Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
Parenthood: Week 130 – Coming Around
My relationship with Ollie is starting to turn back around.
Like with any relationship, my relationship with my son has ups and downs. During October and into November things were going really well. He would seek me out to do read books and do activities. Then I went away for a week in early November for my 5th grade trip and since then things have been a little rocky.
Over thanksgiving break when we traveled to Seattle, he was very clingy with my wife Diana. If she was in the room he would immediately want her to hold him. In order to give her some space and time for other people to play with him, she would have to go to a different room.
When we got back from Seattle, he started doing this thing where he would protest “no, dad NO!” when I would offer to read a book with him or take a shower with him, an activity, just a couple weeks earlier, he would ask for enthusiastically. There were even times in the car, when he would just scream, “no, dad, NO!” in response to nothing.
This has been a difficult one to decipher. Having me be away for a week obviously threw him off, which is understandable. Ollie doesn’t have the language skills to express how that made him feel, so even though he seemed fine right when I came back, it makes sense that there may be some other feelings that later came out about the trip that he is working through.
Ollie’s language is developing at a rapid pace and there’s a good chance that he doesn’t actually know what the meaning of what he’s saying when he rejects me. At the same time, it’s important, as we have been doing, to let him know that this is not the way to talk to people that we love in our family.
It’s frustrating and it’s hard not to have my feelings hurt when Ollie protests against spending time with me. At the same time, I know he doesn’t fully understand the meaning of what he is saying especially when he feeling different emotions or dealing with being tired or other physical issues.
Last week has been good though. We had three nice bath times and he happily let me read him a book without insisting that “mom do it." It’s not like we had some long talk followed by hugging it out. He’s two years old and I don’t know what helped, but things are better.
Maybe it was the fact that I didn't loose my patience with him (though I got close at times). Or maybe he just needed time to work out his emotions. Either way, I really enjoyed some really nice moments with him last week.
One thing that helped was sending him "love bombs." I continued to do things to take care of him, many of which he didn't notice like cleaning stains out of his clothing. This allowed me to feel good about what I did for him, which made it feel like, that Ollie coming around was inevitable.
I know that things will continue to go with waves with Ollie, and that things once again will get rocky between us, but more importantly I know that things will eventually get better.
Like with any relationship, my relationship with my son has ups and downs. During October and into November things were going really well. He would seek me out to do read books and do activities. Then I went away for a week in early November for my 5th grade trip and since then things have been a little rocky.
Over thanksgiving break when we traveled to Seattle, he was very clingy with my wife Diana. If she was in the room he would immediately want her to hold him. In order to give her some space and time for other people to play with him, she would have to go to a different room.
When we got back from Seattle, he started doing this thing where he would protest “no, dad NO!” when I would offer to read a book with him or take a shower with him, an activity, just a couple weeks earlier, he would ask for enthusiastically. There were even times in the car, when he would just scream, “no, dad, NO!” in response to nothing.
This has been a difficult one to decipher. Having me be away for a week obviously threw him off, which is understandable. Ollie doesn’t have the language skills to express how that made him feel, so even though he seemed fine right when I came back, it makes sense that there may be some other feelings that later came out about the trip that he is working through.
Ollie’s language is developing at a rapid pace and there’s a good chance that he doesn’t actually know what the meaning of what he’s saying when he rejects me. At the same time, it’s important, as we have been doing, to let him know that this is not the way to talk to people that we love in our family.
It’s frustrating and it’s hard not to have my feelings hurt when Ollie protests against spending time with me. At the same time, I know he doesn’t fully understand the meaning of what he is saying especially when he feeling different emotions or dealing with being tired or other physical issues.
Last week has been good though. We had three nice bath times and he happily let me read him a book without insisting that “mom do it." It’s not like we had some long talk followed by hugging it out. He’s two years old and I don’t know what helped, but things are better.
Maybe it was the fact that I didn't loose my patience with him (though I got close at times). Or maybe he just needed time to work out his emotions. Either way, I really enjoyed some really nice moments with him last week.
One thing that helped was sending him "love bombs." I continued to do things to take care of him, many of which he didn't notice like cleaning stains out of his clothing. This allowed me to feel good about what I did for him, which made it feel like, that Ollie coming around was inevitable.
