Saturday began with Ollie getting up at 5:30am and climbing into bed wanting to cuddle/play (not really sure). Somehow Ollie got in his head that weekdays are for sleeping in (Diana sometimes has to literally drag Ollie out of bed on weekdays), and weekends are for getting up early. Ollie is five, so he can entertain himself, and he is fine early in the morning on his own. Most mornings when he gets up early, he’s okay with just playing by himself for a little bit but something was going on Saturday where he was not okay with me not getting up, and he did not react well with my efforts to “remove” him from our bed.
Diana and I talked to him about this later that day, and he seemed to understand that he needed to give us space in the mornings and that if he got us up super early, then we would not be in a good mood. Ollie asked Diana after she explained things, “but what if I want to cuddle?”
That’s part of the issue for me. The end of the school years means that I’ve worked a lot long hours and have had many evenings away, so I do feel guilty, and I do not want to turn him away. Even when it’s super early, part of me does like that he wants to play with me first thing in the morning, but yes, I do need sleep, so the trade-off often has pretty rough consequences later in the day.
Sunday was much better, he still woke me up earlier, but when I asked him to go downstairs and play, and give us space, he did without argument, which meant that me and Diana could greet him later in the morning with a smile.
Speaking of sleep. Ethan is in the process of settling in on a nap schedule. We haven’t been able to make this a priority, but hopefully this summer we can create more structure for him. For the most part Ethan’s sleep has been pretty good. He usually goes to sleep on the later side, 9ish, but when he is down, he’s really sleeping hard.
Last night, Ethan had issues sleeping. He was pretty restful in our arms but as soon as we put him down he would wake up. This would have been more comical if this process did take us from 8pm to past midnight. At a certain point, Diana took over for the night and suggested wisely I just go to sleep, so at least one of us was rested.
This was one of the most difficult nights we have had with Ethan’s sleep, but the experience of going through this with Ollie gave me comfort knowing that this type of struggle would pass. There’s a feeling of exacerbation, mixed with sympathy, and helplessness when a little one is having trouble sleeping late at night (or early in the morning). While my brain did start making bargains with the universe, I still felt grateful to be able to be there for him, and with him. I initially wanted to stay up and fight the good fight, but Diana was right. While I do have a certain touch with him, Diana has different and effective ways of getting Ethan to go to sleep.
Brandi Carlile sings in her amazing song "The Mother," "The first things that she took from me were selfishness and sleep."
Giving up sleep for your little one truly is an act of selflessness. Even though at times it can feel like the most difficult thing to give up for your little one, they have a way of making you feel like it's worth it...most of the time...
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