Fatherhood takes the challenges of adulthood further, with more complexity, and more depth of emotions. Yesterday, father’s day, was a perfect example of this. It was day filled with many different emotions, and experiences.
I got to spend father’s day weekend with one of the father’s I respect the most in the world, my brother. He came in on Saturday morning to watch two profession wrestling shows, one on Saturday night and one on Sunday night. Now if you don’t understand the appeal of professional wrestling, that’s fine. All you need to understand here is that wrestling is an interest that me and my brother share. It’s something that we enjoy together, and connect through discussions, jokes, and debates. Professional wrestling enriches my life, and strengthens my bond with my brother.
Last night, we enjoyed a really fun show together, WWE Money In the Bank, in the All-State Arena. The crowd was really hot. While not every match was amazing, they were all entertaining, and there were some truly awesome moments, that we shared together that will become memories that I will never forget.
While the show was going on, I was aware that Diana was watching both of the boys by herself. Ethan was fine, but had thrown up earlier in the day. During the show we texted about that, and I was a little worried about him. Ollie had a meltdown earlier that afternoon in a book store that we worked through. This moment brought up frustration, and required me to play the tricky balance of patience and firmness to get him out of that store. How the day goes often contributes to how the evening goes.
On the best days, evening with two kids I tough, on a challenging day, it can truly be an amazing feat to get the kids in bed. While I had 100% confidence in Diana, and I knew that she had this covered, part of me wished I was home to help her out. This happens every evening I’m away from my boys and even while having a great time with my brother at this show, that feeling was still with me.
Diana completely understood that it was important that I did something for myself, and had some time with my brother. These shows were my celebration that the school year was over, and was the first time I had gone out to do something fun without Diana since Ethan was born. Time alone away from the family is essential to parents’ mental health. It sounds weird to state it this way, but for me it’s kind of like medicine. I know it’s good for me, but sometimes I don’t want to take it. And like good medicine, I always feel better about myself when I’ve had time away, which I felt yesterday. Involving myself in the drama of the show and talking to my brother about parenthood got me more excited and motivated for the time I got to spend with my kids during this summer.
I also knew in my head, and felt it in my heart, that in America, there was a father, probably around my age, with kids who weren’t that much older than me, worried sick, broken-hearted, because he was forcibly separated from his children, because of a despicable, inhuman, unjust, and, irrational policy the 45th administration had enacted. The current administration has done so many terrible things, in many different degrees of severity, it’s hard to keep track of them of all, but this current policy is one of the worst (and that’s saying a lot). It’s racist, it’s anti-family, it’s anti-children, and yesterday it hit me that this is anti-father.
Fatherhood is the most difficult and meaningful role a man will ever take on, (and if it’s not, than you aren’t doing fatherhood right). To create and enforce policies that tear at the fabric of this role for those who want to become American, reflects a lack of value in what fatherhood should and can mean for American fathers. How we treat other fathers reflect how we view our own fathers. What these policy makers and the 45th thinks about themselves as father is truly sad. Thankfully from the overwhelming response against these policies, it’s clear that Americans refuse to let these polices because a reflection all Americans, just the worst among us.
When my heart grew when I held both of my boys for the first time, and I became overwhelmed with joy, something else happened. My empathy for other dads grew, and I feel for these dads who are suffering so much, longing to be with their children. It hurts. I want to look away, but I can’t not, no matter how painful. Because as bad as it is for me, it’s far worse for these father’s who are suffering. So I will refuse to turn away.
All of this, the joy I got from spending time with my brother, the challenges with my boys, and feeling deeper for other fathers, make a life more meaningful, lived and felt with more emotions, and depth.
This is fatherhood.
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