Here’s the thing. I don’t think that I have anything new or amazingly insightful about the past year with the 45th as president. But I think it’s worth taking a moment to reflect for myself, for my future self, and for my sons my thoughts during this moment.
There are many great people who do amazing things because they are seeking approval from unaffectionate, emotionally closed off parents. Can great things be accomplished with supportive, emotionally available parents? Of course. I would argue that great parenting doesn’t hinder accomplishments but also more meaning, and life-long satisfaction.
Did we need the 45th to win last year, and create a massive deficit in leadership, and embolden the worst amongst us, in order for us to have the results we had during last Tuesday’s elections? Does it take an accused sexual predator as president to give people the strength for others to come out about the crimes they suffered? Did it take openly racist, bigoted language by the 45th and policy proposals to bring forth a new awareness of racial issues, white privilege, and a clear need for socially progressive work? Did Americans have to be terrorized by the 45th with tweets that threatened proposals that would call into question their earned, and deserved rights as Americans for groups to mobilize and support each other as allies?
Did we need this guy as the 45th to motivate me to inject social justice as DEI work into every class I teach and take on the role as my schools’ DEI co-chair? Could all of the positive stuff happen in our country if he was not elected? Do we need to suffer oppression, and pain to reach a higher level of citizenship?
I don’t believe we need to experience the bad to achieve greatness. We could have made great strides forward without the pain, the fear, the threats, the gas-lighting, and the division. I don’t believe my students need to be made to cry to succeed. I don’t believe my son needs to be thrown into the deep end by surprise to learn to swim, and I don’t believe that whatever positive things happened in the past year, required the suffering of so many of us.
There is a trauma that we as a country are collectively experiencing, and that will take time to heal from. For those of us who acknowledge it and talk about it, we are on the important process of self-care. Those who ignore the trauma will have an even more difficult road ahead of them, and then there are those who truly do not feel what is happening.
There are people in this world whose opinions and world view will never change. When schools desegregated, many people fought this change, they eventually made private their bigotry, and these feelings died with them, while new generations see the light of truth and justice. There are people who will never change their negative viewpoints on racial equity, LGBTQ rights, social justice and feminism. However, there are many people whose minds can, and have evolved around these issues. This is where our focus needs to lie, not with the trolls, but the souls who care about our shared humanity, but don’t lack the tools and awareness to do this beyond their own communities.
In many ways it’s been a wonderful past year, despite the 45th. As I write this, I see my baby boy sleeping next to me, and I smile when I think of my son at his wonderfully progressives, diverse, and inclusive school. My wife and I are closer then ever. I feel stronger, and more confident in who I and, more proud of the the different identities I embrace.
The biggest change for me in the past year is that everything that has happened in my life, and in this country has made me feel confident that I am an adult. I'm 35 years old, but for the past fifteen years, I've felt like I was a kid faking my way in the world of adults who somehow know better than me, and have life figured out. But now I know that I am right in my convictions. I can take care of my family, and I can positively contribute to the various communities I belong to as a citizen. I know this and I feel this because I'm know a better person, and a better leader, than the 45th. And I know that I could be a much better President then that guy. He may have the title, but we are the ones with the true power.
You do the best that, do the best that you can do
Then you can look in the mirror
Proud of who's looking back at you
Define the life you're living
Not by what you take or what you're givin'
And if you bet on love there's no way you'll ever lose
Take a stand, make a stand for what's right
It's always worth, always worth the fight.
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