Smile A Little Smile

We were both tired.

In a week’s time we had been in three different states, crossing the country with our two boys. Plane flights, car rides, planning, packing, unpacking, organizing, and all that had gone into these travels were testing our endurance, but we were making it work. As other parents would understand, we were not on vacation, we were going on a trip.

Many children are oblivious to the incredible amount of work parents put into going on “vacation.” I mean many children don’t understand how much work it takes to simply take them to the park some times. And yes, you have to do this work when you are an adult going on vacation, but it’s nothing like taking kids traveling. In short, a vacation is when you go somewhere to relax, and rejuvenate. Both of these things can happen on a trip with children for yourself, but you put a lot of this aside to make it great for your children.

The day went pretty well. Ollie had a meltdown during dinner, which wasn’t that bad, but it was taxing. The kids both had fun during the day, everyone got fed, the hotel room wasn’t a complete train wreck. After a lot of effort, trust, and team-work, we got the kids to bed. I was planning to go out and meet my brother who was traveling with us with his family for a drink after the kids went to bed.

Before I left, I saw that Diana had set herself up in bed. She had headphones on, and an iPad propped up on her legs. The soft glow of Orange Is The New Black projected on her face, as she relaxed into the bed. I went over to the bed, crawled on top of the it, and leaned over. I tapped her on the shoulder and told her that I was heading out, and we said goodbye to each other. I headed towards the door, paused, and went back to Diana. I tapped her on shoulder again, and she took off her head phones again, and asked if something was wrong. “Nothing, everything is fine, I just wanted to say ‘I love you.’” She smiled, gave me a kiss, and turned her attention back to her iPad.

We are coming up on the anniversary of the day when I first met Diana sixteen years ago. For me this is one of the most significant, if not the most important moment in our relationship. It was when this whole adventure started, it was the first time I saw that smile.

So much has changed in our lives in the past sixteen years. Idealism has been chipped away at, struggles have been faced, and challenges have been overcome. In many ways, Diana has grown in the time that I’ve known her. She’s more intelligent, more worldly, wiser, and stronger. But that smile hasn’t changed.

There’s so much spirit, energy and life in that smile. And the way she looks at me, telling me with that expression how much I make her happy, how much I mean to her, has never changed. I saw it the first time I danced with her, when I held her hands as we walked up to the alter, when she met Buffy for the first time, and when she held Ethan after he was born.

That smile made the work of the trip not seem like a big deal and made the stress of the journey ahead disappear. Because that smile has always brought me into the moment and focused me on what is at the core my life, how we are here with and for each other.

An expression cannot be a vacation, but it can bring peace the world, and it can bring priorities into focus. Diana’s smile does this, and in the hardest of days, in the most difficult moments, it brings rest, rejuvenations, and joy.