Parenthood: Week 129 – Toddler On A Plane

Ollie went on his first plane flight when he was about six months old (I wrote about this experience with this post).

Last weekend, Ollie went on his 18th flight.

In retrospect, those first couple flight weren’t really that bad. It was stressful, but a lot of that had to do with my own anticipation and worry. After we got through a that first flight, I realized that we could handle having Ollie on a plane.

Then things got worse.

As Ollie got passed a year old he was moving around a lot more on the plane and sleeping less. With his more developed senses, he required more stimuli. This meant that we spent a lot of time walking Ollie up and down the aisles and attempting to entertain him. He was too young to pay attention to an iPad or iPhone so we ended up having him play with things like plastic cups and scotch tape. As weird as this sounds, there were flights that he would spend almost an hour playing with this kind of random stuff.

We’ve had a number of rough moments. One time I went to the back bathroom to change Ollie’s diaper. When I got out, we ended up being stuck behind a beverage cart being pushed by a not-so-accommodating flight attendant. I ended up standing in the back of the plane trying to keep Ollie entertaining and calm for forty-five minutes before I could get back to my seat.

Diana and I would take turns holding Ollie and trying to keep him entertained. We did this in half and hour chunks of time so that we could each get a break. Before a kid is two years old, he or she can be a lap baby and we did that for as long as we could.

Now that Ollie is almost two and a half things are a lot different. He is comforting eating most solid foods and he know has the attention span and the interest to watch a television show or a movie on an iPad. I bought Ollie a used iPod touch and put it in a case designed for a toddler but of course he wanted to use my iPad instead, so now I watch a show on my iPhone while Ollie enjoys the glow of the larger screen of the iPad.

We don’t feel great having Ollie watch an iPad for most of a plane flight but it keeps him calm and entertained. Also, it allow me and Diana to relax ourselves for part of the flight more than we ever have since Ollie started flying.

Yes, flying with your kid does get easier. It was tough when he was 6 months old, really hard when he was a 1 year to a year and a half and it has gotten steadily easier ever since then.

Here’s some tips for flying with a toddler:

• Bring a cheap umbrella stroller to the airport and gate-check it. Baby carriers are great, but once a kid gets a certain size, a stroller is more practical. Getting a toddler to walk through an airport is really tough, so just use a stroller. You don’t realize how much walking you do in an airport until you have a toddler in toe.
• If you fly a lot get this harness for your kid. If you need to bring a car seat, consider checking it. It’s a lot to handle on a plane. This harness works great and takes up very little space in your carry-on.
• Load up a video device with something your child likes to watch. Most likely they will want to watch the same thing over and over, but you never know.  I recommend multiple shorter shows if your child doesn't have a current obsession.  These headphones are key. They are a good size for kid and have a volume limit to protect your child’s hearing.

Taking Ollie on a plane is still challenging.  He still had some minor meltdowns during these last two flights, and I'm sure we will hit other challenges flying with Ollie in the future.  Children grow up really quickly and while a lot of things get harder when kids move into different stages in their lives, sometimes things get easier.

Year 6: Week 13 – Being Married To A Teacher

Why was I shopping for fruits and vegetables that had seeds 9pm on Monday night at the grocery store? Because I’m married to a teacher.

Diana’s third graders were doing a science project exploring different kinds of seeds and I decided to pitch in and help by going out to buy some fruits and vegetables. I like going to grocery store anyways and we needed some other food. And it’s a good feeling knowing how my contribution will benefit Diana’s students.

While I’m in my tenth year of being a teacher, Diana is in her first year as a teacher. Throughout my career, Diana has provided incredible support. There is no way that I would still be a teacher without the hours of conversations we’ve had about school and my students and the countless number of tasks she has done to help me with my job. Every school that I have worked at owes Diana a salary as an educational consultant. Her ideas, insights and expertise consistently enrich the educational experience of my students.

Diana’s efforts as the spouse of a teacher while meaningful and special to me are not unique. Supporter partners of teachers are the unsung heroes of education.

