Ollie’s spring break didn’t line up with mine this year. It rarely does. The downside is that it is harder to do family vacations, but that really isn’t that big a deal because in kindergarten-land missing school isn’t a big thing. The upside is that I get some time on my own to spend with Ethan and catch up with stuff around the house, which is more often than not means that I do taxes (ADULTHOOD!!).
This year my spring break lined up with one of Ollie’s field trips. So, with Diana’s encouragement I signed up to be a chaperone. I have been on the other side of field trips many times as a teacher, however I’ve never been a chaperone. The good news that that the teacher didn’t need me to ride the bus, I just met them there at the planetarium.
Teachers often think that teachers who teach different ages or subjects are incredible professionals who do things they could never dream of doing themselves. Because in my career as a teacher I’ve taught kindergartens all the way through college undergrads, subjects include music, math and language arts, even though I view teachers with much admiration, I can see myself in the place of other teachers. However, watching these kindergarten teachers manage their students on a field trip? Yeah, that is something I can’t imagine doing. Once I did a non-stop bus ride all the way to Florida with a high school marching band. That only seems slightly less crazy than this field trip.
The teachers were amazing and did a great job, they were really organized. I had four kids to take care of, and even though I was a teacher and could have turned it on and gotten the entire group of kids to be quiet without too much effort, I didn’t. I let the kids do their thing. I may have been less strict than the other parents who made sure to always have their kids in eyesight. However, my kids didn’t get lost, they had a great time, and it was wonderful to see Ollie in a different situation.
Ollie knew I was around but he was really in school mode. He came up and hugged me once, but otherwise he did his thing. As I saw him interact with the other students, it really struck me that Ollie has this whole part of his life that I don’t witness.
When your child is a little one, you get this feeling that everything that they experience is in your control. Then things happen, like when they get hurt or sick, and you have to accept that you can’t control their lives and their experience. You keep trying by stacking the deck in your favor by searching for the best childcare, the best books, and the best food that you can afford. Then they go to school, and you try to not dwell on what is happening when your aren’t there because if you do you will drive yourself crazy with worry, so you learn to let go a little bit more, not because you want to, but because you have to.
I want Ollie to have wonderful experiences without me so that he can share them with me or keep them to himself as memories that will comfort him as he goes to bed at night. I know that I can’t be there for him always, so I tell him multiple times a day that I love him and that he is loved, which I hope will give him the strength to face the challenges and be open to the joys of life when he is away from me.
It was wonderful to see from a distance Ollie having fun with his friends in moments when I think he forgot that I was there. I’m sad that I miss so many of these but it does make me feel good knowing that they happen even if he doesn’t tell me about them...but I still wish we spent more of our days together.
I hope that never changes.
And I'm so glad Diana encouraged me to be a chaperone and I'm totally up for doing that again...just not in the near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment