Parenthood: Week 467 - New Adventures In Co-sleeping

In the quiet of the night, there are times when I am so tired that moving fully out of sleep seems like an impossible lift. Sometimes there is not a reason to get up. When I hear Lucas cry, I know that if I get up, he will get frustrated that it's me and throw himself down on his crib mattress and continue screaming for Diana. So I stay in bed and wait for Diana to get him, trying to fall back deeper asleep. 

There was a time when Ethan's cries were a nightly thing. He would wake up when he was 2-year-old wanting to get out of the crib. I'd lay there, annoyed, wishing that he could sleep through without waking me up for at least one night. Eventually, I would get up and comfort him and try unsuccessfully to get him back into his crib. Eventually, I would relent and let him sleep with me in my bed. While I lay sleepless, at least Ethan was quiet.  

That time has passed, and now on the rare occasion Ethan does cry at night, I am up quickly. There is a cry when Ethan is unhappy because I didn't get him a toy or another cookie. That cry doesn't move me, and it doesn't bother me. The cry when Ethan is scared at night or feeling sick moves me to fully being awake in seconds, moving quickly into his room cradling him in my arms.  

There are times when I wake up, and Lucas lies between Diana and me. Sometimes after nursing at night, Diana and Lucas fall asleep, and this little one is sleeping next to me. There are nights when he is lying perpendicular to Diana and me. On the best of these nights, I get the head side and feel his head on my chest, and on the worst of these nights, his little feet kick me. More often than not, he is lying nicely between us. Diana and I sleep better once he's back in his crib, so I'm usually quick to move him back into his crib.  

I'm most comfortable lifting up my children with their heads on my left arm, and the way that Lucas lies on his bed, it's hard to pick him up this way. So to pick him up, I pull Lucas on top of my chest, sit up slowly, and have him roll down into my arms. Some nights, as he lays on my chest, I give up and let him rest there for a couple of minutes. Then there are the nights when his weight feels heavier than usual, and I have to swing my legs up and then back down off the side of my bed to get the momentum to stand up while holding Lucas in my arms.  

Ethan only comes into my bed once or twice a week. A couple of days ago, I found myself with Lucas sleeping on my right and Ethan on my left. The bed was so crowded that I couldn't lay down flat, or else I would end up on top of Lucas. Ethan was sleeping peacefully nestled up to me, and I realized that if it weren't for my arms, Ethan would fall off the little piece of bed he had managed to crawl onto.  

I started trying to figure out a plan to get Ethan back to his bed and then work on getting Lucas to his crib. I craned my neck around and looked at Lucas sleeping peacefully. I reached over and felt his little toes and curled his hair between my fingers. As I felt Ethan exhale and relax into my arms, I couldn't help but smile.  

As tired as I was I smiled to myself thinking, "sleep can wait."