There are teachers who can only afford to be a teacher because of their spouse’s financial support. Spouses of teachers do extra housework as their spouses grade paper late into the night due to an unreasonable amount of preparation time. They make bulletin boards, sift through stakes of used books, put together bookshelves, make costumes, clean classrooms, pack snacks, edit emails, help create lesson plans and more, making the overwhelming job of being a teacher manageable.

Now I know first hand, after being the recipient of Diana’s support for a decade, what it’s like to be the one on the other side. There’s always something I can do to help Diana. We talk about her lessons, problem-solve concerns and we laugh about the things that kids do that only teachers find hilarious.

I support my wife’s career because I love her but also because I know that my help is positively effecting Diana’s students. There is great satisfaction in the work I do with my own students but there is a different type of gratification knowing that I am able to assist Diana in doing the same thing. Empowering the people that you care about is one of the most meaningful way to show love.

So, to the spouses: Keep at it. Support you wife or husband who is a teacher. Be their strongest ally, and be their most enthusiastic supporter. Every little thing helps.  No job is too small.  In sharing this work, you will more acutely experience tribulations of being an educator, but you will also find more meaning in sharing the joy of teaching.

PIllows

Parenthood: Week 128 – The Real Message In The "Big Boy" Compliment

Alex: Well, the boys and girls are, like, afraid of each other. They're acting like a bunch of…
Lisa: Kids?
Alex: I know! What is up with that?
Lisa: It's because they are kids! And so are we! Come on, Alex, we've only got nine, maybe ten years tops where we can giggle in church, and chew with our mouths open and go days without bathing! We'll never have that freedom again.

-from The Simpsons, Season 10, Episode 1: "Lard Of The Dance"

When you listen to teachers and parents compliment toddlers, one of the things you often hear is praise associated with being more like older kids. For example “wow, you put your shoes on all by yourself, just like a big boy” or “good job, you used your potty like a big girl. Now you can wear, big girl panties.”

These kinds of comments come out of myself as a teacher. Since I teach grades 3-8, I’ve found that positively comparing my younger kids as doing something as well as my older kids as praise that many of my students find motivating, but does that mean it’s right?

If we consistently praise positive behavior and actions, as being indicative of being an older age, then what are we telling our children about the age they are currently experiencing?

Kids already have this idea that adults have it made. They don’t see the responsibility and the stress that restricts our actions and our choices. Kids see a magic plastic card that can buy anything, which represents this unrestricted freedom in life.

So we work off of this idea and work to keep out kids going by making them feel like their positive actions are making them more like what they idolize.  If we are not careful, and our children focus more and more on acting older, than I fear that they are missing out on enjoying their current age.

We don’t want our kids wishing that they were taller or that they were a different race. We want our kids to learn to accept and love who they are. Why not extend this to their age? It would make me really sad if Ollie spent a lot of time, wishing he was older as opposed to taking pride in his age and reveling in the glory of being two.

Aren’t we working against this idea of self-acceptance if we use being like an older age as praise?

I believe strongly in praise.  In order for children to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and positive inner-dialogue they need to hear loving and supportive comments all of the time.  However we need to be careful how we are helping construct this internal dialogue.  What do we really want out kids to think when they do something good?  "I'm proud of myself because I cleaned up my toys like an older kid" or "I'm proud of myself because I cleaned up my toys all by myself."

I used to think that things would be easier as Ollie got older.  This attitude translates into parents complimenting their kids for being like older kids.  Now I know that while many things are easier, as whole, parenthood is actually more difficult.  Once you accept this fact, enjoying your time with your children becomes about accepting their age and not wishing they would be older.

Youth is wasted on the young when they spend their time wishing to be older.  So let's help our kids enjoy being kids and let's look to other ways to compliment our children, not based in acting older but rather based in independence, pride, and joy.

Year 6: Week 12 – Seeking Shelter From The Storm At Taft

Click here for a link to last year’s post about Taft that has links to previous posts about this trip.

Right on cue, the rain started to come down.

We were planning on going on a hike in the evening but we knew a storm was coming. Rain, we could handle, but lightning and thunder and sideways rain was a whole different deal. Around lunchtime we made the call to stay inside that evening and figured out a plan for the evening.

