It seems like the easiest way is to start at the beginning, but I'm not even sure where that is, and how much I should say. So I will start as clearly as I can.
The last week and a couple of days have been some of the most challenging days of my teaching career. There were challenges that I expected. We had our first JK-5 winter assembly since 2019. There were two other winter concerts for our older students, which we last did in 2019. Planning for and putting on these events asked us to use a "muscle" that we hadn't used in years. We had pressure on ourselves to have these events be at a certain standard, and at the same time, we were trying to figure out how to make adjustments for our students.
Students had seen these concerts in years past and knew what to expect. Also, students who previously performed in these concerts carried on that learning to the next concert. But, unfortunately, we were without all of this. W e had to balance our idea of how these concerts could go with the reality of our student's lived experiences.
All of these events went really well. I'm very proud of our students and my music department faculty. The students were well prepared, the performances were at a high standard, and most importantly, it was clear our work came from a place of love and joy.
All of this happened as the chaos and strife of the outside world directly effected our community. When you are a teacher, you cannot ignore the outside world. Part of our job, part of our work, is helpings student process and understand the world around them. Sometimes it's around times of joy, like when the Cubs won the world series, and other times it's during moments of great tragedy, like when a school shooting occurs.
I've had to talk to students about anti-immigrant rhetoric, racism, sexism, and many other issues and acts of oppression that affect the world, but never have I had to process and deal with a show of hatred and lies directed at my school community.
A little bit more than a week ago, my school was attacked by people who identified as journalist. And at the start of this week, my school had to evacuate and cancel due to a threat that was later found to be false. Both of these situations have been traumatic and exhausting. Reading hateful and vile comments online based on lies is discouraging and sad. Even though I know that these comments are not based on facts, they are still hard to read. It's hard to see that they are out there, and in taking the higher ground and not responding and engaging, it feels like we are doing nothing.
Dealing with an evacuation in the online attack's shadow was hard. While the faculty and staff kept it together for the students when making eye contact with other teachers and the staff, you could tell we were all really scared. When the school made the call to send students's home, our fears were validated, and even though the threat was found to be unsubstantiated, the anxiety lingered.
In the past week, there has been so much to process. I've felt so many different emotions that seem to change hourly. There have been a half dozen times in the past week that I have felt like crying at random times, like walking down the hallway, and another half dozen times when I have cried hearing about how challenging this situation has been for individuals in our community.
Mr. Rogers talked about looking for helpers in challenging situations, and I've found this advice helpful this past week when I noticed how much help and love was in this community.
There is love in the quiet, attentive listening of employees listening and supporting each other. In the small gestures of getting doughnuts and helping people with tech issues, there is love, and in coming to this work, and being with our students, for our students, despite our fear, despite our anxiety, there is love.
The other place where I noticed love was between families and my students. Look, I'm a parent. I know what it means to hug my child, and I've seen parents lovingly interact with their children at my school, but something felt different this week. I was so profoundly touched witnessing parents' joy in greeting their elementary school-age children after their choir concert performance. Seeing the relief and smiles of parents picking up their children from the evacuation location was powerful. I was so glad, in a small way, I could help them feel their children in their arms and know they were safe. Then at the moment I hoped for and wasn't sure would happen, I felt the love of parents and family members as I invited them to dance in the audience along with my students on stage at the end of our JK-5 MX.
I have done dance-along with students before but never with an auditorium full of parents and students, and as they stood up and danced along with my almost 60 fourth graders on stage, I felt their love and support for all that we do at my school.
Most of all, I felt the love in the words of a parent after our choir concert. She came up to me with a grateful look in her eyes and a soft smile. Then, as she started talking, she started crying. She thanked me for all that I did for her children and wanted me to know, to really know, that the comments online are wrong and that I am a good person, a really good person.
I left school today for winter break, tired of the work and the anxiety, proud of how I led, and feeling love. We have a choice on how we reflect on events and what we focus on.
I chose to focus on the stories that bring me light. I chose love. This doesn't make the bad go away, but it'll help not to remember that my community did right in the face of treats, and so did I.
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