just can't. So we give and do more as parents during these times than receive. That's why holidays make more sense to me as an adult than they did when I was a child. Holidays are times I push myself to do more for my family, and that feels right. It makes the things I hate, like the too much-candy-meltdowns, fade into memory as the image of my 1-year-old walking down the street dressed up like Frodo Baggins makes me smile.