Half the kids (about 30 kids) were working with in one space and half the students were in another building.

As we finished up our time, the rain really started to come down. The other groups weren’t there yet, and my kids were starting to focus on the storm and the lightning. So I thought, “what would Bruce Springsteen do?”

When I saw Bruce Springsteen at Wrigley Field a couple years ago, it started rain and the way that he got his audience through that moment was by standing strong in the rain, not ignoring the storm but rather embracing it leading the stadium in singing “Who’ll Stop The Rain.”



After a couple quick searches on my iPhone to get some lyrics down, I placed a chair down at the end of the room, gathered the kids around me and asked them to repeat after me “yeah, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll stop the rain?” And then I started playing my guitar and I began to sing. Every time I we got to the end of the verse I reached out and I heard my students reply “yeah, I wonder. . . ”

We sang a couple more songs and as I noticed that the art group was joining us, I started “Who’ll Stop The Rain?” again and finally for the first time this year, we sang together as a whole class.

Every class I teach has a group vibe, a group energy that doesn't really reflect individual behavior, intelligence, or kindness.  It's just that magic something that makes a group click.  This year's 5th grade has a harder time clicking as a large group.  I've known this ever since I had them as 3rd graders.  I value all these students as individuals but when then are working in larger groups, they can be really challenging.  Classroom teachers don't really have to consider how they work as a group of 60, but as music teacher, I do.

This moment when I heard them all sing together "yeah, I wonder, still I wonder, who'll stop the rain?" was really important for me.  When you work for a group of students, sometimes you forget the magic of how amazing students can be.  This trip was a great opportunity to think more clearly of my students as individuals and not as a challenging larger group.  It was great to remind myself of that and then to hear their voice singing out to me in a beautiful unison was inspiring.

Yes, I was exhausted after the trip, but I was more excited to get back to working with my 5th graders in the classroom the following week than I've felt all year.  We got a lot of work to do with my 5th graders, but I know we again share a feeling of being together, seeking shelter from a storm.

Lights

Parenthood: Week 127 – Another Reunion

This past week, I spent most of my time away from Ollie. I went on our yearly fifth grade outdoor education trip, which was from Tuesday through Friday.

Two year agos, when I first went on this trip as a father, my mind kept coming back to Ollie and wanting to be at home to help Diana (I wrote about this in this post). I knew that Diana and Buffy would miss me but I didn’t worry at all about Ollie missing me. He was only a couple months old and he didn’t have a developed concept of time.

Being away from Ollie, now that he is older is easier and harder all at the same time. It’s easier to be away from Ollie because I know he is more independent and his ability to advocate for himself has continued to grow. It’s harder to be away from him because he is much more aware of when I’m away and the amount of time that we spend together. Also, while toddlers are stronger and more durable, they can also get into a lot more trouble than a newborn (newsflash: toddlers do not innately know to not run into traffic).

I told Ollie that I was going on a trip the Sunday before. At first he assumed that he was going to go on the trip with me. When I explained that Ollie was going to stay home and that my parents were coming to visit at the same time, he had a meltdown. Later, Ollie and I had a Facetime conversation with my mom and explained the situation again and this time he didn’t have a meltdown and seemed excited to see my mom.

Part of me would rather leave without having these tough conversations but I know that it would make it harder for Diana. Having your kid meltdown about a situation before it happens means that they are having time to experience these feelings, which is important as they process their emotions.

Ollie did pretty well being away from me. He didn’t seem to outwardly express that he missed me that much.  I missed him a ton and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. But I was able to focus and I had some really nice moments with my fifth graders.

When I got home on Friday evening, Buffy ran up and licked my face when I picked her up, which is something she only does after I come back from a trip. Most of the time when I greet her, she looks up at me and allows me to pet her before walking away. After Diana said hi to me and gave me a hug, Ollie ran up to me, noticed that I had my guitar and requested that we play together. No dramatic hug or greeting, he just wanted to get down to having some father-son time. And that’s exactly what we did.

I was exhausted, hungry, and dehydrated, but as Ollie strummed my guitar, I felt content, happy and for the first time since I left for the trip, complete.