I know that things will continue to go with waves with Ollie, and that things once again will get rocky between us, but more importantly I know that things will eventually get better.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Year 6: Week 14 - Lessons From A Muslim
I was going to write about how I was inspired by one of my fellow teachers to really pour on meaningful praise on my students and how much this has changed the feeling in my classroom. However, with all that has been going on in the world, there’s something much more important that I need to address: Muslims.
After the Thanksgiving weekend we had a teacher in-service day on Monday. Theses days can sometimes be very meaningful and other times less so. The time between Thanksgiving and the Holiday break is one of the most stressful times of year as preparations for Holiday concerts go into high gear. Entering this week, I was feeling stressed and part of me was feeling resentful that we had this in-service day instead of a productive day of teaching with my kids.
I didn’t really look closely at the agenda thinking, “well, it’s not like I can do anything about it, so why bother think about it.” I must have saw the topic about Islam, but it didn’t really sink in until I walked into our first meeting and saw our presenter Chaplain Omer Mozaffar, a Muslim Chaplain from Loyola University Chicago. His warm presence made me reconsider my attitude about the day and as he started speaking, I was immediately engaged.
Chaplain Mozaffar gave us a beautiful overview of Islam. He talked about how his father would point out that the architect for Willis Tower and the John Hancock buildings was Muslim. The statistics he provided helped us understand that stereotypes about violence being central to Islam was illogical. There’s no way a religious tradition could have survived for so long and be so widespread if it was based on violence. Chaplain Mozaffar broke down every single negative stereotype about Muslims with patience and a lack of anger.
Chaplain Mozaffar confirmed facts that I knew. More importantly, he framed Islam in a way that showcased the beauty of the soul of what it means to be Muslim.
At the end of his talk, I asked the Chaplain how the Islamic community is dealing with hateful rhetoric being expressed towards Muslims. He talked about how Muslim leaders are studying the struggles of other minorities from the past for perspective like Catholics in early 20th century America and Jews in pre-world war II Germany. He said that they expected more hate in the coming months. Omer had every right to speak with anger and sadness but he didn’t. Instead there was a strength and faith in his voice.
The talk didn’t have anything to do with pedagogy. There was no discussion in how we would talk to kids about Islam or how to use this information to make our curriculum more inclusive. What was the point of having this presentation at a teacher in-service day?
Things seem pretty bleak right now. Politicians are using hate speech to pander to the worst part of our souls turning fear into racism. Muslims in America are suffering as many minority group in America have experienced and they are suffering in ways that no other group has had to endure.
How is this knowledge about Islam going to help me be a better teacher? I don't know right now but what I do know is that I've been thinking about this question the entire week. With this question in my mind, I've been more conscientious to authentically teach my third graders about Hanukkah and have set-up a visit from a Rabbi to talk to my students. With this question in my mind while reeling from another shooting that involved Muslims as suspects, I had an honest discussion with an African-American student about how the word "boy" can hurt. And with this question in my mind, I have embraced my responsibility as an educator to rise above the ignorance and hate and be a model of understanding and empathy for my students.
Chaplain Mozaffar has every right to express anger at the injustice and prejudice Muslims are experiencing every day in our country. But instead, he embodies one of the central tenants of Islam, the belief that deep down, all people are good. This gives us hope, because if a Muslim can face a world so filled with darkness with this belief, than the rest of us can surely look past the fear in our own hearts to the goodness inside of Muslims in our community and in the world.
After the Thanksgiving weekend we had a teacher in-service day on Monday. Theses days can sometimes be very meaningful and other times less so. The time between Thanksgiving and the Holiday break is one of the most stressful times of year as preparations for Holiday concerts go into high gear. Entering this week, I was feeling stressed and part of me was feeling resentful that we had this in-service day instead of a productive day of teaching with my kids.
I didn’t really look closely at the agenda thinking, “well, it’s not like I can do anything about it, so why bother think about it.” I must have saw the topic about Islam, but it didn’t really sink in until I walked into our first meeting and saw our presenter Chaplain Omer Mozaffar, a Muslim Chaplain from Loyola University Chicago. His warm presence made me reconsider my attitude about the day and as he started speaking, I was immediately engaged.
Chaplain Mozaffar gave us a beautiful overview of Islam. He talked about how his father would point out that the architect for Willis Tower and the John Hancock buildings was Muslim. The statistics he provided helped us understand that stereotypes about violence being central to Islam was illogical. There’s no way a religious tradition could have survived for so long and be so widespread if it was based on violence. Chaplain Mozaffar broke down every single negative stereotype about Muslims with patience and a lack of anger.
