Monday, May 12, 2014

Parenthood: Week 50 – Birth Story: Part 1 - The Decision

I'm not sure why we cried.

Diana and I were always open to the idea of Ollie coming to us through a Caesarean section. Both of us were born via c-section and we understood that childbirth like life sometimes went in directions that you could not control.

It had been a long and exhausting day for both of us. I had already witnessed amazing bravery and strength in my wife. First, there were the contractions that Diana worked through and later there was the epidural.

Hunched over the side of the bed, squeezing a pillow, Diana sat trying to keep her body still as the doctors inserted the epidural into Diana's back. I sat in front of her on a chair with her feet on my thighs. I looked up at her trying my best to encourage her and maintain eye contact. As Diana struggled to keep still through the contractions, she made a silly face at me and stuck out her tongue. It took all I had in me to not laugh at the moment. I knew that if I started giggling, so would she and then keeping still would have been impossible.

Hours past. The pain came, the epidural had to be adjusted and then the pain subsided. The goofiness I saw in Diana slowly disappeared.

Sixteen hours into labor, the question of Caesarean section came up. We could keep trying but there was a risk of infection to Diana and Ollie as a fever continued to rise within Diana.  Then there was the issue of Ollie's heartbeat.

From the first moment we heard Ollie's heartbeat we knew it was strong, but every time a strong contraction came, his heartbeat dropped a little bit too much. We were told about these issues and that our doctor was on our way to discuss options with us.

Then Diana and I did what we did best: talked to each other and came to a decision. Our priority had always been Ollie's health throughout this whole process. Yes, we could give Diana more time to progress but at what risk? So we made the decision to go with a C-section.

As we sat there waiting for the Doctor to come, I heard Diana start to cry and then I looked over to her, held her close and cried as well. We weren't mourning the fact that we had to get a c-section or that we had somehow failed by choosing this road. We were simply overwhelmed. For so long we had been so strong for each other and we just needed a moment to let it all out.

After the tears subsided, we became truly happy for the first time since we had come to the hospital. The end was in sight. This whole process was coming to an end sooner than later.

When our doctor played devils advocated arguing against doing a c-section , we cut her off. While we appreciated her approach, we made our decision.

I started packing up our belongings in anticipation.  Diana found a new rush of energy and joy as we finalized on Ollie's name. They handled me a bag with a set of scrubs and then wheeled Diana away to be prepped.

Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen, I felt like I had no idea what to expect. I was nervous, tired and scared. Only a little while ago, I was so sure of things, but now alone, away from Diana, I felt lost.

No comments:

Post a Comment