It was a basic monkey bridge made up of a single length of rope tied between two trees. On either side of the rope a couple feet higher were two other ropes used to for hand holds. These ropes were tied every couple feet to the bottom rope.
Ollie eagerly got in line to cross this bridge. I was bracing myself for him being disappointed after a couple steps or being scared and not wanting to do it. Kids much older than Ollie were having trouble crossing the bridge. There was one kid, about Ollie’s size who didn’t even make it up the ladder to the bridge.
Ollie climbed right up the ladder and the people helping out asked him his name. He didn’t say it very loudly, so they misheard him and called him a different name. This was a first bad sign in my thinking, but after I cleared that up, Ollie was ready to go.
He grabbed a lady’s hand on the other side of me to steady himself and with some coaxing he grabbed my own hand. We helped him the first couple steps until they pulled down the side ropes low enough for him to hold.
Ollie methodically and carefully crossed the ladder. His tongue flicked out the side of his mouth, (a cute habit he does when he’s concentrating). I kept standing next to him, carefully spotting Ollie waiting for him to slip or ask to get off the bridge, but he just kept on, eyes forward.
When he got to the end, he jumped off into my arms. I hugged him and told him that I was proud of him.
In that moment, I doubted him. This wasn’t because I don’t believe in him, it’s because, it’s hard to not see him as my special little guy. As old as he gets and as much has he matures, I keep having these flashes of him as a baby in my head and at times it’s just hard to accept all that he really can do.
It’s a contradiction in my heart. I want him to be more independent and self-confident, but at the same time, I miss times when he was more dependent on me. I know I can’t have it both ways but part of me really wishes I could.
In the fifteen years I’ve been with my wife Diana, our dependency on each other has varied some but not dramatically. However, in the four years Ollie’s been in my life, there has been a drastic change in how much less depending he is on me. He used to need me for literally everything besides breathing to stay alive, and now, he’s crossing bridges that would make me nervous, without me. Few relationships in our lives is like parenthood that change so dramatically is such a small period of time.
I hope Ollie keeps crossing bridges. I’ll keep reaching out just in case he needs me, and if he doesn't I may be a little sad, but more than that, I'll be proud.
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