Chaplain Mozaffar confirmed facts that I knew. More importantly, he framed Islam in a way that showcased the beauty of the soul of what it means to be Muslim.
At the end of his talk, I asked the Chaplain how the Islamic community is dealing with hateful rhetoric being expressed towards Muslims. He talked about how Muslim leaders are studying the struggles of other minorities from the past for perspective like Catholics in early 20th century America and Jews in pre-world war II Germany. He said that they expected more hate in the coming months. Omer had every right to speak with anger and sadness but he didn’t. Instead there was a strength and faith in his voice.
The talk didn’t have anything to do with pedagogy. There was no discussion in how we would talk to kids about Islam or how to use this information to make our curriculum more inclusive. What was the point of having this presentation at a teacher in-service day?
Things seem pretty bleak right now. Politicians are using hate speech to pander to the worst part of our souls turning fear into racism. Muslims in America are suffering as many minority group in America have experienced and they are suffering in ways that no other group has had to endure.
How is this knowledge about Islam going to help me be a better teacher? I don't know right now but what I do know is that I've been thinking about this question the entire week. With this question in my mind, I've been more conscientious to authentically teach my third graders about Hanukkah and have set-up a visit from a Rabbi to talk to my students. With this question in my mind while reeling from another shooting that involved Muslims as suspects, I had an honest discussion with an African-American student about how the word "boy" can hurt. And with this question in my mind, I have embraced my responsibility as an educator to rise above the ignorance and hate and be a model of understanding and empathy for my students.
Chaplain Mozaffar has every right to express anger at the injustice and prejudice Muslims are experiencing every day in our country. But instead, he embodies one of the central tenants of Islam, the belief that deep down, all people are good. This gives us hope, because if a Muslim can face a world so filled with darkness with this belief, than the rest of us can surely look past the fear in our own hearts to the goodness inside of Muslims in our community and in the world.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Parenthood: Week 129 – Toddler On A Plane
Ollie went on his first plane flight when he was about six months old (I wrote about this experience with this post).
Last weekend, Ollie went on his 18th flight.
In retrospect, those first couple flight weren’t really that bad. It was stressful, but a lot of that had to do with my own anticipation and worry. After we got through a that first flight, I realized that we could handle having Ollie on a plane.
Then things got worse.
As Ollie got passed a year old he was moving around a lot more on the plane and sleeping less. With his more developed senses, he required more stimuli. This meant that we spent a lot of time walking Ollie up and down the aisles and attempting to entertain him. He was too young to pay attention to an iPad or iPhone so we ended up having him play with things like plastic cups and scotch tape. As weird as this sounds, there were flights that he would spend almost an hour playing with this kind of random stuff.
We’ve had a number of rough moments. One time I went to the back bathroom to change Ollie’s diaper. When I got out, we ended up being stuck behind a beverage cart being pushed by a not-so-accommodating flight attendant. I ended up standing in the back of the plane trying to keep Ollie entertaining and calm for forty-five minutes before I could get back to my seat.
Diana and I would take turns holding Ollie and trying to keep him entertained. We did this in half and hour chunks of time so that we could each get a break. Before a kid is two years old, he or she can be a lap baby and we did that for as long as we could.
Now that Ollie is almost two and a half things are a lot different. He is comforting eating most solid foods and he know has the attention span and the interest to watch a television show or a movie on an iPad. I bought Ollie a used iPod touch and put it in a case designed for a toddler but of course he wanted to use my iPad instead, so now I watch a show on my iPhone while Ollie enjoys the glow of the larger screen of the iPad.
We don’t feel great having Ollie watch an iPad for most of a plane flight but it keeps him calm and entertained. Also, it allow me and Diana to relax ourselves for part of the flight more than we ever have since Ollie started flying.
Yes, flying with your kid does get easier. It was tough when he was 6 months old, really hard when he was a 1 year to a year and a half and it has gotten steadily easier ever since then.
Here’s some tips for flying with a toddler:
Last weekend, Ollie went on his 18th flight.
In retrospect, those first couple flight weren’t really that bad. It was stressful, but a lot of that had to do with my own anticipation and worry. After we got through a that first flight, I realized that we could handle having Ollie on a plane.
Then things got worse.
As Ollie got passed a year old he was moving around a lot more on the plane and sleeping less. With his more developed senses, he required more stimuli. This meant that we spent a lot of time walking Ollie up and down the aisles and attempting to entertain him. He was too young to pay attention to an iPad or iPhone so we ended up having him play with things like plastic cups and scotch tape. As weird as this sounds, there were flights that he would spend almost an hour playing with this kind of random stuff.
We’ve had a number of rough moments. One time I went to the back bathroom to change Ollie’s diaper. When I got out, we ended up being stuck behind a beverage cart being pushed by a not-so-accommodating flight attendant. I ended up standing in the back of the plane trying to keep Ollie entertaining and calm for forty-five minutes before I could get back to my seat.
Diana and I would take turns holding Ollie and trying to keep him entertained. We did this in half and hour chunks of time so that we could each get a break. Before a kid is two years old, he or she can be a lap baby and we did that for as long as we could.
Now that Ollie is almost two and a half things are a lot different. He is comforting eating most solid foods and he know has the attention span and the interest to watch a television show or a movie on an iPad. I bought Ollie a used iPod touch and put it in a case designed for a toddler but of course he wanted to use my iPad instead, so now I watch a show on my iPhone while Ollie enjoys the glow of the larger screen of the iPad.
We don’t feel great having Ollie watch an iPad for most of a plane flight but it keeps him calm and entertained. Also, it allow me and Diana to relax ourselves for part of the flight more than we ever have since Ollie started flying.
Yes, flying with your kid does get easier. It was tough when he was 6 months old, really hard when he was a 1 year to a year and a half and it has gotten steadily easier ever since then.
Here’s some tips for flying with a toddler:
- Bring a cheap umbrella stroller to the airport and gate-check it. Baby carriers are great, but once a kid gets a certain size, a stroller is more practical. Getting a toddler to walk through an airport is really tough, so just use a stroller. You don’t realize how much walking you do in an airport until you have a toddler in toe.
- If you fly a lot get this harness for your kid. If you need to bring a car seat, consider checking it. It’s a lot to handle on a plane. This harness works great and takes up very little space in your carry-on.
- Load up a video device with something your child likes to watch. Most likely they will want to watch the same thing over and over, but you never know. I recommend multiple shorter shows if your child doesn't have a current obsession. These headphones are key. They are a good size for kid and have a volume limit to protect your child’s hearing.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Year 6: Week 13 – Being Married To A Teacher
Why was I shopping for fruits and vegetables that had seeds 9pm on Monday night at the grocery store? Because I’m married to a teacher.
Diana’s third graders were doing a science project exploring different kinds of seeds and I decided to pitch in and help by going out to buy some fruits and vegetables. I like going to grocery store anyways and we needed some other food. And it’s a good feeling knowing how my contribution will benefit Diana’s students.
While I’m in my tenth year of being a teacher, Diana is in her first year as a teacher. Throughout my career, Diana has provided incredible support. There is no way that I would still be a teacher without the hours of conversations we’ve had about school and my students and the countless number of tasks she has done to help me with my job. Every school that I have worked at owes Diana a salary as an educational consultant. Her ideas, insights and expertise consistently enrich the educational experience of my students.
Diana’s efforts as the spouse of a teacher while meaningful and special to me are not unique. Supporter partners of teachers are the unsung heroes of education.
There are teachers who can only afford to be a teacher because of their spouse’s financial support. Spouses of teachers do extra housework as their spouses grade paper late into the night due to an unreasonable amount of preparation time. They make bulletin boards, sift through stakes of used books, put together bookshelves, make costumes, clean classrooms, pack snacks, edit emails, help create lesson plans and more, making the overwhelming job of being a teacher manageable.
Now I know first hand, after being the recipient of Diana’s support for a decade, what it’s like to be the one on the other side. There’s always something I can do to help Diana. We talk about her lessons, problem-solve concerns and we laugh about the things that kids do that only teachers find hilarious.
I support my wife’s career because I love her but also because I know that my help is positively effecting Diana’s students. There is great satisfaction in the work I do with my own students but there is a different type of gratification knowing that I am able to assist Diana in doing the same thing. Empowering the people that you care about is one of the most meaningful way to show love.
So, to the spouses: Keep at it. Support you wife or husband who is a teacher. Be their strongest ally, and be their most enthusiastic supporter. Every little thing helps. No job is too small. In sharing this work, you will more acutely experience tribulations of being an educator, but you will also find more meaning in sharing the joy of teaching.
Diana’s third graders were doing a science project exploring different kinds of seeds and I decided to pitch in and help by going out to buy some fruits and vegetables. I like going to grocery store anyways and we needed some other food. And it’s a good feeling knowing how my contribution will benefit Diana’s students.
While I’m in my tenth year of being a teacher, Diana is in her first year as a teacher. Throughout my career, Diana has provided incredible support. There is no way that I would still be a teacher without the hours of conversations we’ve had about school and my students and the countless number of tasks she has done to help me with my job. Every school that I have worked at owes Diana a salary as an educational consultant. Her ideas, insights and expertise consistently enrich the educational experience of my students.
Diana’s efforts as the spouse of a teacher while meaningful and special to me are not unique. Supporter partners of teachers are the unsung heroes of education.
There are teachers who can only afford to be a teacher because of their spouse’s financial support. Spouses of teachers do extra housework as their spouses grade paper late into the night due to an unreasonable amount of preparation time. They make bulletin boards, sift through stakes of used books, put together bookshelves, make costumes, clean classrooms, pack snacks, edit emails, help create lesson plans and more, making the overwhelming job of being a teacher manageable.
Now I know first hand, after being the recipient of Diana’s support for a decade, what it’s like to be the one on the other side. There’s always something I can do to help Diana. We talk about her lessons, problem-solve concerns and we laugh about the things that kids do that only teachers find hilarious.
I support my wife’s career because I love her but also because I know that my help is positively effecting Diana’s students. There is great satisfaction in the work I do with my own students but there is a different type of gratification knowing that I am able to assist Diana in doing the same thing. Empowering the people that you care about is one of the most meaningful way to show love.
So, to the spouses: Keep at it. Support you wife or husband who is a teacher. Be their strongest ally, and be their most enthusiastic supporter. Every little thing helps. No job is too small. In sharing this work, you will more acutely experience tribulations of being an educator, but you will also find more meaning in sharing the joy of teaching.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
Parenthood: Week 128 – The Real Message In The "Big Boy" Compliment
Alex: Well, the boys and girls are, like, afraid of each other. They're acting like a bunch of…
Lisa: Kids?
Alex: I know! What is up with that?
Lisa: It's because they are kids! And so are we! Come on, Alex, we've only got nine, maybe ten years tops where we can giggle in church, and chew with our mouths open and go days without bathing! We'll never have that freedom again.
-from The Simpsons, Season 10, Episode 1: "Lard Of The Dance"
When you listen to teachers and parents compliment toddlers, one of the things you often hear is praise associated with being more like older kids. For example “wow, you put your shoes on all by yourself, just like a big boy” or “good job, you used your potty like a big girl. Now you can wear, big girl panties.”
These kinds of comments come out of myself as a teacher. Since I teach grades 3-8, I’ve found that positively comparing my younger kids as doing something as well as my older kids as praise that many of my students find motivating, but does that mean it’s right?
If we consistently praise positive behavior and actions, as being indicative of being an older age, then what are we telling our children about the age they are currently experiencing?
Kids already have this idea that adults have it made. They don’t see the responsibility and the stress that restricts our actions and our choices. Kids see a magic plastic card that can buy anything, which represents this unrestricted freedom in life.
So we work off of this idea and work to keep out kids going by making them feel like their positive actions are making them more like what they idolize. If we are not careful, and our children focus more and more on acting older, than I fear that they are missing out on enjoying their current age.
We don’t want our kids wishing that they were taller or that they were a different race. We want our kids to learn to accept and love who they are. Why not extend this to their age? It would make me really sad if Ollie spent a lot of time, wishing he was older as opposed to taking pride in his age and reveling in the glory of being two.
Aren’t we working against this idea of self-acceptance if we use being like an older age as praise?
I believe strongly in praise. In order for children to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and positive inner-dialogue they need to hear loving and supportive comments all of the time. However we need to be careful how we are helping construct this internal dialogue. What do we really want out kids to think when they do something good? "I'm proud of myself because I cleaned up my toys like an older kid" or "I'm proud of myself because I cleaned up my toys all by myself."
I used to think that things would be easier as Ollie got older. This attitude translates into parents complimenting their kids for being like older kids. Now I know that while many things are easier, as whole, parenthood is actually more difficult. Once you accept this fact, enjoying your time with your children becomes about accepting their age and not wishing they would be older.
Youth is wasted on the young when they spend their time wishing to be older. So let's help our kids enjoy being kids and let's look to other ways to compliment our children, not based in acting older but rather based in independence, pride, and joy.
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